The message began with Bro's heavy breathing, followed by a groan and a soft chuckle.
"Ah…Dave I'm sorry I couldn't make it…to be there for you when you needed me the most…" The more he tried to speak, the worse he sounded. Dave wanted to tell Bro to stop talking- that it wouldn't help! But alas the message continued.
"I remember when I first tried to teach you skateboarding… Heh, lil man you were such a pansy. You wouldn't fuckin let go of my leg… I was so proud of you, though, when you finally started doin shit on your own. You learned some pretty sick moves, Dave. Damn…" A sigh. "I figured you were so happy, y'know, you were turnin out just like me…"
A few people could be heard I the distance, and Bro could be heard as well, weakly telling them to fuck off and let him be. It was obvious that he was trying to muffle the recorder so Dave couldn't hear this part. Eventually, the people let him alone, and he continued.
"…but, augh…, but I guess you weren't really happy at all, were ya?"
Bro groaned, and panted slightly. "…that night in your bedroom…when I found out my little pride and joy wasn't happy. He was an upset, self-harming, depressed teenager who literally just needed his guidance. Something I'd neglected him…neglected you in the past. Dave, that was the night that I finally felt like a proper brother, a parent." Bro's voice staggered. "I remember how happy you were…to hear that I'd gotten you those tickets to see John Egbert… That was the best thing I ever did…I think."
Dave was nearly in tears at this point, he can see on the screen that the message is almost over, and this only makes it worse.
"Dave…you should see it…you were always interested in dead stuff…" A small cough emitted from the receiver, and Dave winced in toe.
"Turns out its true, bud…the white light shit does happen." He chuckled, weakly. "…cliché…"
"Dave…I'm sorry I failed you…I…I tried…I just wanted to make you happy and to finally be a good bro…I'm sorry…I….love…"
Dave swallowed hard, leaving the phone to his ear even after the message had ended. He played it once more and took the words in, deeper this time. Afterwards he let the phone fall into his lap and the tears fall down his face.
The last remaining Strider felt so weak, so alone. "Shit." He whispered, "Shit Bro...I can't do it...I can't do it without you and John." He said, inhaling deeply. Shit, he was going to go into a panic attack. Breathe Strider! Breathe!
He sucks in a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to calm down. When he managed to do so (at least externally) he shoved the phone along with his hands into his pockets and walked back in, cooly. Gotta keep up his appearances. His act earlier wasn't cool and he didn't want to have someone pity him.
Jake was still sitting with his face in his arms when the door opened and Dave walked in. The older male didnt look up, not wanting Dave to see him like this. Dirk would have wanted Dave to have a strong role model, someone who doesnt cry...Someone who, frankly, wasnt Jake.
"...Dave are you alright?" He managed, fixing his hair and placing his glasses back on over his eyes.
It was a minute or two before Dave could force the words out without trembling. "Yeah man, i'm fine." He said, glancing at John. He almost lost it again and was thankful for the reflective barrier that his sunglasses provided.
"We should get out of here for today...I gave the hospital my number and we can get a hotel not too far from here." He said, turning on his heel and heading towards the door. "I've already made arrangements. I did before you showed up."
"Dave..." Jake murmured, standing to his feet but not turning around.
Dave stopped, but didn't turn to look at the new stranger. He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to avoid the impending conversation. "I'll order pizza too." He said, "We can walk from here though. The hotel isn't too far away."
Jake sighed, and before he knew it he was at Dave's side with a hand on his shoulder. "No, I'll buy us dinner...I think you deserve a little better than pizza." He smiled faintly. "Rom service is on me, and I insist so...Goshtarndit dont you try to refuse." He murmured, watching the boy intently through his shades. "Does that sound alright, Dave?"
Dave shrugged a shoulder, namely the one that Jake's hand was on. "Yeah man. If you want to buy that sounds good." He nodded. He walked out of the hospital with Jake, hoping for a silent walk back to the hotel. Jesus, he couldn't handle anymore talking right now.
Jake got the vibe and allowed the walk to their hotel be a long, silent one. The two were alone with their thoughts, as similar as they were, and Jake couldnt help but wish Dirk was here... This poor boy's life was hard enough finding out his boyfriend put himself into a stress-induced coma, but now some stranger claiming to be his brothers fiance comes and tells him that his only relative in the world is gone...
"...Sorry." He murmured, staring ahead.
"Not your fault." He replied quickly. He's fingers itched to feel the blade against his wrist again. Something he hadn't felt like doing since the night Bro because a real brother to him. "Things happen and we gotta move on. " He shrugged.
"...I'm not sorry for that." He phrased awkwardly, trying his best to word that the right way and not sound rude. "I'm sorry for...just popping in like this, and most likely probably making things worse." He frowned. "I thought, perhaps it would help...I'm not sure why."
"You did what you had to do." He swallowed dryly. "It's not your fault..." The two made it to the hotel and Dave paid for it, silently thanking the lady who handed them the keys. He hurried to the room and opened the door. "I think i'm going to take a shower." he sighed.
Jake frowned, watching Dave before nodding. "I'll order our food when you come out, alright?" He smiled faintly.
"Sure." He said, running a hand through his hair before retiring to the bathroom. He started the shower and picked up one of the razors, inhaling deeply. "Shit..." He muttered, rubbing his face. "Shit shit...I shouldn't...but..."
Jake knocked on the door. "Oh- Dave?" He asked, taking his shoes off and setting them by the door.
Dave looked up, dropping the razor in surprise. "Y-yeah? What is it?" He asked, closing his eyes.
"...are you alright?" He asked, sounding a bit worried. "Did something fall?"
"No uh- yes I just dropped...my glasses." He said. "Sorry i'll be more careful."
"Oh- No it's fine dont apologize to me Dave, you're fine, dont worry." He tried to sound polite, knocking once more just to remind himself of why he came to the door. "I just wanted to let you know that I care...about you, about your wellbeing, and your feelings." He murmured, taking his hand back. "...and if you ever need to talk to someone, you've got me, alright?"
It sounded cheesy and stupid, but he could just feel it... This is what Dirk would have wanted.
Dave felt a pain that was hot, burning inside his chest, in his head. It was like physical pain, and sometimes it damn was, searing against the wound freshly placed on skin or lingering there like a festering cut. That wasn't the sort of pain Dave was thinking about, the kind of pain he could only think about how all of this tortured him. It was pain nestled inside one's throat, burning up their eyes and cutting open tears like wells freshly hit at water level. It was suffering.
"I don't need you to worry about that." He whispered, uncaring as if the boy heard him. "You aren't Bro...You'll never be like him and I don't expect you to try."
"I'm not trying to be your brother..." Jake whispered back. "No one...will ever replace your brother..." It was silent for a moment before Jake finally decided to say; "...I just want you to know someone still cares, there is no need to..." Jake decided against it, there was no reason for Dave to know that his brother and Jake talked about his suicidal problems while he was off with John... All that mattered was that Jake knew, and, he felt as though it was his duty to help.
Dave opened the door to the bathroom, swinging the door open so quickly he could feel the wind hit his face from the force. "There's no need to what?!" He asked, gritting his teeth .
He didn't want the tears to fall again, but they did. They streamed down his face, leaving a warm trail of humiliation along the way.
"What the fuck were you going to say? No- don't even worry about saying it...I know." He said, gripping the door knob tighter between his pale fingers.
Without waiting for a reaction he slammed the door in the boy's face, locking it. "Just...fuck off. I don't need help. I didn't before and I don't now!" He inhaled, picking up the razor.
Jake's eyes widened, and he tugged at the door for all it was worth. "Dave stop it! Please- Dont do this it isnt worth it-!" He tugged a bit harder, Australian accent showing through ten-fold as emotions rose. "It won't solve anything, it just makes everything worse and you know that Dave- What would Bro say?"
He couldnt stop himself before the words flew out of his mouth, and he stopped himself as soon as they did, letting go of the doorknob as he did so.
Dave's muscles tensed up at the mention of Bro. He fell to his knees, letting the razor drop for the second time. He knew damn well what Bro would say...he would be disappointed. He wouldn't be proud of this.
He swallowed hard, standing shakily. His fingers still itched, burned with a strong desire to feel the stinging in his wrist. Fuck... "I...I don't know...I can't do this anymore...I don't want to. I don't want to be alive without them. "He said through broken sobs.
Jake understood the boys feelings all too well, remembering the loss of his parents years ago and now the loss of his lover... He wanted to help Dave however he could, and right now, Dave needed a parent...a brother, someone who cared about him and would support him. Someone to hug him and care for his emotions like family.
Dave needed family.
"...open the door, Dave." Jake said softly, laying a hand flat on the door as tears stung at his eyes.
Dave stared at the light blue wall. The blue was supposed to be calming, but in reality it didn't do shit.
It wasn't until minutes later that the door unlocked with a soft click and Dave stepped out, still in tears and still in pain.
Jake stared at the boy for a moment before taking a final step towards Dave and wrapping his arms around him protectively. "He would have wanted you to try and be happy, Dave." He whispered, bringing a hand to Dave's head in effort to calm him down and stringing his fingers into the blonde's matted hair. "Don't harm yourself anymore, you're stronger than that, and you're stronger than this." He smiled faintly, not noticing until then that he had been dripping tears onto Dave's shoulder, soaking a spot into his red and white signature shirt.
"I'll be here for you, too... if you want me to be."
Dave inhaled deeply and nodded, "Can...we go see John tomorrow?" He asked after a few more moments of silence. He felt as though he should at least go and keep John company. Maybe it would help him get better and even wake up.
"...Of course, Dave." He smiled faintly. "For now though...how about you go take that shower and I'll get the food ordered, yes?"
Dave nodded and thanked Jake before closing the door to the bathroom once more. This time he put the razor away and stared at the still going shower. He sighed, making sure the water was still hot before stripping and stepping in.
He let the warm water run over his tense body, hoping to relieve some of the pain held within his muscles. He closed his blood red eyes and tilted his head back into the stream. It felt nice to get clean.
Dave found that having Jake around helped to cushion the pain of two losses at once. It was almost like having Bro around again, but not at all. It was bitter sweet to say the least. In the morning Jake kept his promise and took Dave to see John. Dave smiled, taking the raven haired angel's hand and squeezing it tightly. "Morning John..." He greeted. "You miss me? You would homo." He teased, biting his lip.
John frowned. "I'm not a- Oh yeah, I guess I am." He laughed, or at least he thought he did, realizing a moment after that Dave had grown quiet again and they were left in the same silence. John hated living like this, he now understood why people said that after they came out of comas, the world always seemed to much louder, busier.
Dave had been visiting him for the past few weeks, almost three now, John thinks. He doesnt have a good sense of time anymore, seeing as day and night blur together like paint on a pallet blending together, only John cant help but think his paint would never be used to make a beautiful painting, it was probably going to just dry up and later be washed off and replaced with new, better paint.
Being in a coma is the same as what it feels like to be a rock, John thinks. You would have to ask a rock how it feels to be inside one, and the rocks just aren't talking, because they cant. Nobody knows what a coma is like unless you have experienced one. This leads John to believe it's like death, for all intents and purposes, it felt a lot like living and experiencing death.
No...No! He couldnt think like that. He had to make it out of this, for Dave... For his dad, for everyone he cared about. Jade, Rose... They probably didnt even know what happened to him yet, oh boy would he have things to explain when he got out of this. Yeah, when. WHEN he got out of this!
About an hour or so passed, Dave talking about random things that he and Jake talked about and things they spent their time doing outside of John's little bubble as he listened patiently. Soon enough, Jake entered the room, cutting off Dave's adorable ranting...much to John's dismay. "Dave it's time to go, are you ready?" He asked, as if pondering more to say. "...I...actually do need to talk to you before we leave..."
Dave glanced at John before smiling lightly. "I'll see you tomorrow like always homo." He said, squeezing his hand once more. He followed the older male into the hallway and crossed his arms.
"Yeah Jake?" He asked, smiling lightly, but frowned when he saw that the boy looked worried. "What...what is it?" He asked, biting his lips hard. He could feel the pain in his lower lip ,but the pain in his chest and stomach hurt more. He knew that look. It was the look of bad news.
Jake smiled back before sighing and looking away. "L-Look Dave... We cannot... afford to keep staying in Washington." He finally made out, letting out another sigh before putting his hands on Dave's shoulders. "We can stay the night, maye another if I'm lucky enough to get paid early, but... It is probably safe to say tonight is the last, so, if you have something you'd like to say to John, I would say it now..."
Jake hated being the bearer of bad news, but perhaps he had to be... A parent always makes sure they can dish out the bad with the good, it is their job...right? He only had to assume, having lived alone most of his life.
Dave's eyes widened and he shook his head slowly at first, but soon the head shakes were more aggressive. "N-no i'll get a job or something! We can't leave now what if John wakes up?" he asked, crossing his arms.
He knew the probability that John would wake up was slim, but he didn't want to accept that. He looked back towards the room. "Jake...I don't want to leave him...I...I love him." He whispered, shoulders sagging a little in defeat.
Jake deflated as well, looking at the poor lad with such envy. He wished he could still be so optimistic, but the one he loved was dead...he supposed all optimism left with Dirk, or something cliche like that. "I'm so sorry, Dave, but we have to leave." He finally said, sounding final in his words.
Dave grit his teeth, "But I can get a job and...and we can stay then, right?" He asked, turning back towards the older man. "W-well...you can go, but I...i'm staying." he shook his head, taking a step back.
Jake ran a hand through his hair tiredly, shaking his head. "Dave...It's been three weeks..." He tried to ease in the words, but to no avail could he make it sound better than it was. "If he wakes up...it'll be a miracle. You cant just wait around for miracles, Dave, you gotta move on with them and try to just get by..."
Jake took Dave's hand and turned him back towards the room. "If you want to say something, you have to do it now while you can."
Reality sunk in with Jake's words. Well, not sunk in so much as hit him with the force of a thousand bricks. He swallowed dryly and walked back into the room silently. He stared at Jake, "Is it...okay if I have some time alone with him?"
Jake looked at the boy sadly, understandingly as he smiled with sympathy. Jake wished he could have said goodbye. "Sure, Dave, come out when youre ready."
Dave nodded and looked back down at his lover. He inhaled deeply, "John I..." He tried to form words. It seemed so hard to do that recently. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore the tears trickling down his face and onto John's arm. "John...I...I can't stay anymore...it been 3 weeks and they...they're sure you won't wake up." He said, sighing. He ran a hand through his hair. "I...i'm sorry John...I can't stay...I can't afford it anymore..."
John's eyes widened or he wanted them to, as he tried to speak. "What? That's crazy dude tell them I'll be fine!" Nothing. "Dave don't- I...You're the only one who visits me! Not even my dad comes, please!" Nope, silence... Silence and Dave's "hidden" sniffles. "..." John couldn't say anything, he couldn't move and he hated it. He wished he could reach up and hug Dave, kiss him... Tell him it was okay- that he could hear him!
"..."
…but he couldn't.
Dave tries to pull himself back together enough to finish. "I-I...can see if they will let me call you once a week or something okay? Maybe that'll help you." He said, frowning. "Just don't give up okay? As soon as I get enough money I'll come visit again. I promise dude just keep fighting and know that I…I love you, okay?"
John tried to ball his fists, he tried with all his might to fight the inevitable, but he could hear ruffling as Dave walked away, and anything he knew suddenly vanished. Gone…
John couldn't even say goodbye. He couldn't move, but even this damn coma couldn't stop the tears leaking from John's eyes as he was left alone, again, with nothing but medical beeps and a muffled possibility of Dave's muffled crying behind the hospital room door. John never felt more hopeless or alone, he couldn't wait for Dave to call him.