**Author's notes, thanks so much for the great reviews and feedback you've given. I love hearing from you all.**

September 7

Sunday, no plans, no appointment, nothing. I curled up on the couch and put on a marathon of Tabatha's Salon Takeover. I wondered what Mr. Alexander would do if she showed up at his place. It'd probably be pretty funny. I bet he'd beat her ass. Yeah, I wasn't really having very deep thoughts. I kind of felt like my brain was going to mush.

Thank God Tank surprised me by coming home from work early. I think he was concerned after he found me all weepy and confused after the phone calls I'd made yesterday, but he said it was just because it was slow on Sundays and the guys would call him if he was needed. I wondered if Ranger knew he took off early. I doubted that he'd like that.

Shortly after Tank got home Lester showed up with Chinese takeout and a twelve pack of Coke. We all sat around the dining table sharing the deep fried, heavily sauced chicken and fried rice. Mmm. It smelled really good, but like everything else, when I went to eat it, it didn't really have a flavor and my appetite disappeared before my food was half gone. I could tell the guys exchanged a look when I dumped my uneaten food in the trash, but there was nothing I could do about it. I just wasn't hungry.

They tried to keep the evening light. After dinner they set up Scrabble and we played two games. The first Tank won and the second I won, by eighty-three points, after I dropped the word gonads on the board, twice, both on a triple word scores. Yeah, I thought the Scrabble gods were having fun with me too, giving me that word when mine were shriveled up and worthless anymore, but I didn't want to ruin the guys fun so I just put on a smile and pretended I was fine.

I was surprised when Lula dropped by with some DVD's and popcorn, but Tank didn't seem surprised at all. I kind of wondered if they were hooking up again, but I figured if they wanted me to know they'd tell me.

She hugged me like she hadn't seen me in years and whispered to me that she started taking allergy pills so the cats didn't bother her anymore. It actually made me laugh to think about the stupid excuse they'd used to end their engagement. Then that got me thinking about all the stupid reasons Joe and I had used to end our relationship, over and over.

Do you leave the person you love because they threw away your peanut butter or forgot to buy a loaf of bread? I doubted it, at least sane people didn't. I wondered if we'd picked the fight yesterday on purpose too. I know I could have been honest with him about my problems, but I didn't want to. I wanted him to have an excuse to walk away. I thought about what Ranger once told me, he said Joe and I had an unhealthy pattern of behavior. Wasn't that the truth, but what about Ranger and me, wasn't our pattern of behavior just as messed up? Maybe it was just me that didn't know how to have a relationship. They both seemed like sensible, smart men when I wasn't involved.

Lula shook my arm and asked where the hell I had gone, I just shrugged at her. "You call Batman yet?" she asked. Batman was our nickname for Ranger. It wasn't really far off either, he was all dark and mysterious, his car looked like the Batmobile, his building wasn't far off from being the Batcave, he could go from the black clad superhero to the Armani suit wearing CEO in seconds, and he had that whole secret, tragic past thing that he wouldn't share, but spent his time trying to save the world anyway.

I told her that I'd called him yesterday, but when I heard his voice I couldn't talk. She just made a face. She suggested that we invite him over here so I could see him. She thought it'd be easier to talk to him in person, I thought she was crazy. I felt like I was barely holding it together with the three of them. I didn't think I could face the emotions that came along with seeing Ranger, especially since I didn't know how he'd react to my illness. I didn't want him to see me this way.

Lula told me to try again, it'd get easier. She seemed to think he wouldn't judge, because he never judged his friends. She said he was the only one that would pick me up dirty, covered in trash, and smelling like shit and still tell me he was proud of me. Huh, I guess she wasn't wrong, but that was when I was working and catching the bad guys. There wasn't much to be proud of at the moment. I wasn't strong enough to handle the job he'd spent so much time and trouble teaching me to do.

We loaded up the first movie which was Coming to America, Lula said it was her Ghostbusters. I have to admit that it was a really funny movie, one I couldn't help laugh at. After a short break and food and drink replenishment we all settled back down for the second movie, Rush Hour.

I'd ended up with Lester on the loveseat since Lula and Tank seemed comfortably snuggled on the couch when we came back into the room. Les poked me and pointed toward the couch a half dozen times, each time Tank and Lula looked a little more cozy until they decided they were tired and went to bed, together.

Lester and I waited until we heard the door close before we both started laughing. It felt good to laugh. He turned sideways on the loveseat and hauled me between his legs so I was lying against his chest. Then he asked how I was really doing. That was a great question.

I told him I thought I was doing better than I had been doing, but I wouldn't say I was actually doing better. He seemed to get quiet after that. I wondered what he was thinking, finally he asked me why I was scared to talk to Ranger. If I knew the answer to that question I'd be talking to him by now.

He seemed to have the same opinion as Lula, he thought that I should call Ranger to come over or meet him for lunch or something. I asked if he was getting sick of babysitting me. I figured there was a reason he was trying to pawn me off on Ranger. He told me he'd never get sick of me, but he didn't think he was what I needed. He told me that Ranger had been my real support system for the last five years. That made me stop to think. Was he? More importantly did he want to be?

After the movie Lester and I took a walk, I figured I was safe enough, like all the RangeMan guys Les made me feel physically safe. By the time we got back all was quiet from Tank's den of love, yikes. I crawled into bed totally exhausted that night.

Lester knocked and came in a minute later with my phone. He laid the phone next to my pillow and kissed my cheek. "Steph, call him to say goodnight. I know he doesn't show it, but he worries too." Then he walked away.

I picked up the phone and held it in my fist for a few minutes before I laid it on the pillow next to me. A few minutes later I turned it on. Another ten minutes and I was still awake, so I picked up the phone. It was another ten minutes before I pushed the speed dial button.

This time he didn't pick up with his usual yo, he just said, "Babe?"

I just said hi back. I wasn't sure what I was doing or why I called. I just couldn't get him out of my mind. I think a minute of silence passed between us before he asked if I was alright. For the first time I felt like I wasn't lying to someone, instead of my standard fine, I said, "No. I'm scared."

"Where are you? Are you in danger?" I could tell he was moving, probably ready to come get me.

I told him I was safe, at least not in any danger. Then I asked if Tank had video security at his house. Ranger never stumbles over his words, but I did hear a pause before he told me that he had a camera in the front hall. I got out of bed and walked back into the living room and stood in the front hall, looking at the camera. "Pull up the camera," I told him.

I heard him laugh before he said, "Babe, are those Batman underpants?"

I laughed back, I'd forgotten to put pants on so I was just in a black tank and Batman panties. I told him I just wanted him to know that I was safe. He asked where Tank was, so I told him about the movie and Lula and his escape to the bedroom halfway through the film.

I went back to bed as I relaxed into conversation with him. He told me about a big account he was working on and how Hector had gotten shocked and knocked on his ass during an installation because he didn't disconnect the power supply, though he was fine, just pissed off. I finally told him that I was trying to work through some stuff and Tank gave me a place to hide out.

He kept me on the phone for close to two hours, talking about everything and nothing. I knew what Ella had made for dinner and about her attempt to sneak sweets in for Cal's birthday, which Ranger said he only pretended to get mad about. He told me about a new gun he picked up, it could blow the faces off his paper men at the range with one bullet. He told me that he smelled my perfume on Lester Friday and had to stop himself from sniffing him every time he walked by. That made me feel kind of gooey inside.

"I really miss you, Babe," he told me after that.

Definitely gooey. "I miss you too, Ranger," I said back. We didn't say anything after that, I fell asleep with the phone on the pillow next to me.

I woke at five to the sound of an alarm. Then I realized that it was coming from over the phone. "Ranger?" I asked picking it up.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. It's time for the gym," he told me. I asked if he'd slept. He said he slept better than he had in weeks. Then he told me to go back to sleep and promised to talk to me later in the day.

Of course, I was equal parts excited and terrified to talk to him again, so I told him goodbye and got up and made some caramel coffee in Tank's fancy little Keurig machine and decided to write in here. Maybe I'll take a nap, I have a few hours before my appointment with Dr. Westin.

**Sound off, this is written from a diary POV...would you like to see me use more dialogue within the chapters? I find it hard not to use more when she interacts with Ranger, but wasn't sure if it was appropriate for the style. Give me your opinion. Thanks so much.**