Let the light guide you trough
AU Finchel. She heard it like they all had. They boys were coming home, within the next few hours she'd be able to hold Finn again. Or so she thought. After a mission goes terribly wrong, Rachel is left wondering if she'll ever see him again. And then the she sees the white car approaching. Her heart shattering into a million pieces.
Thank you so much for the follows, favs, and etc guys! They mean the world to me!
On to the story. Just a side note, this is sad! I had tears in my eyes! And yet, well they haven't found a body so hope it's what dies last, okay? Enjoy!
I don't own Glee! Cory I'm thinking a lot about you today :)
Thanks again!
Chapter 7:
Rachel let out a sharp breath as she heard the tires of the plane come to a stop. She was finally home, back in Lima, back to where she had tried to run away from in the first place almost 20 years before.
"Miss?" A voice called her attention. She asked if she'd be kind enough to get off the plane last due, well to her big brood. She of course didn't care. She was not really in the mood to care about anything really.
"Isn't that ragic mommy?" Hannah asked curiously.
"You mean racist?" Jack corrected her. "It's not Han... I don't think it is..."
"Yeah she just doesn't want Jack to be crushed by the people passing by." Matt let out earning a glare from his smaller brother.
Rachel turned around to see her children. Jack and the babies remained quiet as did Cory who held Wyatt on his lap." Sorry..." Matt said quietly.
Rachel sighed, she honestly wasn't mad; she was just, well stressed out.
If you counted the hours on the air with her seven children, all by herself since neither of her friends had been able to fly in at the same time, not even Carole who had moved earth and sky to help her.
"Let's go guys, remember to hold hands okay?" She held on to baby Micah as the kids followed suit behind her. She remembered not coming home often, the last time they had, Rachel had been here to see Leroy who had had a health scare, that had been around last Christmas, although yeah, Finn had had been here, his way of managing the brood was gentle and firm at the same time, she took it as a gift from being in the Army for so long
"Do you see them?" Jack asked Matt who was searching for their grandparents.
"No. Are you sure they knew we were landing?"
"Yes..." Rachel said searching for her phone in the diaper bag.
"There they are mom!" Cory called, Rachel sighed relieved her fathers were here.
"Sweetheart..." There was an extra melodic tone in her papa's voice, she made a note to ignore it as they somehow managed to gather all their belongings and made their way to Leroy's van.
Rachel and her dad's strapped the babies and Hannah to the car seats while the boys helped get the bags inside. The ride home was quiet, the kids feared to get Rachel raddled up and her fathers didn't want to upset her even further.
"I made sure they were enough blankets and pillows on the down room." Leroy said kindly as they arrived. Her fathers had made the basement an enormous guest room for whenever they had visitors, while Hannah and Perry stayed over at the guest room; Rachel took the two babies to her room.
"Anyone hungry?" Hiram asked. "Grandpa and I just went to get provisions for us all ... I could make up something good really fast..."
"Thank you daddy," Rachel smiled. "I'm not really hungry but I'm sure the kids would love to."
"Hmm... Yeah I could do pasta" Cory smiled. "Want some help?"
"Of course, everyone is invited to help and make this even faster." Hiram smiled. With everyone on their business, she was thankful her dads were able to get the kid's mind off everything for a while, and she was sure both of them appreciated having children to fill the house with again.
"I'm going to put the baby to bed. I'll be back soon." Rachel said retrieving to her room. Wyatt who was in his granddad's arms gave her a weary look but was quickly distracted by his brother. Rachel took 3 month old baby Micah and locked herself in the room.
Her childhood room had changed little since she had gone to the city, except for the added furniture for her children. Rachel sat on the bed for a moment, engulfing on the fact to where she was and what she was to do here tomorrow, until Micah made it his mission to call her attention by holding on to her Finn necklace. Finn.
"Hey baby, are you hungry?" She said sweetly. "Let's see here..." She had not breast fed her most of her children, she had really wanted to but her body had not allowed her, so instead she pulled out an already prepared bottle from the diaper bag and fed Micah who hadn't let go of her small golden necklace even so in his young age.
"You sure she won't come and eat something? I'm really worried." Hiram asked Cory as they set the table.
"Its fine grandpa, she ate on the plane."
"Oh, well she could use more food down her small frame..."
Cory smiled. Rachel had not ever been fat or a big eater but the stress of the last month had really taken a toll on her health, much to everyone's dismay.
"She's just.. Not herself these days..." Cory said slowly.
"Understandable, but even so I worry what about you? It can't be good for you either... It's a lot of pressure for a young boy."
"It's okay, I do okay, I asked my doctor to give me some pills in case I'm in trouble, there hasn't been any."
"I'm glad, but even so, it can't be easy..."
"It's not..." Cory admitted sadly putting down the last plate, his face down in defeat. "I just worry about her you know? I just don't know if she'll be able to.." Hiram could see Cory's eyes water.
"To what, my boy?"
"Be Rachel without Finn, mom without dad."
Rachel made it out of her room an hour or so later to find her children at the table with her dads.
"Sweetie, did you need something? We've got plenty of food..." She moved to the fridge to grab a bottle of water.
"It's yummy mommy!" Perry smiled.
"I'm sure it is baby." She said sweetly joining them on the table and yet she had not eaten.
"Nothing like dad's Mac and cheese but still..." Hiram and Leroy shared a look on the comment and then glanced at their daughter. "Sorry grandpa…"
"It's alright Jack, I'm sure they're just as good." Leroy said.
"Better even..." His granddad added in.
Everyone went back to their diner at once. Even Hannah and Perry who had once made a bit of small talk to their grandparents were quiet.
"So... who wants dessert?" Leroy said. The children all raised their hands.
"Dad, I don't think it's a good idea, it's been a long day and we should all just go to bed..." Rachel filed her ears with sounds of disappointment. And yet she had nor the will nor the energy to argue. "Fine..."
"Seven portions of rocky road coming right up!"
After her usual night rounds, Rachel made her way to her bedroom, for once she discarded her night ritual and only opted for a pair of shorts and one of Finn's McKinley old shirts. Imagine her surprise at realizing she was not alone in bed. Hannah and Perry had come to join her while she was getting ready. She wasn't a stranger to night visits from her kids, especially in the last few weeks. Rachel moved both children to her side as she settled on Finn's. Call her crazy but she swore she could somehow smell his cologne. Driven by exhaustion and expectation for the next day, she finally drifted to sleep, stains of tears in her eyes.
"Rachel... We have to go sweet-pie.." Her daddy's voice made Rachel look up, her tear stained face had already ruined her makeup. And she had not even left the house.
"I...I thought I'd ask Mercedes to sing this at the service..." She said pulling up some music sheets, they both really liked that song..." Her daddy walked closer, placing a hand in her own.
"Of course."
"I... I left Micah sleeping..." She suddenly burbled out.
"It's fine Rachela. He's already in the car. Everyone is, it's just you..." He walked closer to his child's bed.
"Daddy... I can... Can't do this... I'm not... I can't say goodbye..."
"Baby of mine. You have to..." Her daddy brushed her hair. "It can take you all the time you need but eventually, you will have to."
"To What am I supposed to say goodbye to? I have nothing to say...nothing to touch, he isn't here and I didn't get to say goodbye..." And she broke. she finally broke, four weeks of bottled up emotions and strength for the sake of her children came tumbling down like a ton of bricks. She was alone and she had to say goodbye.
The room was crowded. Crowded of strangers and familiar faces. Rachel wore a hat as she hid her face behind glasses. Her children walked beside her quietly, her fathers, not so far behind.
Rachel spotted Chris and Carole on the far end of the room, with Finn's aunt and uncle, Kurt and his dad Burt and Santana with her parents. Carole held on to her hand as she walked by to take a seat.
She doesn't register a lot after that, she knows Mercedes is there with Sam and little Jennifer. Blaine and Kurt and their children, Brittany later joins Santana. Quinn And puck stand there with their boys, while her mother and Beth whose a baby no more, hugs her. Artie and a few other people they knew from school and glee are also there, she searches for Tina who is still in New York as Mike still can't travel but was told he'd make it. She had however received flowers from them both. A few other men and women stand there too and she's aware they are part of his life in the army as well.
"Hey pixie girl." Noah wrapped his arms around her tenderly. He placed a kiss on her cheek. After Noah, everyone seemed to come up to her, hug her and tell her she wasn't alone.
They talked about Finn and what a wonderful guy he was. More people than she could count said this as if they were reciting it. It bothered her but she didn't make it noticeable.
Then he saw him. Her old Glee club teacher, the reason she'd found Finn in the first place, Will Shuester, his wife Emma. Will offered her a sweet smile from the far end of the room. And he was the first person she willingly walked up to.
"Hey ,Mr. Shue." Her voice was calm and yet sounded shattered.
"Rachel... Look at you. It's been a while."Her teacher smiled.
"Too much of a while." She agreed. They both looked back at her children, they all sat with Santana and Kurt. "I'm sorry we had not come sooner, you could have seen Finn.. " his mane caught In her throat.
"Shhh, its fine." He said offering his arms to a hug, she melted against his embrace. "I understand, it will be okay..."
She cleaned her eyes looking up at him. "I don't really think that's possible."
"Rachel?" A voice said behind them. It was Santana. "Come on, we should go sit down now."
"Go."Mr. Shue smiled brushing her arm tenderly. Rachel bowed her head and followed Santana, sitting next to Chris and Carole, she handed her baby Wyatt who at the tender age of 16 months had the sweeter gestures, he held on to her face, noticing the tears stains he brushed his fingers there and leaned to kiss her nose which made Rachel smile. She didn't dare to look to the front, were the ceremony was taking place. Instead she focused on her children, Hannah had broken into tears and Matt and Jack were comforting her even though they were in tears themselves. Cory was unusually quiet as he sat next to Quinn and Puck. While Perry was resting in Carole's lap, asking her questions which the woman tried to answer calmly as Rachel knew her heart broke inside. Her baby boy, Micah had stayed behind with her dads and slept. If only she could sleep through the whole thing.
Funny thing about funerals without the person who has passed away, you feel the emptiness even so more because it's impossible for you to get the chance to say goodbye. A closed coffin which go to the ground, empty. A couple pictures of a young Finn with Chris and Carole. Their first trophy for Glee, their young faces smiled proudly. Also there, a picture of the Hudson clan. This was a bit different; Finn laid on the ground looking up as he took a selfie of his ever growing family. Family and friends stood on the last picture at thanksgiving while, Mike, Puck and Sam and the rest of the unit all gathered around Finn in the one at the far end.
Every child eventually placed a rose on top of the coffin and a military ceremony took place as well. Rachel held on to the flag with shaky hands as Cory took one and squeezed.
"Your husband was a very brave man and we owe him a great deal of our lives, I am sorry he couldn't be returned to you." A senior soldier knelt in front of Rachel as she cried. She cried over the face she'd never get to see again or the voice she'd never hear. Rachel looked up just in time to see Chris shake the man's hand. He then turned to her. She was pissed at him. He really was, he'd been the one to ruin his career and become ashamed of himself while Finn paid the price of trying to clean up his name. And yet in that moment, she just saw herself mirrored in Chris's grief and pain. So she hugged him.
By the time the service was over they decided to move on to the Hudson residence in Lima which had not been Finn's childhood home but it had been his home when he was a teenager since his father had owned the restaurant. His childhood home however had remained intact, which Finn had inherited but he was in the process of remodeling. Another thing he'd never finish.
"Hey." Cory was found upstairs by Noah who'd had sneaked away from the people. "What are you doing here?" Puck joined him on the bed where Cory held on to a small drum set kit which fitted in his hand.
"I don't know, hiding I guess."
"Me too. Sad people only want to feed you..." Puck said lightly. Cory smiled. "So I heard the general saying they're going to do all they can to bring your dad home."
"That's what they said weeks ago." Cory said dryly.
"Yes well, now they know where to look and what to, expect."
"A body?" He said standing up and looking around Finn's old room. "Yeah that should bring my mom comfort for sure."
"Look baby Huddy I know you're hurt, I am too, I'm pissed. I feel like it should have been me, who should have died out there, I wish I had."
"You you don't mean that." Cory put in. "I'm glad you're here uncle Puck, and so is Quinn and the boys."
"What are you guys doing up here?" Came Rachel's small voice. Cory froze on the spot. "Honey, please come and help downstairs."
Sure. I'll be right there." Cory said quietly placing the small toy back where it belonged. He said goodbye to Puck as he walked passed his mother whose eyes laid on Noah.
"How you doing Berry?" He asked standing up, his leg cast had come off just the week before so his leg was still not strong enough but he was quickly regaining strength.
"I'm fine." She wrapped he arms around her body as she entered the room. Her eyes landed on a picture of her and Finn that had been taken on the choir room on their senior year.
"A lot happened that year." Puck commented.
"Yes it did."
"I almost got married and got dumped on the same day." She said bitterly. "and somehow I always knew, that he'd never really not be a part of my life you know?"
"Yeah and then you and him got it on... at Shue's wedding." Puck winked.
She remembered opening the door and finding him there. In New York. His body and face were hard. Like he was mad at her and yet, the glint of worry rested in his eyes.
"Is it true?" Were the first words to leave his mouth. Finn, his ever now 19 year old self seemed more like a man than the boy she'd left back on the train and yet at the wedding. The boy who was meant to be in Georgia, Was in New York.
"Finn" Finn looked down at her stomach. She wasn't showing much just yet.
"Puck told me." She froze."Tell me the truth you owe me that much." He begged.
" I..." Yes well she did left him at the crack of dawn without saying much of a goodbye or a thank you. "How did Puck find out?"
"Does it matter?"
"It does to me." She answered shakily. Finn looked down at her belly, not so prominent yet.
"Is it mine?" There was a bit of concern in his voice. After all, she had cheated on Brody.
"Yes." Rachel's voice broke. She began to lose vision from her tears. Then she felt his strong arms around her."It's going to be fine Rach, we'll make it through this, I promise."
"We?" She asked after a moment. "Finn, you don't have to..." He pulled away from her. His eyes showed hurt. "I can't ask you for anything..."
"I'm not just walking away from this Rachel, I won't let you push me away either." He nervously brushed his hair. "I mean I know we are not together or anything right now but, we can try." He smiled at her and she felt light headed.
"How do you suppose we do that, with you in Georgia and me in New York?"
"I don't know, but I promise you, this will work out Rachel. Because I love you." He inched closer to her, his kiss was sweet and yet full of love. "And I love our baby." She felt him bush her tummy with his finger. And she was sure somehow it would work.
The evening died down. And Rachel felt relieved as soon as she closed the door behind the last guest, only to be left with her dads, Kurt and Blaine, Burt Hummel, Santana, Puck, Quinn, and Shelby.
"I guess we should be leaving as well." Shelby told Beth. "I'll be staying for a couple days, so you call me if you need anything okay?" Rachel nodded, hugging her mother and Beth.
"I can baby sit if you want, you name it." She added in.
"Thank you sweetie, I'll keep that in mind."
"See you in New York?" Her sister asked. Rachel sighed.
"See you in New York." Beth said goodbye to Puck and Quinn, and followed Shelby out.
"She looks just like you Q." Puck said as soon as Rachel closed the door. All in all, Quinn and Puck had been grateful to have a relationship with Beth. Who was just amazing.
"We should go too," Quinn said after a moment. "I'm just going to get the boys."
Once Liam and Jonah were downstairs. Quinn and Puck said their goodbyes."Call me tomorrow, okay?" Quinn said. "We'll go and have coffee or something, no kids."
"Sure." Rachel smiled.
"Take care Berry, I'll be seeing you."
"Goodbye Noah, stay out of trouble..." He winked at her.
"Bye Aunt Rachel." Jonah hugged her. "I'll continue to Pray for Uncle Finn..."
"Thank you sweetie, I will too ." Rachel instantly reached for her Finn necklace.
"Honey." By the time it was the moment to say goodbye to Carole, Rachel broke down, the woman who'd lost her child held on to her for dear life and Rachel couldn't imagine losing one of her children. "I want to tell you that you're not alone and we'll Always be here for you."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry he didn't come home."
"I'm sorry too." His mother admitted. Cleaning her eyes. "I'm sorry you'll have to go through this... But I'm right here if you need me. You changed my son's life Rachel and I love you so much for allowing me to be in yours."
"He changed mine."
"It's over isn't it?" Rachel asked Kurt and Santana.
"What is?" Kurt asked, they had returned home to her dad's and she now only remained with her two best friends.
"I don't know my life. My life with Finn. My life all and all." She assessed bitterly.
"Of course not honey, it's not. It's just different." Kurt said reaching for her hand.
"Yes, but it will never be better, I... He was it for me."
"Yes, we all knew that since you smooched each other at the auditorium." Santana said.
"How did you..."
"Frankenteen told me" Santana's smile widened as she clutched her glass, "he said it had happened when he was still dating Quinn. In his defense." Santana said noticing Rachel's expression. "He was hammered. He even said that had been his best kiss. And he had had me next." Rachel smiled. "He loved you so much Berry, that's the only thing that won't change."
Oh man! This was super hard to write but I hope it was worth it! Don't forget, hope dies last! And thanks again for reading! As you can see, everything is cannon up to the middle of the fourth season. Please review if you can. :)