Chapter Twenty-Eight - Understood
While Harry had been having a good day, his physical health rapidly declined over the evening, and he found himself staring into the fire at eleven o'clock in the sitting room, thinking about everything that had overcome him. It seemed never-ending, the dark thoughts wallowing through his head. While he loved living with Sirius and Remus, he kept feeling incredibly alone, a lingering feeling probably due to all his summers alone at the Dursleys. He couldn't shake it and it kept him up at night. Next to this, his recovery was not going as fast or as well as expected. He knew Snape did his best, but he felt that some things were just beyond repair. It was not like he didn't see the look on Snapes' face when examining him every morning. While he felt better than normal, he still felt extremely weak and there was nothing to be done about it but talk and struggle through. Only during the moments of flying with Malfoy had he forgotten about his worries.
In addition to his unfortunate slow recovery, none of his friends had bothered to write to him, apparently because of some excuse made up by Dumbledore. He couldn't understand why they would listen to him, why they would not write a single word to him. They must know how alone he would be? How alone he always felt over the summer holidays? His mind was twirling around all these thoughts the whole day and night. While the dreamless sleep potion had done its job in the beginning, lately he had been having vision types of dreams that just didn't stay away. It was always about a snake killing muggles, or innocent wizards, or a man walking through an abandoned house, long dark corridors. He knew he had to tell Sirius or Snape about them, but he was too scared. The two men had already done so much, what if they would tire of him, see that he was nothing more than a dangerous teenager that brought everyone in serious trouble?
Tonight was no different, but as the hours continued, and the clock suddenly stroke one, Harry jumped up to the sound realising the time and saw Malfoy lounging in the most comfortable way in a chair next to the couch, also staring at the fire. How had he not realised Malfoy joining him?
He saw two cups of tea on the table, steaming with heat. He couldn't help but wonder, "What tea is this?"
Malfoy seemed startled by the sudden sound of Harry's voice and his forthright way of asking.
He took a moment to collect himself when he answered, sorry, more like drawled "Mandrake Elixer. Horrible tea if you ask me, but it seems your Godfather- Yes, I know that now, seems to have no sophisticated taste."
Harry slowly took a sip and found that he was indeed also appalled by the taste. He had to speak to Sirius about this. He looked towards Malfoy with a stricken expression and saw him chuckle, move forward, and, Malfoy, being the posh bastard that he is, fill his cup with five, FIVE, teaspoons of sugar and continued to drink his tea as if nothing happened and it was the greatest joy in the world. Harry gaped at him. Luckily, Malfoy turned back to the fire which meant that he could not see Harrys' reaction. Moreover, it meant that Harry could stare at his blonde hair for the next 30 minutes without him noticing. Not that he did stare, of course. That would be strange. It was after Harry started wondering what on earth he was doing in this situation and Malfoy sipping tea and Harry looking anywhere but at Malfoys' hair, Malfoy finally said "Mother and I read the paper this morning."
"Okay...?" Harry looked at him with questioning eyes.
"It took me by surprise that they have finally turned on your Golden Boy image."
Harry was confused for a moment. What was Malfoy trying to say? "What are you on about Malfoy?"
"Understandably, you are upset that they have turned against the Boy Who Lived, in such a short time too."
"Don't call me that. And I am not upset, I am just extremely confused."
"You haven't seen any papers recently, have you?"
"Well yes Malfoy of course I have, I always read a paper to brighten my spirits after not being able to move any of my muscles, really what do you think." He huffed and started to get slightly irritated, of course, Malfoy hadn't changed, what had he been thinking.
"Oh sure put on the petty act Potter, I was just trying to get you up to date with the ever loving Skeeter news. You have become even more famous than before, can you believe it."
Harry was, frankly, unsurprised by this, of course there was always something stupid to write about him, but for Malfoy to mention it... "Well sorry your highness for interrupting your speech on the details about my life. Tell me, am I still to marry Hermione or are they thinking I have actually died twice now?"
"No, you idiot. Ah, I had not expected you to not know anything, but actually it is not very loving news for once. They are telling the world you are full of lies, denying the return of the Dark Lord. They are really very determined about it, it's actually quite disturbing to be honest. Highly inappropriate for such a famous newspaper. Mother agrees with me of–"
"WHAT?!" Harry jumped up, "They are denying the return of Voldemort?! Of course, even this does not go my way. I am having nightmares about the stupid git daily, he is murdering innocent people every week and they just act like nothing has changed, nothing has happened?!"
"Well... yes, Potter seriously sit down again, it's not as if you can do anything now." Malfoy rolled his eyes and Harry heard him curse under his breath "bloody Gryffindors."
"How the hell do you think I should act. I am so done people not listening to me! I have defeated the bastard four times now and he keeps trying to kill me for some unknown ridiculous reason. Why does no one believe me?! It seems that even Ron and Hemione have started to doubt me, stupid Dumbledore ordering them and not allowing me any letters. Really the whole world thinks I am lying, just ignoring the rise of a highly dangerous psychopath?"
Malfoy stared back at Harry with an unimpressed expression on his face. "Are you really that stupid?"
"Excuse me?"
"Well, if it hasn't occurred to you before… Hi?!" Malfoy said with a wave.
"Like I said, excuse me?" Harry asked dumbfounded.
"Merlin's beard Potter, sometimes you are such a dumbass.I believe you!Don't you see? If there is anyone on the planet, it would be the son of one of the Dark Lords most loyal followers, and if you hadn't noticed, that's me! The Dark Lord lives in the Manor for Merlin's sake. Are you really that daft?
Silence was what followed Malfoy's outburst. Harry was too shocked to react. It had been there all along, the only person listening, understanding and he hadn't even realised. He felt incredibly stupid.
"Are…? Do…?"
"Out with-it Potter."
"Do all your friends know?"
Draco sighed, "as far as I am aware, yes. I received a letter from Pansy, Blaise and Theo for now, but it can be assumed that every Slytherin is aware, or at least partly aware. No doubt many have already prepped and planned for this for years. It was only a matter of time after all."
Harry sat down slowly, eyes facing Malfoy.
"I'm sorry, I just–" God, was he apologizing to a Malfoy now?
"It's all right Potter. I know it is difficult to feel like you are not understood."
"Yeah, since last year, it feels like my whole house has been against me."
"Of course those stupid Gryffindorks don't believe you, it's not like your house has been soo 'loyal' before, had you really expected anything else?"
"Well, no, but I mean, I just hoped you know. Like, they are my friends and they… You know they…" Harry slowly lost his train of thought as he looked towards the floor. His thoughts went darker and darker, faster, and faster. From his lack of letters to his lack of believing friends. No one wanted to know him for him, only for the Boy Who Lived. It was better that way. At least he couldn't hurt anyone that way. He should just leave Hogwarts and move somewhere secluded, where no one could come near him. Where he would be safe from everyone, and everyone would be safe from him.
"Potter. Potter. Look at me. Pot– Argh dammit– Harry"
Harry's head shot up at once and looked straight into Malfoy's stormy grey eyes. Had they always been this vivid, so full of emotion? He remembered many times of looking at those grey eyes, from across the Great Hall, but they had always been so empty, and now they were there, just beautiful.
"Harry listen to me. Whatever you're thinking. Stop. It's not true. It's not fair to yourself or to those around you. It will get better. Not today, not next week, but it will. And if it doesn't, well… then at least we can be broken together."
Tears ran down Harry's cheeks. No one had ever said something so true and understanding. All his emotions, dreams, and feelings all washed over him. He felt so broken. Completely and utterly broken. There were only pieces left of him, it felt like Voldemort had killed the rest of him. It had been the breaking point, sitting there, at the graveyard. But Malfoy somehow understood, and, looking into those grey eyes, he recognized the same broken feeling. It was just like he had said it, they are broken together, and if all ends, they will still be broken together. But at least, in some strange way, they would be whole together.
They sat like that until morning came. Many words left unspoken, but that was okay. They would talk later, for now they could just feel for once. Feel all the pain and sorrow two fourteen-year-olds should never have felt. Feel the mutual understanding they had found for each other. From that moment on, they weren't Potter and Malfoy anymore, they were Harry and Draco.