Disclaimer: A nod to the genius Robert Kirkman for creating this wonderfully dark, post-apocalyptic world. I do not own or have rights to any of the characters/plot of this series. I'm simply a fan indulging in my post-apocalyptic fantasies.
A/N: As always...THANK YOU Nicole137137 for editing this chapter and letting me bounce off ideas with you! You do such an amazing job!
...
Beth awoke to the sun's rays on her face. Her neck was stiff from being angled against the passenger side seat when she had turned to get more comfortable in her sleep. She sat up, adjusted her ponytail that had been rearranged per the seat she slept in, and saw Abraham in the driver's seat snoozing. She felt a bit awkward, waking up near a sleeping man that she's only mixed a few words with, but such was life now.
She glanced in the back to find Rick and Carl asleep, lying on the floor of the cargo area at the back of the Blazer. Judith was nowhere to be seen. Beth felt a twinge of panic creep up her throat. She leaned forward and looked through the dusty windshield, hoping the baby was in the arms of someone around the fire.
Carol, Michonne, Rosita, and Tara were all huddled on one side, Michonne less 'huddled' than the other three, talking. Bob, Sasha, Maggie, and Glenn sat across from them talking much in the same fashion. Eugene was standing off to the side doing whatever it was Eugene did, but Judith was nowhere in sight. She didn't see Daryl either.
Turning in her chair with the intention of alerting Rick, her attention was caught by movement out of the rear window on her side of the vehicle. Daryl, holding Judith, was pacing back and forth. He had a bottle in hand and was feeding Judith. Beth wondered if Daryl had even taken time to sleep.
She quietly opened the door; its hinges creaking in protest, and pushed it closed as gently as possible. Abraham stirred, but the others remained oblivious to the world. She couldn't see Rick and Carl, but when how little any of them had slept, she doubted she had woken them knowing how little any of them had slept. She doubted at this point that even the dead could wake them. That thought did not sit well with her.
Daryl had his back to her, pacing away from the vehicle, as she began approaching them. He must have heard the gravel crunching under her feet because he glanced over his shoulder at her.
"Hey," she managed an awkward wave.
Daryl just gave her a nod and continued pacing.
Beth furrowed her brows. Daryl wasn't the most talkative person that Beth had come across, but he usually at least returned her greetings. Shoving her hands in her pockets, Beth stood still, watching Daryl come to the end of his pace and turn around to start over again in her direction.
She knew that if Daryl had Judith it meant that she either got fussy and Carol hadn't been able to get her happy or that he was giving everyone a break. Daryl was one of the few, next to herself and Carol, that could usually get Judith to stop crying. From time to time he had come to get Judith 'just because,' but he'd generally been too busy with responsibilities around the prison to spend time with his lil' asskicker. Beth had always secretly thought that Daryl tried to stay away because he didn't want Judith getting attached to him. He'd go a few days without seeing her, but the moment he stepped into the room, Judith's eyes filled with stars and Beth could see Daryl's heart melt all over again. It was impossible for anyone not to love Judith. She was too adorable and embodied everything that could be in their world.
"You givin' Carol a break?" Beth asked softly.
"Nah, lil' asskicker got fussy. Told 'em not to wake ya'," Daryl replied.
Beth looked up to Daryl and smile, however, he quickly averted his gaze to Judith.
The moment Judith heard Beth's voice it was over. Her bottle was forgotten and she was sitting up in Daryl's arms trying to reach for her. Beth couldn't help but shake her head and smile. Judith may have had a lot of 'moms' in their little band of survivors, but Beth had always been her favorite. She had a special bond with Judith. They had needed each other. Judith needed someone to lovingly care for her like a mother would and Beth had needed to be needed. Tofeel like she was contributing to the group. Judith's life had given her a purpose when Beth felt all hope slipping through her fingers. She carried on because of Maggie and her father, but Judith was the one who brought her out of the darkness.
"Come'ere sweet girl," Beth cooed, reaching around Daryl to take the baby from his arms.
Judith immediately went for Beth's necklace, grabbing the charm and trying to put it in her mouth.
"Where are the bracelets I gave you? Hmm?" Beth asked Judith as if she expected her to reply.
Daryl walked off, leaving Beth confused; she asked Judith "Do you know what's wrong with Mr. Dixon?"
Daryl reappeared from around the front of the vehicle a moment later, bracelets in hand, and gave them to Judith. Beth's necklace was soon forgotten and the bracelets occupied Judith's mouth.
"Gonna' have t'watch her. Bracelets aren't exactly teething rings, but it's the best we can do. Just gotta' make sure she doesn't break one and end up choking on the beads," Beth kept her gaze on the child in her arms.
"Yeah," Daryl breathed and then he walked past them towards the woods.
Beth raised an eyebrow at Daryl's retreating form, "Seriously Jude, what is wrong with him?"
Beth stared into the woods a bit longer, sighed, and went to join those awake around the small fire.
"G'mornin' Beth," Carol greeted her.
"Not for all of us," Beth grumbled under her breath.
"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Maggie teased.
"Not me. I slept just fine," Beth defended.
"Who's the grump?" Rosita chimed in.
Beth sometimes found it odd how quickly people adjusted to being immersed into a new group. Then again, the people who had survived thus far had to adapt quickly, or they didn't live to join new groups.
"Daryl," Beth sighed his name, "he was fine last night."
Beth thought about finishing her statement. He had been fine last night, right until he sent her to bed like a child.
"He's just worried about everyone and things going smooth in Terminus," Carol patted the ground next to her for Beth to sit down.
Beth collapsed on the ground, careful not to jostle Judith, "I guess."
Carol resumed her conversation with Tara and Beth was left to stew on her thoughts. She and Daryl had had a heart-to-heart last night. He had defended her in regards to being sidelined from going to Terminus. He had enough respect for her that he had explained himself later that night. He knew that she put Judith first; that she would stay with the baby before she'd stand up for herself and say she would be of more use helping them in Terminus. He had made her feel like an equal. Then, when he had held her wrist, he had made her feel something else entirely.
Tilting her head to the side in thought, Beth had an epiphany. She had been too caught up in the action of Daryl initiating contact to realize she had let him push her away at the end. She had let him get away with shutting down the moment she got too close.
Beth cut her eyes to the woods. That explained his vanishing act last night, his distance this morning, and the fact that he had practically run away from her into walker invested woods. She hadn't even done anything. It was him. It was all him. He had reached for her last night, he had made all the confessions, and he was the one that said she needed to come with them to Terminus.
Beth was livid.
If that redneck thought he was going to get away with pushing her out just because he started something he didn't know how to handle, then he had severely underestimated her. She didn't even know what he had started. She just knew it was the principal of the matter. They were supposed to be at a point where they could talk to one another. He had let her in more last night than ever before. Beth had felt the change.
She wasn't just someone he could throw out with the trash whenever he felt like it and she was going to make damn sure he knew it.
…
"So everyone knows the plan?" Rick questioned.
It was mid-afternoon. Daryl had managed to catch a few squirrels and Carol took it upon herself to clean and cook them. Beth had offered to help, but Carol tutted her and said she needed to conserve all her energy for staying alive when they reached Terminus.
Now that everyone was fed and rested, Rick had suggested they get a move on. It was going to take several hours to walk back to the fence from which they had escaped. Their plan depended on them having the element of surprise and they would need the cover of darkness to aide them.
"We'll cut through the woods, like we did last time, at the fallen sign. Be on the lookout for walkers. I doubt they'd let them bunch up at the fences, but in case the walkers didn't get that far, we're gonna' have to figure out a way around them," Rick finished.
Beth knew the plan. She had gone over every possible situation and outcome at least a dozen times, trying to prepare for what could happen once they were within the fences of Terminus. She knew that if they were caught, they likely wouldn't be locked up in another rail car. Their fate would be far worse than that.
"I want to come with you guys," Bob spoke up.
Rick looked to Daryl. Beth wasn't sure what the look was supposed to mean, but Daryl didn't look pleased.
"Look. I'm off the bottle. I haven't had a drink in months. Ask Sasha...Maggie...anybody! I can help. I need to help. I've got medical training. I stay out of the way and make sure everyone gets out of there alive," Bob argued his case.
"Don't make promises you can't keep," Daryl practically growled.
"Daryl?" Rick questioned.
Daryl stared at Bob for a long while. His eyes literally picked the man apart. He then flicked his gaze to Beth and she raised a brow at him.
"You fuck up one time...I'll kill you myself," Daryl announced and then turned his back to Bob.
Unsure of what had just transpired; Beth approached Carol, waiting patiently for Rick and Carl to finish giving their love to Judith. When Rick stepped aside, making Beth visible, Judith wailed happily and began leaning out of Carol's arms to reach for Beth. Stepping forward and taking the baby, she couldn't help but smile at how her necklace automatically went to the child's mouth.
"Alright Jude, you know you can't chew on my necklace," Beth giggled, prying the charm from Judith's slobbery grip.
Judith squirmed in her arms, pulling at Beth's shirt and walking up the material that covered her stomach in order to get a higher vantage point in Beth's hold. Beth hefted her up, crossing her arms under Judith's bottom and letting her sit on her forearms, and cradled her to her chest.
"You have turned into such a handful!" Beth couldn't help but plant a series of kisses on Judith's rosy cheeks, "You be a good girl for Carol, ya' hear?"
Judith cooed and squealed in response.
"This isn't goodbye," Carol said firmly, "This is just 'we'll see you later.'"
Beth nodded, blinking quickly to keep the moisture out of her eyes, "I'll see you soon sweet girl."
Beth gave a lingering kiss to Judith's forehead and handed her back to Carol. She patted down Judith's growing hair and smiled at the cheesy grin the baby gave her. Stroking her cheek, Beth let her hand drop. She then took a deep breath and lifted the tattered string that held her heart charm around her neck.
"In case…" Beth took another steadying breath, "If we're not back in two days' time. You leave. I know Rick's already talked to you, but I want you to promise me that you'll take Judith and you guys will get away."
Carol held Beth's gaze, tightening her lips into a thin line, "I promise."
"I want you to keep this," Beth handed over the necklace, "Just in case…"
"This isn't goodbye," Carol reiterated, voice wavering.
"It's just in case. I want her to have something of mine," Beth smiled at Judith's searching gaze, "If I make it out and you guys are gone. I'll find you. I won't stop looking until I find you."
Carol nodded, her eyes turning red with unshed tears.
"I promise," Beth finished speaking directly to Judith.
She gave Judith one last kiss on the cheek and reached around to hug both her and Carol tightly. After a few seconds, Beth released them, gave them one last look over, and turned to join Rick and the rest of the insurgents. Daryl was standing a few steps behind her, witnessing her private exchange. Beth spared him a glare and walked passed him. She could feel Daryl's eyes follow her, but she didn't look back. If she looked back and saw Judith reaching for her, her resolve would shatter.
"You look after her," she heard Carol say to Daryl.
"She's grown. She can look after herself," Beth heard Daryl reply.
Beth would have taken his statement as a compliment any other time, but with how he had been acting since last night, it came across as more derogatory than praise.
"I know. She's toughened up, but she's still…" Beth was too far away to hear the rest of Carol's reply.
Abraham had finished giving orders to Rosita on protocol should he not return and joined shortly after.
"I appreciate you helping us. I know you believe in your mission and I want you to know you have my gratitude," Rick extended his hand to Abraham.
"No way could I leave innocent civilians in a warzone. It would go against everything I stand for as a proud member of the United States Army and as a man," Abraham accepted Rick's hand and gave it a firm shake.
The exchange had a sense of finality to it that Beth didn't like. It wasn't that she expected their expedition to Terminus to be a walk in the park, but she certainly wasn't expecting anyone to die. However, from Beth's experience, she knew that the living were far more dangerous than the dead.
"You worried?" Carl asked, standing beside her.
"There's a lot that can go wrong," Beth quoted Daryl's reply from the night before.
"Yeah, but we gotta' help those people," Carl stated objectively.
"We shouldn't have to help anyone escape," Beth seethed, causing Carl to scrutinize her, "They shouldn't be locked up to begin with."
"I know," Carl sighed, "We'll get them out and we'll take care of whoever gets in our way."
Beth hated how numb they had become to the thought of taking someone's life. The thought still made her stomach churn, but it was no longer an action she considered damning. It was wrong, but it was necessary.
"Yeah," Beth breathed.
When everyone had said their 'We'll see you later's,' they began their journey back to the fences that had meant to keep them prisoners. Beth walked alongside Maggie, contemplating everything that had brought them to this point. She was uncertain about what the outcome of their trip to Terminus would be, but she knew that she would never be able to come back from ignoring the compulsion to help all of those innocent people. Her drive to help was the only sentiment that kept her feeling human.
…
Beth hadn't spoken much; answering Maggie with monosyllabic answers. They had been walking for several hours. She was starting to feel the ache in her legs, but they were too close to stop. They hadn't come across any walkers yet, which left Beth feeling eerily calm and anxious at the same time.
Sasha, Tyreese, Bob, and Glenn were walking a few paces ahead, Maggie was sticking by her side, Michonne and Carl were walking next to them having their own conversation, and Rick, Abraham, and Daryl were bringing up the rear.
"What's going on?" Maggie finally asked.
Beth knew she had wanted to ask for hours, but had amazingly held off for over half the trip.
"Nothin'. Why?" Beth quipped.
"Well for one, your tone, and for two, this isn't about Terminus. I know that look. Who pissed you of?" Maggie smiled.
Beth sighed. They had more important things to worry about than her feelings.
"You do realize we all could die today, right?" Maggie poked her finger into Beth's side.
Beth flinched away, partly because of the residual tenderness and partly because she was ticklish, "I know Mags."
"Daddy told me, when everyone was sick and he went into the quarantine room even though I begged him not to, he said that in everything we do now, we risk our lives. That we don't have a choice anymore. The only thing we can choose is what we're risking it for," Maggie's expression told Beth she was re-living the moment with their father, "You don't wanna' have any regrets Bethy."
Beth didn't reply. She knew Maggie was right. Their lives could end at any moment and she didn't want the remorse of leaving things on such rocky ground with Daryl. If she survived, she wasn't sure she could live with the guilt, and the last thing she wanted for Daryl was to be a bad memory.
She risked a glance back and the look she gave him must have translated her concern because he furrowed his brows and said something to Rick. He then ventured a bit off the path of the group, still within sight, but far enough away to provide privacy.
"Go talk to him Beth," Maggie urged.
"Huh?" Beth blinked a few times and stared at her sister.
"Daryl, go patch up whatever he did to piss you off," Maggie answered with a knowing smile.
Beth nodded, "I think I'll do that."
Maggie caught up to Glenn, grabbing his hand upon reaching his side, and Beth steered herself in Daryl's direction. As she drifted, she attempted to get her thoughts in order. She knew Daryl wouldn't go for any of the 'beating around the bush,' but she wasn't exactly sure why things had gotten so tense with him. She had a general idea, but Daryl didn't talk about feelings, she had to read his body language and understand what his mannerism suggested.
He was on edge; the muscles in his arms taut and stake in hand, ready to be used should they run into trouble. She understood his tension as she herself didn't feel right without her crossbow. She fell into step beside him, the crushed stone of the track ballast giving way to lush, green grass while they walked.
"So…." Beth started awkwardly.
Daryl made a sort of indignant sound in the back of his throat.
"You gonna' tell me what your problem has been today?" Beth's tone even.
"Ain't nothin' wrong with me," Daryl bristled.
"That so?" Beth queried sardonically.
Daryl 'hmphed' and made no further reply.
This wasn't going the way she wanted. She decided to try for a different approach. She stopped walking, letting Rick and Carl pass her by, giving her a weary glance. If Daryl realized she had stopped immediately, he didn't act like it, continuing on for several more strides.
Beth shifted her weight, crossed her arms, and got comfortable glaring at Daryl's back. Beth counted three more steps before Daryl stopped, put both his hands on his hips, and looked up as if he were cursing the sky itself. He then turned and stalked toward Beth. She didn't allow herself to feel intimidated. Instead she defiantly clenched her jaw and squinted her eyes.
"What tha' hell is wrong with you?" Daryl sneered.
"Ain't nothin' wrong with me," Beth quoted him.
"What?"Daryl's face was turning red.
"You heard me," Beth replied stubbornly.
They stared at each other in silence. She didn't back down. If she did, Daryl wouldn't open up to her and she needed to clear things up before they got into Terminus. It wasn't just about regrets; she knew if they were at odds with each other, they wouldn't be in sync and that could very well end up getting them or someone else killed.
"You've lost yer' damn mind," Daryl shook his head at her.
"What're we doing Daryl?" Beth genuinely wasn't sure, "What happened last night?"
Daryl reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, staring down at the ground.
"I mean," Beth continued, "everything was fine last night. Then you just shut down on me, avoided me this morning, and you've been acting like a jerk. So what's going on?"
He remained mute. He glanced over his shoulder, back at their group slowly getting farther away from them, and then placed his gaze somewhere over Beth's shoulder.
"Daryl…" Beth uncrossed her arms and tugged at the front panels of his vest, "talk to me."
He closed his eyes. Beth scrunched her brows in confusion. When Daryl finally opened his eyes, the strength of his stare was so intense she thought it might burn her.
"What happened? Why're you tryin' to shut me out?" Beth spoke barely above a whisper.
"I'm not good with people," Daryl confessed.
"That's nothin' I didn't already know," Beth gave a small smile.
"This ain't the time to be talkin' about all this. We're marching into fuckin' enemy territory," Daryl barked.
"This is exactly the time to talk about this because of what we're about to do. I've got enough regrets Daryl," she finished softly.
Daryl's eyes danced between hers. The same feeling she had the night before began creeping up from her stomach. When his hands wrapped around her bent elbows, she could have sworn at the electricity she felt surge through her.
"I don't know what'cha want me to say," Daryl admitted.
"The truth," Beth replied, "I can't help if you shut me out."
"I don't need help," Daryl scoffed.
"Maybe not right now, but I'm your friend Daryl. You can depend on me," Beth was speaking from her heart.
"Friend, huh?" Daryl smirked.
Beth frowned, "You don't consider me ah' friend?"
"Never really had nobody but Merle. Friends weren't somethin' you had in my lifestyle," Daryl explained.
"Well you got me. I know Rick thinks of you as a comrade. There's a first time for everything," Beth theorized.
"Guess so," Daryl murmured.
Beth could feel this nervous energy swirling through her. With each second that Daryl kept his hold on her, the energy amplified. She could hear her own heartbeat ringing in her ears and she felt like the only reason she was still standing was due to his strong hands that had crept up to hold the back of her arms and her iron grip on his vest. She rolled her lips across each other trying to keep her nerves from getting the best of her. They way Daryl was looking down at her wasn't doing anything to help either.
She watched the muscles in his jaw jump several times as he clenched his teeth. Then he took a deep breath and let her go, "We'd better catch up."
Beth nodded dumbly and let go of Daryl's vest.
"We good?" Daryl asked, still staring down at her.
"Yeah," Beth breathed, "Just don't push me away, okay?"
She followed Daryl, walking at a brisk pace to cover the distance the group had made from them.
"I'll work on it," Daryl cut his eyes to her.
"You'd better," Beth teased.
Daryl smirked. It was the closest thing Beth had seen to a smile since before they entered Terminus and the way it made his eyes light up made Beth feel like her heart was going to burst. It didn't matter if Daryl worked on keeping her closer than arm's length or not, she wasn't going anywhere.
…
"They've been gone too long," Maggie paced.
"Give them time," Michonne tried to reason only to come off sounding harsh due to her own concern.
"Come'on guys," Carl spoke up from where he sat on the ground next to Michonne, "they'll be fine. They might have had to go around further because of walkers."
"He's right," Sasha agreed, clenching and unclenching her hands around her arms.
Beth's eyes hadn't strayed from where Daryl's form had disappeared into the tree line. Daryl would bring them back on the exact same trail they had entered on. She knew how he worked. If they came back on a different path, then they had run into trouble. Regardless, she kept her sight fixed on the small gap the men had walked into.
"How long has it been?" Maggie asked as she continued to pace.
"I've counted to sixty, nine times now," Beth uttered.
"Not even ten minutes then," Carl stated the obvious, "it probably takes five minutes to reach the fence from where we're at."
"And if they had to travel further down, it could be a good twenty minutes before they come back," Sasha added.
"Everyone just relax," Bob encouraged, "If they had run into trouble, we would have heard something by now."
Maggie continued to pace and Beth continued to count. No one else spoke.
Daryl had vehemently denied letting Bob scout ahead with the guys. Beth had been able to piece things together. Apparently Bob had a drinking problem, but she wasn't sure what had transpired to have put him on Daryl's bad side. One thing was very clear; Daryl did not trust Bob.
By the time Beth had counted to sixty her twenty-fifth time, panic had begun gnawing at her. She knew Daryl and everyone else could handle themselves. She'd seen them take care of dozens of walkers. They'd survived when the prison fell. That still didn't mean things couldn't go wrong.
A rustle in the trees had Beth on her feet ready to take care of whatever or whoever appeared. She could hear voices. Then, one by one, the guys exited the woods.
Maggie rushed to Glenn, hugging him fiercely, "I was so worried."
"We took a little longer than expected," Glenn replied returning the hug.
Sasha gave Tyreese a strong punch in the arm and the two began their sibling antics.
Michonne and Carl approached Rick and Abraham. Rick explained the best course he thought would get them in undetected and Michonne added her input from what she had just heard. Beth, however, was concerned with none of this. She would follow Daryl, trust him like she had so many time before, and he would get them where they needed to go.
The only feeling she could focus on was the immense relief in the fact that everyone had come back alive and completely unharmed. She met Daryl's eyes as he was standing off to the side and he jerked his head for her to come to him and Beth complied. He was standing at the edge of the trail into the woods watching her as she approached him, and she realized she was doing the same.
"Any walkers?" Beth asked.
"Bunch of 'em at the fence. They shouldn't be too hard to get around though. Most of 'em already been dealt with," Daryl replied.
Beth nodded.
"We're gonna' wait till it gets ah' little darker. Wait out here so long as no walkers show up. Then me and you got to get our weapons back. We don't take out those sniper's on the roof, we're all gonna' die," Daryl elaborated.
"I'm aware," Beth confirmed.
"Don't get no hero complex. I know how you get when it comes t'people. We're not gonna' be able to save them all. And we gotta' take the lives of others just to give the ones locked up a chance," Daryl emphasized.
"If you're askin' if I can handle this, I'll be fine," Beth didn't like Daryl trying to sugarcoat the issue.
"I know you can," Daryl agreed, "Just wanna' make sure you know what you're gettin' into."
"I know what I need to do," Beth strengthened her resolve.
"You stick with me tha' whole time," Daryl took a step towards her.
"I will. I got your back," Beth smiled.
Daryl seemed mollified by her response, "Let's go hear what Rick and them have come up with."
Beth felt his hand rest against the small of her back, guiding her toward the huddle, and she realized that this was the second time in two days that he had touched her in such a gentle manner. Once she had begun walking, the pressure disappeared, but the tingling sensation lingered.
She wasn't sure what was going on with Daryl. She had no idea why he was behaving the way he was. He hadn't always acted like a decent guy, but his nobility had always been there, trapped beneath layers of distrust and pain. He'd just needed a little push in order to realize it himself.
Beth brushed away her thoughts. She needed to focus and letting her thoughts of Daryl's bizarre behavior was not her number one priority in their present environment. They were about to risk their lives attempting to free strangers and end a corrupt society. Thoughts of Daryl had to wait. She would, hopefully, have the opportunity to mull over them later.
All she needed to focus on right now was making sure Terminus paid for their actions. Beth smirked; realizing her angry wish in the rail car would come true. She was involved in their raid against the 'sanctuary.'
She would make sure that Terminus burned.
A/N: Anyone else feel like Daryl strategically avoided talking about his feelings and snuck out of that conversation without really telling Beth what was going on with him? Hmm...leave me a review and let me know what you guys think! XOXO