Austin's screaming my name as he hangs off the edge of the cliff, his hands slowing slipping off. Thomas is laughing above him, kicking dirt towards his face. I lunge forward to try to help Austin but Thomas grabs me and holds me back.
"Let me go!" I shout in his face.
He laughs again, "You're mine now." And Austin falls off the edge.
I wake up drenched in sweat. I wipe a drop from my cheek but realize it isn't sweat, but in fact tears. I sit up and cup my face in my hands before getting out of bed and walking into my bathroom. I stand in front of the mirror and look at my reflection but I don't see myself. I see a girl that's being torn apart from the inside out, covered in sweat with dark circles under her eyes.
I splash my face with water and go downstairs into the kitchen. I search the refrigerator for something to drink and settle with apple juice. I pour myself a glass and take a seat at the counter. I move my glass in circles in front of me, watching the juice move from side to side.
Before I know it, I hear my father moving around upstairs. I look at the clock on the microwave and it's almost six. I didn't even realize the few hours that went by. I'm running on almost no sleep today. I sigh and take a sip of my drink before dumping the rest down the drain. I sneak back up into my room before my father finds me and questions why I'm up. I don't want him to know that I am still getting nightmares. I know eventually he will try and force me to get help. No one can go back and change the fact that Thomas kidnapped me and tried to kill Austin.
After I get dressed and I'm about to leave I have to go back up to my room because I realized that I had two different shoes on. I try and shake it off as I leave my front door and Trish is waiting on the steps. We never used to walk to school together before, but since I got back Trish insists on going anywhere she can with me.
"Dang girl, you look awful."
I stop and give her a blank look, "Gee, thanks."
She laughs, "I didn't mean it to be well mean, you just look like you didn't get any sleep."
I fix one of the straps of my backpack that is hanging off my shoulder, "That's because I didn't."
"Well why not?" She asks, kicking a leaf around.
"I had a nightmare." I admit. It would be okay to just tell her about one right?
"What was it about?"
I sigh, "Thomas killing Austin."
She stops walking and rests an arm on my shoulder, "I'm sorry Ally. I know everything that happened to you must have taken a toll on you."
I nod, "It did. It's okay though. It was just a dream."
"Well it looks like it affected you pretty well."
"It would affect anyone." And that's the end of that conversation.
It's half way through the school day and I haven't seen Austin. By lunch I spot him in the food line talking to Dez. He has his old jersey on and my stomach churns. He looks like the old Austin that would never give me the time of day and it scares me.
"Ally, are you going to eat today?" Trish asks.
I shrug, "I'm not really hungry."
She gives me a pointed look, "You have to eat."
"Fine, I'll have an apple or something." I tell her.
When it's our turn, she has a tray and gets some food; I just grab an apple from one of the baskets. I follow her and take a seat towards the corner where her friends from the drama club sit. Trish likes to act so she does school plays a lot. I don't usually hang around her when she's with them but they are better than the jocks. At least they know when I have classes with them.
I take a couple bites of my apple and after a little while I see Austin heading for our table. I sit up straighter and act like I am in on the conversation that Trish and her blonde haired friend are having but the truth is I have no idea what they are talking about.
Austin takes a seat next to me, ignoring the others, "Hey there."
"Hi." I say, studying my apple.
"You could sit with us you know." He says calmly.
I just shrug. He sighs and wraps an arm around me, "They like you."
"They don't even know who I am."
"That's not true." He says, shaking his head.
"Oh right, that's why I have class with half of them and they don't even know it." I say too loudly and rudely, causing our table to get silent. Austin looks around uncomfortably and clears his throat.
He takes his arm back and stands up, "Well, I have class. I'll talk to you after." I nod with a small smile and he walks away just as the bell rings. I get up and throw out my apple in disgust. I've never blown up at him like that before. But it's true. I don't fit in with his friends. Maybe the lack of sleep is just getting to my head.
I walk Trish to her class and then go to the nurse's office and tell her I have a migraine so she will let me take a nap in her office. I lie down on the comfortable bed and stare up at the ceiling. I know I'm not going to sleep, that would just mean more nightmares, but lying here makes me feel a little better. It beats being in class.
I'm taking my books I need from my locker for homework and putting them into my bag as the final bell rings. Austin finds me in an instant. He stands beside me and folds his arms. I can feel his eyes on me but I ignore him, staring into my locker.
"Where have you been all afternoon?" He asks with concern. We have a class together that I missed.
"I've been sleeping in the nurse's office."
"Are you okay?" he asks, grabbing my hand and putting it to his cheek. I scan his face and nod.
"I was just tired."
"Well I have football practice but do you want to do something after?" He asks.
I shrug, "Sure."
"I was thinking you could come over to my house for dinner." He says.
"Okay." I say with a nod.
He smiles, "Great. I'll pick you up after practice." He says and gives me a quick peck before walking away.
Later that night I am pacing back and forth in my room, staring at the pile of clothes lying on my bed. I don't know if I should just dress normal or a little fancier for the dinner. It's not like I am meeting his parents for the first time. The first time I did meet them was in the hospital after the crash. I have been to Austin's house plenty of times since.
I finally decide on a white skirt and a pink blouse. It's casual but not too casual. I leave my hair down and wavy and don't put on any makeup besides cover up under my eyes to hide the dark circles. After looking myself over one last time I go downstairs and wait for Austin to pick me up.
After he comes in and says hello to my father we head to his house. When we pull into the driveway I notice an unfamiliar car. I turn to Austin and raise one of my eyebrows. He shuts off the car and looks from me to the front door, "Aaron showed up just before I came to pick you up."
"Shouldn't he be at college?"
He nods as he takes off his seat belt, "Yes, so this should be interesting."
"Maybe I shouldn't have come." I admit, taking my own seatbelt off.
Austin runs his hand through his hair and shakes his head, "No, it's fine. I want you here. Everyone does."
We walk in and I am immediately greeted by his parents. His mother hugs me and his father smiles and says hello. I can tell they are a little on edge. Aaron appears out of nowhere and grabs me and picks me up in a bear hug. I'm shock at first but then giggle a little. He puts me down and Austin's glaring at him, "Here's the gorgeous Ally!" he says. I blush and pat down my skirt.
"Shall we eat now?" Mrs. Moon says.
I follow them into the dining room where they have set up fancy looking dinnerware. Aaron sits at one end, then Austin, then me with their dad at the other end and their mother across from Austin and I. We are silent as we pass around the chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, gravy and biscuits. I give myself a little bit of each, knowing I won't even be able to finish that. I can't eat much since everything that happened, not only because of how horrible I have been feeling on the inside but also because after not eating much my stomach has shrunken and I haven't been able to get back into my old habits of eating.
"So Aaron…" His father says after about five minutes. He sets his fork down and clasps his hands together. Oh god, here we go.
I take a small bite of my biscuit as Aaron leans back in his chair casually putting his hands behind his head, "So father…"
"It's obvious we are all surprised by your sudden visit, seeing as how you should be at school."
"About that… I dropped out." Aaron says calmly.
Their mother drops her fork. Austin freezes beside me, his fork still in his hand that is half way into the mashed potatoes and their father's ears are turning a dark shade of red. I set my biscuit down and lay my hands on my lap. Now this is why I shouldn't have come.
"You did what?" Mr. Moon asks.
"I dropped out. I don't need college."
"Aaron… After everything you achieved in high school to get this far?" Mrs. Moon asks breathlessly.
Aaron sits up straight and picks at his napkin, "I know. I'm sorry; I'm just not fit for college anymore."
"So then what do you think you are going to do now?" Mr. Moon asks.
He shrugs, "I don't know but that's fine with me."
"Where are you going to live?" Austin asks.
"Oh, with my buddy just a couple towns over." He says with a grin.
"Excuse me." Mr. Moon says, throwing his chair back and leaving the room.
Mrs. Moon stares at her plate, still half full of food and shoves it in front of her. She looks at me and smiles weakly before getting up and walking away with excusing herself. The room stays silent and the three of us preoccupy ourselves by eating or more like playing with our food.
"So… How are things Austin?" Aaron asks.
Austin shrugs, "Fine."
"Mom and dad told me you are on the football team again." He says.
Austin nods, "Yep, I just got cleared to actually participate."
"That's cool. And Ally, do you play any sports? Cheerlead maybe?" he says.
I laugh instantly, "No. I am not coordinated enough." They both laugh in response.
After we clean up the rest of dinner, Austin and I hang out in his room while his parents yell at Aaron. Austin's room is in the basement and we can hear them yelling from upstairs. Austin twirls his thumbs next to me on the couch and I twirl a piece of my hair.
"So what do you think of this?" I ask him.
"What?" He asks, turning to me.
I make a duh face and say, "Your brother dropping out of school." I say.
"Oh. I don't know. It's surprising."
"Yes it is. But maybe now you don't have to live up to him." I say cautiously.
"What do you mean?"
"Well you said how perfect your parents find Aaron and how you have to live up to him sports wise and go to school and everything. Maybe now your parents will see that that's not important."
Austin laughs then and I'm taken aback, "It's just going to be worse now. They will expect more of me."
"That doesn't seem fair." I say.
He shrugs, "That's how they are."
"You shouldn't do something you don't want to do just to be like your brother, like football."
"Who said I don't want to play football?" he asks.
"I don't know… I just, forget it." I say. The tinge of hope that he will go back to the Austin I got to know better is gone. He will never stop trying to make his parents happy.
After he drops me off at home I go up into my room, change into my pajamas and lie awake in my bed. I wish Austin didn't feel like he had to live up to Aaron. I thought maybe the accident changed that about him. When he told me how much it bothered him that one night he opened up to me I thought that that meant he was coming to terms with it. I just hope that this won't tear us apart.