Chapter 8 – All
Clara freezes as her Doctor collapses. She thinks he whispers her name, but the blood pounding in her ears is too loud for her to hear anything else clearly. She stands like a statue in the corridor, watching the Doctor bleed to death. It doesn't matter that bullets are flying around her, or that their chances of escape dwindle by the moment. All that matters is the Doctor lying prone on the floor, in mortal danger again.
"Rose! Deadlock!" The pinstripe Doctor calls out as he rushes past Clara. Rose dives across the hall, jamming her elbow against a glass plate in the wall and pressing a big red button. Two heavy steel doors slam shut, just as the pinstripe Doctor drags Clara's Doctor clear.
"Come on, Clara, we need your help," Rose says gently, moving past her and helping the Time Lord. They each pull one of the injured Doctor's arms over their shoulders, carrying him between them.
"Is he going to…to regenerate? Or die?" Clara asks. There are a million scenarios running through her mind, each one worse than the last. Somehow all the crimson blood staining the Doctor's shirt makes it even worse than the Klaxor venom.
"Not if we get him to the TARDIS," the Doctor says, gritting his teeth with the effort of carrying her Doctor. "But he will need a healing coma. Move!"
"Clara," Rose breaks in, much more gently than the pinstripe Doctor. "Get the door. He'll be fine. We've been in worse scrapes before."
Clara shakes herself out of her panic induced haze and runs for the emergency exit at the end of the hall, pushing it open ahead of the Doctors and Rose. Once outside, they break into as much of a run as possible while dragging an unconscious, wounded Time Lord, trying to get as far from the building as fast as they can.
"But, the TARDIS! It's inside!" Clara cries, as they run. How can they truly escape without the ship?
"We'll have to leave it for now," the pinstripe Doctor says. "Mine is just down the street, we'll go there."
By some miracle they make it all the way to the TARDIS, standing inconspicuously in an alley. Inside, Clara can't help but balk. It's so very different from the TARDIS she knows, with the coral struts and the earthy, organic feel to the console room. She's so distracted, she nearly misses Rose and the Doctor dragging their burden down a corridor.
"I'll need to get the bullets out," the pinstripe Doctor is telling Rose. "We'll patch him up best we can, the rest is up to him."
They take him into the med bay, Clara on their heels, and lift him onto a sturdy, padded table. Rose shreds the blood covered shirt while the Doctor gathers the instruments he'll need, giving him an unimpeded go at his chest. Clara can't help but gasp at the sight of torn flesh and blood.
Rose and her Doctor work in tandem, with perfect synchronicity though they barely say a word to each other. Clara can only marvel. She and the bow tie Doctor are a great team, but even they don't work together so seamlessly.
"So he won't regenerate?" Clara asks, finally unable to stand the silence any longer.
"I don't know," the Doctor says, his words terse.
"Well how does it all work? How bad does it have to be to cause regeneration? What if he can't regenerate in time? What about…"
"Shut up!" the Doctor snaps, not even sparing her a glance. Tears spring to Clara's eyes. Normally she can handle rude or harsh words without batting an eye, but the emotions of the day are catching up with her. Suddenly, the fear and uncertainty and frustration at being several steps behind all boil over and Clara hears herself snapping at the one man who can help the unconscious figure on the table.
"Well pardon me for caring you great bloody git! If you or that ruddy chin over there would ever tell me anything in the first place, I wouldn't have to-" Rose cuts her off firmly. "Enough. Both of you."
Looking at her Doctor reprovingly as they continue to work, Rose says, "She's just scared. You know how bad you are about explaining things if it's not a matter of life and death. Is it any wonder she wants to know what's going on?" The Doctor grumbles, but carries on working without looking at either of them.
Rose spares Clara a glance. The poor girl is white as a sheet, her eyes wide and unblinking. She remembers being that scared for the Doctor, several times over. Looking back at the two men, one conscious and working like a whirling dervish, the other near death, Rose knows her job is done. Her Doctor can handle the rest himself.
"Come on, Clara, let's go for a cuppa," Rose suggests, washing her hands of the Doctor's blood.
"But…" Clara gestures weakly at the body on the table. Rose can sympathize with being unwilling to leave him. She lays a hand on Clara's arm, hoping that she offers some measure of comfort.
"Let the Doctor work. It will go better if we aren't in the way."
Clara concedes and the two women retreat to the galley. Rose ushers Clara into a seat at the table and starts pulling out the tea things, moving around the galley with such practiced ease, it's like her own kitchen at home.
"This is just what we need, both of us," Rose says, putting the kettle on. "A good cuppa can work miracles. I've seen it myself. All those tannins and free radicals, just what the body needs."
"You ever seen tea cure bullet wounds?" Clara asks, miserably. Rose smiles.
"No, but I have seen it give a healing coma the extra push it needed. Sort of. After the Doctor regenerated, he went into a healing coma. I woke him up too early because we were in trouble so he was having some issues. Tea fixed 'im right up." The kettle whistles and Rose sets about making tea just like her mum does.
"The Doctor will be fine, Clara," Rose promises. Clara stares at the table, toying with the bracelet on her wrist.
"I just…how do you know?" Clara asks, her voice plaintive. Rose sets a mug in front of her and then sits down herself.
"If he was going to regenerate, we would know by now. I promise."
"I wish I could believe you," Clara says, her eyes welling with tears.
"It's horrible sometimes, living this life with someone you love," Rose offers. Clara snorts.
"I don't love the Doctor. I'm fond of him, but I don't love him," Clara insists. Rose fights a smile. Clara reminds her so much of herself during her early days with the Doctor, insisting to Jack, Mickey, her mum, even herself that she and the Doctor were not an item and never would be. She told her mum over and over that the Doctor was like a brother to her, but it was more to protect her own heart than anything else. She can hear the same in Clara's words.
"Clara," Rose says, using the tone her mother uses when she wants Rose to tell her the truth. It works wonders on Rose, and she hopes it will work wonders on Clara.
"I don't!" Clara says, her voice rising sharply. "I don't."
Rose doesn't respond, just sips her tea and waits for more.
"Oh fine, I do. I love him. But I I'm not in love with him. I can't be."
"What happened, Clara? Right before you got here?" Rose asks. There's something in her words that makes Rose think it was big and very bad. Something to do with the Klaxor venom Clara keeps mumbling about.
"The Doctor wanted to show me an egg, this stupid egg from a Klaxor alien, that's almost extinct. They have this poison on their talons, and I tripped and the Klaxor was going to kill me." Clara takes a deep shuddering breath. "But the Doctor dove in front of me and got cut. He said the venom was too fast acting for regeneration, but I didn't get it at the time. I just thought he was going to die. I convinced the TARDIS to help me make the antidote and it worked but for a good while I honestly thought he was dead."
Clara falls silent for a moment, but Rose knows there's more. She can see the girl working it out, the way her jaw clenches and her eyes flit back and forth. Color stains Clara's cheeks and she takes a deep breath before launching into a tirade.
"And he never even told me about regeneration! He never tells anyone anything! I can't do it anymore, I can't watch him be so reckless with his life, so I asked him to take me home. I'm done travelling with him. But we got pulled into the basement of the O2 instead. As soon as I know he's okay, I'm going home."
Clara takes a deep, gulping breath, unaware she had so much to say. She's never been able to talk to anyone about the Doctor though, not really, and talking to Rose reminds Clara of being young and talking to her mum, before she died.
Rose reaches out and covers Clara's hand with her own.
"Why are you really going home? Because the Doctor is reckless, or because you're scared?"
"Because I'm scared. I'm scared that if I stay any longer, I'll fall completely, hopelessly in love with him and then he'll die or change his face and where will I be?" Clara dashes hot, angry tears away with the back of her free hand.
"I hate to say it, Clara, but you're already completely, hopelessly in love with him," Rose points out. "It won't hurt any less to leave him now than it will in a year, or five."
"Is there any way to stop it?" Clara asks through a teary laugh. Rose smiles gently and shakes her head.
"The only way to make hurt less is to give in to it. Admit it, embrace it, and it will get better. It won't ever be perfect, life with the Doctor is not sunshine and flowers no matter how much you love him, but it's so much better to just give in to it. Stop fighting it. When he wakes up.."
"If he wakes up," Clara corrects.
"No," Rose says with a sharp squeeze of her hand. "When he wakes up, you need to talk to him. You need to tell him how you feel. The Doctor may have a young face, but he's a daft old man. You'll need to say it first."
Clara breathes deeply and shakes her head.
"I just don't think I can."
Rose opens her mouth to say more, but a sound in the doorway reveals the pinstripe Doctor. Clara turns to look at him, trying to read anything in his face but there's nothing. He just looks weary.
"Cuppa?" Rose asks. He shakes his head with a gentle smile.
"I've removed the bullets, he's in the healing coma. Now all we can do is wait for him to wake up," the Doctor says with a pointed look at Clara. "We should all get some rest."
"Do you want to sit with him, Clara?" Rose asks.
"Yeah, ta," Clara says absently.
"You remember the way? The TARDIS will help you find it if you don't."
"No she won't, but I remember. I'm going to stay here a minute, finish this miracle tea," she says.
"We're going for a kip," the Doctor says, holding his hand out and wiggling his fingers for Rose. She dumps her tea in the sink and takes his hand.
"Yell if you need anything," Rose insists. Clara nods and watches them go before she turns back to her tea.
She honestly isn't sure she can face the Doctor yet.