Salem

I dashed tears from my eyes, clinging to Burrow's steady shoulders. I had answered the eight riddles, listening to stories of love and betrayal, wicked men with good intentions, good men with hearts darkened by love. Andraste's story was riddled with as much tragedy as my own...

Perhaps the Maker did speak to you, Leliana. It seems those He loves most are condemned to endure the worst of fates. Andraste burned in the flames of the Tevinter Imperium. And you, Leliana, you let your devotion to me consume you as surely as the pyre did her. Forgive me, if you can. I did not mean to condemn you to such a fate, my beautiful visionary.

Burrow whimpered and pulled at my hand with his teeth. We needed to move forward, away from this place, away from my sorrow and my tragedy. There were still miles to travel, a country rotting at its core. I alone could save them. But not without these Ashes...these fucking Ashes of a woman who gave her life for her land.

Would that I could make the same sacrifice, and soon. I don't...damn me...I do not want to live anymore. I know it is foolish, I know it is selfish, but...It. Is. What. I. Want.

I moved forward, deeper into the gauntlet, dreading what I would find next. I prayed it was a battle with an opponent stronger of will or body than I. At least then, there might be honor in my death. All of a sudden, Burrow yipped and sprang away from me, rushing towards something unknown.

"Burrow!" I shouted. "Heel!"

For the first time since I had held him as a squirming puppy, the mabari disobeyed me. I walked forward, drawing my blades.

The only reason he would leave my side is if I were in danger, I rationalized.

"Good boy, Burrow." I heard a familiar voice, a voice that did not belong in this world anymore.

I quickened my pace to match the beat of my heart. "Burrow!" I called again and he barked, leading me in his direction.

"Hello, pup." my father spoke.

This is not possible, I reasoned with myself, though every part of me wanted to rush into his arms and beg him to take this nightmare away. Father...why are you here? How are you here? And why in this place? I saw your wounds; you are dead, you and mother both! How...how can this be?

"F..." my voice shook as it had when I was a child and very afraid of Bryce Cousland's disappointment, "Father?"

"Yes, Salem." I could picture his face, his greying hair, the wrinkles at the edges of his eyes when smiled. A warm hand landed on my shoulder and I flinched.

How can he have a body? This is not right! I must be dreaming.

"What...what in hell are you doing here?" I asked.

"I'm here for you." he answered. "To take you back home. It is time to stop dreaming, daughter. You are needed elsewhere."

I want it to be the truth. I want nothing more than to close my eyes and wake up, able to see, in Highever, warm, in my bed. I want to hug Fergus and swing Oren into the air and hear him laugh. I want to complain as Mother and Oriana sew me into some impossible Orlesian fashion for a state dinner at which I will most certainly be bored to tears. I do not want to be here, scarred and broken-hearted, feeling tainted blood course through my veins with the burdens of thousands resting on me.

"This is not a dream." I whispered the horrendous truth to myself, walking forward. My father pressed his hand against my shoulder, stopping me.

"Wake up, Salem." my father's voice became stern, as it had when I had broken my arm and refused a healer.

"I cannot." I forced myself to believe against everything I wanted. "This is not a dream."

"Then what am I?" he asked, removing his hand.

"You are the dream, father." I told him. "Forgive me, but...we can speak no longer. You are not here. You are not real."

"I am as real as you desire me to be." he said. "It is your choice, pup. Leave here with me, or continue into the nightmare you refuse to escape."

"This nightmare is my life." I explained to my father...or my memory of him made flesh. "I do not want it, but it is the truth. I cannot forsake that."

"You do not want to live, pup?" I could picture his eyebrow rising as fatherly concern embedded itself in his words.

"Not here." I confessed. "I want to be with you and mother in eternity."

"Our eternity is not for you, daughter." he became grim. "No matter how soon your death may come, you will not be reunited with us."

Am I to be denied eternity because of my sins? I wondered.

"What have I done?" I asked, feeling my throat begin to tighten and tears threaten me again.

"You forsook your honor in the senseless taking of life." he answered. "You turned against crown and country, a thing we Couslands have never countenanced. You have spilled the blood of children, Salem. Did you truly think your family would be waiting for you at the end with open arms? No. There is no forgiveness for you, no matter what actions you take in the future. They are too colored by your past."

"But," I defended myself against his onslaught, "but I'm fighting for Ferelden, father! I am trying to save the country you loved and defended! How can the Maker hold this against me?"

"Look at the lives you have destroyed." my father's tone darkened. "You have dragged innocents with you on this road of darkness. Only one of them has made their escape, and even she is not unscarred from being in your presence."

"Do you speak of Leliana?" I asked, incredulous. "I would never let this darkness touch her! I love her!"

"If ever you laid a hand on her, she is tainted as surely as you are." my father argued. "Turn back, Salem. Turn back before you go too far and death is denied you because you have made this place your hell."

"Get out!" I screamed. "Get out now! You are not here, you are not speaking! You. Are. Dead!"

I could sense his lips quirking in the half-smile that we shared. "Keep safe, pup."

"Leave me!" I turned to the wall, hiding my eyes even though they could see nothing.

"As you say."

Burrow whined as the spirit of my father, or whatever it had been, departed.

I crumpled to the floor, trembling. Would the Maker deny me death as punishment? I wondered. Would He force me to keep living as penance for crimes I never intended to commit? I have done all I can, all I am capable of, to preserve life! I have broken my back and had blades plunged into my body in defense of strangers. I have gone out of my way, spilling blood and gold into the hands of whoever may ask it. Is that not worthy of rest in eternity?

"What have I done wrong!?" I railed against the heavens, turning fear and questioning into fury. "What have you asked for that I have not given!? You took everything from me! Everything!"

"Not everything." a stranger's voice.

No. I begged. Not another torment from my past.

"Not from your past." a reply to my thoughts. "From your present."

I know that voice. I am losing what little is left of my sanity!

"What do you want?" I growled, forcing myself to stand and face what would surely be my enemy.

"I do not know, Salem." its voice rang with dark humor. "What would I want from me?"