September 9—1:30 am

I had locked myself in my bedroom when it got close to the time Ranger was expected to stop over. I did my hair and make-up and changed my clothes four times before I finally just settled on a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and a semi-shear, floral peasant top layered over an ivory camisole. I don't know why my vanity was so important at that moment, like Lula reminded me yesterday Ranger was used to seeing me covered in filth, but I felt like I needed it. It was kind of like needing those extra layers of mascara. I could pretend it was a mask to hide behind and right now I really wanted to hide.

Tank knocked on my bedroom door a little after eight o'clock with a loud shout, "Hey, little girl. We got company." I felt like I'd swallowed a rock and it settled right in the center of my stomach. I wanted to climb out the window and run as fast as I could, but in the end I went to the door.

I opened it to find both of them standing in the hall. I'm not sure what Tank had told him about what was going on and I wasn't really sure what his reaction was to me since that stupid blank face of his was on in full force. Ranger finally asked if he could come in. I nodded and moved aside so he could enter. Tank winked and closed the door, leaving us alone. I was pretty annoyed, the butthead had totally set me up here. Now I had to speak to Ranger. I wouldn't have been surprised to find guards at the door so I wouldn't escape.

I finally sighed and accepted what I had to do. "Um, did you want to sit?" I asked. This time Ranger nodded back at me. We sat side by side, on the double bed that occupied the small room, in silence for a long time, like neither of us were able to start a conversation.

He finally looked at me and smiled. "So you've really been living with Tank this whole time?" I nodded again, hoping he wasn't angry that I'd moved in with his best friend. "You're a brave woman, Babe. Most of the guys wouldn't live with him for hazard pay." With that the tension was broken. I couldn't help but smile back at him. "He told me you haven't been feeling well?"

I nodded again, apparently I was having trouble speaking and oddly enough Mr. Silent was doing the talking for us both. I took a deep breath and tried to find my voice. "Tank and Lester found me in the middle of a panic attack a few weeks ago." He moved his hand over mine, giving me a little more strength to go on. "I've been having problems with some nightmares and stuff too."

"Are you seeing someone about it?" he finally asked. I nodded again which made him get that almost smile of his. "I think I know how you feel when we're on a stake out now."

I don't know why, but the thought of him trying to bug me into talking on a stake out made me laugh, hard. Before I knew it I told him I was seeing Dr. Westin.

"What kind of treatment is he using?" he asked me. I tried to pull my hand away from him. I didn't want to admit the rest. I was still really embarrassed. "Babe, let me in. Please."

I closed my eyes then. He knew that I couldn't ignore him when he asked me nicely, but I also couldn't look at him when I answered. I couldn't bare to see the disappointment in his face. Finally I told him about the anti-depressant medication he put me on and this journal he was having me keep, plus the sessions I was going to.

He squeezed my hand gently in response. "I've been treated for depression and PTSD with medication too."

I opened my eyes and looked at him then. I know I wasn't able to hide the shock his words brought to my face. "Really?" I asked thinking I'd heard him wrong.

"Yeah, really," he answered. We sat there quietly for a few minutes before he continued. "You're feeling weak and embarrassed, aren't you?" I could only agree with a head shake. "I was too. It took me a long time to admit there was something wrong with me because I didn't want people to think less of me."

I couldn't believe he thought that. No one would think less of him. He's a hero. So I told him that. It was all I could say. He was a soldier and the bravest man I knew. I couldn't imagine anyone thinking him weak or him feeling that way for that matter.

He smiled at me and touched my cheek with his finger, giving me little tingles all over. "No, Babe, I'm just a man. I saw some terrible things and lost some good friends throughout my career. I needed help dealing with my feelings."

I nodded back. I guess that's what I'm trying to do now. I never dealt with my feelings at the time things happened, but now I can't seem to shut them off. Knowing Ranger understood what I was feeling gave me the strength to speak the words I'd been so terrified to say an hour ago. "My doctor asked me to speak with you. He said you're the person I trust the most and feel the safest with. He thinks you should be part of my support team."

His hand tightened around mine again. "Of course I will," he said. I didn't look at him as he spoke, but I felt the support through that connection. "Babe, come home with me?" he asked.

I felt tears start to gather in my eyes. I didn't want him doing this out of pity and I didn't want to ruin the friendship we had by imposing on him. I couldn't lose him and I was afraid going with him would do just that, it'd end what little we had. "Please," he asked.

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say yes, I really did, it was just so much so fast. "Do you really want me in your space? I'm not stable and I get ugly when I cry and I might be clingy and I haven't been sleeping very well," I said arguing against the idea.

He just moved closer to me and turned my face toward his with his free hand. He looked me directly in the eyes and just waited. What I saw in his eyes was anything but a blank look. There was a tenderness there I hadn't seen before. Then he spoke to me in a low, steady voice. "I know the process, Steph. I want you with me." I swallowed hard, the way he spoke left no doubt that he was telling the truth. This really was all up to me now. "Do you want to be with me?"

I nodded and whispered, "Yes." He squeezed my hand again before pulling me against him. He just hugged me for a long time.

Then he stood and pulled out my duffle. I stood too and asked him what he was doing. He just smiled at me and said taking you home. He started tossing my clothes into the bag like he was shooting baskets. I silently laughed. I guess when Ranger decides he wants something, nothing was going to stop him, and apparently he wanted to take me home with him, now.

After loading all my stuff into his car we sat down with Tank and had a pizza and the guys had a couple beers while we watched the Monday night football game. It was a lot more comfortable than I would have thought.

One thing I'd learned living with Tank during pre-season is that he loves to watch football, especially The Jets. What I learned tonight was that Ranger had season tickets to all The Patriots games. He said he used them to take clients out when he was working up in Boston, but hadn't been to a game in a couple years now. He usually gifted the tickets to the guys. I think they saw me get excited, because the next thing I knew they made plans to all go up for the Patriots and Jets game in a few weeks. Cool, right?

You know what else was cool. It really felt like a night of just hanging out with my friends, not only did they not talk about my mental problems, but for the first time in forever, I didn't think about it for a couple hours straight. That was when that I realized what good friends they both were. When I told them that they both smiled and told me I was part of the family. I rolled my eyes at them. I'd never felt sisterly toward Ranger I can tell you that.

At the end of the night Ranger said I should drive home since he had a few beers. I knew he wasn't drunk from two beers, he wasn't me, but I wasn't about to argue about driving. He had his Porsche Turbo 911, my absolute favorite car in the entire world. So I did my little happy dance and took the keys.

Tank gave me a big hug and told me he was going to miss me. I hugged him back, laying my head against his chest I felt like a little girl. He patted my curls before he moved to open the driver's door for me. I thanked him for everything he did for me. I knew I'd never be able to repay his kindness. He grinned back at me and said, "Hey, there's no price for what we give each other. You don't have to repay shit. We're family." I nodded back to him before climbing behind the wheel.

I made my adjustments to the seat and thought about what he said. It made me rethink the meaning of the same words coming out of Ranger's mouth at one point. I wondered if he'd meant them the same way as Tank. I looked over at him. He was buckled into the passenger seat with Rex on his lap. He smiled at me and wrapped his arms around the cage like he was protecting my baby. It was too cute and kind of made me feel a little gooey inside. "Let's go home, Babe," he told me.

I started the Porsche and had to contain the moan that was ready to escape my lips. Did I mention how much I loved this car? Then we were off to my new home, away from home. He reached over and hit the button on the key fob as I pulled to the gate of the parking garage. Then his hand settled on my knee. I looked over at him and he smiled again, a real one, the 200 watter, wow. I really didn't know what that was about, but I liked it.

I pulled into his empty spot right next to the elevator and looked up at the security cameras that looked into the car. His apartment was on the top floor of his building, his business took up the other floors. As owner of a security company he has the best security system money can buy, plus the best men in the industry to man the monitors twenty-four hours a day. So I knew we were being watched. I smiled and finger waved to the guys on duty. Ranger told me to quit teasing his men, but I personally felt it'd be rude to not acknowledge that I knew they were there.

I got out and took Rex. He unloaded my bags and carried them to the elevator with me following behind. I still had the keys so I used his key fob to gain access to the seventh floor and open his apartment door for him.

I dropped his keys on the tray by the door and locked the door behind him. I settled Rex onto the kitchen counter and found a baby carrot in the fridge to feed him while Ranger took my bags into the bedroom. I sat on the couch to wait. It felt like it'd be too weird to follow him into the bedroom, even if I was going to live here. I guess I'd have to get used to sharing a space with him again. It wasn't like it was the first time we'd cohabitated. There was no reason this would be any different, right?

He came back out a few minutes later wearing sweat pants and carrying a tee shirt in his hand. I swallowed hard at the sight. The thing about Ranger is as safe as he makes me feel he also makes me feel weak, usually in the knees.

So as I stood there ogling the poor man in his own living room I began to wonder if I had made a really bad decision. I may have mentioned before that he was built like a god, but I can't stress enough that this is not an over exaggeration. The sweat pants hung low on his hips revealing an obscene amount of that beautiful mocha latte skin that I love so much. Without the shirt you are drawn to that skin even more. It covers his wide shoulders and long arms and a perfectly sculpted chest and abs that I swear have more of an eight pack than six like other muscly guys. I was sure my mouth was watering.

He smiled at me like he knew what I was thinking, but he didn't comment. He just tossed the tee shirt over the arm of the couch and plopped down next to me. Then he did the unthinkable. He pulled me against him and kissed my forehead. "Why don't you go put your pajamas on and we'll cuddle up and watch a movie." I must have been gape mouthed as I blinked at him. I was struggling to put the words he said to the man next to me. Finally he just lifted me to my feet and slapped my ass as he pushed me in the direction of the bedroom.

I fumbled through my bags for pajamas. I didn't know what was appropriate to wear for a night of snuggling on the couch with Batman. Who would have the answer to that? I finally settled on a pair of black polar fleece pants and a soft pink tee shirt with a scoop neck. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun, nothing worse than trying to cuddle with my hair in everyone's faces, and washed my make-up off. I grimaced at myself in the mirror. I guess I'd have to get used to him seeing me without the mask too.

He surprised me yet again when I stepped out of the bedroom and found him on the couch with a super soft looking blue blanket and a giant tub of popcorn. As I walked over to the couch he looked me up and down, then patted the spot next to him. He started up Ghostbusters and winked at me when I asked if he owned this DVD.

I dozed during the movie, but it wasn't my fault, the blanket was warm and I was totally cozy snuggled against his side. I woke when he carried me to bed. The thing about Ranger's apartment was that it was a one bedroom, one bed set up, and the man's bed was a piece of heaven, with cloud like pillows, thousand thread count sheets, and a down comforter.

He settled me into my side of the bed and sat next to me, leaning down so his face was only a few inches away from mine. He looked at me like he was trying to read me for something. Then he asked me if I'd prefer it if he slept on the couch. That was a big move for Ranger, he wasn't the couch kind of guy, ever. I shook my head no and finally admitted that I'd sleep better if I was able to touch him. I know just saying that probably turned my face the shade of a tomato, but it was what I wanted.

"I'd like to touch you too," he told me before he kissed my cheek and got off the bed. He told me he was going to take a shower first. I tried to snuggle into the bed and sleep, but I wasn't feeling it. I decided to write down what happened while I waited for him. It seemed like a better alternative than imagining him naked or what it would be like sleeping next to him tonight and tomorrow and the next night. Those were dangerous thoughts indeed.

**Thank you again for your feedback and reviews. I really appreciate it.**