A/N: to all you wonderful readers, may you have a very happy new year.
This path was a little more challenging, rocky, winding, but Emma managed to keep up, Cupcake refraining from being distracted by any of the foliage. As they made their way through, she really understood the appeal of doing this on a regular basis. Alone in the woods, but not, thanks to the surprisingly intelligent creature carrying you; in control of yourself and hopefully it, graced with some sort of power.
She resisted chatting with Regina, enjoying just the sounds of their walking, knowing that something was coming, but not what. Not at all.
Suddenly the woods just stopped.
They had broken through the trees to come out onto a decent sized clearing, a grassy hill with a view of the town and a single tree at its very highest point. Something straight out of a storybook.
Regina walked them to the back of it, where she dismounted with ease and led Rocinante to a tree with low branches, loosely tying his reins like Angus had at the stables.
Emma knew just to wait, not trusting herself to do anything without Regina's help lest she wanted to make a fool out of herself, and the second Regina had left Ro with a departing pat, she came straight to her, steadying Cupcake as Emma climbed down, and then helping Emma lead her to another branch of the tree to tie her up as well.
Once everything was settled, Regina reached into a pouch on the side of Cupcake's saddle that Emma hadn't even paid attention to to pull out a tightly rolled blanket, and turned to her determinedly.
"I thought we could sit out here for a while," she proposed.
"Sounds great," Emma agreed, not just because she sensed there wasn't much of an alternative. The spot was beautiful, and Emma could imagine Regina stealing out here when the things in the town below became too much to deal with.
Regina smiled and spread out the blanket at the base of the tree, taking a seat.
Emma sat beside her, the blanket providing just enough space to keep them from touching.
They remained like that for a moment, simply observing the view, until Emma could feel Regina's tension building beside her and couldn't hold her curiosity any longer.
"How did you find this place?" She asked softly, not wanting to broach too difficult a subject.
She realized that probably wasn't an easy question at all when Regina turned to observe her, thoroughly. It was all tied to this place, everything that Regina was feeling. She would just have to wait until Regina was ready to share on her own.
Emma's question had snapped her out of her tumultuous thoughts.
It was hasty, ill-advised to bring Emma here, to let her get in so far, and Regina had been debating it all week ever since she first had the thought watching Emma with her applesauce. But each moment they spent together chipped away at her doubts. This was right. Emma was her friend, and if she could share it with anyone, and she should, it would be with the new girl who hadn't been around to see it happen. With the one who hadn't known her before. Emma could still get her side. Emma could maybe be there for her. She already had in so many ways. What was one more thing?
"A friend brought me here," Regina replied quietly, returning her gaze to the view. "It was our place."
Emma knew that Regina's looking away from her meant more was coming. She stayed as still as she could, not wanting to disrupt Regina's thoughts or intentions in any way. Before long, she was rewarded when Regina turned back to her, her face steadied but her eyes roiling with emotion and insecurity.
"When you asked if I had plans for today—I had been planning on coming here on my own. I make sure to come here in the spring. Because of him." Regina inhaled deeply.
"I thought I might tell you about him. Maybe explain some things you've been wondering about."
Emma knew as soon as the words were out that she meant about Kathryn and Mary Margaret, but maybe it could even include other things, like the Mayor and her mom and maybe Whale and whoever else…Emma felt she had been offered the key to the vault, but she tried to contain the anticipation bubbling up inside of her. Regina was opening herself up to her and that was incredible and incredibly scary, and now, she seemed to be waiting for some kind of encouragement, and Emma tried her best to give it.
"You don't have to tell me anything, Regina. But of course I want to know anything you want to share."
"I want to tell you," Regina admitted, firmly, perhaps partially in an effort to convince herself. "But I…don't want this to change anything for you."
Regina still wanted to hurt Mary Margaret, she did with an intensity she couldn't deny, but she had come to understand what the girl meant to Emma—the first person in town to be nice to her, the one who introduced her to Ruby, the one who showed her a consistent sort of maternal affection that she had been lacking most of her life. Regina recognized that the girl who ruined her life had truly helped the one who was making great strides in fixing it. Taking Emma away from Mary Margaret was secretly thrilling, but taking Mary Margaret away from Emma, after all of Emma's sharing…she didn't want to do that at all.
Emma of course misunderstood Regina's worry, thinking she was apprehensive of Emma's opinion of her changing (while that would always be a concern, it wasn't the issue of the moment). She responded immediately.
"Never, Regina, please. You can tell me anything."
Emma's assertion was enough for Regina to overcome her final hesitance.
"You've asked about Mary Margaret," she started. "I imagine you've heard some things about me that have to do with her."
"A few," Emma admitted, thinking back to the gossip about Regina she had heard along the way, "But MM would never talk about it."
"Really?" Regina asked suspiciously, genuinely surprised.
"Yeah, I know. It's like the one thing she won't talk about."
Emma considered her normally overeager-to-share friend, and the sparing times she had participated in conversation about Regina. She decided to risk sharing that first warning that still lingered in her mind.
"She just told me not to hurt you."
Regina did her best to school her features at the news, barely letting her brow furrow. She let it slide entirely, despite the pang in her heart. Looking out for her didn't excuse what happened. It shouldn't.
"Mary Margaret used to ride," she continued.
"She did?"
"She had her own horse here. For a year or so."
Emma cocked her head, considering the new information. "You know, that makes a lot of sense. Her animal love is …intense." Emma managed to get a little smirk out of Regina and that was all she could hope for. But Regina continued on all the same.
"Mayor Blanchard and my mother have known each other for a long time…Mary Margaret essentially wanted a pony. It was the one thing her father held off on, but when I started to compete, he was impressed enough to agree."
Emma somehow managed to resist commenting that of course MM had a pony, such a little princess, so Regina wouldn't stop.
"But Mary Margaret wasn't much for competition or training. I would take her out on trail rides every so often just to teach her a little…we weren't particularly close, we never had been, especially since Mother didn't entirely approve of her. Too perfectly sweet." Regina barely grimaced, as if pained to share her mother's opinion of something. Still, she continued.
"But, she seemed to like me, and at the time, it was…nice, to have some company. So we rode together. But she wasn't interested in any of the rest of it. No time in practice, no grooming, no work. She rarely spent any time in the stables themselves. With the stable hands."
Emma sensed the shift in tone and immediately understood how all of the pieces of Regina's story would be tying together.
"You did. Your friend—"
"Daniel," Regina cut her off with such constrained emotion, she did not feel the slightest need to try to speak. "His name was Daniel. He was—he was my best friend."
Regina steeled herself, trying not to get lost in the memories that overwhelmed her in this place. Talking about him.
"We met when we were both new to the stables, but he seemed to know everything from the start. He taught me a great deal. And he always put up with my…less than gracious moments." She smiled in her self-reflection. "He found every possible path in these woods, and he would take me here whenever we both could get a moment away. Sometimes he'd help me with dressage steps or form, but mostly, we'd sit here, making up stories for the world below."
Emma had never seen Regina so sentimental, so—soft, none of her edges left to protect her from what was bound to be something unpleasant. She wanted to watch her forever, content in memories of someone she truly cared for. She wanted to be able to evoke that same kind of emotion. But the moment pulled on, and Emma needed to know the rest. She also knew Regina needed a little push.
"And MM? Did she know him—or know who he was to you?"
Regina's face promptly hardened at the mention, sending a pang through Emma for speaking at all.
But Regina knew this was why she started this story to begin with. She needed to follow through. But she would do so in her own way, avoiding directly responding to Emma's questions.
"It was the spring of our freshman year. Mary Margaret had gone riding earlier in the week while I was practicing for competition, and she had a fall when her horse got spooked. She was fine, a little rattled, but fine, and though I told her it was bound to happen but shouldn't stop her, she bowed out of our trail ride that Thursday. It wasn't all that surprising, and come Thursday, when she wasn't at the stables at all, I gladly got Daniel to put off his work to spend time with me instead. Like always, we came here."
"But…" Emma prodded, hoping Regina needed to know she was still with her. She moved her hand closer on the blanket, just barely resisting touching her.
"But." She emphasized the single word a moment, its inevitability deserving of its own sentence. "Mary Margaret did come to the stables that day. And she tried to find me…maybe to show me that she had taken my advice—she must've seen me come here before, she wasn't good enough to track me on her own, but she came out of the trees to see me…against this one." Regina blushed. The memory was still fresh and she had never discussed it with anyone, and with Emma, she didn't know what to say. But Emma knew without explanation, trying to hide a blush all the same.
"You were…more than friends."
Regina could just nod as she pushed through.
"I hadn't even heard her come up, but I saw her—I saw her face…"
Emma knew without a doubt that Regina could still remember every detail of Mary Margaret's expression.
"She ran before I could even get on Ro, and she was gone from the stables all together by the time I made it back. Daniel tried to comfort me, saying she was likely just embarrassed to see her friend like that, but I knew, I just knew." Regina was losing what little control she had as her emotions threatened to take over.
"Regina," Emma comforted, finally placing her hand over her friend's, grounding her. "What happened next?"
Regina looked down at their hands but didn't pull away, focusing instead on Emma's intent eyes. Her reactions were the only thing keeping Regina together in the face of her turmoil. She didn't know how she had even kept it up this long, her emotions still so strong.
"I ran home. To try and call her. I didn't want to go over there, not when Mayor Blanchard could be home. But when I made it, my mother was already on the phone. She knew."
Emma didn't have to hear anything else to know that this story was horrific for Regina. A girl like her caught with "the help". And that MM told her father when she would have to known what Cora was like, especially as a family friend, when it was practically the worst kept secret in town.
"She…" Regina powered on, skipping over all the things that had happened to her as a result, because she wasn't looking for pity and because those she wouldn't ever discuss.
"She called the sheriff to press statutory rape charges."
Emma just barely held back a gasp, but Regina hadn't noticed, her own anger overpowering her usual eloquence.
"We never — He didn't! It was just a kiss! I was 15 and he was 19 and it was just a kiss. One kiss," she protested, her frustration building all over again at how things could have been so very different.
"Somehow she forced him to join the Army. He couldn't fight it."
"God, Regina," Emma breathed with such empathy, for Regina, for Daniel, such a longing to fix things but still desperately needing to know everything she could.
"I found out the next week when he was just gone. No one said anything at the stables, but they knew. Mary Margaret dared to act like nothing had changed, or that it had changed for the better, even."
Regina gathered herself as best she could, exhausted from letting herself feel it all again, but more so from the effort of getting through. What came next hurt, but it all did.
"He managed to leave a note in Rocinante's things. Apologizing to me. God, when I had ruined everything for him. And couldn't, I just couldn't…the next day at school I saw Mary Margaret, and I—I told her everything. What she had done. I cursed her out.
"That's where that story came from," she clarified with a knowing look. The whole school had buzzed with what had happened, and even months later, Regina considered it a guarantee that Emma had at least heard about it.
"David was the one who caught her after she ran away, crying—that's how they really found each other, you know, it was thanks to me," she scoffed. "So perfect that Mary Margaret would destroy my chance at—just to find her own."
Regina tried to catch her anger, hating herself for letting her words get away from her.
"David was dating Kathryn at the time. That's why she hated me. She was the only one who ever gave me any credit for getting the idiots together." Regina turned more thoughtful as her focus shifted to her former friend. "I think she may have contributed to some of the…talk about me. Kathryn has always been very determined."
"If I had known, Regina…" Emma trailed off because she didn't know what she would've done. Not talked to Kathryn at the party, of course, but all that time ago? Back when she had first arrived in Storybrooke? She certainly wouldn't have treated Regina any differently during all of this—but there wouldn't have been this. She wouldn't have taken that bet. Because now she understood. Don't hurt her.
Her emotions must've read prominently across her face because Regina gave her a regretful look.
"I didn't tell you any of this to make you feel guilty, Emma. Or to make you change who your friends are, I just—"
"Of course not. Regina," Emma affirmed, still holding her hand. Emma was never much for contact, but it felt so easy now. All she wanted to do was wrap Regina up in her arms, try and compensate for all the times she had been pushed aside. But instead she took Regina's hand off the blanket and held it between her own, just barely able to look up.
"Thank you." She tried to say everything without saying it at all. For telling me, for being my friend, for this. "Thank you."
Her heart skipped a beat when she wondered if this was what Daniel felt under this tree, caring for this incredible girl.
"I am so sorry."
Regina just barely sighed in relief. Retelling it all had wound up every muscle in her body, every control being exerted to keep the tears from coming, but Emma didn't judge her. For any of it. In fact, she seemed to be siding with her over Mary Margaret, and the warmth of her hands radiated through her body. Being touched with such care almost had her threatening tears all over again. But everything between them could still be okay. It would all be okay.
"Thank you, Emma."
Emma managed a little smile at Regina's own comfort, wanting nothing more than to see it grow, to wonder if there wasn't a happyish ending to this story after all.
"You're gonna go find him right? Once you leave here?" She asked softly, trying to hide her excitement at the prospect of hope.
"No."
Any softening from Regina after Emma's admission disappeared, but Emma had to keep digging. Even though she didn't want to cause Regina distress. Even though she knew she wasn't going to find anything good.
"Why not? Your mom—she won't be able to do anything—she doesn't even have to know."
Regina's mask settled fully back into place, leaving her emotionless for the first time since she had started the story.
"He's dead."
"What?"
"He died. Late that fall."
"Oh, god," she breathed. How was Regina still making it through? How could she even respond to this? "Was it…was it because of the military?"
"He was deployed soon after training. He'd send me postcards from wherever he was—only through the stables. They would always be addressed to Ro. But then I stopped getting them. I didn't find out why until months afterwards, since I didn't have any claim. He had been killed. That's all I could find out," Regina related, unnervingly calm.
She had never discussed his death with anyone. But it came out readily, unimpeded. She hadn't been able to think of it for months after she got the news. It would've been so much better if he had just finally realized that she was to blame for his hardships, if he'd given up on her. Not this reality that she had gotten him killed.
Emma felt her stomach fold up into itself in tension, and she couldn't even imagine what Regina felt, at any point. She knew her "sorry"s would do nothing.
"Fuck, Regina," she murmured into the hand that she rubbed over her face, "You should be treated like a queen. I should beat people up just for looking at you funny."
"Emma," Regina warned, her fear at Emma's perceived treatment of her trumping her reaction to Emma's response. She thought about the rumors—the possibility of rumors. It wasn't like Cora needed actual evidence of something she didn't want in order to react.
"I'm sorry, Regina," Emma interrupted before she could think of how to respond. "I know you don't need defending, and you've dealt with…with too much, before I even came along, but I like looking out for you." She smiled a shy sort of smile before some of the seriousness returned to her gaze. "I need to."
They stared at each other a moment, neither sure of what came next. When finally, Emma ceded.
"I'll try to stop threatening violence. If that helps?"
Damn Emma Swan for somehow bringing out her laugh, for lightening things the same way Daniel did in this very spot even though it was a much greater burden now with everything so much darker. How could Emma still even like her after all of this, how was she not pitying her, sad little Regina who not only had a psycho mother and no friends but who lost the only boy she ever kissed just because she kissed him. How was Emma still drifting back towards her hand, her fingers only leaving in the first place to let off some of their master's combustible energy, her need to do something. Her need to do something for Regina.
She needed to tell Emma everything she was thinking. Even if it was the most terrifying thing she could ever think to do.
"It's not anything the same, Emma, not at all, but I—" she hesitated, debating how to best phrase it, "Caring about me ruined him. I'm worried."
"For me?" Emma's eyebrows shooting up to her hairline would've been quite amusing if it hadn't been for the context, but after a moment or so of absorbing what Regina said, they furrowed until the tension in her forehead melted away with what could only be one of Emma's idea ideas.
"Regina, would you like to go to the prom with me? I mean, not with me with me, like a date, but like friends? Would you like to hang out at prom?"
"Haven't you already been asked?' Regina questioned without thinking, confused by the change of subject.
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I accepted. I'd rather go with you," Emma explained, Unless you've been asked? Or get asked?" She rushed to qualify.
Regina remained perplexed, her ire returning in what she interpreted as Emma's dismissal of how serious she found their situation.
"Did you not hear what I just told you?"
"Yeah, I did," Emma confirmed gently, returning to her odd maturity that seemed to come and go in spurts but always made an appearance when she truly needed it. "But I like you, Regina. So as long as us hanging out doesn't mean bad things for you, I don't care what it means for me."
"Emma—" Regina started, all set to argue why this girl she so desperately liked to be around should no longer be her friend.
"You said it yourself. It's not the same. I can barely even handle my first-timer horse," Emma gestured grandly to Cupcake, blissfully unaware, trying to make Regina see the difference without dishonoring Daniels name. "I don't know what your fancy horse dancing is even about. There's nothing about us that any jerk could blab about." Emma was all too glad to take the dig at MM, but what came next was the most important thing she could think to say. "And I'm way too upset that I missed out on being friends with you to give up now. Okay?"
Regina was beyond impressed by her own ability to shift emotions and the possible combinations she could apparently come up with. She observed her friend, the intensity of her eyes as she waited for a response. It was really only a month more. Once school ended, Emma would go back into her usual summer ways, she'd be stuck in her internship, and they'd both be distracted by college plans. Just a month. What could the harm be in including a dance?
"Okay."
"Will you go to prom with me?" Emma asked again, more confidently.
"Okay." Regina nodded, fighting a smile.
"Okay." Emma beamed in relief, taking a moment just to feel everything that this afternoon had meant.
"Speaking of dancing," she changed the subject soon after, gesturing to Rocinante, "Want to show off a little?"
"It's called dressage," Regina scoffed, more than happy to make their way back to less fraught ground. To try and forget about her past once more.
"Yeah, fancy horse dancing," Emma repeated, teasing. "I want to see what you've got."