If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (John 1:9)

Before he even realized the sermon was over, Lovino was sitting with the rest of his group in one of the back pews, lined up like prisoners. He was sandwiched between Antonio and Feliciano, and he didn't dare look at either of them. He knew Feliciano would be exchanging nervous glances with Ludwig, his posture stiff and his hands clasped together. More than anything, Lovino knew Antonio would be looking at him. He could almost feel his eyes burning his skin. No one spoke. It was as if they were all awaiting their deaths.

Antonio, more than likely using his supposed mind-reading powers, noticed the tension immediately. "This will be fine!" He said it cheerfully, but it felt forced. "This is meant to be a pleasant experience to bring one closer to God. No one is judging you. I promise!"

Lovino finally looked at him, ignoring the little whooshing feeling in his chest when he did so. He couldn't help but notice how vapid Antonio's words sounded, the way his eyes flickered ever so slightly and how his fingers curled into his hand. His thoughts drifted back to their conversation in the coffee shop. If Antonio really did spent as much time in reconciliation as he said he did, this situation was likely tied with less than pleasant memories. Lovino felt a dull pang of sympathy and closed his eyes. No. He absolutely refused to care. He could not afford to care.

"Is this anyone's first time?" asked Antonio. He seemed almost desperate to fill the silence.

Lovino looked down the row. Alfred and Matthew raised their hands hesitantly.

Antonio smiled reassuringly. "Know that whatever you say is confidential. The priest is acting only as a stand-in for God." He said it like he was reading off a script.

Alfred looked puzzled. "Isn't God, like, all-knowing or something? Shouldn't he just know what we've done and if we're sorry for it? Does he really need a stand-in?" Before Antonio had a chance to respond, Alfred's comment was met with a swift kick to the shin delivered by none other than Matthew. Alfred groaned in protest. "Mattie, you're so mean."

Matthew smirked in response.

Lovino chuckled slightly. He glanced at Feliciano, expecting him to do the same. What he saw instead was nothing short of heart breaking. Feliciano's eyes were fixed straight ahead and clouded with worry. Lovino squeezed his knee. "Feliciano, it'll be fine. Besides, you do this with Grandpa before Christmas and Easter."

Feliciano finally looked at him. "Well, yes, but this time…" he trailed off and glanced briefly at Ludwig. "I don't know, Lovi. I'm just nervous."

Lovino was nervous, too. The difference was he wasn't daring enough to admit it. Whether or not that had anything to do with Antonio's presence, he couldn't be sure- who was he kidding? It had everything to do with Antonio being there, sitting next to him and looking at him with those damn green eyes. That was the only reason he was hyper-alert about every word that passed his lips.

Antonio leaned over and looked at Feliciano. "I get nervous too, Feli. I'm actually pretty nervous right now." He said. "The first time I went to confession, I was so nervous I actually forgot what I was going to say, so I made it all up."

Feliciano's eyes widened. "Really?"

Antonio nodded. "Yep! Funny, isn't it?"

"Yeah, that is pretty funny." Feliciano almost laughed. "I guess it'll be fine. I mean; it can't get much worse than that!"

Antonio laughed into his hand. "No, it really can't."

Lovino rolled his eyes, though part of him was amazed by Antonio's willingness to speak about something that embarrassed him. "You forgot what you were going to say? Are you really that stupid?" He asked quietly.

Antonio ignored the question. "Are you nervous, Lovino?"

Yes. "No. I'm fine." Liar.

Before Antonio could ask another question, Lovino saw a man dressed in robes saunter into the confessional without uttering a word to any of them. It was that same priest- O-whatever, Lovino couldn't be bothered to remember his name. He felt a surge of ambiguity the second he laid eyes on him. Somehow, Lovino knew this wasn't going to be quite like your average confession. He suddenly felt jealous of the other groups that were given different priests.

Antonio sat completely still for a moment. Once the silence got to the point of deafening, he grinned tightly enough that it was obvious it was feigned. "I suppose I'll set an example and go first."

He hesitated briefly before standing up and walking into the confessional. Lovino wanted to grab his arm and scream 'for your own sake, don't do it!' but in the end, all he could do was sit still as a statue with his eyes glued to the floor. All Antonio was going to do was talk to a priest, so why did Lovino feel like he was watching him walk to a guillotine?

He must have stared at his shoes for years, not moving, not thinking, barely aware of anything going on around him. It wasn't until he felt himself being jostled that he snapped back into responsiveness. "-vino! Lovino!" It was Feliciano's voice.

Lovino's head snapped up. "What is it?"

Feliciano stared at him. "I've been trying to get your attention forever! You've been staring at the ground for so long, I thought you were sick or something!"

"Oh." Lovino shook his head as if the action would straighten out his tangled thoughts. "No, no I'm not sick."

Feliciano looked unconvinced but said nothing. Lovino turned away and glanced at the confessional's door, not able to help but wonder what was going on behind it. His eyes unfocused, but before he could slip into another trance the door opened, revealing Antonio. Lovino didn't fight the flood of relief that washed over him when he noticed he was smiling.

"See? That wasn't too bad," said Antonio. "Now who wants to go next?"

No one said a thing, everyone's reluctance painfully evident. Lovino closed his eyes and took a long breath. Maybe if he went first and emerged unscathed, Feliciano wouldn't be so scared. "Fine. I'll go." He said.

Antonio smiled warmly and focused his eyes on Lovino, who immediately looked away. The last thing he needed before he spoke with a priest were those eyes burning into his skin, invading his thoughts. Lovino stood up and walked towards the door only to freeze when he felt Antonio's hand on his back. "Good luck, Lovi. You will be fine." He whispered as he passed Lovino and slipped back into his seat.

It took every once of strength Lovino had to push Antonio from his thoughts as he walked grudgingly into the confessional. He tried to sober his thoughts, to concentrate on the resurrection of Christ or the few bible verses he remembered. After all, there was probably something wrong with having impure thoughts walking into confession, and Antonio was the very personification of impure thoughts. That bastard.

Lovino opened the door and sat down with more force than he intended, causing a rather loud thud to fill the claustrophobia-inducing room. He wracked his brain to try and remember how this worked. "Um…forgive me Father, for I have sinned?" It came out as more of a question than a statement.

He had to bite down on his lip to stop a stream of curse words as the curtain was flung open. On the other side was an older man with thinning grey hair and a perpetual scowl that reviled Lovino's. "When was your last confession?" He said, his voice void of any emotion.

Lovino could feel his heartbeat pick up. The last time he went to confession, he was able to keep the curtain up. The last think he had expected- or wanted to do- was to look this man in the eyes. "Uh, fifth grade."

The minute he said it, the priest crinkled his nose. "That long? You don't think you've sinned since then?" He didn't even attempt to hide his sarcasm.

This was undeniably different than the last time. "I haven't really been going to church," said Lovino. "I mean, I-"

"I'll take that as the start of your confession." He said, rolling his eyes. "I swear; we get more and more fake Catholics here every year."

Lovino began to fantasize about jumping up from his seat and punching this guy square in the mouth. He had to grip the arms of chair to prevent himself from doing just that. "Alright." He said through gritted teeth. He supposed that was his cue to start, even though he hadn't given any real thought to what he was going to say. He fixed his eyes on his shoes, suddenly embarrassed.

"I swear a lot. I'm not always respectful to my grandfather. Sometimes I lose patience with my brother," said Lovino. Then, his mind went blank. There was a long, terribly uncomfortable pause. He didn't dare to look up, but he could feel the priest's accusing eyes boring into his skull.

"You haven't confessed since you were a child and that's all you have to say?"

Lovino finally looked up, shocked by the obvious frustration in his voice. He felt a pang of annoyance rush through his blood. "I don't remember everything I've ever done, you know!"

His eyes narrowed in a way that made Lovino forget he was angry. "I suggest," he said, "that you do not raise your voice to me. I am a man of God."

It sounded more like this man believed he was God. Lovino resisted the overwhelming urge to toss the bible sitting next to him at his face as a distraction and run away. "Uh, well…" He tried almost desperately to think of something else to say. This priest angered him, but he intimidated him just as such. Lovino noticed his hands were shaking and balled them up at his knees.

The priest grimaced. "How about impure actions? God knows you teenage boys are always guilty of that."

Lovino's heart about stopped when he realized what he meant. What he was being asked to admit to was such a private, personal thing that he wouldn't dream of even mentioning. The worst part was the second the phrase 'impure actions' landed on his ears; his unruly mind went to Antonio's accent, sun-kissed skin and bright eyes- oh god, NO! There was absolutely no way, he didn't think of Antonio that way. He didn't!

"I mean, I guess," said Lovino, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. This whole thing felt similar to that dream everyone seemed to have: the one where they're naked in public. He felt just about as exposed.

It was clear the priest was loosing patience. "You guess or you do?"

"I do! Alright?" Lovino blurted. He instantly felt even more exposed, maybe even violated.

"How often?"

There was no way he had heard that correctly. Lovino broke eye contact and bit the inside of his cheek so hard he tasted blood. He needed the pain to distract himself from the shame that overtook his body. "Once a week, maybe?" He said quietly.

"That's a mortal sin. Behavior like that is delivering you to hell in a hand basket!" He nearly shouted the words. Lovino wished then more than ever that he could sink right into the floor. So much for not being judged. "Sexual immorality is a very grave matter, young man. It says so in the catechism."

Lovino felt like he might just lose consciousness. "Alright!" He said. "Alright, I understand! I won't do it again, can we just wrap this up?" He was ready to promise he would cut off his arm if it would get him out of there faster.

"Very well." He said. Lovino let out a sigh of relief. "Get on your knees."

That, he was positive he hadn't heard correctly. Lovino stared at him with wild eyes. "Excuse me?"

The priest stared back at him. "I'm going to bless you." He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Lovino figured this would end sooner if he didn't argue. After swallowing every remaining piece of his pride, he closed his eyes and sunk to the floor. When he felt the man's hands touching his shoulders, he was overcome with a sudden nausea and tensed up instinctually. He took to screaming internally to block out the priest's words, to dissociate his thoughts from whatever was happening. Lovino got mildly uncomfortable when his own grandfather hugged him. This made him feel like an animal.

After what felt like an eternity, the pressure on his back was lifted. Lovino clambered to his feet. "Are we done?" He cursed himself when his voice caught.

The priest grimaced at him. "Your penance is to say five Hail Mary's and read Mark 9:47. Take the passage to heart." His words were firm and his eyes held a warning.

Lovino nodded and turned towards the door. It took him a moment to actually open it since his hands were trembling so badly. He knew what had just happened shouldn't have been as upsetting as his mind was making it out to be, but he truly felt as if he had been molested. Telling himself that was ridiculous didn't make it any better. Either way, he knew he had to put on a brave face for Feliciano. So that's what he did.

He made his way to the pew and sat down next to his brother, making a monumental effort not to lock eyes with Antonio in the process. "That wasn't bad." He said to Feliciano. He even smiled to complete the façade.

Feliciano smiled, albeit weakly. "That's good, Lovi!" He turned around and looked at the clock in the back of the church. "You were in there for awhile though, is everything okay?"

Lovino tensed up. He wanted to scream 'NO' at the top of his lungs but held back the urge. He fought to keep his faux smile in place. "Everything is fine. Do you want to go next?"

Feliciano just about jumped. He shook his head quickly. "We've decided Ludwig will go next! Right, Ludwig?"

Ludwig nodded. "Yes. I will go now." He said as though he was answering a command. He stood up and walked towards the confessional as if he were marching into battle.

Feliciano rested his chin on the back of the pew and watched Ludwig until he disappeared into the confessional, much like a puppy would watch their owner from the door when they were left at home. The second the door closed, Feliciano shot to his feet. "I'm going to the bathroom!" He said. Before Lovino had time to react, he was gone.

With Feliciano and Ludwig both gone and Alfred and Matthew sitting at the far end of the pew, Lovino was once again more or less alone with Antonio. If there was a god, he was sure he either had it out for him or was smiling down on him. And he had no idea which one of those options was more fitting.

"Lovino." Antonio's voice was soft and teeming with concern. Lovino tried not to look at him, he really did. In the end, however, the magnetic pull of his eyes forced him to lose that battle. Antonio continued only when they made the unspoken agreement to hold eye contact. "Lovino, you're shaking."

Lovino looked down at his hands in horror. To his utter dismay, his hands were in fact trembling likes leaves in the wind. He shoved them in his pockets and scoffed. "Whatever. It's cold in here."

Antonio looked at him and raised an eyebrow. Lovino couldn't say he was surprised that he didn't believe that pathetic excuse, considering it was actually pretty warm inside the stuffy church. "Did something happen?" He asked.

Lovino looked away. A tiny voice from somewhere deep inside of him demanded that he tell Antonio everything, but a much louder, more convincing voice was insisting that he was overreacting. Was he really so petty that being forced to admit to vulgar acts then having his shoulders touched traumatized him? He thought back to the incident and cringed. Apparently it was. That was utterly childish, dammit.

"No." Lovino attempted to say it firmly, but his voice cracked. Fantastic.

"Lovino…" Antonio said again. His eyes were so sympathetic, but Lovino had to persuade himself into thinking it annoyed him. That was all he could do to prevent himself from burying his face in Antonio's shoulder and crying.

"Nothing happened!" He nearly shouted the words. He sighed heavily and rested his head in his hands. Stop being such a baby, you fucking idiot! Lovino winced at the intrusive, painful thought. "God, nothing happened. Nothing happened…"

"Did he yell at you?" asked Antonio.

Lovino swallowed. "It's no big deal."

Antonio shook his head. "Things were not always like this." He said under his breath. "I'm sorry he upset you, Lovi."

"I told you he didn't upset me!" snapped Lovino. Antonio looked at him doubtfully. "Fine. Maybe just a little." You sound like an idiot. Lovino bit his lip so hard he tasted blood.

"It's over now. You're okay." Antonio didn't speak like he was only trying to comfort him or get him to stop talking, like so many people had done in the past. He spoke as though he understood exactly what Lovino was feeling, because he lived through it.

Lovino's breath caught in his throat when he felt Antonio's hand covering his. His body temperature doubled in two seconds flat. The same voice that insisted Lovino was being ridiculous and that he sounded like an idiot demanded that he pull his hand away, that he swear and push Antonio away. This time, however, Lovino didn't listen. All while pretending he didn't notice, Lovino looked at the floor and let Antonio's warm hand linger on top of his until Feliciano came back.

When Feliciano did return, he didn't say a word. He only watched the confessional's door until Ludwig emerged from it, then immediately bolted from his seat and walked towards it. Lovino was beginning to get worried. Okay, worried was a complete understatement. Lovino was beginning to panic. Part of him believed that Feliciano's strange moods and worrisome questions were all somehow leading up to this moment.

His worries were only confirmed when Feliciano exited the confessional. Lovino shot up from his seat and raced towards him only to notice he had tears in his eyes. "Feliciano! What happened?"

Feliciano opened his mouth as if to speak, but the minute he tried to the tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes finally did. "He…" Feliciano bit back a sob and Lovino swore his heart physically broke in half. "He yelled at me, Lovino. Like, really bad." He shook his head and wiped his eyes. "Tell Ludwig to come find me, I need to talk to him…" His words faded out in a horse whisper, and before Lovino could stop him he was running out the door.

"Feli!" The second Lovino said it; he knew it was in vain. There was only one person Feliciano would talk to these days, no matter how angry and jealous it made him.

He walked back to the pew and looked at Ludwig with the most intimidating face he could muster. "Go get him." He said, his voice low and firm. Ludwig appeared to understand immediately. In fact, he almost looked afraid. He nodded and swiftly exited the church.

Alfred, who had been looking on in bewilderment, finally spoke. "Dude, is he okay?"

"None of your business, Alfred!" said Matthew.

Lovino didn't even look at them. He stood next to the pew in complete shock, having absolutely no idea what to do next. Should he run after Feliciano? Should he let Ludwig handle it? Despite whatever the correct choice was, all he really wanted to do was run home, get under the blankets and pretend none of this happened.

Antonio stood up. "Alfred, please go do your confession. Matthew, go after him." He said without looking at either of them. Alfred nodded and rushed off. Antonio looked Lovino in the eyes. "What happened?"

Lovino grit his teeth to prevent from crying. All he knew was that whatever was happening was tearing him and his brother to shreds and he had no idea how to stop it. "That priest upset him." Lovino tried and failed to remember his name. "God! What was his name again?"

"Father O'Brian." Antonio said gently. He adjusted his hair and sighed. "I'm so sorry, Lovino. This is such a mess."

Then Antonio tried to hug him, and by God, Lovino almost let him. He almost admitted to himself that he wanted him too. Then he came to his senses and realized that the absolute last thing he needed when his family was falling apart was the wave of confusing emotions Antonio always caused him to have.

Just before Antonio touched him, Lovino shoved him away. He forced his mind to go blank and detached himself from his words. "Go away! God, you're such a bastard!" He ran out of the church before he could see Antonio's hurt face and go back on his decision. There were bigger problems to worry about.

Lovino reached that lobby just in time to see the scene unfolding. Feliciano was standing a good distance away from Ludwig, his hands balled into fists by his sides. That surprised Lovino straightaway. Feliciano was never one to show any kind of anger. However, the words he heard his brother shout surprised him even more. "Just go away, Ludwig! I can't do this!"

Ludwig took a step towards him. "Feli, please…"

"Don't call me Feli! I can't even be around you right now, it's too much!" Feliciano wiped his eyes in one quick, spastic motion. Lovino could hear him let out a sob despite the fact that he was standing a good distance away. "I'm sorry, dio mio, I'm so sorry…" With that, Feliciano was running towards the doors.

"Feliciano, wait!" cried Lovino. He almost ran out the doors too, but he knew he had something to do first. He stormed over to Ludwig. "What the hell did you do to my brother?"

Ludwig looked as though he had no idea what was happening either. "I didn't do anything! If I knew how to fix this, do you not think I would do it?"

Lovino's mind was on overdrive. "You must have done something, you bastard! He's been acting weird ever since he met you!" He jabbed his finger into Ludwig's chest to emphasize his point.

Ludwig opened his mouth but quickly closed it, shaking his head. "This is not my place. If he wants to tell you, he will." He said. "I care about him too, Lovino. I do not want to make this any worse than it already is."

Lovino let out a low growl that sounded more like a scream. "Stay away from him!" He shouted. "I'm serious! If you care about Feliciano so much, do what's best for him and leave him the hell alone!"

He didn't give Ludwig any time to respond. Lovino ran out the doors as quickly as his legs would carry him. The moment he got outside, he screamed. He screamed because in the last five minutes, he managed to hurt two people and did nothing to help his brother. He screamed because he was confused. He screamed because his entire life was falling apart at his feet and he had no idea how in the hell he was going to put the pieces back together.

When he was finished screaming, he ran. It didn't take him long to find Feliciano. He was walking down the sidewalk they always took, muttering to himself in a mix of Italian and English. "Feliciano!" called Lovino.

Feliciano looked and him and quickly turned away. "Go away!" He said, and then took off in a run.

Lovino tried to ignore the rapid pace of his heartbeat and the hot tears in his eyes. "Goddammit, Feliciano, no! You need to talk to me!"

"No!" Feliciano continued to run. Lovino tried to catch up with him, but his brother was always the faster one. He was the slowest person on the planet when someone was forcing him to run, but Olympic gold medalists had nothing on him when he was upset or scared. Lovino half groaned; half screamed in frustration.

The only thing that was left to do was follow Feliciano home and hope to get something out of him then, so that's exactly what Lovino did. He barreled through the twisting, turning roads that lead to his house all while making sure he didn't lose sight of his brother. His breathing was far more labored than it needed to be by the time he reached home. The first thing Lovino heard when he burst through his front door was Feliciano slamming his bedroom door and locking it with a click. He was never more grateful that his grandfather was out.

He was in front of Feliciano's door before he even realized it. "Open the damn door!" said Lovino as he pulled on the unmoving handle.

Feliciano went from shouting to speaking in small, desperate whispers. "Lovino, please, just leave, I can't do this…"

Lovino wanted to leave. The last thing he wanted to do was make this worse, if that was even possible anymore. But in the end, he knew that if he didn't get to the bottom of this now, he never would. "Feliciano, I swear to God if you don't open this damn door I will BREAK IT DOWN!"

There was silence, then a click, and finally Feliciano opened the door. His eyes were red and his face was streaked with tears. He held up his hands as if to say I surrender. "Please don't hurt me, Lovi…" That was all he could say before he fell into another crying fit.

Lovino felt despair unlike anything he'd ever felt. Whatever anger he had been holding onto disappeared without a trace. Seeing Feliciano like this went against everything that was right in the world. Lovino took a step forward and embraced his brother, holding him as tightly as he could. "Oh, Feli," He said. "I'm not mad. No one is mad, okay? No one is going to hurt you."

Feliciano's shoulders shook under his grip. He held onto Lovino like he would never hug anyone again. His voice came out in a whimper. "L-Lovi, you're going to hate me…" He pressed his face into his shoulder and his breathing quickened. "You'll never speak to me again, dio mi salvi, dio mi salvi…" He repeated the phrase almost compulsively until it became nothing more than a jumble of sounds and tears.

Lovino felt a new wave of panicked nausea hit him like a current. "Feliciano, look at me." He said. Feliciano hesitantly lifted his face from his shoulder and did as he was told. "You need to tell me what's going on. Whatever it is, it won't be enough to make me hate you."

"But Lovino…"

"Feliciano, please." Lovino's tone was bordering on desperate. "Bottling all this up isn't helping."

Feliciano opened his mouth as if to continue protesting, but he quickly shut it and nodded. "You can't tell Grandpa." He said quietly. Lovino nodded. He was ready to agree to anything, as long as it ended this disaster. Feliciano reluctantly broke away from the embrace and sat down on his bed, beckoning for Lovino to join him.

Once Lovino was sitting down, Feliciano twisted his hands together and stared into them. "I don't know where to start." He said.

Lovino wasn't sure he was ready for him to start. He took a deep breath and faked a stoic face anyway. "Why don't you tell me why you were yelling at Ludwig?"

Feliciano's eyes widened like he had forgotten. He buried his tear-stained face in his trembling hands. "Oh God, Ludwig…" Lovino instantly knew he had picked the wrong place to begin, but Feliciano eventually continued regardless. "Well, you know we went to the movies on Friday, right?"

How could he forget? That was the day Feliciano's spiral into this had become too prevalent to ignore. He nodded. "Yes, I remember."

Feliciano hung his head in what looked like shame. "Something happened that day." He said. "Something bad."

Lovino swallowed hard and nodded, making sure not to show any emotion besides gentle encouragement on his face. "Alright. What happened?"

"He, well, I mean, I…" Feliciano shook his head. "I can't do this! All of this is so confusing and it doesn't make any sense and I hate it!"

Something about this reminded Lovino of the coffee shop conversation he had with Antonio. That alone made him hate himself. He should not be thinking of Antonio at a time like this. "Feliciano, it's alright." He said. "Everything is fine. You're safe." He placed his hand on his shoulder, hoping to make him feel more secure. He knew if he didn't approach this with absolute care, he would lose Feliciano to his emotions and would likely get thrown out of the room. This conversation was akin to walking on eggshells.

Feliciano nodded and took in a long, shaking breath. "I kissed him."

The room fell silent as Lovino attempted to comprehend the declaration. This, he had not expected. If he had made a list of all the possibilities, this would be residing somewhere under number ten thousand. His mind pulled at straws, searching feverishly for any explanation that made sense. "You kissed him." He repeated. "Did he take advantage of you? Were you forced?"

Feliciano looked at him with wild, unbelieving eyes. "No!"

"Okay." Lovino was slightly relieved but no closer to understanding. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Was this just an out of the blue thing?" He wouldn't be surprised if it was. Feliciano was notorious for being recklessly impulsive. He never quite learned from the consequences of his actions.

Feliciano shook his head. His voice was calmer this time. "No."

Well, another possible explanation was out the window. "How did you kiss him? Was it a greeting? You know Germans don't do that, don't you?" At least Lovino didn't think they did. He pushed it aside. It was an unimportant detail.

Feliciano shook his head with more force this time. "No, Lovino! I kissed him like you would kiss a girl you like!"

Lovino felt his breath catch. That was an ironic statement if he had ever heard one. If only Feliciano knew. If only Lovino would admit it to himself. "Okay." He said again. He was beginning to feel like a broken record.

"Oh, Lovino, if only Ludwig was a girl!"

Lovino scratched his head uncomfortably. This conversation could only go in one direction, and that wasn't a direction he was thrilled to take. How exactly could he phrase this? "Well, Feli…do you wish Ludwig was girl?" He said and then cringed internally. Asking his baby brother about his sexual preferences wasn't how he expected to spend his evening. Well, maybe he wasn't a baby anymore. "What I'm saying is, you've always liked girls. Aren't you attracted to them?" Lovino was sure he had seen Feliciano try (and fail) to flirt with every pretty girl he laid his eyes on.

"That's where it gets confusing!" said Feliciano. His eyes filled with sadness and confusion. "I think I'm broken, Lovino."

Lovino looked at him reassuringly even though he was lost. "I'm sure you aren't broken, but can you at least try and explain this?"

"I guess." Feliciano took on a look of deep concentration, the gears in his head nearly visible. After a long moment, he spoke again. "You know how you see a pretty girl and you think 'wow, that girl is pretty?'" He asked.

"Uh, yeah?" said Lovino. Now he was really lost.

"I don't think that way! I mean, I do, but instead of seeing a pretty girl or a pretty boy, I just see pretty people. Does that make sense? Oh no, it doesn't, does it?"

Something clicked in Lovino's mind. Yes, that did make sense. He even knew there was a term for it. It wasn't coming to him, but he knew it had to do with…pots? "That makes perfect sense, Feliciano." He said.

Feliciano smiled for the first time in hours. "Yay! All right, so you understand, that's good! So, all that matters to me is if the person is beautiful!" He paused and his smile faded away. His tone switched back to somber. "And Ludwig is so, so beautiful." As if the very name triggered an onslaught of painful memories, tears began to slip down Feliciano's cheeks again. "I ruined everything."

"Hold on. Let's go back to the beginning." Lovino drew an invisible line in the air to illustrate his point. "Does Ludwig…return you feelings? How did he react when you, er, did what you did?" Silence. Lovino felt his heart sink when he came to the conclusion that had slipped his mind: Ludwig must have rejected him. Even if he wasn't exactly thrilled that Feliciano was so infatuated with a German the size of a house, he couldn't stand to his brother like this.

Lovino's suspicion was immediately shot down. "He kissed me back. He- He said…" Feliciano looked almost too exhausted to continue. He fell to the side and rested his head on Lovino's shoulder. "He said he loved me."

Lovino definitely had not expected that. This conversation was just one surprising answer after another. He resisted the primitive urge to track down this guy and castrate him and instead forced himself to continue speaking. "Okay. That's great. What's the problem?"

"I told him I couldn't spend time with him anymore," said Feliciano. Lovino stared at him blankly. Wait, so Feliciano rejected him? "I mean…I think I love him too, but," Lovino tried not to grimace at Feliciano using the word 'love.' Feliciano shook his head. "Does that…disgust you, Lovi?"

The words were daggers. "What? No!" Lovino's response was an honest one. Feliciano's struggles were painfully relevant to his own life. But even if they weren't, even if they made no sense to him at all, he could never be disgusted with his little brother. "Why the hell would you think something like that?"

"Because when I confessed all of that to Father O'Brian, he yelled at me. I didn't even tell him it was Ludwig I kissed. I just said it was another boy." Feliciano clutched his hands together again and his lip began to quiver. "He called me disgusting, he…he told me I would rot in hell. He didn't even give me a penance or forgive me for it! He just kept yelling until I left. I don't want to rot in hell or be disgusting, and I definitely don't want Ludwig to rot in hell or be disgusting either, so I can't see him anymore."

Lovino suddenly remembered what had landed them in this conversation to begin with. He remembered the sermons; he remembered the one day in particular that the priest had gone off on a rant about 'The Homosexual Agenda,' whatever that was. He remembered the way he said homosexual like he was referring to a monster in a horror movie. He remembered the painfully detailed descriptions of hell he seemed to love. Lovino felt a bomb of anger explode in his body. How dare that man make Feliciano feel this way? How many people have his words hurt?

Once his anger and partial panic subsided enough to allow Lovino to speak, to move, to even think, he shook his head. "Feliciano, no." He said. "You're not going to hell, and you aren't disgusting!" Lovino tried to steer the conversation in a lighter direction. He was so tired of thinking about confession. "What do you like about Ludwig?"

"Everything! He doesn't think I talk too much and he listens to me. He looks really tough but he's actually really shy and sweet…I can't explain this! I just want to be with him!" When the exclamation fizzled out, the room grew far too quiet to be comfortable. Lovino could almost see Feliciano's newfound self-loathing engulfing him like a dark cloud as new tears sprung to his eyes. How Feliciano had any tears left, Lovino couldn't be sure. "But I can't. I can't… What should I do, Lovi?"

Lovino took a deep breath in an attempt to clear his whirring mind. "Well," he said. "If you like him so much, even though I can't understand why, I think you should tell him that."

"But Father O'Brian-"

"Forget him!" Lovino nearly shouted the words. He was so tired of that guy ruining their lives. He looked around the room frantically and finally spotted Feliciano's phone sitting on his nightstand. Lovino reached over, picked it up and tossed it to him. "Here; call him and work this out."

Feliciano stared at the phone like he'd never seen it before. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Please, Feli. Don't let one guy's stupid opinion ruin your life."

Feliciano wiped away a final rush of tears and nodded. He hugged Lovino before he left the room, figuring Feliciano would want privacy. After he shut the door behind him, Lovino leaned against the door just long enough to hear the beginning of the conversation. "Hi, Ludwig? I'm really sorry about before…can we talk?"

Lovino sighed in relief. Feliciano was fixing things with Ludwig, so hopefully he would get back to normal soon. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Lovino knew things were still far from normal. This brought him to two equally terrifying, maddening conclusions: One, he had an undeniable urge to fix things with Antonio, whatever that meant. Two, his will to deny his feelings and identity- his resolve to keep his heart safe- was weaker than ever.

Important notes:

Dio mi salvi- Italian, means 'God save me.'

The word Lovino was looking for when he mentioned pots was pansexuality, the sexuality I headcanon for Feliciano. This basically means someone is attracted to people without really taking gender into account.

This chapter was actually based on an experience I had myself. The intrusive questions asked by the priest, the bizarre blessing, the feeling of violation afterwards- this is all personal experience. Of course it was changed slightly and dramatized for the sake of the story, but it was not entirely made up.

To be continued...