The Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence. (Psalms 11:5)

As expected, no one slept well that first night. Lovino lied awake, his thoughts and emotions destroying him from the inside out all while trying to pretend they didn't exist. On top of Feliciano's quiet, muffled whimpers from the other side of the room, there was a never-ending chorus of blankets being tossed, suggesting no one was comfortable and more people were awake than sleeping. When the alarm clock in the cabin sounded, Lovino opened his slightly swollen eyes and wondered if he had slept at all. It was one of those nights where he couldn't be sure.

He groaned in exhaustion, climbed down the ladder and retrieved his towel from his suitcase. Maybe a hot shower would help, as if the water would somehow cleanse his emotional breakdown last night from his mind. He cringed at the memory, and the little voice in his head wasted no time. Great job being ridiculous, Lovino. It's what you're best at. Dammit, it was too early for these kinds of thoughts.

After a shower that was probably longer than necessary, Lovino threw on clothes and returned to the main part of the cabin, where he found Antonio making both of their beds. Everyone else was still in the bathroom, and Antonio wasn't wearing a shirt. This was just too cruel. Lovino bit his lip as if to punish himself when he caught himself staring, and finally looked away when his eyes fell to the angry scar on his arm.

"Shit…" He mumbled just a bit too loudly, half out of anger directed at his wandering eyes and half as an exclamation. Every time he saw that scar it surprised him. It was as if his mind was blocking out its existence.

Antonio finished tucking the sheets into the bedframe and turned to him casually. "Morning, Lovino!" he said as if his being shirtless was no big deal. Lovino quickly realized it shouldn't be a big deal.

"Can you please wear clothes?" he groaned anyway.

Antonio's eyebrows shot up as if he hadn't realized. Lovino couldn't be sure, but he thought he saw Antonio's eyes glaze quickly over his scar. "Oh!" he exclaimed. He reached into his duffle bag, pulled out a white dress shirt and tugged it on. He laughed as if to dismiss it. "Sorry about that, I expected you to be in there longer."

"Whatever." Lovino walked over to the beds and leaned against the ladder. "What delightful activities are in store for us today?"

Antonio shrugged and finished with the last button of his shirt. "I think today will be somewhat relaxed. Mostly ice-breaker activities and people ranting at us." He laughed as though it was a joke, but both of them knew 'people ranting at them' was a perfect description of the sermons.

Lovino made the decision to break the unspoken agreement from last night. "No more videos?"

A pinch of discomfort flashed in Antonio's eyes and Lovino automatically regretted his words. "No. Well, I certainly hope not."

This conversation was already a disaster, so Lovino figured he might as well take the chance of making it worse. "Speaking of that, are you alright?" he said and quickly added, "I don't want to have to deal with that shit again."

Antonio ran a hand through his hair, looking slightly embarrassed. "Yes, I'm just fine now," he said. "I apologize again."

Lovino shook his head. "Forget it. It happened and it's over." At least he hoped it was over. Seeing Antonio like that again would kill him, he was sure of it.

There wasn't any time left to worry, since Feliciano had just emerged from the bathroom. Ludwig entered the room not long after and starting messing with his suitcase. Lovino rushed over to Feliciano, not having said a word to him since they arrived. After they returned from the introduction, Feliciano had gotten into his bunk and pulled the covers over his head without a word.

"Feli, are you alright?"

Feliciano smiled. It looked as though he had recovered, somehow. "I'm fine, Lovi! You worry too much," he said, and then looked at Antonio. "What are we doing today? When do we get to eat? I'm so hungry!"

As if responding to a call, Alfred emerged from the bathroom. He pushed his glasses on and adjusted his wet hair. "I'm starving, dude." He leaned through the bathroom door. "Mattie, will you stop messing with your hair?" He rolled his eyes and turned back to the group. "I swear; he's such a girl. He must get it from our cousin Francis."

Antonio broke out into a wild smile. "Francis Bonnefoy?"

Alfred was about to respond, but Matthew walked through the door and promptly cut him off. "I heard that," he muttered, but he soon smiled politely. "Yes, Francis Bonnefoy. You know him?"

"Like a brother!" said Antonio. "I knew he mentioned a cousin named Matthew once but…wow! Small world." He paused and directed his attention to Alfred. "I do not believe he mentioned an Alfred, however."

Alfred shrugged. "Mattie is actually my second cousin." A moment later, he looked around at the confused expressions his statement had caused. He had introduced Matthew as his brother, after all. Alfred shrugged. "We never explained that, did we? Matthew lived in Canada until he was eight, then his parents died in a car accident. He came to live with us and people mistook us as brothers so often we just started going with it." He told the story so nonchalantly, like he had told and retold it a million times. Matthew simply nodded along with a blank expression.

"That's sad," said Feliciano, his brow furrowing in concern. "I'm sorry!"

Alfred and Matthew both shrugged. "It's not really a big deal anymore." Matthew said it just as nonchalantly, but his face was pinched. There was a short silence, as if the entire group was taking a moment to mourn.

Alfred broke the heavy silence. "Can we get off this morbid subject already? It's such a downer," he said. "Let's just go eat!"

The cafeteria looked like one you would find in any school. The room itself did, at least. The difference was that people in school cafeterias usually didn't look this uneasy. Lovino sighed and focused his eyes on his bowl of cereal in an attempt to distract himself. He ate slowly and unenthusiastically, not really hungry or even tasting the food. In the spaces around him he watched Alfred and Feliciano tear into their food, Matthew and Ludwig pick at theirs, and Antonio drink his coffee. No one really spoke to each other.

That couldn't be said for the group sitting to the other side of the long table. Lovino turned in the direction of the noise, and noticed a boy with hair styled in some ridiculous way that made it stick up and out in all directions. He was speaking rapidly with a heavy accent, his eyes wild and his hands gesturing spastically. Lovino caught the tail end of what he was saying.

"Why won't you guys listen to me? I'm telling you, they are going to use those confessions against us!"

The boy across from him- a blonde with a cross clip in his hair- rolled his eyes. "Mathias, I believe you're being paranoid. Again."

"Oh, what do you know, Lukas?" Mathias shot back. "I swear I overheard someone talking about it! What do you think, Emil?"

The boy sitting beside them opened his mouth to speak, but Lukas cut in before he could say anything. "Please refrain from harassing my brother."

Mathias scoffed. "Harassing? Who's harassing? If anything, I'm trying to protect the kid from this place!"

The statements were enough for Lovino to drop his spoon. He would usually hesitate to talk to complete strangers, but this was too troublesome to ignore- even if what he was saying really was just paranoid bullshit. He turned hesitantly to the other group. "Uh, couldn't help but overhear," he said. "But you were talking about the confessions?"

"Yes! Finally, someone listens! Take that, Lukas!" said Mathias, even though all Lovino did was acknowledge what he'd said. Lukas just rolled his eyes again, and the rest of the group stayed silent. Mathias narrowed his eyes and leaned dangerously close to Lovino. "Remember how we had to go to confession last week?"

Lovino didn't think he could ever forget. Still, it didn't add up. "But those are confidential. Doesn't the church take that really seriously?" Every time Lovino heard something about confession, there was always something added about the priests not being allowed to mention what was said to anyone for any reason.

Mathias snorted. "This church? This church could care less about what they're actually allowed to do," he said. Lovino couldn't really argue. "I'm not sure what they're going to do, but I heard someone say they were going to use what we said!"

Even though he was unsure how he had ever missed him, it was not until then that he noticed the huge, scowling man glaring at them. He assumed he was their group leader. "M'thias," he said almost incoherently. "N't gunna happen."

Mathias glared back at him. "You only say that because you're one of them, Berwald!" he said. "Besides, you're from Sweden! Most people from Sweden don't even believe in God!"

Lukas slammed his hand against the table. "Will you please shut up? It's too early for this."

When the two broke out in an argument, Lovino took it as a sign to turn away. Whatever. What did Mathias know? That guy seemed like a nutcase anyway. Still, he couldn't seem to stop his nerves from manifesting themselves into questions and firing around in his head. What if the crazy Scandinavian was right? Even if he was, what the hell did what he had said even mean?

Antonio was the only one to notice the conversation. Thankfully, he didn't appear to know the subject matter. "Is everything okay, Lovino?"

Lovino adverted his eyes. That was a bit of a loaded question. "You ask that too much. Everything is fine." Yes, everything was fine. It was fine for now, and he intended to hold onto that as long as he could.

.

Most of the day, surprisingly, passed somewhat normally. Besides one angry lecture about sin and temptation, it consisted of bible study, silent prayer, meditation and a few pointless games. While the lecture made Lovino uncomfortable, the rest of the day shouldn't have been terrible. If nothing else, it was boring. Dull. If that was true, he must have looked pretty silly practically shaking the entire time. But he could not help it. Besides his qualms about being in this strange place, all he could think about was Mathias's crazy theory and wait for it to become true no matter how unlikely it was to happen, as if someone had a loaded gun pressed to Lovino's temple the entire day.

Near the end of a bland dinner that Lovino did not taste, Antonio placed a hand on his shoulder. "Lovino." He said his name like it was an entire sentence. "You keep telling me you're fine, but that's obviously not true. Your face is white as a sheet."

Not in the mood to deal with being doted on, Lovino smacked his hand away. "For the millionth goddamn time, I'm fine!" He said it like he was absolutely true, but what he really wanted to do was run back to the cabin and hide. No, he wanted to run home and hide. With Antonio. Goddammit, NO! "You're like a broken record, bastard! Do you ever shut up?"

Before he had the time to muster up another angry sentence and before Antonio could ask the same question again, Lovino spotted someone he did not recognize- an adult, most likely someone who organized this thing- tap Feliciano on the shoulder. His eyes remained glued to them as they had a conversation he couldn't hear, and his stomach dropped to his feet when Feliciano frowned. His golden eyes were narrowed in nervous confusion. It took all Lovino he had not to jump from his seat. When Feliciano slowly got up and walked away with this person, he actually did.

"Hey! Where are you taking him?" shouted Lovino. There was no answer, save for Feliciano turning around for a brief second with panic in his eyes. The same panic quickly flooded into Lovino's bloodstream like an intravenous shot. He grabbed Antonio by the collar without even looking at him, his uncertainty rising and clawing at him mercilessly. "Where the hell are they taking him? What are they going to do? I need to go find him, my god, what is going on?"

When he finally looked at Antonio, he was infuriated to see he looked as calm as could be. "Lovino, calm down," he said. Lovino did the opposite, and Antonio grabbed his arm and pulled him gently back down. "Lovi, I'm sure this is nothing."

As if his very words triggered it, Lovino saw one of the members of the group next to his being taken away by someone else out of the corner of his eyes. He heard Mathias begin to shout mere moments later. "What the hell do you think you're doing with Tino? Give him back! He's ours!" He was standing on the table now, shaking his fist as if the very act would do something. Nearly everyone in the room was staring at him. "Don't worry, Finland! Denmark is coming!"

With that, Mathias jumped from the table and attempted to break off in a run towards the door Tino was walking through. His attempt was cut short when he was held back by the entirety of his group. Even though it was three against one, they could barely restrain him. "Let me go! I told you something was going to happen, I told you!" His wild blue eyes caught sight of Lovino and he stared right at him. "I told you, didn't I?

Lovino took a step back, filled to capacity with a mixture of confusion, rage, and pure, intense fear. Was Mathias just completely insane, or was something really going on? More importantly, where in the hell were they taking Feliciano? He looked at Ludwig, as if he would somehow have an answer. Ludwig had not moved his attention from the door, his eyes unblinking and unreadable.

Antonio shook his head as if to clear his bewildered expression, as though his face was an etch-a-sketch. "Well, we have to go to a service now."

"Are you insane?" Lovino would have been out the door if Antonio's hand wasn't wrapped around his forearm, effectively sending a fire across his skin just as well it restrained him. "We can't just leave! What about Feliciano?"

Alfred looked completely lost if not a bit annoyed. "Dude, I'm sure your brother is fine. Maybe he lost something and they're giving it back to him," he said with a dismissive shrug. Matthew just nodded, though his eyes seemed to be fixed on something far in the distance.

Lovino realized he must have looked like an escaped patient of an insane asylum, practically having a nervous breakdown out over something that could very well be nothing. But he could not believe that it was that simple, that innocent. With this church, it could never be. Was no one else seeing this? Dammit, could Roma not send them to a normal church that did normal things? Lovino tried to calm down. This could very well be nothing - but the gut feeling was too strong to ignore. He turned to Ludwig again. He would only talk to him if he was desperate, and this was one of those times.

"Hey. German," he said. Ludwig turned around as if that were his name. "What did that bastard say to Feliciano?"

It took Ludwig a moment to snap out of his trance. He cleared his throat and spoke in a firm, emotionless voice. "He was told that something in his confession was a cause for concern, and they needed to speak with him." He said it like he was delivering a speech, but there was no mistaking that glimmer of concern in his eyes.

"I told you! I TOLD YOU!"

Lovino ignored Mathias's outburst and whipped around to face Antonio again. "You told me those were confidential, you fucking bastard!" He felt anger rise in his chest for unfair, unfounded reasons. This was not Antonio's fault, but he was the closest and easiest person to blame. If he didn't allow his panic to escape, taking the form of shouting, he was sure he would explode. "You lied to me on purpose, didn't you?"

Antonio lurched back in his seat as if he had been slapped. "What? Lovi, no!" His eyes filled with hurt, but it soon switched to something closer to remorse. "I would never lie to you. To any of you." He scanned the faces of the group- which where rapidly changing from stoic to anxious- and sighed. "Confession is always confidential. Always. I haven't the slightest clue what these people are thinking. I'm so sorry." Antonio's mouth twitched. He quickly looked away. "My God, I am so sorry…"

Without warning, Ludwig stood up. He curled his hands into fists and narrowed his eyes, his stiff posture rivaling that of a military lieutenant. "Let's go." His words were slow, forceful and demanding of obedience. "Somehow, I feel that we will find out what's going on when we get there."

There was no choice but to do what he said.

.

When Lovino sat down next to Antonio in the same auditorium as the night before, he balled his hands into fists at his knees and commanded the room to stop whirling around him. For what was likely the millionth time since dinner ended, he tried to convince himself that whatever was happening with Feliciano was simply a huge misunderstanding. After all, if he didn't at least attempt to remain calm, he was sure he would lose consciousness.

Lovino's resolve to maintain his composure only weakened further when the man to walk onto the stage was none other than Father O'Brian. Where had he even come from? He hadn't seen him the entire trip. It was as if he had been hiding in the shadows, just waiting to come out and attack like a wild beast.

"Antonio…" His voice came out in something less than a whisper. Lovino could barely hear himself, so there was no doubt Antonio hadn't either. God, would he be able to keep himself together? Now there were two people to worry about at once- both of whom he would throw himself in front of a train to protect.

When the Father spoke, he sounded uncharacteristically calm. "Hello, everyone! How's the retreat going for all of you?" His chipper greeting and tight smile was met with a murmur of half-hearted responses.

"I feel like shit," Lovino mumbled under his breath. Antonio glimpsed at him for a second and gave his knee a reassuring squeeze. Lovino ignored the jolt of electricity that shot through his leg. It was neither the time nor the place for these feelings.

"Good!" The priest said it as if anyone in the room actually meant what they said. "Now, you may wonder what we'll be doing this evening. Well, that's a bit difficult to answer, I'm afraid." In a moment so short one could miss it if he blinked, his face contorted in a scowl and his cheerfulness disappeared. "In short, it has come to my attention that there is evil lurking in this very church!"

Lovino felt a tremor of horror shoot through his body. Surely, he could not mean Feliciano. Feliciano was the opposite of evil. Then again, what else could he mean? Lovino tried not to scream as he put the twisted puzzle pieces together rapidly in his head: The church's views on homosexuality, their radical way of doing things, Feliciano's confession, and finally Mathias's theory-turned-reality. There was no denying something awful was about to happen. What that something would be, however, was still a mystery. The sudden ringing in Lovino's ears deafened him. He didn't dare look at anyone else, especially Antonio. If he were having another episode, Lovino would lose it completely. He was holding on by a thread as it was.

"It brings great sadness to my heart to inform you all that homosexual activity," he spat the words, "is going on right in front of our eyes! This will not be tolerated! I will not allow this agenda to spread to those in our parish!" What was it, a contagious disease? He seemed to think so. Lovino managed to continue watching him- ignoring his pounding heart and the cold sweat the broke out on his forehead- as the man's lips stretched into a chilling grin. "But, we're going to fix this. These boys have been possessed by demons, and we're going to show Satan it won't be allowed here."
Leaving his threatening words in his wake, he disappeared beyond the stage as if to fetch something, or rather, someone. There was a split second of silence before the congregation erupted in nervous chatter.

"Possessed by demons?" Lovino was surprised when he realized the words were not his own, but rather Alfred's. His next three sentences came out in a jumble. "This guy is batshit insane, dude! Where the hell is Feliciano? I need to rescue him, I'll be the hero!"

He almost managed to rise triumphantly to his feet, but Matthew yanked him back down in an instant. "Alfred, don't."

Alfred glared back at him. "Mattie, are you crazy? You just want to let this happen?"

"No!" Matthew sounded incredibly offended. "It's just…" Lovino looked at him and realized his eyes had filled with tears. "If you go they might hurt you too. We don't need anyone else sucked into this, Alfred. Please."

Alfred fell back to his seat like he'd been standing for ten years rather than ten seconds, threw his head back and groaned.

Hurt. The word shot into Lovino like a bullet and shook him to the core. Without thinking, he frantically reached out and grabbed Antonio's arm with such force it was probably painful. "Hurt?" His voice hitched on the word. "Antonio, what does he mean hurt?" As if Matthew knew what was going to happen. As if Antonio had an answer. As if any of this made any semblance of sense anymore.

Antonio opened his mouth as if planning to respond, but there wasn't time. Father O'Brian returned to the stage- dragging Feliciano and Tino out with him. Lovino felt his throat close. Without giving himself time to reconsider, he released the death grip on Antonio's arm and instead grabbed his hand as tightly as he could. It was all he could do to keep from giving into the dizzying sensation clouding his mind. No matter how the touch made Lovino feel, there was no emotion strong enough to mask the fear. Antonio didn't question it; he simply squeezed back just as hard. Part of Lovino believed he needed the moral support just as badly.

When the Father turned to the congregation, he was calm. Too calm. "These two young men have confessed to homosexual activity," he said. Lovino gripped Antonio's hand harder. He was sure it would break soon. "They have made the conscious decision to sin, to stray from the one true path!"

The room was so silent Lovino could hear the breathing of those around him, even though nearly everyone seemed to have stopped breathing. If this was true, why was he shouting? Within seconds, his angry words were directed at Feliciano and Tino. While Lovino watched in silent horror, his anger and fear stirring around and his stomach, Father O'Brian tore them apart as everyone watched. He spewed bible verses that seemed completely irrelevant and out of context, as well as a series of gut-wrenching slurs.

Several minutes passed before he expected them to speak. "Do you understand you're a sinner? You deserve to rot in hell for what you've done! Do you not understand that?" He shouted, less than a foot from their faces. They nodded in unison, but apparently that was not the right reaction. "Say it out-loud! You must confess your sin to everyone!"

Seconds after the phrase was repeated, it became noticeable that Tino was crying. Feliciano's eyes were misty and his fear was evident on his face, but Tino was a step down from bawling. It was impossible not to feel bad for the poor kid. He was more than likely thoroughly humiliated, ashamed, and afraid, and there was nothing he could do but stand on the stage and shake while a public spectacle was made of him.

Lovino scanned the room and found where his group was sitting. Mathias looked like a guard dog ready to attack, teeth showing and all, while Lukas physically held him to his seat. Berwald, despite being completely emotionless before, looked about ready to explode. His teeth were clenched; his fists were balled at his knees and his face was contorted in the purest wrath Lovino had ever seen. He turned away, slightly scared, but at the same time Lovino could only think one thing: he needed to do something.

Before Lovino could even finish thinking through his stream of possible plans of action, Feliciano made a grave mistake. In either an attempt at comforting Tino or providing moral support for the both of them, he grabbed Tino's trembling hand. The second he did, everything seemed to move in slow motion. Lovino knew what he did wasn't a romantic gesture by any stretch of the imagination. He knew Feliciano too well. Then, Father O'Brian caught sight of their joined hands.

He didn't know Feliciano well enough.

The priest stopped speaking halfway through his fire and brimstone themed sentence. For a split second that might as well have been fifty years, no one said anything. No one moved. About a hundred sets of eyes focused in on nothing but their hands. Tino looked too shocked, too utterly terrified to do anything but stay perfectly still. The auditorium was thick was silence. It was broken when the room filled with the sound of the Father's hand making sharp contact with Feliciano's cheek. A horrified, collective gasp arose from the congregation, and things started moving in normal time again.

The room exploded in a symphony of noise. Several gasps. Someone screaming. Ludwig shouting at what seemed like no one. Everyone talking. Despite the utter anarchy that had erupted around him, Lovino was deaf to all but Feliciano's groan of agony and the thud of his body hitting the stage floor. He shot up from his seat, vision blurred from the hot tears forming in his eyes, skin buzzing from pure adrenaline. He tried to run, to burst onto the stage and beat this man senseless. With his burning anger blurring all sense of reason, he didn't realize something was holding him back until he realized he wasn't moving. Antonio was still gripping his hand. "Let me go! I'm going to kill him!"

Antonio's eyes were wild, panicked. "Lovino, no." His words came out in a whisper. "Please."

Lovino tried, unsuccessfully, to pull away. Dammit, why was Antonio suddenly so strong? "I said let me go, bastard!" His words were on autopilot. "He hurt him, goddammit!"

"And he can hurt you too."

But it didn't matter. There was no time to act. What had happened caused an unofficial end to- what could it be called? Surely it was not a sermon. A public shaming? The next thirty seconds passed in a haze of mass confusion. Antonio finally released Lovino's hand. Father O'Brian disappeared behind the stage, and Tino ran directly into Berwald. When he reached him, he clung to him as if he would fall to pieces if he let go. Feliciano pried himself off the floor after a split second of lying on it, too stunned to move. When he finally did, he ran to Lovino. He threw his arms around him, burying his tear-stained face in his shoulder.

"Oh my God, Feli." Lovino brought his arms behind Feliciano's back. He managed to suppress his anger and racing thoughts just enough to speak in a way that could possibly be comforting. "Are you alright?"

Feliciano did not respond. In a matter of seconds, the entirety of the group formed a circle around them. Antonio stood behind everyone, frozen, speechless. His hand was covering his mouth in a way that was almost cartoonish. Feliciano finally looked up, his eyes glassy and a red mark forming on his cheek. When he spoke, he said only one thing. "I'm going to hell."

.

When they reached the cabin, nothing that anyone did was questioned. When Alfred jumped into his bunk, held his pillow to his face and screamed, no one said a thing. When Matthew sat next to him, one hand absent-mindedly patting Alfred's back and his chin resting in the other, no one questioned why he was staring into space. When Feliciano tearfully broke away from Lovino, crawled into his bed and beckoned for Ludwig to join him, no one battled an eye. When Antonio apologized at least twenty times in a row, no one really acknowledged it. Really, everyone knew what happened was beyond Antonio's control. Antonio probably knew that, too. It didn't stop him from apologizing. Lovino couldn't help but feel bad for him.

Several hours later, Lovino was still awake. He stared at the wall in the darkness, his mind going a million miles an hour. There was simply too much to worry about to sleep. And really, how could he sleep when Antonio was in the damn bottom bunk? He instantly hated himself for letting his unruly mind stray to Antonio when Feliciano was in the throws of a breakdown just a few feet away, but he could not help it. Somehow, thinking about his terrifying feelings towards him- letting his mind recount all the reasons he could never vocalize how he felt- was less painful than thinking about what Feliciano had gone through that night. Yes, it was less painful, but not by much.

Lovino's leg jerked instinctually when he felt a hand on it. His racing thoughts stopped dead in their tracks. "What the hell?" He whispered into the darkness. He flipped around, and was able to make out none other than Antonio's silhouette. He felt his chest tighten and his pulse quicken in an instant. God, why now? "What do you want?"

"Are you alright, Lovi?" His words were soft, gentle.

Lovino scoffed. How could he ever be all right after all that happened these past two days, after what had happened these past few weeks? "What do you think?" he said. "Honestly, what the hell do you think?"

Even in the dark, the sadness and millions of unsaid apologies in Antonio's eyes were clear. "I know. I'm sorry," he said for the umpteenth time. "Did I wake you?"

Lovino dropped his fiery gaze and answered honestly. "No. I can't sleep," he said, making sure to remain quiet. "I'm guessing you can't, either."

Antonio almost smiled. Almost. "No, I cannot. All of this, it does not help…" He didn't finish, but it was obvious what he was referring to. He paused like he was searching for the right words. "Is there anything I can do? To help you sleep, I mean?"

Lovino blinked, unable to believe that he was concerned about him despite everything. "And how in the hell would you do that?"

"Well." Antonio broke eye contact, seemingly gaining a sudden interest in the bedspread. "I could…join you, if you would like."

Lovino forgot how to breathe. Antonio, in his bed…he shook his head, not as a response but out of pure disbelief. This was too unreal. Surely he was joking. It must have been either that, or Lovino was dreaming. "You're kidding, right?" He attempted to make his words sound spiteful, maybe even disgusted. A small part of him was still clinging desperately to the idea that he did not care. A small part of him was still sane. But the rest of him simply screamed yes, come here. He tried to silence the thought to no avail.

"I'm not kidding, Lovino." Antonio's wavering smile finally fell again. "I'm sorry. That was far too intrusive, I'll just go back to bed."

"No." Lovino surprised himself when his hand clapped over Antonio's. His face became red and he was immediately grateful for the darkness. He swallowed hard and tried to keep his voice from shaking. "I mean, I didn't say anything, bastard. At least let me respond. God." He took a deep breath, begging his mind to stop screaming yes, yes, yes. This was unacceptable, these feelings were unreasonable, he was so damn stupid…

Antonio didn't pull his hand away. Rather, he flipped it over and gingerly held Lovino's. Lovino felt a fire shoot up his arm. "What would that answer be?" There was no impatience in his voice. Lovino bit his lip.

"You're going to wake up the others if you keep talking."

Antonio tilted his head slightly. "I suppose you should answer me, then."

Lovino didn't answer with words. He didn't have any words left. Instead, he forced himself to withdrawal his hand, shifted his body until it was pressed against the wall, and patted the space next to him with a trembling hand. This time, he could not stop himself from giving in.

"Oh, Lovi…" When Antonio climbed up the ladder and laid down next to him, Lovino felt the wall he had built for himself, his defense mechanism he had used all these years, fall to bits and pieces like Berlin. It was as if Antonio had physically shattered it the moment his body touched the blankets. After he fumbled about and managed to get under the covers, the rate of Lovino's pulse as well as his internal temperature about doubled. This was really happening.

"Listen, bastard." Lovino forced himself to glare through the dizzying nervousness that overtook him. "Get out by the time everyone wakes up. If anyone notices you're here, I will hit you, I will scream, and I'll claim you did this all on your own. Got it?"

Antonio laughed quietly. "Of course."

A shudder shot down Lovino's spine upon hearing the soft, nearly seductive way he whispered the two simple words. As if someone had flipped a switch, he felt his eyelids become heavy and exhaustion finally set in. "Go to sleep, idiot."

Antonio only nodded and closed his eyes. Lovino stayed perfectly still for a couple minutes, quickly realizing with just a bit of trepidation that this may be the best moment of his life. After the whirlwind of disasters lately, he needed this. He looked at Antonio's sleeping form in the dark, and finally, after all this time, admitted to himself that he wanted to stay like this forever. No matter how exhausted he was; he was all too aware that the moment he closed his eyes he would be letting go of this perfect moment forever. There was no way it would ever happen again, after all. People like him don't get many moments like this. Even still, the fatigue was overpowering. With a final sigh of resignation and a heavy feeling in his chest, he allowed his eyes to drift closed.

Antonio had won, and Lovino could not say he lost.

To be continued...