Fast Car to My Scars

Tegan opens up to Sara after picking her up for lunch

Listen to Fast Car – Tracy Chapman. It will help.

Ended up going differently than planned. Enjoy!

(For quinoveryou since you requested I write about their past)

Tegan waited outside Sara's apartment in her beat up sedan. She had decided to wear a pair of slim jeans and a white button up with the sleeves rolled up. She smiled to herself as she looked down and loosened her tie. I hope Sara pulls me in again.

Sara decided to where tight leggings, a long t-shirt and doc Martins. She wanted to see how Tegan would react to her not wearing heels.

"Hey there hot stuff." Tegan let her eyes wander from Sara's face all the way down to her shoes. She had no shame in checking Sara out, and she couldn't help but linger on Sara's barely visible collar bones.

"Hey there beautiful!" Sara responded with a smile and bit her lip while she looked at Tegan's tie, "Where are we going?"

"To a café I know of." She opened the passenger side door for Sara.

"Let's go then." She let her hand brush against Tegan's hip as she got in the car.

Tegan got in and started the car. She turned her radio to a local college station she had discovered years ago.

"What station is this?"

"It's a college station. They play a lot of indie music, and they have a good mix of classics."

"That's cool." She leaned back in her seat listening to the music. The song faded out as soon as she started to listen, then a voice came through the radio.

"You just heard Pearl Jam – Just Breathe. Stay tuned for a classic late eighties Folksy-Blues ballad."

"I bet you I can guess what song they'll play on my first try." Tegan challenged Sara.

"How much do you wanna bet?" Sara decided to go along.

"Five bucks…" She smirked at Sara and added, "I'll give you ten if I lose. Cause I know I won't."

"Deal." Sara didn't really care if Tegan was right, five bucks was nothing, and she wanted Tegan to show off.

"They'll play Fast Car by Tracy Chapman." Tegan smirked in early celebration.

"I hope they do." Sara smiled at Tegan, "It's one of my all time favorites."

The radio station came back from a break moments later and the song started.

You got a fast car

I want a ticket to anywhere

Maybe we make a deal

Maybe together we can get somewhere

"Alright, here's five bucks." Sara handed Tegan the cash and Tegan sent her another confident smirk.

"I told you I would guess right."

They sat in silence the rest of the song, but Sara noticed that Tegan was starting to get emotional. She decided to let it go, in case Tegan didn't want to talk about it. So she was shocked when Tegan spoke after the song ended.

"I'm sorry. This song always makes me emotional." Tegan wiped a tear away from her cheek.

"Why does it?" Sara asked before she could stop herself.

"It always makes me think of my life." Tegan tried hard to focus on the road, "My father had a drinking problem. I had to try to take care of my mom. And my first girlfriend never really cared about me. But, this song always has given me a hope for my future."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yeah…" Tegan gave a slight nod, "But I need to eat."

Tegan pulled up in front of a small café called Mia's and helped Sara out of her car. They walked in and Tegan was immediately greeted by the waitress.

"Tegan!" The woman smiled, "It's been too long."

"I know." Tegan hugged her, "Sara this is my friend Stacy."

"It's nice to meet you." Stacey held out her hand and Sara shook it.

She sat them at a table built for two. They ordered their food, and Tegan decided to open up.

"My mom had me when she was twenty. My Nonni didn't really like that because they hadn't met my father yet. But they still loved my mom. They might have been the only ones who did. My father sure as hell didn't. Anyway, my first memory of him coming home drunk was when I was ten. I heard him yelling at my mom, 'You stupid bitch. Why did you give me such a goddamn hideous child! Did you cheat on me? There is no fucking way I could have created something that ugly'." Tegan choked back tears as the visceral memory came to her. "Then I heard him slap her, he pushed her against the wall and threw stuff at her, and then he beat her with his belt. I cried myself to sleep that night and every night until he was gone. But the worst night was when I was seventeen. He came home drunk and came into my room shouting. He was terrible, 'Why do you never listen to me bitch? I'm your father! Look at me when I talk.' And when I looked at him he hit me. 'You ugly bitch! Can't you see that no one loves you? You don't even have friends! You're fucking pathetic!' Then he slapped me right across my face and left to beat my mom." She had tears streaming down her face and Sara was crying while trying to comfort her by rubbing the backs of her hands with her thumbs. "That's the night I first thought about suicide. And I would have ended it then and there if it weren't for the fact that I didn't want my mom to be the one to find my body. So I decided that pain was the next best thing. I started playing hockey, and in my first season I had started feuds with the toughest girls on each team. I relished the pain I got from being knocked down repeatedly. I also took up skateboarding just so I could fall. I came home every day bruised and torn. I went on like this for years, until the pain wasn't enough. When I was nineteen I got drunk, high, and then smoked a pack of cigarettes to calm my nerves. I then went to the overpass and was preparing to jump down into the traffic when my cellphone rang. I answered at it was the hospital telling me my mom was in the hospital. I rushed to the hospital and my mom was in a bed covered in bruises and cuts, unconscious and hooked up to a million different machines. My father just stood there and told the doctors some bullshit about her falling off a ladder. That was when I had my first violent outburst. I tackled him to the ground and wailed on him. But he was a lot stronger than me, he picked me up and threw me into the wall. When I woke up the doctor told me he had been arrested and would be in jail for a long time. For the next year things were better for me. I took care of my mom, cooking meals, grocery shopping, and taking care of all her wounds. But it wasn't enough. I came home from work one day and there was a note on the door. All it said was sorry. I rushed to my mom's room and she was just laying there, an empty bottle of prescription pills on her bedside dresser. I shook her and shook her, but she never woke up. That's when I started writing music, it was my only escape."

Sara was crying so hard she couldn't even talk. After a couple of minutes of the two of them crying and holding hands, Sara spoke, "I'm so sorry Tegan. So sorry."

"It's okay Sara. It wasn't your fault." Tegan didn't want Sara to feel bad.

"Let me erase those memories. I'll do whatever it takes. Anything it takes."

"Kiss me?" Tegan could feel the tears welling up in her eyes again, but when Sara pulled her in and kissed her tenderly, the pain momentarily left. "Thank you."

"Do you want to come home with me Tegan?" Tegan nodded, "We can talk, watch a movie, or just sit and I can hold you."

"I'd like that." Tegan choked out.

"Give me the keys, I'll drive." Sara left enough cash to cover the bill and helped Tegan to the car.

She pulled out her iPod and put Fast Car on. "I have the fast car, and your ticket is to my house right now. Okay?"

"Okay." Tegan nodded.

When they got to Sara's apartment Tegan had stopped crying, but she still felt broken inside. She needed to be fixed.

They went into Sara's small two room apartment and sat on the couch. Sara plugged her iPod into a small home system and put music on.

"This is me!" Tegan smiled when she heard her voice come through the speakers.

"Yeah," Sara scooted closer to Tegan, "Your music is good medicine."

They sat together on the couch, Sara wrapped around Tegan, and Tegan curled into a ball beside her. She could feel all her emotions building up in her. But, the strongest emotion was love, and that was unusual for her. She sat up after over an hour of cuddling and looked at Sara, "Thank you. I needed this, I needed you."

"Stay the night." Sara said before she could let her brain stop her.

"I don't know Sara." Tegan eyed the door debating.

"Just to sleep." Sara rubbed Tegan's back, "I can tell you need someone with you. Just let it be me. Let my body keep you warm, let my arms sooth you, and please let me wake up to your beautiful face."

Tegan leaned in and kissed her. She didn't care about any feelings in that moment other than what she felt toward Sara. And she was damn sure it was love. She felt Sara's tongue press against her bottom lip and she let her in. The kiss was what she needed, it was passionate, but it was soft and sensual. It relaxed her whole body. When she pulled away she felt a slight tug on her lower lip, then another small tug on her labret. She started to lift her shirt when Sara stopped her.

"No Tegan…"

Tegan ignored Sara's plead. She didn't care, she wanted this, and she needed this. She quickly re-attached their lips. Before she knew it Sara's shirt was off. Tegan then took the time to explore the perfect collar bones she had noticed earlier. Sara pushed her so she was lying on the couch.

"Are you sure?" Sara questioned, not wanting to move too fast.

"Yes Sara, I need this." Tegan whimpered.

Sara slowly unzipped Tegan's pants. She pulled them off and then hooked her index fingers under the waistline of Tegan's boy shorts. She hesitated and looked at Tegan. Tegan nodded and let out a soft moan as she felt her shorts being pulled down.

Sara pressed her body against Tegan's and whispered to her, "I'll make you feel better."

Tegan bit her lip as she felt two fingers enter her. Sara was slow, methodical, and very good at what she did. With all the pent up emotion inside of Tegan it didn't take long for her to feel her climax nearing.

"Oh God Sara!" She yelled through clenched teeth.

Sara lifted her head so she could look Tegan in the eye as she used her thumb to slowly rub Tegan's clit. Tegan's head immediately went into the crook of Sara's neck and just as quickly went back in a loud but pleased scream as bliss took over her entire body. She shuddered as Sara slowly removed her fingers.

"Do you want me to taste you?" Sara asked as she drew her hand up toward her mouth. Tegan nodded and moaned as she saw Sara lick her fingers clean. "You taste so good Tee."

"Kiss me?" Tegan begged with her words and eyes. They kissed and Tegan could taste herself on Sara's tongue. She started to unzip Sara's pants when she was stopped again.

"That's not what you need Tegan." Sara shook her head, "You need to rest and forget about your pain."

Tegan nodded in agreement. As much as she wanted to return the favor, she knew that Sara was right. Sara offered her a pair of plaid pajama shorts and a wife beater. She put them on and got into Sara's bed. She felt Sara snuggle up to her and wrap her arms around her waist. So this is what heaven's like? I never want to leave it. Tegan fell asleep, happier than she'd ever been. For a moment, before dozing off, she actually forgot about all her pain…all her pain.