Chapter Twenty-One - Pain

Harry felt broken. Inside. Outside. Everything hurt. Every fibre in his body throbbed with pain, and his mind was a stormy sea of clouded thoughts. Some flashes came and went, seeing faces in agony and hearing only screams and cries of strangers that echoed through his consciousness. He screamed out into the void, desperately trying to save them, to ease their suffering, they didn't deserve this.

Sometimes he would see the face of his uncle, screaming at him, but he couldn't make out what he said. He just felt the pain, as if he was there. He cried out as if he was being beat, but he wasn't. Why did it still hurt so much?

After what felt like an eternity, a voice pierced through the darkness, like it came from outside, not from within. Harry tried to focus more on that voice, trying to grab onto it, trying to escape from the chaos in his head "He was screaming, crying and trashing about in pain. Can't you do something to help?" The voice sounded familiar, it sounded calm and safe, like it was someone he trusted. Sirius, he realised. Suddenly there was another voice, sharper, less kind. "Okay Black. Do not worry so much. He will be fine if you just let me do my job." Confusion swirled within Harry as he struggled to grasp the reality of the situation. Why was Sirius here? And was that Snape's voice he heard? Was he in Hogwarts? No, it couldn't be, the bed felt much more comfortable. He felt strange and tried to move, where was he? He needed to know, he needed an answer.

Summoning all his strength, he tried opening his eyes, and slowly, but surely, a sliver of light penetrated through the darkness that had consumed him. The first thing he saw was, incidentally, Snape, standing way to close and hovering over him, murmuring incantations under his breath. He tried to cough, his throat extremely dry and while he wanted to talk, it felt like the worst idea in the world.

"Stay down, Potter. I will fetch you some water. Don't talk just yet. I still have various spells to perform, but afterwards, you will have some explaining to do. Do you understand?" Severus all but commanded Harry, leaving no room for discussion. Disoriented as he was, he just nodded, his gaze wandering around the room. Sirius was not there anymore. He wasn't even sure if Sirius had been there in the first place, or if it had all been part of his imagination. Part of a fleeting dream amidst the chaos in his mind.

As Snape left to retrieve water, leaving Harry alone with his thoughts, a mix of relief and unease washed over him. He didn't know what to make of the uncertain and sudden situation. His mind whirled and left him unfocused. He felt his eyes slowly drooping, as he saw Snape return, bearing a glass of water. He placed it gently by Harry's side before resuming his spell casting The gravity of the situation hung heavy in the air. Harry's mind drifted to the absence of Sirius, a pang of uncertainty gripping his heart, as he fell back into the void.

Harry was awoken by the same voice he had heard before. "Harry, Harry, you're awake! Thank Merlin, you look alive again!". Harry could not even process what happened as he was engulfed in a massive, and slightly hurting, embrace. Sirius. His eyes teared up as he knew he was with Sirius again. As Sirius released him slightly, allowing him to catch his breath, he saw a mix of concern and righteous anger in his godfather's eyes.

"Now you tell me who I am going to wish they were never born, they have clearly never met a Black, everyone knows that when you mess with my pup, you will have to face me. Ha! I will take them out, been practicing years for this in Hogwarts with your dad my boy, we know all the pranks there are to know and I will make them regret they ever even touched you with a finger."

For a moment, Harry felt relieved. His godfather was there for him, finally someone. Not an instant later, a wave of dread crashed over him. Sirius had seen his injuries. Snape had seen his injuries. How could he ever explain the depths of his suffering, the haunting memories of his life with the Dursleys? Would anyone truly understand the emotional numbness that plagued him, the nightmares that tormented his sleep? It was his fault, he knew that. If he revealed the truth, he would only make Sirius despise him, driving him away, and then he would be utterly alone.

In that vulnerable moment of contemplation, his eyes met Snape's. They seemed to notice the unspoken question lingering in Harry's eyes as he quickly interfered "Do you not see how you're scaring the boy, Black? Merlin, you can be such an imbecile at times. He has endured so much, and you must realize that you can't force him to reveal everything and then threaten to make someone's life a living hell."

Snape continued to roll his eyes and mumbled something that Harry could not hear. Then, to everyone's great surprise, he knelt down to meet Harry's gaze.

"Potter, what Black here is clumsily trying to say is that we feel it is best if you tell us who injured you so badly. We will do everything in our power to keep you safe from them, but we cannot act if we don't know who they are. Black and I both suspect it has something to do with your current guardians. If I remember correctly, both Black and I have experienced cold and harsh upbringings, so you do not have to be afraid to tell us, we will understand. It is not your fault. It will never and it can never have been your fault."

Severus was suspicious to say the least. At first he had found the boy, completely lost in his own mind and body, wandering the streets nonsensically, falling over every minute or so. Potter was lucky Severus had been on the lookout ever since the incident with the Dementors due to the boys general lack of following orders. Then during examination, Severus noticed that Harry's injuries were alarmingly extensive, most of them old, very old. Fear had started to creep in, it couldn't have been, could it? Dumbledore had always assured him the boy was safe, had told him specifically there was someone looking out for him. When Potter had walked as an eleven-year-old into the Great Hall it was clear he was a miniature of James, how couldn't he have been spoiled? But then the memories all started flooding in, signs became apparent if he only paid close enough attention. Severus berated himself for his ignorance. Eleven-year-old Potter wearing ll-fitting glasses, disregarding the advice of adults, a twelve-year-old Potter appearing smaller and skinnier than any child his age should, a thirteen-year-old Potter-

He was abruptly halted by Potter's silent confession in the arms of his Godfather, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. Even after the horrifying stories the boy had recounted, it was clear that they were only a fraction of the traumas he had endured in his child. Those were worries for later. For now, he just had to focus on controlling himself and not act like Black would. Petunia though?! What was that old man thinking, entrusting Lily's child to Petunia's care? Even worse was that wale of a man Petunia had mentioned in her letters to Lily. How could Lily's son have grown up in a household ruled by Petunia and that wretched man? He despised himself for never checking on the boy, for failing to protect him. It was then that he noticed Blacks eyes on him, measuring him, drawing conclusions, raising his eyebrows as if asking a question. It was time for James to roll in his grave as he and Black joined forces. They would show that wretched Lily had to call her sister of how they thought she had treated the boy.

The neighbours must have experienced something very strange if they would have looked out of their windows— a punishment in itself for Petunia, Severus thought, satisfied.