Disclaimer: A nod to the genius Robert Kirkman for creating this wonderfully dark, post-apocalyptic world. I do not own or have rights to any of the characters/plot of this series. I'm simply a fan indulging in my post-apocalyptic fantasies.
Thank you Nicole137137 for editing and re-editing this chapter. I was very picky about this one so thanks for staying up late with me until I was satisfied enough to post!
A/N: I always reply to my reviewers and a few of you I actually have legitimate discussions with that helps me as a writer. So thank you guys! You know who you are! ALSO I want to give a big thanks to all my guest reviewers! I wish I could respond to all of your wonderful reviews! Some reviewers don't allow private messaging so I can't reply to them either, but I wanted to give a special thank you to Sarakaoline8 for always leaving me such wonderful reviews and words of encouragement to write my own story! Between you and Nicole, I will definitely let you know when that day comes! XOXO
...
When Beth awoke she was aware of two things; firstly that her mouth felt like sandpaper and secondly that her body ached in places she had forgotten it were possible. Stretching her arms and legs where she stood beside her mattress, she felt her triceps and calves cramping up from overexertion and fell limp back onto her bed.
Rick had told them to get some sleep. He was adamant that the details could wait until after they'd both had a good night's rest, but Beth knew she needed to tell them who she had seen driving that car. She was absolute, one hundred percent sure that it was the same man who had abducted her. She would never forget those hollow, dark eyes and the way his skeletal-like fingers felt around her neck.
Sitting back up and resting her elbows on her knees, cradling her face in her hands, Beth squeezed her eyes shut and willed the bile she felt rising in her throat to go down.
"Beth?" Daryl's voice cut through the silence in her room.
Beth took a deep breath and looked up at him, forcing a small smile on her lips, "I'm fine. Just a little sore."
Daryl eyed her and she knew he probably saw through her words, but he didn't say anything.
"You ready to talk to Rick?" Beth asked as she stood, foregoing the stretching this time around.
"I came by t'pick you up," Daryl answered from where he stood in her doorway.
Beth held his gaze. Neither of them looked away from one another and Beth felt herself really seeing Daryl for the first time. She saw beyond the 'Daryl who could defend himself,' 'Daryl the protector,' 'Daryl the provider,' and saw Daryl the man. His appearance was just as rough as his demeanor, but his eyes were almost honest. If ever she couldn't read his body language, his eyes expressed how he truly felt.
She took a few steps toward her doorway, decreasing the distance between them, and found herself having to look up to continue staring into his eyes. He was the same height as most of the guys in their group, but he towered over her. He was leaner than when they had first met, his body having hardened after so many months on the road fighting for survival, and Beth decided that while he probably wasn't at a healthy weight, he was still handsome.
She furrowed her brows. Had she really just found herself thinking Daryl was handsome? He had qualities that were ideal for living in a world ravaged by man-eating atrocities and she wasn't going to deny that she had felt a connection with him that was far deeper than mere friendship. Daryl made her feel safe and had brought out a strength within her she hadn't known she possessed, but this was the first time she had caught herself thinking of Daryl as attractive.
"Sure you're okay?" Daryl inquired while narrowing his eyes.
"Yeah," Beth smiled more genuinely, "Let's go find Rick."
Giving her one last once over, Daryl turned and began walking down the long hallway to the building exit. Beth stayed a few paces behind, quietly watching the wings across his back. His tanned, toned arms swung gently at his sides and his walk was so distinctly 'Daryl' that Beth knew she would easily be able to spot him in a crowd. His shoulders were more squared. He looked at you in the eyes when he spoke. He had confidence in himself, albeit too much sometimes, but the Daryl she knew now and the Daryl she had met on her farm were stark contrasts.
"You comin'?" He paused and asked over his shoulder.
His tone was rough, but his eyes barely concealed his concern.
Being away from Merle had allowed Daryl to grow into his own. Her heart ached for all he had been through, first being separated and then ultimately his brother's death, but they had shaped the Daryl she knew now. If Merle had stayed around, there was a chance that this Daryl would have never existed.
She felt a slight twinge in her chest at the thought. Realizing she hadn't answered him, she shook off her thoughts and replied, "Right behind ya'!"
Walking side-by-side, Beth decided she would have to more thoroughly examine just what her thoughts were regarding the man beside her at another time. She had important information to tell Rick and Daryl. She knew Daryl would always blame himself for what happened to her by opening the front door of the mortuary no matter what she said. Guilt and anger were a dangerous combination, especially when the combination existed within Daryl Dixon. She honestly wasn't sure how he would react to the news and as they walked, she began playing every possible scenario in her head and how she could most effectively put out the fire.
…
They found Rick talking with Michonne in one of the buildings directly off of the courtyard. There were maps and papers all over the room and Beth deduced that it had acted as a sort of headquarters for the original members of Terminus. Rick looked up as they entered the room, glancing between the two of them, and moving around the desk he was standing behind.
"Glad to see you're both lookin' a little less worse for wear," Rick said as he patted Daryl on the shoulder.
"Good night's sleep will do that for you," Michonne commented while she approached Beth and gave her a tight squeeze, "I'm glad you two made it back safely."
"Nothin' we couldn't handle," Daryl replied confidently.
Beth looked up at him and narrowed her eyes, her disbelief obvious without having to say anything.
"Glad t'hear it," Rick replied.
Beth turned her attention away from Daryl to look up at Rick who was now standing closer to her. Smiling, she stood up on her toes and gave him a light kiss on the cheek, as had once been their customary greeting when Rick would come back from a run.
She didn't view him as a second dad, although realistically with Rick's age he could have had her in his early twenties, but as more of an uncle type role. He reminded her so much of her father in some ways and in other's they were polar opposites.
"So," Rick began, leaning back on the desk covered in maps, "What'd you find?"
Daryl proceeded to tell Rick and Michonne the details of their trip, while Beth would interject and add details as was needed. She wanted to immediately jump in and voice her issue with the driver of the silver car, but decided to wait until Rick was able to ask all of his questions first.
"You think there's enough stuff off the interstate there to drive some vehicles over an' load up?" Rick inquired after Daryl had finished the last details of their trip.
"That place was covered in walker's when we left. Can't really say for sure 'til Glenn, Maggie, an' that other chick-"
"Tara," Beth clarified.
"Until Glenn, Maggie, and Tara get back," Daryl finished without skipping a beat.
"Alright," Rick nodded, "Knowin' it's there is good enough. At least it's a start."
"You think those men had any idea you guys were there?" Michonne asked solemnly, "Should we handle them?"
Beth knew what to 'handle' someone in this day and age meant. The thought of having more blood on her hands made her sick, but she was no longer naïve in thinking it wasn't bound to happen again. She would eventually come across someone who would give her an ultimatum and she had too many reasons to live to give up.
"There's signs about this place all over," Daryl pointed out, "Ain't gonnna' be hard for nobody to find where we're at. Just have to try an' sort out the good from the bad."
"We know. There's a map on tha' table here that indicates the location of every sign they put up," Rick jabbed his thumb over his shoulder.
"We're going to send people out and start taking most of them down. Leave a few. There are a lot of miles to cover," Michonne stated, glancing back at the map on the table.
Beth's blood ran cold. Hearing Daryl say how easy they were to find made Beth feel sick for completely different reason. She had no idea what had happened to her captor. She never made it into the house so she couldn't definitively say whether he was working alone or if there were others. She did stay long enough to check the place for more vehicles. She wasn't sure if that house would have been her final resting place or if they would have kept her alive.
She had never entertained the idea that her abductor would have survived or if walkers had gotten to him while he was unconscious. She hadn't counted him amongst the list of those she'd 'handled,' but she never thought she'd see him again. It was more of an 'out of sight out of mind' situation. She had taken his car and drove it until it ran out of gas. She had felt like she had driven miles away from the house he had taken her to, but in actuality, she had no idea where she had been or how far she had travelled. She had wandered until she had felt safe, but with how many roads she had taken trying to get back to Daryl, she could have driven in circles. The signs about the sanctuary of Terminus all over Georgia, she realized he could have been skulking about for a while now. They'd been in Terminus for weeks.
"What're we doin' about the ones in the boxcars?" Daryl interrupted her panicked thoughts.
"Well…we've been talkin,'" Rick began, "Abraham is adamant about getting Dr. Porter to Washington D.C. at all costs."
"Basically means he's going with or without our help," Michonne translated.
"Let 'em go if they wanna' go," Daryl replied, flicking his wrist in the air as if brushing them off.
"If Eugene really has a cure...if he can end this," Rick motioned around them, "We need to make it our priority to get him there."
"What're you sayin'?" Beth asked, already knowing the answer.
"Gareth and his group can't be trusted t'be integrated into our group. We can't let them go either. They get enough people behind 'em, they'll take us all out," Rick explained.
"Jus' kill 'em," Daryl grumbled.
"You think you can line 'em all up and be a firing squad?" There was no trace of malice or sarcasm in Rick's voice.
Daryl sighed and Beth glanced over at him to see him scowling at his feet.
"I will do anything to keep our family safe. Whatever it takes, no matter the cost, but we're not murderers. They've done terrible things. They can't be trusted. They can't leave. They can't stay. The only thing we have in common with them is wanting to put an' end to tha' walkers," Rick continued.
There was a moment of silence and Beth stepped closer to Daryl. She hadn't even realized she had done so until she felt his shoulder press closer to hers.
"They've agreed to help us get Abraham's group to Washington in exchange for their families to remain safely within Terminus," Michonne spelled it out for them.
"Are you serious?" Beth couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"We can't trust those fuckers. They'll slit our throats tha' first chance they get," Daryl practically roared.
"I don't trust 'em either, alright?" Rick stepped forward, "But I'll risk their lives before I'd risk any of ours."
Suddenly it clicked. Beth pictured Rick and a few others walking behind the people who volunteered to help the group. Her people having their hands on their guns, ready to pull the trigger the first sign of foul play. If no one from their group came back, the volunteer's families in Terminus would be as good as dead. If they ran into walkers, their group would look out for each other and leave everyone else to fend for themselves. The people in the boxcars would literally be used for extra man power against the walkers and nothing more.
"Gareth agreed to the deal. If we manage to pull this off and Eugene can create a cure or a vaccine…Carl and Judith have a shot at a real future. Everyone could live normal lives," Rick's voice softened as he spoke of what could be.
"You really think that guy knows how t'end this shit?" Daryl stared straight into Rick's eyes.
"It's a chance we have t'take," Rick answered after several moments of silence.
"Rick and I have asked around for people willing to come with us. Maggie and Glenn have agreed to come. Tyreese, Carol, Bob, and Sasha have all volunteered to come if we needed them," Michonne listed off the names of people Beth had already anticipated.
"What about Carl? Judith? Taking them on a trip like that…Carl can defend himself, but he shouldn't…" Beth didn't know what she was trying to say. She just knew that she felt like whoever left, it would be the last time she ever saw them.
"Carl and Judith are staying here. Carl isn't gonna' like it, but I can't risk their lives. If this turns out to be a dead end," Rick's words trailed off, "I don't want Judith to be alone."
Beth understood. Maggie was all that she had left. She knew she had everyone else in the group. That they were all family, but Maggie was the only living relative that still existed in the world.
"I want you there with us," Rick addressed Daryl with the words Beth had been dreading most.
She knew those words weren't meant for her and she knew that the person receiving them wouldn't be able to refuse. Rick was telling Daryl he needed him there. That he trusted him. They depended on him. Daryl wouldn't refuse them.
"We need someone to stay with Judith and Carl. Someone we trust to keep them safe," Michonne added vaguely.
Michonne hadn't outright directed the comment to her, but she knew that they weren't suggesting Daryl stay behind and keep the children safe. Glaring at a spot on the floor where the concrete had chipped away and left a hole, Beth felt herself growing frustrated. Words failed her and she willed herself to move. She could hear the murmurs of the continued conversation around her even as she turned and walked out the door.
Everyone had a job to do. She couldn't get upset. Everyone had responsibilities now. Those were the words that she had replayed to herself over a hundred times. Even as she said them to herself now, they didn't feel true. She had changed so much since then and she knew what being separated felt like. She had already decided she had never wanted to feel that loneliness again, but she knew she no longer had a choice in that regard.
People were bustling around outside and Beth welcomed the distraction. Catching the arm of a man rushing toward the door she had just exited from, Beth gained his attention.
"What's all the commotion about?" Beth asked.
"The two that went on a run yesterday are back," the man said in a rush.
"Two? But there were three…" Beth voiced her thoughts aloud.
The moment the words left her lips, she was rushing to the front gates. If three had left and only two were back, that didn't necessarily mean someone had died. Maybe they had gotten separated? Or one had stayed behind to be a distraction and hiding out until it was safe to come back? She herself had done that exact thing when it came to getting their people out of the Blazer. It didn't mean they were dead.
Please don't be dead.
Shoving her way around people, Beth stopped breathing when both Glenn and Maggie were standing before her. Glenn had a third backpack dangling from his grip, but Tara was nowhere in sight.
"What happened?" Beth asked as she rushed to her sister and crushed her in an embrace.
The way Glenn and Maggie were standing there, looking exhausted, and utterly defeated tore at Beth's heart.
She felt Maggie's hands gently grab her upper arms and push Beth far enough away that she could see her face. She watched as Maggie swallowed and worked her jaw in anticipation of the words that were to follow.
"Beth…let's go to your room so we can talk," Maggie's calm was forced and Beth immediately knew Tara was no longer among them.
Beth caught Daryl watching her from the corner of her eyes, but didn't acknowledge him. She already knew Daryl's decision, but she felt she should be allowed to voice her concerns after everything they'd been through. She would deal with whatever Maggie had to tell her and then figure out exactly how she felt about Rick's proposal.
…
Beth waited at the door as Maggie collapsed onto her bed and rested her face in her hands, much like how Beth had been sitting when Daryl found her earlier. The fact that Maggie hadn't spoken to her since her one ominous statement at the gate unnerved Beth all the more.
Glenn had stayed behind and Beth assumed that he was going to fill everyone else in on what happened. The fact that Maggie felt she needed to talk to Beth in private meant that whatever it was, it was important.
Beth slowly crossed the room, stepping over Maggie's bag as she did so, and sat on the bed beside her sister. Reaching over, she took one of Maggie's hands and brought it away from her face. Maggie gripped Beth's hand so tightly that she was already beginning to lose feeling in her fingers, but she allowed Maggie the comfort.
"What happened?" Beth asked softly.
"Tara got bit," Maggie stated flatly.
Beth didn't say anything more and stared down at her feet with a blank stare that matched her sisters.
"She got bit helping me," Maggie said much more quietly.
"How?" Was the only word Beth could formulate to ask.
She was still trying to comprehend just how close her sister had come to being taken from her.
"We ran into ah' group of walkers down an aisle. I didn't see them until it was too late," Maggie began, "Glenn had set up a stereo in tha' back of the store. I was too distracted looking for tha' aisle we needed to think about walkers still bein' around. She…"
Beth waited patiently for her sister to continue. She could hear Maggie sniffling, well aware that she was crying, but Beth held onto her hand and gave her the moment she needed.
Wiping her free hand across her cheeks, Maggie continued, "I dropped my flashlight and we were runnin' around blind. She helped me up on top of one of the metal shelves, but we didn't see the walkers crawling around at our feet."
Beth closed her eyes. She knew the relief she felt at the cost of Tara's life was selfish. While in her opinion Maggie was more important, she knew that no one's life held more value than another's.
"She told me she felt guilty. So I forgave her…told her you would forgive her…an' I didn't let her turn," Maggie finished in a stronger tone.
Beth wasn't following Maggie's last statement. Tara hadn't done anything to offend her; that she could recall. Tara had been quiet for the most part. She helped out when needed, but mostly stuck around Rosita and her group. She had seemed nice enough, but Beth couldn't say she really knew her.
"I don't understand what you mean. Tara's never done anythin' for me to need to forgive her," Beth voiced her thoughts aloud.
"Glenn didn't meet Tara on the road. He told me that he found her, caged off from walker's, at the prison," Maggie replied vaguely.
"What're you trying to say Mags?" Beth let her frustration seep through.
Maggie cleared her throat, and then turned to Beth, bringing one of her knees on the bed between them, "Tara was part of The Governor's group. She didn't know she had been lied to 'til it was too late. She felt like Daddy…she felt like his death was on her hands."
Beth sat looking at her sister. She felt a mixture of emotions coursing through her, but wasn't sure where to focus her energy. She felt anger, betrayal, sadness, and most of all guilt. Guilt because she could recall every conversation she'd had about her father with Tara in the vicinity.
The silence that followed was thick and Beth could feel it weighing down on her shoulders.
"She told me everything right before…." Maggie's voice trailed off, "She kept apologizin'. So I forgave her. I told her that you would forgive her. It was what Daddy would have wanted us to do. It was the right thing to do."
Beth nodded her head, careful to keep her face hidden from view.
Maggie let go of Beth's hand after giving it a gentle squeeze. She then walked over to her abandoned backpack. Beth watched her out of the corner of her eye as Maggie moved to the open doorway.
"I know it's a lot to take in. Just come and get me if you wanna' talk about it," Maggie's exit was pronounced by the echo that filled Beth's room.
Maggie was right. It was a tremendous amount to take in. Knowing that Tara was there, fighting against them at the prison had Beth recalling the entire situation all over again. She had only recently gotten to the point where she didn't wake up from dreams of The Governor slicing her in half, those replaced with the faces of men whose lives she'd taken.
Scooting back to lean against the wall, Beth brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them tightly. She became absorbed in her thoughts as she replayed the day her father was taken from her, trying to remember if she had even actually seen Tara there.
As the memories flowed, so did her tears.
…
It was after noon and Beth was sitting at the edge of her bed, devotedly cleaning her crossbow, when she heard a knock on her door. Her first thought was that it would be Daryl. She hadn't spoken to him since she stormed out of the room earlier and then Maggie and Glenn had showed up. However, from the sound of the knock, she knew it was someone else.
"You can open it," Beth called from where she sat, mindlessly wiping down the limbs of her crossbow.
The act of cleaning her weapon had become a sort of stress relief. It gave her something for her hands to do and an activity to keep her mind focused on.
"Hey," a recognizable female voice spoke as they opened the door.
"Hey," Beth replied while moving to oil the rail of her crossbow.
"Glenn told us what happened. Heard Maggie had talked to you," the voice said from across the room.
Beth continued her ministrations.
"I just wanted to come check on you," Beth could hear the concern in her visitor's voice.
"When you and Daddy were taken," Beth paused, "Did he…did they hurt either of you?"
Finally looking up to the dark-skinned woman in her room, Beth didn't try to hide the raw emotions she felt.
Michonne leaned on the wall in front of Beth with her arms crossed, staring at her.
Beth knew Michonne was deciding how to answer her question, but the longer she waited, the more Beth dreaded her response.
"Your father was one of the bravest men I have ever met in my entire life," Michonne began, "He never lost hope that he would be able to talk sense into that bastard. He tried reaching out and appealing to that man's humanity. Suggested we coexist. But deep down…deep down I think he knew."
"Knew?" Beth repeated.
"They never laid a hand on us while they had us captive. They gave us food, water, even kept us in an RV until they drove us out to the prison. All the while, your father talked to anyone who would listen, but I think he knew that they were going to kill us no matter what we did," Michonne answered both of Beth's questions.
Beth went back to cleaning her crossbow. She could rest at ease finally getting to hear that her father hadn't suffered while he had been captured. While his death hadn't been instantaneous, she hoped that the pain he had felt then hurt less than the pain she was feeling now from losing him, the uncertainty of Rick's proposed trip, and Tara's sacrifice.
"At least he wasn't alone," Beth finally settled on saying.
"Your father was a good man. Tara was misled by The Governor. She never fired a single shot at our people. I know he would want you to make peace with what happened," Michonne pushed off the wall and sat beside Beth on her bed.
"I forgive Tara for what happened. She wasn't the one with the sword in her hands," Beth stated quietly.
The only sound in the room was the 'clanking' of Beth cleaning her crossbow. She had already gone above and beyond on the weapon's maintenance, but she couldn't bring herself to put it down. She understood why Daryl carried his crossbow with him everywhere he went. It had become a security blanket of sorts for her. It gave her a way to defend herself and protect her people.
When Michonne spoke again, she took their conversation in a different direction, "You stormed out earlier."
"I did," Beth replied blandly.
"You and Daryl huh?" Michonne's tone hinted at amusement.
Beth nearly dropped her crossbow and turned sharply to face Michonne, "What?"
"The two of you a thing?" Michonne rephrased her prior insinuation.
"No…no. It's not like that at all. We're a team. I mean, I like Daryl, but it's not like that," Beth felt herself getting more and more flustered.
"Ah. Is that how it is?" Michonne's knowing smile told Beth she wasn't going for her explanation.
"I trust Daryl. He's a good man. Reliable, dependable, and I know he'd do anythin' to take care of us," Beth elaborated.
"So would Rick. Glenn. Me and everyone else in our group," Michonne countered.
"Yeah, but it's different with Daryl," Beth found herself saying before she realized it.
Michonne's eyebrows quirked up, "And how's that?"
"I know we all look out for each other, but everyone has someone watchin' their back. You, Rick, and Carl. Sasha and Bob have gotten close. I've even seen Carol and Tyreese stickin' together more since their…understanding. Abraham has his group. Maggie and Glenn look out for me, but I feel like Daryl tries t'purposely isolate himself. I know what it's like to be alone. I know you understand that feelin' too. I don't want anyone to ever feel like they're alone in this world," Beth answered honestly.
Michonne simply stared at Beth with a look she couldn't quite decipher. The silence made her feel like she needed to say more, but she wasn't sure how to explain her outburst earlier without playing into Michonne's implications.
"I just try an' make sure he doesn't do anything stupid t'get himself killed," Beth mumbled.
"I've been around for a while. Had a few life experiences. I know a smitten man when I see one," Michonne replied casually.
Beth had always respected Michonne. She considered the sword wielder someone she could confide in. She had seen a different side of Michonne through her interactions with Judith at the prison. After the outbreak Michonne started coming to her cell late at night, when everyone was asleep, and spend time with the small child while having frivolous discussions about nothing important with Beth.
"You should talk to him. He hasn't said anything, but I think he's worried about you. He's been extra moody this evening," Michonne said with a rare smile.
Beth nodded and watched Michonne stand from her bed and cross the room to her doorway.
"When you've made up your mind on whether you're coming or not, you should talk to Maggie. Better to make a trip like ours with a clear conscience than bring extra baggage," Michonne added while halfway out the door.
Beth stared at the door long after Michonne had left. She had just assumed that when they had said they needed someone they trusted to stay behind with Judith and Carl, they had meant her. Michonne's last comment had torn that assumption to shreds. They were giving her an option. They weren't pressuring her into coming like they had Daryl. They were going to let her choose.
Smiling for the first time that day, Beth made a mental note to thank Michonne for the enlightening conversation.
…
It was late when Beth finally mustered the courage to seek out Daryl. She searched the courtyard, their lookout post on the roof, before finally deciding to check his room. Daryl's room was on the opposite end of the hallway, much closer to the exit, and was filled with even less furniture than Beth's room.
Knocking on the door, Beth waited in the silent hallway. Most everyone was already asleep, but from the candlelight flickering under Daryl's door, she knew he was still one of the few awake at this hour. After a few moments, her assumption was proven correct when Daryl opened the door.
"Hey," Beth said with a small smile.
"Hey," Daryl replied, opening the door further to let her in.
A twin size bed and a small bedside table were placed in the far corner. The floor was littered with various items from articles of clothing to crossbow accessories. Stepping over the loose bolts he had lined up across the floor, Beth realized she had caught him in the middle of taking inventory of his belongings.
"Whadn't expectin' company," Daryl replied as he gathered his items and stuffed them back in his bag.
"Sorry," Beth replied, not knowing what else to say.
"S'okay," Daryl replied while carefully replacing the bolts in his crossbow quiver.
Beth sat on the floor, her back resting against the rod frame of Daryl's bed. When Daryl had finished putting up his belongings, he sat beside Beth. Neither one of them spoke. Beth wasn't sure how to start the conversation she knew they would ultimately have and Daryl seemed content to just sit next to her.
"You alright?" It was Daryl who spoke first.
"Yeah. I think so," Beth replied.
"I ain't much for talkin', but if you wanna', I can listen," Daryl's rough voice held a soothing effect.
"You hear 'bout what happened from Glenn?" Beth looked over to see Daryl picking at his fingers with his knife.
Daryl nodded in reply, glancing at her from under his shaggy hair.
"I don't really know how I feel about it. I forgive Tara. What happened wasn't her fault. I guess I'm more upset that she carried around that guilt and I never knew it. Maggie told her I would forgive her, but she never got to hear it from me," Beth sighed and leaned her head back against Daryl's mattress.
"Guilt ain't somethin' some people can share easily," Daryl met her stare.
Beth was the first to look away. She knew Daryl was speaking from personal experience as well as making a general statement. Beth had her own burdens she carried and knew the weight all too well. She would be surprised if she met someone who didn't have some sort of regret from things they've had to do in order to survive.
"She was just a little older than me," Beth looked down at her hands in her lap.
"Age don't mean much anymore. It's just about survivin' now," Daryl admitted.
"You think things would've happened differently if she had talked t'us before?" Beth met his gaze once more.
Daryl sat quietly for a moment, brows furrowed, and gnawing on the inside of his cheek. Bending her knees to her chest, Beth rested her chin against her legs, her eyes never wavering from his.
"I don't think you can put much stock in what might'ah been. Her reasons for not tellin' ya' are her own. Jus' gotta' accept it for what it is and move on," Daryl stated bluntly.
"I know. I jus' wonder if I could'ah done somethin' or said somethin' that would've made a difference," Beth slumped her shoulders, "May sound silly, but I sometimes feel like nothin' can happen to any of us after. That we're not invincible even after all we've been through and survived. I forgot just how quickly things can go bad."
"Life's short," Daryl paraphrased a quote Beth had heard her father say many times.
"She's with her family again," Beth murmured softly, "At least she's not suffering anymore."
Daryl grunted in reply and even though Beth didn't feel better, she was at least able to identify exactly how she felt about Tara.
While Tara had unwittingly betrayed them in the beginning, she had redeemed herself tenfold in the end. She had helped bring Glenn and Maggie back together and ultimately gave her life for Maggie. Beth was angry with Tara, but angrier with herself for not realizing the older girl held such deep remorse. She felt guilty she hadn't gotten to know her better. That maybe if she had taken the time to sit down and let Tara know what kind of person she was, that she wouldn't blame Tara for what had happened at the prison, that maybe she would still be here today. There would be no way of knowing if doing anything would change the outcome of today's events, but Beth wouldn't feel as guilty knowing she had at least tried to be there for Tara. Her last thought brought her back to her conversation with Michonne.
"I want to come with you," Beth stated firmly.
Daryl's hands continued to fiddle with his knife while he lips remained firmly pressed together.
"I'm coming with you," Beth rephrased her statement.
Daryl heaved a sigh and turned to face her, "Nothin' I can say t'change yer' mind is there?"
Beth set her jaw and calmly shook her head.
"I'd rather you be here, where I'd know you'd be safe, but I ain't gonna' tell you what to do," Daryl placed his knife on his bedside table and resumed facing Beth.
"I'd rather be there t'make sure you don't get yer'self killed," Beth retorted, "We make a good team."
Daryl breathed in deeply, searching Beth's eyes, "Stubborn girl."
"You're one t'talk," Beth smirked.
"I'll keep ya' safe," Daryl finally surrendered.
Beth shook her head and reached up to cup Daryl's cheek within her palm, "When are you gonna' figure out that I'm tryin' t'keep you safe too?"
Daryl's face was unreadable, but the gleam in his eyes told Beth everything she needed to know. Even without Michonne's comment earlier, Beth had already begun realizing that things between her and Daryl had gone far past the point of platonic. She was scared that asking Daryl to identify what was going on between them would cause him to distance himself, but the look he was giving her told her he too was aware that things between them had changed. If the look wasn't enough, the moment he leaned forward to press his lips to hers was confirmation.
He was more confident in this kiss than he had been in the last two. As his lips moved against hers, Beth found herself only being able to focus on emotions that seemed to overflow within. The feelings she had been suppressing for however long knocked down the walls she had built around herself. She was finally willing to admit to herself, if not yet out loud, that she did have feelings for Daryl.
When she couldn't get close enough, Beth wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. His hands found her waist and all it took was his touch for her maneuver herself onto his lap. She was hyperaware of everywhere his hands touched and when she felt a sensation graze her lower lip, she immediately reciprocated.
Her arms unwound from his neck and she gently placed her hands on the sides of his face. Beth couldn't remember the last time she felt so alive. Her heart was racing for a reason other than fear. She felt safe in completely letting her guard down even if only for a brief moment. She was lost in the euphoria that Daryl was providing.
When their kisses began to slow, Beth felt herself slowly coming down from the adrenaline rush. Keeping her eyes closed, she rested her forehead against Daryl's. His hands still held her as gently as she held his face. She wasn't sure what his expression was, but Beth cheeks were hurting from how big she was smiling.
"You're still heavier than ya' look," Daryl's words caused her eyes to flutter open and meet his bright blue ones.
"You do realize that's not a very flattering thing t'say to 'ah lady, right?" Beth giggled.
"Never claimed t'be a gentlemen," Daryl smirked.
Pulling back and dropping her hands from his face to lace her fingers between his, Beth marveled at how well their hands fit together. She hadn't paid much attention to the gesture before, but lately she had caught herself seeing things in a new light when it came to Daryl.
"I..uh," Daryl cleared his throat, "Not really sure where t'go from here."
"Me neither," Beth answered honestly, "but we'll figure it out."
Daryl stared at her until Beth furrowed her brows in question. He then reached up and tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear and Beth was left blinking. She took the rare, intimate gesture as appreciation for not overcomplicating things. For not forcing a label on whatever relationship was occurring between them. She couldn't be sure, as she was making her own assumptions from his body language, but Beth made sure to express her own gratitude with a light press of her lips to his.
"You mind if I crash here for the night? I don't really feel like bein' alone," Beth quietly asked when she leaned back for a second time.
"Yeah. Sure. I'll take the floor," Daryl replied.
Beth stood and moved to sit on the bed. Daryl followed suit and walked over to his bag to remove the spare blanket he had stuffed back in there when Beth entered the room.
"I don't mind sharin'," Beth tried to argue.
"Nah. I'm fine. Not used to sleepin' in a bed anyhow," Daryl rebuffed her.
She would have argued further that they could both sleep on the bed; that they had slept beside each other on numerous occasions when they were on their own, but she knew Daryl had a stubborn streak that rivaled her own. She also found it a little amusing that while after claiming he didn't see himself as a gentlemen, he was acting as such by not sleeping next to her and giving her the bed.
When Daryl was settled on the floor, Beth blew out the candle on his bedside table and got comfortable on his bed. She felt slightly guilty for taking the bed, but she knew no matter what she said; he would insist that he was fine with the floor.
"We'll find Rick in the mornin'. Figure out who will stay behind with Carl and Lil' Asskicker," Daryl's voice filtered through the darkness.
"Just wake me if I'm still asleep," Beth replied.
It wasn't until she was comfortably dozing, surrounded by the scent of pine and oil, that she remembered she hadn't informed them of her disturbing news about the vehicle they had come across the day before. She would make sure to tell them tomorrow. She was certain, as impractically as the case may be, that it was the same man who had kidnapped her at the mortuary. Even if it wasn't, she didn't want to take that chance by not telling them.
"I'll see ya' in the mornin'," Daryl's voiced sounded farther away.
"G'night Daryl," Beth mumbled in reply.
She had cried, mourning the loss of her father and a girl she had barely known. She had been given perspective through her conversations with Michonne and Daryl, and thanks to him she had managed to find a little happiness on such a dark day.
As she yielded to her exhaustion, she noticed how much more comfortable Daryl's bed was. The mattress was lumpier and more worn than hers, but the scent of it lulled her into a peaceful slumber. Her last thoughts were of rough, calloused hands and warm, chapped lips.
Life is too short to live in regret.
...
A/N: I was very particular about this chapter. I wanted Beth to seek Daryl for comfort, but I wanted to keep the relationship at the pace I've set throughout the story. However, I felt it was time that Daryl took some initiative. So I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I always love getting feedback!