Chapter Thirteen - Pawn

Days passed and Harry was irritated. Very irritated. He had been thinking about stupid Malfoy with his stupid tired looking eyes and his stupid smooth, no wait he meant sickly, looking skin all day. He couldn't get him out of his mind and while it was a nice distraction from all the dark thoughts he had been having, this was not what he had wanted to replace them with.

He hoped to catch a glance of Malfoy everywhere he went, just to send him a mean glare at him and call it a day, go to sleep and be satisfied for once. At breakfast he hadn't even tried to put something on his plate, instead had just sipped his much-needed coffee and stared at the Slytherin table the whole time. The stupid blonde hadn't even showed up. And now he was sitting at the Gryffindor table for dinner, and he still couldn't stop staring. He was starting to get worried instead of mad, about the absence of Malfoy. He knew why he could not eat anything, but if Malfoy couldn't…

Harry couldn't take it anymore. The walls still haunted him, the teachers he could not trust anymore -most certainly not Dumbledore-, the nightmares could not stop, and his headache was a constant worry, let alone that he just felt numb all the time. How was he supposed to eat anything now? Goddamn Malfoy, letting him worry as well. Ron and Hermoine hadn't even noticed, they were too busy arguing about whether the summer homework they had gotten from McGonagall had been fair or not. Priorities huh? Honestly, why was Ron even trying? He never won in the end.

In the middle of dinner, Harry just gave up and went to bed, hoping to get a normal night of sleep, but he had no such luck. He had fallen asleep for an hour around one but had dreamed of the graveyard and Malfoy in one combination, which had been one of the most confusing and scariest combinations one could think of. Now, he just sat in his bed contemplating whether he would go to the lake or if he would avoid Malfoy from now on. After an hour lying in his bed, thinking of the lake, the peace, the silence, Harry decided that since he had been at the tree first, it was his place and Malfoy would just have to bugger off if he did not want to see him.

Walking up to the tree, Harry felt something strange stir in his stomach, it was combination between nervous, excitement and plain irritation. Simply said, it was strange. At the tree, he was glad to notice that there was no Malfoy in sight, and he relaxed significantly knowing that at least he would have the tree to himself for a moment. Slowly his dark swirl of thoughts started to calm down a bit. The cold air of the night making him feel alive and the hot tea giving him warmth in his heart. Thoughts of soon being with Sirius made him smile slightly. He grabbed the thought and held onto it for as long as possible, trying to ignore the creeping cold when he thought how he was still to survive the Dursleys first. Still clinging on to the thoughts of Sirius he was interrupted by soft shovelling as Malfoy took a seat next to him. An uncomfortable silence fell as he thought about the awkward conversation just a few days before.

Still, it was nice to sit here together.

As Harry himself felt the silent understanding between them, he could only hope that Malfoy felt the same. He guessed life was just too hard for the both of them, but they had each other's comfort somehow, even though Malfoy was still a rude untalkative git. Minutes or hours passed, Harry didn't know, all he knew was that soon they were supposed to board the train and see where their lives would bring them next year. The silence between them still held, but Harry would not apologise. As dawn broke once again Harry started to mentally prepare himself to face his life again. He wished he still had Ron to talk to about this. In a spur of the moment he decided to just started talking to the only person he knew now would perhaps understand, sadly the fact remained this was Malfoy.

"I've been having nightmares about him, you know. Honestly, how can someone expect me not to have them? Ha, and still Dumbledore thinks it is best for me to just keep going on with school- get some homework done, eat with all the people as if life is fine, as if everything is as it always has been. Charms was lovely wasn't it, this afternoon? Very useless to my opinion at this point, learning to let it snow. You were doing perfect of course, I wasn't... but you know, it was interesting to see everyone trying so hard, as if their life depended on it. As if they know what their life depends on... Luckily school is done for now, even more lovely that summer starts one would say. To go back home, back to their families...

...Someday I would love to travel you know. I always had wanted to see the world, taste the different cuisines. You probably have. But you know, I guess that one day, somehow, I'll be okay. And if not, that might be good as well, peaceful you know. Wouldn't it be nice if people asked you more how you were, actually took your thoughts and wellbeing more into consideration? I just hope you are doing better than I am-"

He abruptly stopped talking once he realized how much he had said already. Stupid, now he had really done it, he had scared Malfoy away, the only person in this castle to actually be here, to actually know, perhaps. Nevertheless, it felt like such a relieve. He fell into an awkward silence, readying himself to get back to the castle, to get back to his expected life, to get back to the Dursleys in a couple of hours.

"I'm going to be okay." Malfoy was pointedly still looking across the lake but had allowed himself to show some sadness in his eyes. He turned his head and looked straight into Harry's. Grey eyes locking onto green eyes. "I won't be their pawn" Harry smiled slightly.

Walking back to the castle, Harry knew now that they would fight together against this war they were forced into. He had no clue how, but at least they knew there was someone out there.

Morning came and all around him students were running and packing. Ron was still snoring on his bed, probably going to be woken up just 30 minutes before the train leaves. Harry did not want to be around for the panic in that moment.

He himself had woken up at 6 o'clock and had packed his things in less than 10 minutes. For the rest of the hours he had wandered around Hogwarts, enjoying his final moments on the grounds and the lake for this school year. He tried not to think of what would happen once he arrived at Kings Cross, but his mind wandered sometimes.

At breakfast he couldn't help but glance at the Slytherin table every so often, trying to spot Malfoy, but he was out of luck. It left him with an unsettled feeling in his stomach. For some reason he had hoped to see him before going to the Dursley's again.

As the train arrived and Harry sat down on one of the benches, he looked back at the castle. In the background he could hear Ron and Hermoine bickering about something or another. Probably summer homework. It was always something about homework. He tuned them out and closed his eyes, trying to relax one last time before the Dursleys. What the summer would bring him, he didn't know, but for now, his mind was filled with blond hair, strawberries & chocolate, and any flavour of tea he could think of. That was alright. That was good. That made him happy. The whistle sounded and the train started its journey.