I thought school this morning was going to be like it always is, but I thought wrong.

As I walk into the doors I hear commotion down the hall, down near the room I once shared with a handful of kids that are now mostly dead. I take slow and deep breaths as I walk over to the large group standing in front of the door. A teacher comes over and shouts at them to leave the area. I act casual and join the crowd that is leaving until they are almost down the hall. I turn around fast and walk back over to the door. I scan it and notice what's wrong, there are red X's over everyone's faces… except Austin and I and the other survivors. Written underneath the picture is 'you all should have died.'

I bring my shaking hand up to my mouth and cover it. Chills slither down my spine and my head starts spinning. I get so dizzy I know I'm going to fall over but a hand grabs my arm. I look up and it's Austin. His facial expression makes him look like he's almost in pain. He pulls me to the other side of the school and then in a janitors closet.

I lean against the closed door and keep my head down. Austin flips an empty bucket upside down and sits on it, running his hands through his hair. I start biting at my nails and keep my eyes to the floor. Austin stands up suddenly and rests his hands on my shoulders, "We shouldn't let this get to us. It's just some jerk messing with us."

"Why would anyone do that? This isn't funny." I say, scanning his face.

"I know it isn't. But you know how cruel people are."

I nod in response and he drops his arms to his sides, "We need to forget about it and go to class okay?"

I sigh, but with a noticeable shake. He takes my hand and we walk out of the closet and go our separate ways to class. Everyone stares at me as I enter the room. I keep my head down as I walk to my seat. Do they feel bad for me? Do they think it's funny? Did one of them do it?

I can hear them whispering, my name coming up every once in a while. I want to plug my ears and scream like a toddler but I decide to stare straight ahead at the chalk board. The teacher clears his throat to silence them all.

"As you all know, somebody pulled a sick prank on our memorial picture this morning. It will not go unpunished once we find out who has done it. If any of you know anything, be sure to go talk to the principle after class. This is far from funny. It's very disrespectful to not just the ones that we lost but the ones that are still with us and have to go through the painful memories every day as it is. But for someone to write something like that…" He shakes his head.

Tears form in my eyes at his words. He's right. Who could write something like that? Why would they say we all should have died? Tears form in my eyes and I take a deep breath. I raise my hand suddenly. "Yes?" the teacher calls on me.

"May I be excused?" I ask.

He nods and I run out of the room. Sure, that never worked before. But I am one of the victims so of course he would let me. I can't say I'm happy to have special treatment. I would like it without this happening.

I walk down the hall and towards the front doors. I look at the clock on the wall. It's still early. Lunch is next. But thinking of being in that cafeteria full of kids, and most likely the person that did that to the picture, makes me sick to my stomach. I throw the doors open and run down the stairs to the sidewalk. I don't know where I'm going but I don't stop walking.

I knew that this was too good to be true. I couldn't just go back to school and everything would feel normal. People will always look at me different. They did before, but now it's worse. They are always going to feel bad for me, or maybe secretly wish I was gone instead of their friend.

I find myself in the park and I take a seat on one of the benches. Not many people are around, probably because they are at work or in school. There is one girl jogging by with her ear buds in. I sigh and sink into the bench, wishing I could disappear, or just be the old Ally.

I hear a car horn honk and I look over to the general store across the street. I watch a boy walk out and he looks right at me. My heart stops. He looks just like Thomas… I shut my eyes tightly and open them again and he's gone. I tug at my hair and breathe in and out. I'm just seeing things. This whole thing is really getting to me. I should go home and sleep it off.

[][][][][][][][]

"Ally, Austin is here." I hear my father saying outside of my bedroom door.

I stretch in my oversized sweater and leggings on my messy bed. I sit up and pat down my hair, "Okay, let him in." I say.

A few minutes later Austin comes into my room, shutting the door behind him. He walks over and takes a seat on my bed next to me, "Are you okay? You just left school?"

I nod, "I just needed to come home and sleep."

"It was because of what happened wasn't it?"

I nod and hug my legs to my chest, "I just can't get over it. Who would do that?"

"I don't know some low life with too much time on their hands."

"Or maybe someone who was close with one of the kids who died and they don't find it fair that we lived."

"That's no excuse." He says.

"I know. But sometimes I think why I was lucky enough to live but they weren't?"

He rubs my shoulder, "You shouldn't think that way. I don't know why it happened, but you should be happy that you are here."

"I am of course; it's just so hard to deal with all of this every day."

"I know, but that's why we have each other. Except I feel like you are pushing me away. You never talk to me about what you're feeling. You just leave."

I sigh, "I know, and I don't mean to be this way."

He grabs me and pulls me to him. I sigh against his chest. I wish I could open up to him, to anyone. But I'm just so broken inside.