Salem

You fool! I hurled recriminations at myself as I leaned my head back against the door. That went all manner of wrong. Go back, Salem. Go back and apologize. Tell her your true feelings; give her your true heart.

I warred against all that lay within me and clenched my hands into fists. But...I did speak the truth. She loved me before and claims to love me still...and yet she left.

Morrigan walked by the deck of the house and paused to glare at me.

"Go back." she said, staring into my eyes with the same aloof nonchalance she always had.

"What in hell are you talking about?" I asked, not needing or wanting the strain of interpreting the witch's cryptics.

"The songstress, of course." Morrigan answered. "'Tis plain to see your foolish, imbecilic heart is breaking. You cannot afford the strain. So go back."

"This is none of your affair." I growled, stepping off of the deck and confronting her.

"Your well-being is all of our affair." Morrigan tilted her chin with a haughty air. "Seeing as you carry our lives on many occasions. And, after all, 'tis not every day that one can claim friendship to the savior of Thedas."

"I'm no savior." I muttered, turning my eyes to the earth. "And this world will be damned, no matter who attempts its rescue."

"If you believed that, in truth, then none of us would be standing here, least of all Leliana." Morrigan quipped. "I saw your eyes, warden, as you carried her from the road. They screamed. How long will you torture yourself?"

"As long as I must." I replied, meeting the witch's gaze once more. "I have nothing to offer her."

"From what I have heard of it, love should be enough." Morrigan glanced over her shoulder, ill at ease with the turn of conversation. Confrontational arguments were well within her sphere of comfort. Affairs of the heart were a different matter.

"It obviously was not." bitterness coated my tongue.

"Afraid your little nightingale will once again spread her wings?" Morrigan asked.

At any other time, it would have been a taunt. Not now though. Her...sincerity?...shocked me.

"I am." I hung my head.

"You are unutterably ridiculous." Morrigan scoffed. "Salem Cousland, the mighty Grey Warden, is afraid of her own heart. How the archdemon quivers with fear."

"Stand down, witch." I warned her, eyes flashing. "I am not in a gentle frame of mind."

"Of course you are not. Your gentleness departed with her. You have the chance to reclaim it, Salem. 'Twould be best you do it soon, lest the death in your eyes swallow you whole."

I stepped back, more stunned than I would have been if Morrigan had struck me.

"Do not think me ignorant." the witch continued. "I watched the men that Flemeth held captive saw at their own limbs in desperation for freedom. I witness that same despair in you, Salem. I may be ignorant of love, but I will not coddle you as the others do. You feel there is a rift, mend it. You are afraid, face it. You will be hurt again and you will hurt her again. There is no surmounting that. If this is your true desire, grow a spine."

I stood there, frozen by this new face of Morrigan. I never thought the witch possessed this capacity for understanding emotion. How very wrong I was...and very blessed to have companions such as these.

"As you say." I said, humbled. I turned back to the house, looking over my shoulder at the witch, who met my eyes with a steady amber gaze. "Thank you."

She departed with a warning. "Mention this to Alistair or the Circle sycophant, and I will flay you with my mind."

I chuckled at her ire for a brief moment, watching her stalk away. Breathing deep, I prayed to whatever god would listen.

Give me strength.

Timid, hesitant, I opened the door and entered the house. I closed the door behind me and bit my lip. Leliana sat against the bed, head on her knees, sobbing. I approached her, wary. I knelt down before her, wanting to reach out, but I restrained my urge and stilled my hands.

"Leliana." I whispered her name, feeling my heart ache as the syllables crossed my lips.

She looked up, eyes bruised with exhaustion and red with tears. "Have you come to break my heart?" she asked. "As I broke yours?"

You feel there is a rift, Morrigan's edict flashed through my thoughts, mend it. And this rift can only be mended with truth. Painful truth.

"You did break my heart." I told her.

I did not look her in the eyes. I would not be that cruel again. If she could not bear my gaze, I would not inflict it upon her.

"I know."

"And, if you had left at any other time, Leliana...I would have shattered." I forced the words to be calm, measured. I will not accuse her. "I know how much I have hurt you, but I cannot lie any longer. I cannot pretend that I am not bruised, that I am not also wounded, that you have not hurt me. Because you have. I was...so broken. So broken and despondent that I forsook the help of all the others and went to seek the Ashes alone."

Her eyes flashed to mine for a brief moment, full of needless worry.

"Salem..." she breathed.

I lifted a hand to forestall her words. I needed to speak. I needed her to know...how much I still love her.

"I ran a gauntlet." I whispered, fading back to the horrible apparitions of my father and my Self. "Full of trials meant to weaken the mind and test the soul's resolve. I saw...ghosts...visions. Each one taunted me, reminding me that you were gone; that you had left me because of my weakness. I was so exhausted, so sick with grief, longing so much for that pain to end...I reached the limit of my endurance." Tears of shame filled my eyes. "I...I nearly drew a blade across my throat, Leliana. If Burrow had not stopped me..."

I faltered, unable to speak as emotion choked me. The memory of that grief was fresh, and would be for some time.

"Maker's breath." Leliana whispered, tears slipping beneath the lids of her closed eyes.

"The last trial was purification...a test, to see if I was worthy of the Ashes." I did not wish to say more, but she needed to hear this. She needs to know. "I walked through flames...so hot and fierce I could swear they were the breath of the Maker himself. They peered into my very soul...and judged me as unworthy. I almost burned alive."

"Then how?" she asked.

"You." I answered, fighting to keep my hands from taking hers. "My last fading thoughts were of you. Of the love we share. Of how much...how much I regretted letting you go. How much I love you still. Only after they saw the purity of what I felt for you did they let me pass through to the Ashes. You were the sole reason for my success."

Leliana lowered her head, shielding her face with her hair. "I...I do not know what to say." she admitted.

Unwilling to restrain myself any longer, I reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. She gasped and my heart jerked. I wondered if I had overstepped, but it was too late to retract my actions.

"You said all you needed to before." I assured her. "I was...I am...afraid. I am scarred by all tha thas happened, in heart, in body, in mind. It terrifies me that history will repeat itself; that what we have endured will transpire again. Because I will be wounded again, Leliana. I will throw myself into harm's way to protect those I can. No matter how much you beg, how much you weep, I must be Ferelden's shield against this Blight. Knowing this...it is taking all my strength to stand before you and say these words. Even now, I tremble. Even now, I want to flee."

"Please." she whispered. "Don't."

Her words struck a spark of hope in my heart. I spoke before it extinguished.

"I have...less to offer you than before. I cannot give you a body that is whole or a future that is guaranteed. I cannot promise you a day without hardship. All I have left is my love."

She looked at me, holding my gaze for as long as she was able, her breath held, her heart waiting for my next words.

"If you will have it...it is yours." It has been for so long.

Leliana surged forward and wrapped her arms against mine. She pressed her lips against my own in a kiss that was anguish and fury, heartache and fire, passion and remorse. Shocked, I fell backwards onto the floor. Leliana followed, covering my body with her own.

I cradled her hips with my hands, kneading my fingers into her back. She bit my neck in response and I gasped. Rational thought began to recede; hurt and grief begged to be forgotten, destroyed in a storm of passion.

I placed my hands beneath her shirt and ran them along her perfect, cellic curves, stopping and tracing each beautiful scar. She had always been so ashamed of them. I had always adored them. They made her who she was...and I loved her.

Her lips met mine again in a furious, passionate tangle. I could taste grief, bitterness, some anger that had yet to fully depart. Her tongue slid along my own in an ancient dance and I closed my eyes, surrending to the sensation.

"Salem." Leliana broke away, gathering breath and composure. "I know there is still so much more to be said. I know that not all of our fears have been resolved. But, in this moment, my entire body is shaking. It is begging me to touch you, to hold you close...I want to make love to you, Salem.

Yes. Please. Hands speak more honestly than words and I have needed you...I have wanted you...I love you.

Her hands found their way beneath my shirt, stroking the outside of my breasts. I gasped and my back arched the slightest bit.

"What about your injuries?" I panted, attempting to control the onslaught of sensation. "Are you certain you want this?"

Her hands left my breasts and she propped herself up, hovering above me. Light shone in her tear-stained eyes.

"Oh, Maker," she whispered, "yes."