Chapter Seventeen - Summer Exchange Part 2

Malfoy,

I can't believe that you were able to sound condescending and posh in a letter! You have truly outdone yourself this time.

And yes, I can complain to Hermione and Ron, however, due to certain circumstances that you must understand, they are not able to contact me. It is really annoying and I don't want to talk about it. But really, thank you so much for your reply, I had not expected that, even if it is out of pity. Sure... (I am raising my eyebrow to you, even though I really can't do just one, really did you study that in front of the mirror for hours or something?! Haha I am now picturing an 8-year-old Malfoy in front of the mirror trying to raise one eyebrow. Throwing a tantrum because it doesn't work. Brilliant) Do know that you will not get rid of me so easily now!

I am not surprised you know the tea so well, and really my aunt would be so offended by your mother liking this tea, love it! Very funny of you to think I will ask my aunt for some random tea you like, then all the noseless problems would be solved very quickly, so no thank you. I have however spent a very exciting night once again and found some other fancy ass tea, but apparently my aunt doesn't do fruity or French. It's all rather English and black, or flowery... Quite boring to be honest, but you will not hear me complain when I have my cuppa at midnight! Jesus, how I wish I could have some treacle tart! The chocolate chip cookies from Dudley will have to do (my god before you ask, you probably don't even know what chocolate chip cookies are as it is too low class and probably muggle for you. You have a poor life missing chocolate chip cookie, I feel sorry, or not sorry for you haha. Just to be clear, it's a plain cookie with chocolate chips inside. Can't go wrong with chocolate!)

Greetings
Sincerely
Regards or something
Okay just bye
Bye you git
With the most sincerest regards to the most esteemed git in the country,

HP

p.s. Seriously Malfoy, "postscriptum", like it couldn't even be "postscript"?, you really want your life to be as difficult as possible, don't you?

p.p.s. This ending phrase good enough for you?

p.p.p.s. Glad to see that even through a letter I can offend you. Hedwig and I make a good team I see. However, she did not eat my treats today, have you been spoiling MY owl Malfoy?!

Potter.

I for one am proud to be posh. Calling me condescending however is something I am willing to let slide for this one time, but do remember, Malfoys are NOT condescending. We are just aware of our higher position in society and make this known, WITHOUT being condescending.

I did indeed reply out of pity. Do not forget this and yes, I have practiced my one eyebrow to perfection, but not when I was 8 but already when I was 5. Do not think of me as some low life Potter.

I unfortunately realise the grave circumstance I now find myself in where I feel the need to reply to you, while you who will not stop sending letters. Truly one of the worst progressions this summer.

I must admit my concern for your back handed comment about the Dark Lords problems being solved when you ask your aunt about tea. Do you really assume I can not understand what you actually mean? Tell me more about this. It sounds intriguing and I feel because your so called 'friends' (honestly why do you call those two your friends. They have done nothing but abandon you) are not writing (which you should also inform me about. Don't just think you can get away with half explanations Potter) I feel the obligation to listen and provide solid feedback.

A chocolate chip cookie is not some foreign concept to me. While you might assume me uncultured, I will have you know my house elf Dipsy makes the best chocolate chip cookies ever created. She might have realised my sweet tooth from a young age and has been perfecting her recipe since. (Do not talk to anyone about my supposed sweet tooth Potter. This is classified information. I don't even know why I am telling you this.)

With the highest regards,

D. L. Malfoy

Postscriptum. The modern world has persevered our cultural writing heritage and I will not stand for it. "P.s." is disgusting in my eyes and I will not accept anything else than postscriptum.

Post postscriptum. I am indeed the most esteemed. Thank you for noticing

Post post postscriptum. Your owl is a beautiful character that appreciates the fine treats from Southern Africa. My Hedwig has switched sides it seems. I did not expect anything less of such a regal owl.