11/26/13

Tis me again. Sup y'all? Instead of adding more and more notes, I'm just going to add to this one and update it when I have news. I don't want people thinking this story's ridiculously long.

Anywho~ I have more news. I'm working on the third revise of Elephant now. Things are still changing, especially as I learn more and more about the characters, but that's not why I posted this. I posted this because I have good news; I found an editor.

Now, she only has the first few chapters, but I'm one step closer to being published! I'm really excited for this. I'm working on the second draft of Birdie (renamed from Grapevine) and the third draft of Elephant, but I'm also working on a revised version of The Moment of Truth, which I'm turning into an original, and the third revision of The First Nine, which is a full on original story. So I'm rather busy, but hopefully soon Elephant will be sent off to a publisher and hopefully accepted sometime in the near future!

Thanks to everyone who stayed and continues to wait for the book to come out. When I have more revised I'll post a few scenes, but until then, later~

~Sune

HI THERE! I've been MIA for quite a while, but it makes sense since I've been working on publication (not for Elephant. Yet.) and other stuff. My first published work is actually coming out soon. It's only a prologue for a book written by someone else, but I still wrote it and it's going to be out there~ I'm really excited.

Anyway, I just figured I'd let people who still follow this story have an update on revisions and publication. I'm currently working on the Valentine's Day chapter, and there's only a few more until the car crash, which is going to be intense. This story has changed. A lot. Especially after the car crash. It's almost a different story. But at the same time, it isn't. It's weird. I'm also going to split it into two books due to length; Is there an Elephant in the Room?, and I Heard it on the Grapevine. It's going to be interesting.

So yeah. Here are a few little snippets from later chapters (the first one starting with Halloween) and ending with... well Dustin's birthday, because that's all I've written. Here are name changes:

Roxas: Dustin

Axel: Jake/Red

Riku: Ben (Benedict)

Ellie: Ellie

Sora: Akihito (Hito/Aki)

Kairi: Korey/Addi (Addison)

Naminé: Jenny

Cloud: Benjamin/Mr. Shier

Tifa: Stacia

Olette, Hayner, Pence: Maddy, Evan, Nick

Enjoy~

I… I didn't know what to do. I sat outside my parents bedroom, listening to them fight. Actually fight. I'd only heard Dad raise his voice once before, and it was at me. Not Mom. I knew they argued, but never… never like this. Mom was screaming at him, talking about things I didn't understand. Even though I knew Mom and Dad spoke another language, Russian, both of them having grown up surrounded by wealthy Russians, they never taught it to me. They never spoke it at home. Only to each other.

The kept getting louder, words coming out faster and faster, and I pressed my hands to my ears. I wanted to leave, but at the same time I couldn't move. Everything I knew was wrong. They'd never fought before. Never. Or, if they did I hadn't heard them. Maybe in secret, but never when I was in the house.

The worst part?

It was my fault. The fight was my fault. I just… I felt so guilty. I sat there, in silence, listening to them fight, knowing I was the cause. If I'd never mentioned the man who told the four of us to leave the night before. If I'd just kept my mouth shut, they wouldn't be fighting. I don't know why it caused Dad to get so mad at Mom.

When I mentioned him, the fact he knew her, she went pale, and Dad's face fell. He looked over at her, and I could just see the anger. The clenched hands, tightening body, narrowing eyes… Mom had looked at him, barely turning her head to look at him. I couldn't only stand there in silence, eyes moving from one to the other without understanding the situation.

Dad told me to leave the room. No, he didn't tell me. He snapped at me to leave in a voice I'd never heard come out of his mouth before. Mom flinched and I moved without questioning anything.

Then the yelling began. Dad yelled first, and Mom was silent, or if she spoke I couldn't hear it. I hid behind a corner, listening. I wanted to know so badly what they were talking about, and I wished then, and only then, I knew the language. While I didn't cry, I wanted to.

Mom didn't start yelling at him till she exited the room and stormed upstairs, him close behind.

"Benjamin just drop it!" The English surprised me and I jumped, attention coming back to the present. The door opened and Mom ran out, hand to her eyes like she was crying. Mom never cried. Just like Dad never yelled. Just like they never fought.

I stood up, tempted to go after her, ask her what was wrong. Try and figure out what was going on, but Dad appeared next to me before I could and put a hand on my shoulder. I turned to him, scared, but he looked more frustrated than angry.

"Dad?" I said quietly. "Dad, I… I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," Dad replied and then he was gone, walking down the stairs.

"Dustin?"

"Um… yeah?"

"Have you ever had sex before?"

Okay. I honestly had not expected that question to come up. Not from Jenny. I just kinda stared at her for a while, mouth moving to make words, but no sound coming out. Maybe it was from surprise. Or maybe it was from total shock. Well, those are the same thing, but still. I couldn't speak.

"Have you?"

I found my voice and finally answered her. "Well… um… no. I mean, I've… I've um… I've gotten close, but never… never actually did anything." Two of the girls I dated in high school let me go farther than the others, but they still didn't want anything like that. Mostly we just lost some clothes, but never went any farther.

"Do you want to?" Again, I didn't know how to answer her, especially not when she shifted, moving to sit on my lap, hands going to my shoulders, and head leaning down to kiss me. This kiss felt different. It didn't… it wasn't gentle like before. More desperate, and determined than anything else. At first I wanted to tell her no, but then I'd be lying to her, and to myself. I did want it. And I had no problem going along with her, even if she was avoiding my questions, changing the subject and keeping me from speaking my mind.

When her hands moved to the bottom of my shirt, lifting it a little, I stopped thinking and let it happen. I needed this to happen. I needed the safe feeling she brought.

"Well, um…," Maddy said, her nerves showing through her tone. I wanted to laugh, but kept it down. "You're still dating Jenny, right?" I was kind of confused. Maddy had asked me this before, probably surprised I'd held a girlfriend for this long, but this time she didn't sound… surprised. I don't even know what she sounded like, to be honest. It just wasn't surprise.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be? I really like her." Loved her, even. I wanted to say love, but for some reason the world wouldn't form. I shook it off, still watching my beautiful girlfriend while she and her cousin talked to Hito and a few others I didn't know.

"I dunno. I just figured you might be dating that guy you work with by now. Seems like he likes you."

I nearly dropped my phone when she said that. Dating Red? Is that who she meant? I knew it was, but I just didn't want to admit it to myself because then I'd feel awkward for immediately going to him. Except it was him, and I knew it. Hand now shaking, I pulled the phone away from my ear for a moment, staring at it, then shook my head and put it back in place. Maddie could say some of the strangest things at times.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked her, trying to keep my voice calm. "First of all, he doesn't like me, he just doesn't know how to act around humans." He wasn't exactly normal to begin with. "Second of all, why would you guess that I'd date him? He's a him."

From the other end, Maddy started laughing. It was both an amused, and a sad, laugh, and it made me want to fly to wherever she was and strangle her. She was making fun of me, and I hated it when she did that. Wasn't often, but when she did it was because I was being really stupid, which I'd been trying to not be since I graduated from high school.

When I asked her why she was laughing, words coming out from between my teeth, I swear I could hear her roll her eyes.

"Dustin, I know you're bi."

"You know, this past year has been so weird for me," he muttered, standing up. Jake waited quietly, listening for something. "I mean, I've always gone through life without doing much of anything. My world has always… always been okay. Bad things happened last year, but those aren't important. This… this is important." He laughed. "All of you guys are important. I don' even know what I'd do without ya. Without any of ya. I mean, Hito and Korey are kinda just there, but I talk to you all the time. Ellie's saved my ass more times than I can count, and Ben's never denied me of a laugh before. And Jenny…." He turned around to look at Jake, eyes soft. Jake felt his stomach drop.

"I really love her, ya know? I've never felt this way about a girl before, but things just… just keep going… the world doesn't want us…." He sighed.

"The world doesn't want you…?" Jake asked, getting curious. As horrible as it was for him to feel joy at Dustin's news of issues with Jenny, he still would just go with it. There was no point in trying to deny his feelings when Dustin was drunk. He probably wouldn't even remember this conversation.

"I don't know," Dustin's voice was becoming slurred and he let out another laugh before slowly climbing onto Jake's lap, straddling his legs. Jake didn't move. He just stared at Dustin, not sure how to react. This was intimacy. Intimacy to the extreme. If he did anything, he would regret it, and he knew Dustin would too. "I don't know what the world wants. I just know that when I'm around you I get this… this feeling. I feel weird, you know? Like with Jenny, only different. You know?"

Jake could barely breath, and Dustin leaned in closer, his hands passing Jake's ears to press into the couch. Jake's drink was still in his hands, and he wished it wasn't, so he could touch Dustin, but maybe it was a good thing. Or maybe it was a bad thing.

"Dustin," Jake whispered, moving forward to place his drink on the table, "what are you doing? What do you mean?" Once his hands were free, they moved to Dustin's hips, keeping him in place. The boy smiled.

"I…." His face came closer, hands moving to the back of Jake's head, grabbing what he could of his hair, "I don't know what I mean. But I think I'm really… so really… right now…."

"What?" This couldn't be happening. Jake's heart was beating faster than he'd ever felt it before. Even after running a mile in high school, or when he first got kissed. Every nerve in his body tingled, telling him to do something. Not to wait. Still, he waited.

"I think I'm just so really liking you right now. I'm attracted to you," Dustin muttered, and before Jake could respond the boy pressed his lips to Jake's. He gasped at the feeling. They were so soft. So delicious, even if they tasted of vodka. It didn't take long for Jake to respond, wrapping his arms around Dustin's waist, eyes half open, as he took in every part of Dustin's face. The boy's eyes were closed, and he pushed himself father onto Jake's body.

Anger swelled in the pit of my stomach. Before I could stop myself, I stomped on his foot, hoping to get him away from me. All of the words I've ever wanted to say to him, all the lectures, all the yelling, and all of the frustration came out in that one attack, and he flinched, but didn't move away. Glaring, I grabbed his collar.

"Don't," I hissed, "call my girlfriend a bitch."

His fist banged next to my head, eyes narrowed, but didn't say anything. So I continued.

"What's with the two of you anyway?" I asked, not sure where this would end up. "One minute you're best of buds, and the next it's World War III in the office. All you guys do is fight, get at each other's throats. I'm so sick of it all! I'm sick of how you treat me, and I'm sick of Jenny telling me to stay away from you. I'm done! Tell me, right now, what's going on!"

"Shut up," Red growled. "It's not important."

Not important? I'd show him not important. Treating me like some kind of insolent brat who didn't need to know anything. "What about today, huh? The way you've been acting today? The way you treated me, then changed the moment something was wrong with Ellie. Why can't you act like that all the time? Kind, caring, and just overall human! Not some freak of nature like always. Jenny hates you because you treat her like shit!" It wasn't true, but I didn't care.

"I thought I told you to shut up," he hissed, voice icy and venomous.

I didn't want to shut up though. Seven months worth of anger was pent up in me, and I was determined to get it out now. It was right before the new year. Why not start fresh? Of course, that wasn't on my mind. "You know, I bet Jenny cares more about Ellie than you do." I knew I was hitting a bad spot. The way his face fell, the way his body shook. It was obvious he felt something similar sometimes. Maybe not involving Jenny, but something. So I decided to push the spot. Make him bleed. "At least she's cried."

Jake's hand moved to cover my mouth, and I felt a little bad. There were tears in the corner of his eyes. "Stop it."

With a burst of adrenaline, I grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand away from my mouth, twisting it into a grin. "What's wrong? Can't take the truth? I figured someone like you could. I thought you were a genius, after all."

I started laughing, but stopped when Red grabbed my collar and shoved me against the wall, hissing at me not to push him. For a brief second I stared into his eyes. Then my laughter returned, and I just rolled of my eyes.

"Aw, don't tell me the big bad ginger is angry." I put my hands on my cheeks. "Oh no. I'm so scared Mommy. Help me!"

"I'm warning you." He sounded serious, but I just laughed again. I guess my emotions were getting the better of me, because I was acting so weird. So different. Almost terrifying. I was scaring myself, to be honest. I wanted to stop, but my body wouldn't let me. Everything I said came out without my permission. Yet, I wanted to say it. I wanted to make him angry. Upset him.

There was something wrong with me.

"Warning me? Why, whatever could you do to me? You're nothing more than a jerk who thinks he owns the world. So look, whatever your name is," I could have said his name. I knew it. I just didn't want to. I wanted to annoy him. Anger him. "There's nothing you can ever-"

Red grabbed my collar again, but this time pulled me forward, shutting me up. It wasn't like before, where his hand covered my mouth. This time his lips did. I just stood there, unable to move, eyes wide as he pushed me back against the wall, hands moving to my waist. At first I didn't know what to do, but… but it felt right, and I relished in the feeling.

I didn't fight him at all when he forced my mouth open, kissing me deeper, nor when he grabbed my face, pulling it up to his. His eyes were closed. Before I knew it, so were mine. When he pulled away, I didn't know what to think. I didn't have time to think before he kissed me again. This time I just opened my mouth on my own, letting him slip his tongue it. For some reason it all felt familiar. For some reason it felt good.

He kissed me again. And again. And again. I just let him do it, arms hanging by my side, back pressed against the wall, face in his warm hands.

This… it felt right.

"My dad's dead."

He choose the perfect moment to speak, because right as he said those three words, Ellie choked on the piece of omelet she was trying to ingest, and had to cough a few times to keep from choking. All the while, Jake sat there, unmoving, and watched her struggle, until finally she took in a deep breath and dropped her fork.

"Wait, Uncle Lucas is dead?" The idea was unfathomable.

"Yes, Ellie," Jake snapped, "your uncle is dead and your dad never told you. He's was just going to keep you forever in the dark and never tell you anything about it." Ellie flushed, and took another bite of omelet. "My actual dad. The guy I'm genetically related to. Not Lucas."

I watched Jake from across the room, waiting for him to get my text. He did, eventually, and pulled out his phone like it was no big deal. Then he saw who it was from.

And he sent me the most deranged look I think I've ever seen on his face. It was like some kind of confused squint if it was on the face of a dog and mixed with the "holy shit what's going on" look of a cat chasing a laser pointer.

It took all I had not to laugh.

First of all, why are you texting me in a meeting? Second of all, why are you texting me?

His answer made me smile. This was more like the conversations we'd had back before New Years.

I'm bored. I lost track of what… prissy-dude up there is saying and now I don't want to figure it out.

This is why I didn't want to go to this with you. You don't take this job seriously.

It'd be easier to take it seriously if you hadn't made out with me on New Years.

Jake didn't answer at first. In fact, he put his phone away completely and turned his complete attention back to the meeting. His jaw was tight. I don't think he was actually paying attention to what prissy-dude was saying — though knowing him he'd come out having all the information stored in that brain of his — and I regretted sending that text. We didn't need to talk about… that over the phone.

Finally I got an answer.

I already apologized. What more do you want from me?

What did I want? Oh I don't know. Not for it to have happened? For him to be just as annoying and loud as before? For things to go back to normal?

An explanation.

The moment I sent that text the guy sitting next to Jake caught my eye and I flushed. All he did was smirk though, and glance over at Jake's hands, probably trying to read what I sent. I wondered if he'd read anything else I sent to him, or if he just put two and two together. Either way, I didn't like him knowing.

I don't have one. It just happened.

Bullshit.

It's true!

Sure it is. I want an explanation.

Jake sighed, again, and sat on the edge of his bed, facing me, his knees almost touching mine. "I kissed you for the same reason I like being around you. For the same reason I don't like you dating Jenny. For the same reason it made me happy to hear you defended me against Jacobson. I kissed you, because I'm practically in love with you."

For a second nothing was said. Nothing was done. Jake was very close to me, green eyes unblinking as they kept direct eye contact with me. I almost thought he was going to kiss me again, and I waited for it to happen. But instead he pulled away and stood up, heading to the other side of the room.

"I…." I wanted to tell him. "I think I might have the same feelings." Well it was better than nothing. Jake just snorted.

"Yeah, but you're dating Jenny."

"And that's where we run into a problem." I had no issues liking Jake. In fact, admitting to myself, and to him, that they were there almost made me feel better about everything. At least now I was being honest with myself. "I'm not going to leave her for you."

Jake didn't say anything at first. He just stood there with his back to me. Finally, though, he threw his towel to the ground and stared at me with a clenched jaw. Clenched fists. He was pissed, and I stood up to walk over to him.

"It's not that I wouldn't date you, I just won't leave Jenny to do it. I love her." He was just a passing feeling. In twenty years when I was married, with kids, I probably would look back at this and laugh. He and I would be good friends. This was just a one time thing. Just a small crush on a hot guy who liked me back. "I just need to know what we're going to do about this tension between us because it's not fun and I want it gone."

A hand reached out and touched my face. It was warm and damp.

What happened next… I can't say. He said something. I said something. Then I was kissing him and he was pushing me toward the bed.

A one time thing.

It'd just be a one time thing.

"So… you like Jake?" Jenny's voice was so quiet I almost didn't hear her.

"Yeah. I guess. Something like that."

"You don't seem too weirded out by it," she commented. The chains of the swing squeaked, and I looked down. She wasn't standing, but she was swinging back and forth a little.

"I… I've been attracted to guys before," I said, finally coming out to her. "I dated one in high school. It… didn't go well but it was probably the most natural relationship I've ever had. Well, before this one." I wasn't lying to her. Kyle might have been natural to me, but Jenny… felt right. Like I was supposed to be with her. "But you know it's over, right? I don't…." I didn't know how to explain to her that I was done with those feelings. They were locked away in a place where they would disappear forever.

Yet the words wouldn't come out.

"It's okay to like him," Jenny grabbed my hand, moving my swing too. "You shouldn't try to hide your feelings. It hurts and just makes things worse."

"But I love you!" I squeezed her hand back and looked at her. Her eyes were red. "I don't want to lose you either. I don't…."

"Dustin?"

"What?"

This time she did stand up, and she pulled me along with her so we were standing in the moonlight, holding hands, staring at each other. The only other light was from a lamp about a hundred feet away, and it casted a yellow glow across her face. Slowly she leaned up and kissed me. Just a touch of lips. Neither of us tried to push it farther.

"I love you too, Dustin. But I can't… date someone who has feelings for another person."

"Jen, don't…."

She kissed me again to shut me up. This time I wrapped my arms around her waist, trying to hold back the burn of tears, and kissed her back. She pulled away.