Author's Note: A huge thank you to Dubstepezio for the lovely fan art! I would also like to thank The Goliath Beetle for the grammar help. You guys should check out their stories. :)

You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. (Song of Solomon 4:7)

Thursday evening, Lovino shoved the last of the things he needed into his suitcase. He decided to forgo the weapon, of course. That probably wouldn't have gone over well. Not to mention he didn't actually own a weapon. He did decide to bring the towel, since he wasn't sure what the shower situation would be. For the sake of his pride, he hoped they were private.

Feliciano burst into the room just as he was zipping the suitcase closed. "Lovino! I'm so excited, aren't you?"

Lovino rolled his eyes. Feliciano made no sense more often than he did. "Can't you knock?" He said, knowing all too well the request was falling on deaf ears. "No, I'm not excited. After all this church has done to you, I don't know why you are either."

A pang of worry flashed in Feliciano's eyes, but it vanished as suddenly as it appeared. "The church stuff might not be fun, but at night when we're all in the cabin it's going to be like a sleepover!" Lovino couldn't help but smile. His ability to see the good in everything was refreshing. "Plus I'll get to spend an entire weekend with Ludwig!" Feliciano practically sang his name.

Lovino stopped staring at his suitcase and looked Feliciano in the eyes. "You know you can't be…affectionate with him there, right?" He tried to push the image of Feliciano being 'affectionate' with Ludwig from his mind and focus on the task at hand. "You know their views, Feli. It would be dangerous."

Feliciano slowly nodded. "I know, but I'm still excited just to see him." In just a moment, he was smiling again. "Aren't you excited about spending two days with Antonio?" His tone was slightly teasing.

Lovino resisted the urge to bang his head against the wall when he realized his first instinct was to say yes. How ridiculous. "No. It's going to drive me crazy." That was only half a lie. He quickly veered of the subject. "Are you packed?"

Feliciano looked at him like the notion was ridiculous. "I haven't started."

Lovino sighed. He should have expected as much. "Go pack. Now."

"Roger!" Feliciano ran out the room with a huge grin on his face. Lovino smiled to himself and shook his head. He hoped Ludwig knew how lucky he was.

Satisfied with his packing, Lovino got off the floor and lied in his bed. He pulled his phone from his pocket absent-mindedly and flipped it open. As usual, there were no missed calls or messages. His thumb seemed to press the buttons on his own, and before he knew it he was staring at his contacts. The only numbers he had saved were Feliciano's cell phone, his home number, and since Sunday, one labeled 'Bastard.'

It had taken an embarrassing amount of self-control to not touch that number all week. Even if Lovino did break down and call it, what on earth would he say? 'Hi, Antonio, I'm calling because I want to hear you say my name?' or 'Hey, no one around me knows I'm alive expect you for some strange reason, let's talk?' Lovino cringed at the thought. He really was a loser. Antonio likely thought so too. He wished he could say he didn't care what he thought, but Lovino was done kidding himself. He only cared what Antonio thought nowadays.

Despite his best efforts to do otherwise, Lovino was still staring at the number on the little glowing screen. His mind started to make excuses for him. Well, he could call him just to double-check the time they were to meet at church the next day. Okay, so he knew they were supposed to be there at seven pm. Still, he could never be too sure, right?

Lovino bit his lip, took a deep breath and pressed CALL with as much confidence as he could muster. He swore under his breath when he realized what he'd done, and his heart pounded uncomfortably hard in his chest in spite of himself. This was so stupid, oh god, this was so, so stupid. He pressed the phone to his ear and held his breath as he listened to the ringing. Maybe he wouldn't even pick up. Maybe he would see that it was Lovino calling and ignore it, maybe-

"Hola!" Antonio sounded as cheerful as ever. Maybe even a bit more so.

"Pr-" Lovino stopped himself when he remembered Antonio wasn't Italian. "I-I mean, um…" Dammit, there was no reason to be this nervous. He closed his eyes. "Hi." He said finally. It was only a simple greeting, for Christ's sakes! Why did it feel more difficult than delivering an entire speech? Stupid, stupid, stupid…

Antonio sounded unfazed. "Lovi! I had thought you threw this number away!" He sounded way too excited, why was he so excited? "Do you need something?"

What did he need again? Oh yeah, he needed the time he already knew by heart. "I wanted to make sure of the time we were supposed to meet tomorrow," said Lovino. He instantly noticed how strangely formal he sounded. "What was it again?"

He heard Antonio laugh on the other line. "That information is all on the church's website, you know," he said. "That's alright. It's seven pm."

"I didn't even know the church had a website," said Lovino under his breath. It was true; he didn't know that. Even if he did, he would rather cut off his arm than look at it. "Whatever. I guess I'll be going."

"Wait!"

Lovino was surprised by the speed of Antonio's response. "What is it?"

"Are you sure that's the only reason you called?" asked Antonio. Just like Feliciano, he sounded innocent enough but Lovino knew better.

Lovino scoffed. "Yes! Why the hell else would I waste my time calling you?"

Lovino could think of a thousand reasons why he would call him, none of which that would supply him with enough courage to actually go through with it. Secretly, in a part of his mind he wouldn't dare to delve into for too long, Lovino fantasized about calling Antonio for no reason at all and simply talking about trivial things that no one else would listen to. Maybe he had hoped that was what this conversation would turn into. But it was always much, much easier to shout, get angry and tell Antonio the opposite of what he felt.

Even though Lovino could not see him, he could somehow tell that Antonio was smiling just as ridiculously as he always did. "I don't know." Antonio almost sang the words, like a child would when they teased their sibling. "I thought maybe, just maybe…you missed me?"

Funny, Lovino had nearly forgotten that Antonio more than likely had mind reading powers. "Don't be so self-important…" Lovino's already quiet words faded into nothing. He felt his angry lies die before he said them. He just didn't have the energy to keep up the façade right then.

Antonio didn't miss a beat. "Are you nervous?"

Lovino almost demanded that he stop reading his mind. He wanted to say that he wasn't terrified of what these people were going to do to him and Feliciano. He wanted to prove to Antonio that he was not a coward, that he actually was mature. And for the love of God, he did not want to admit he had actually never slept away from home before. He opened his mouth, fully intent on saying 'no' as if it was ridiculous, but he couldn't form the simple word. He just could not lie to Antonio or to himself tonight, but he couldn't tell him the absolute truth either, because he was a coward.

Finally, Lovino settled on dodging the question. "You ask such ridiculous things."

But of course, Antonio was having none of that. "It's perfectly understandable if you are, Lovi," he said. "Truth be told, I'm a bit nervous myself."

He's just saying that. He's saying that to make you feel better. Lovino bit his lip and wished away the thoughts, but he knew the second they started they would never stop. "Why would you be nervous?" He finally managed to say.

"Because I have no clue what's in store for us," said Antonio. His voice held a genuine edge of uncertainty, but it quickly switched to confidence. "But, Lovino? No matter what happens, I will keep you safe. I promise."

He thinks you're helpless. Even if that was true, Lovino wanted to say, 'yes, please protect me,' even if he had no idea what that should mean. But of course, he couldn't say that. He couldn't even admit to himself that it crossed his mind.

If something inside of Lovino was preventing him from lying to Antonio tonight, he sure as hell could run away from what he wanted to say like the coward he was. Lovino's breath was too fast and his eyes were too wet. "I have to go." He had to struggle greatly to make his voice sound normal.

"Oh." Antonio's enthusiasm died as fast and hard as the burst of confidence Lovino had when he called in the first place -which was a senseless, absurd idea. "Try not to worry too much, Lovi. I will see you tomorrow." He sounded too sweet; too understanding considering what Lovino gave him in return. He always did.

Lovino didn't respond. He couldn't. He just hung up without saying anything like an immature brat, then threw the covers over his head as if to hide from everything. He was so sick of all these frustrating emotions buzzing like bees beneath his skin, torturing him. Antonio was chipping away at his wall with every smile and kind word, and that was simply too much to handle. He decided to call it an early night, and made a silent promise to never call Antonio in the hopes of achieving some stupid fantasy ever again. He chalked it up to another dream that would never, ever become reality.

.

Lovino didn't sleep much on Thursday and he didn't pay much attention in school on Friday. How could he? All he could think about was whatever was in store for them at the retreat. Maybe he was overreacting, maybe it would be fine, but his gut was telling him otherwise. When Lovino wasn't thinking about the retreat, he was thinking about Antonio. When he was thinking about Antonio, he was replaying the train wreck of a phone call he had shared with him on a constant, torturous repeat. In short, Lovino's mind was a complete and utter mess.

Feliciano, on the other hand, looked as though his mind was clear as the cloudless sky above them. "You're so slow, Lovino!" He struggled to hold onto Lovino's arm, pull his suitcase and push his body through the church doors all at the same time.

Lovino pulled his arm away and sighed. Of course he was being slow. He wasn't ready for this. But he supposed that didn't matter, because it was happening. He pulled his own suitcase into the lobby, where he found Antonio as well as the rest of their group standing in the midst the large crowd. Alfred was grimacing, Matthew was grimacing at him, and Ludwig was, as always, straight-faced. Antonio looked relatively expressionless until he laid eyes on Lovino. Then, he smiled. Lovino quickly looked away and tried not to wonder how Antonio was still happy to see him.

Feliciano ran up to Ludwig, dropped the handle of his suitcase, hugged him and finally kissed him on the cheek in one fluid motion. For a moment Lovino felt a surge of either annoyance or anger, but then he saw the smile Feliciano's face held when he pulled away. He looked happier than he had in weeks. Lovino felt his displeasure melt away and turn to melancholy when he realized that was the last bit of affection Feliciano would safely be able to show all weekend.

His thoughts were cut off when he heard Antonio's voice beside him. "Are you ready, Lovino?"

Lovino finally looked at him. His eyes were bright and cheerful as per usual, practically a miracle given the circumstances. He decided lying would be useless. "No." Lovino scoffed. "No, I'm not ready."

Antonio's expression faltered just long enough to be noticeable. "Neither am I," he said and laughed gently. He met Lovino's eyes and his voice grew quieter. "I suppose we can get through this together?"

Why Antonio would want anything to do with Lovino after the way he hung up on him, Lovino could not be certain. Really, the only thing he could be certain about when it came to Antonio is that he would never completely understand him. "Whatever."

Antonio adjusted the position of the duffle bag draped on his arm. "How about we sit together on the bus?"

Lovino almost laughed at his childish, trivial request. It reminded him of grade school. "Fine. It isn't like I have anyone else to sit with," he said flippantly. In reality, he could think of nothing better.

The buses that were used were actually just borrowed school buses. This really was like grade school, if grade schools frequently carted students off the places that had a possibility of being torture camps. Lovino tried to convince himself he was overreacting in the worst way, but his paranoia won out like always. After their bags were taken from them and stored, Lovino climbed on the bus with Antonio not far behind. He was thankful to see he was one of the first to board.

"I'm taking the window," said Lovino as he made his way to the back.

He could hear Antonio laugh behind him. "Whatever you want!"

Lovino settled in a seat and immediately focused his gaze outside. What was this nervousness, this strange excitement despite everything? Antonio sat beside him and Lovino's heart jumped frustratingly into his throat. He wished these seats were bigger, or smaller, that Antonio would move farther away, that he would get closer… Lovino closed his eyes. This was going to be a long trip.

Antonio didn't say anything until the bus was in motion. When he did, it was only one simple word. "Earbud?"

Lovino pried his eyes from the blurring road and looked at him. Antonio was clutching an MP3 player in one hand and the one earbud he wasn't using in the other. "I thought we weren't supposed to have those."

Antonio shrugged. "Well, I am not a student."

How did Lovino keep forgetting that? Antonio may not act like it, but he was older. He was supposed to be a role model, even though he behaved like anything but. Lovino pushed this aside finally took it from him. At least music would serve as a distraction. When he placed the bud in his ear, he was hit by the sound of a Spanish guitar. "This is… nice."

Antonio nodded. His eyes seemed to be focused on something in the distance, like he was remembering. "Yes. It reminds me of home," he said. "I used to play, but when I got to high school I was far too busy getting into trouble to continue."

"You play guitar." Lovino was hardly surprised. Of course Antonio played guitar. He could probably fly too, because everything about him was strange and fascinating and perfect.

"I was never great." Antonio looked into his lap and that stupid blush passed over his cheeks again.

Lovino instantly knew that was a lie. He bet that Antonio played perfectly, that he put the artists currently playing through the headphones to shame. Without intending to, he found himself imagining Antonio strumming the strings of a guitar somewhere in Spain, singing along to some sleepy song as a crowd gathered around him. He suddenly wished to hear Antonio play, then immediately told himself to stop wishing for things that would never happen. He had been doing enough of that lately.

There was a long silence only filled by the music pouring from the MP3 player. It was a comfortable silence, but of course Antonio shattered it anyway. "Let's play a game!"

Lovino scoffed. "We're on a bus. What could we possibly play?" He said. "How long are we going to be on here, anyway?"

"Just over two hours," said Antonio. "We could play I-Spy."

He was going to be stuck on a bus with Antonio for two hours. Lovino wasn't sure whether to be terrified, annoyed, elated or a ludicrous mix of the three. Maybe 'confused' was the best word, here. He told himself to roll his eyes, but his body didn't obey. "And how in the hell will we play that?" He asked. There wasn't exactly much to look at. He fought the urge to say 'I spy an annoyingly attractive Spanish man,' since that was about the only thing he could seem to focus on. Lovino glanced at Antonio's eyes and spoke before he thought. "Fine. I spy something green." Shit.

Antonio seemed unfazed. He looked out the window and smiled. "Trees?"

Lovino felt his entire body relax in what felt like an internal sigh of relief. "Yes. Trees," he said. He was suddenly grateful for Antonio's naivety.

Antonio shot his fist in the air as if to cheer. "Yay, I got it! My turn." He paused to look around, and glanced quickly at Lovino before speaking. "Hm…I spy an adorable, beautiful Italian."

He couldn't possibly mean…? Lovino felt his heart beat dangerously fast in his chest and his face grow warmer than it ought to be. No, that was ridiculous. His thoughts thrown into a frantic rush, Lovino looked across the aisle to see Feliciano fast asleep against Ludwig, who was occupied by the book he was reading. Of course. Antonio must have meant… "Feliciano." There was no other explanation.

Antonio's warm smile died in a millisecond. "Feliciano?" He parroted, seeming slightly confused. He looked across the aisle and raised an eyebrow. "To tell you the truth, Lovino, I didn't even notice he was there."

Lovino rolled his eyes, sincerely this time. "Yeah. Of course you didn't." He said it much more sulkily than he intended. What was this feeling? It couldn't be jealousy, could it? There was no way to be sure anymore. If he had to deal with one more new, confusing emotion at the hands of Antonio, he was sure he would be crushed under the weight of them all.

"Lovi," said Antonio. Lovino didn't look at him. "Your brother may be sweet, but I'm looking at most beautiful person I know right now."

Lovino felt his stomach flip on itself and his entire world burst open around him. Surely, he must be joking. Surely… But then he finally allowed his eyes to meet Antonio's, and the sincerity they held was undeniable. He could barely hear the music over the heartbeat that had moved to his ears. This was too much. Lovino could think of only one way to escape this.

"I think I'm going to take a nap." The moment he said it, he realized how tired he actually was. Since he had met Antonio, since Feliciano started acting strange, since his world was turned upside down, Lovino found himself sleeping much less than he probably should.

Antonio nodded in understanding. "Of course."

Lovino sighed and rested his head against the back of the seat. Within ten seconds, he realized that wasn't going to work. He was thrown to either side whenever the bus made the tiniest movement. He tried to lean against the window, but he knew that was going to be uncomfortable before his head even touched the glass. His head repeatedly slammed against the cold, hard window, and when he was able to remain still his head vibrated painfully against it. Whatever. Lovino closed his eyes and attempted to ignore the discomfort.

"Comfortable?" Antonio almost sounded as if he were laughing.

Lovino didn't open his eyes. "Yes."

He heard Antonio choke back a giggle. "Are you sure?"

The bus hit a bump and Lovino's head banged against the window. He winced. "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" His words sounded sarcastic without him meaning for them to be.

There was a long pause, and for a moment Lovino thought Antonio was going to leave him alone. Of course, this was not the case. "Lovino, if you wanted to lean against me, I would completely understand."

Lovino's eyes shot open. He thought for a moment that he hadn't heard that correctly, but somehow in the back of his mind he knew he had. "You're kidding, right?" He almost expected that he was kidding. He was not entirely sure whether he wanted him to be or not.

"Nope." Antonio almost sounded amused, yet sincere.

Without moving, Lovino quickly glanced around the bus. Feliciano was fast asleep; Ludwig was still reading, and Alfred and Matthew were a few seats ahead. Everyone else he didn't know, and they looked more or less occupied. He told himself no one would even notice, that it didn't matter, no one would care, that he himself didn't care… "Only because I'm exhausted, bastard."

Antonio nodded wordlessly. Lovino removed the earbud from his ear, took a deep breath and tried not to look as nervous as he felt. Awkwardly and stiffly, he shifted his position and rested his head against Antonio's shoulder. His head spun when his senses were enveloped in the scent of Antonio's clothes, of his hair, of him.

"Better?"

Despite his embarrassing nervousness, Lovino realized he was extremely comfortable. He nodded, and a small part of him wished Antonio would put his arm around him. The second the wish passed through his mind he felt silly, so instead he concentrated on sleeping. He allowed his eyes to finally drift closed. Despite the location they would eventually arrive at, there was nowhere he would rather be than here. In just a few minutes, Lovino fell asleep and slept better than he had in weeks.

To be continued...