Room 22B turns out to be on the other side of the building, an muddy brown door in a row of muddy brown doors facing onto grey pavement slabs and the back of a dusty warehouse. The one thing that marks Room 22B is the figure in a fur suit sat outside it.
You nervously approach. The figure looks up, dog ears drooping comically over unbrushed black hair.
"Finally!" Jade squeals, before running up to pull you both into a bear hug. "I've been waiting for nearly half an hour now!"
"Holy shit what are you wearing," you grin. "Is that... a furry costume?"
She goes bright red. "Shut up okay? I knew it would be embarrassing!"
John giggles a little beside you, and you relax knowing he's feeling better.
"Okay so you know when we went to the casino and I found a group of animal lovers hosting a charity ball last night, you know, like the charity groups who run big events? It was pretty good until someone invited me to an after party."
"You crashed a charity ball?"
"Shh, yeah, but that wasn't the weird part. It turns out I'd gate crashed a convention for... " she whispers, "other kin."
John looks at her. "Aren't they those weird ass people who think they're cartoon characters...?"
She rolls her eyes. "I'm sure lots of people would approve of how politically correct you're being right now. But anyway, these were the animalkin type or something, I was too scared to say no, and to be honest some of their animal costumes were pretty cute, I mean there was one guy who identifies as a horse and his kigurumi was pretty adorable too. Then I woke up in this suit with some girl drooling on me. And all my stuff is still back at the hotel!"
"Plus you stink," you add helpfully and she rolls her eyes.
"Thanks Dave, you big meany face. Did you guys bring Casey?"
"We don't know where she is," John says, over the top of you muttering "why the fuck do you guys call his car that i don't get it"
She shrugs. "How did you get here?"
"We got a lift off. Um. Vriska. But she couldn't give us a lift back."
"You two fought again," she says, and it isn't a question. "In that case I guess we're kind of stuck -"
"Excuse me," says a voice, and the door to 22B creaks open to reveal a huge guy.
A huge guy in a horse onesie.
"I couldn't help but overhear you needed a lift," he says in a deep, regal voice. It's in complete juxtaposition with his outfit and you find yourself biting the inside of your mouth in order not to burst out laughing. "I would consider it an honour to be of service to Greensnout Pauntress."
John lets out an involuntary gigglesnort and Jade turns bright red.
"Thank you so much Horuss! It's kind of an emergency." She turns to you, hissing, "if you even try to take the piss I will shoot you in the foot."
"Woah slow down there friend," you smirk.
"I will tell them about..." she leans forwards and whispers in your ear, "Akwete Purrmusk."
You're pretty sure your face goes white, or whiter than usual. "You wouldn't."
"I'm sure John would love to know those items you let me order for you. What were they? Oh yeah, half a tub of body paint and a leopard print leotard..?"
"No you shut up right now oh my god that was once and it was ironic -"
"What was ironic?" asks John curiously and you purse your lips and give her a helpless glare.
"Nothing! Horuss, would you be ok with giving my friends a lift as well?"
"If it is not too distant then of course."
You breathe an internal sigh of relief. You can never completely escape your furry phase, but you'd sure as hell tried to cover it up.
"Right, where to?" she asks and a question presents itself in your head. What will you do?
John gives you a wry smile. "It's 12.30 pm. We're three days drives from home -"
"- we've got a lift in a stranger's car -" you answer.
"- we have no cigarettes -"
"- it's practically midday -"
"- and you're wearing sunglasses."
You nod at each other. "Hit it," you say at the same time and he bursts into giggles.
You're interrupted by your phone ringing. You sigh, the bold strains of Nicki Minaj's sultry tones chanting "you a stupid ho" signifying only one thing. Rose.
"Sup."
"Ah, you're awake then," Rose's voice crackles at you.
"It's a goddamn miracle. Got three hundred non-believers to convert in record time, getting all missionary in far off lands. Heathens who don't know the glory of Dave Strider suddenly being enlightened by my bodacious awakening. Shit, let's be Jesus."
"If you could not launch into a self absorbed tangent every time I open my mouth, I would appreciate it."
"If you could not snark like a bitch when I open my mouth, it would be just as miraculous as me being awake this early."
"Before I lose my wearing patience and ask you to pass me to John, how much do you remember of last night?"
"A metric fuck ton of nothing with a side of fuck all."
"... I see."
"Rose. Rose what was that. What do you see. Rose you're disconcerting me again."
"You honestly cannot recall anything? The karaoke with Bob Ross? The bridal store? The wedding chapel?"
"Woah shit wedding chapel?" you blurt out. John gives you a confused look. Obviously he doesn't remember that either. He looks at Jade, who shrugs.
"Ah... Oh dear. Dave, have you found a mysterious ring upon your person?"
"Yeah. Yeah, found it in my sylladex like Golem reaching out with his pasty fingers. I don't have to throw it in a volcano or some shit do I?"
"You may want to later, unfortunately. Ask John if he has a similar one on his person."
You do, and he fumbles with his sylladex. He pulls out an identical ring, and looks at it, alarmed and puzzled.
"... yeah he does. Okay Rose I'm a little freaked out now. Did we rob a jewelery store...?"
A muffled voice sounds from her end and she lets out a throaty chuckle, catalysing a low conversation you can't make out through the connection.
"Rose. Don't ignore me when you've dropped a bombshell like that. Rose. Rose!"
She comes back to the phone, slightly breathy.
"Dave, as priceless as your reaction is going to be, I suddenly find myself rather preoccupied."
"Oh.. oh god Rose! Ew ew is that a girl oh my god. Rose stop making out with your one night stand and tell me what the fuck is going on."
She giggles, she fucking giggles. "I'm sure one trip to the, ahem, Golden Sunshine Wedding Chapel may enlighten you somewhat. And if I could request that you don't call me back for a while, I'm sure I would appreciate it."
"Oh my fucking god -"
She hangs up. Your phone battery has now depleted to 14.5%.
You set your jaw and look Horuss straight in the face.
"Take me to the Golden Sunshine Wedding Chapel, pronto."
You sit in the back again, letting Horuss and Jade talk themselves hoarse in the front.
Your bad night's sleep is beginning to catch up on you but you remain straight-backed and poker-faced. Can't let the Strider name down just because you're a little - scratch that, a lot - hungover.
That is, until John leans against your shoulder with a sad, sleepy look on his face. You're both exhausted. You bring up an arm and wrap it around his shoulders, even though the Vegas sun is already beating down in full force, and allow him one small smile. He gives you a blank look, too lost in his thoughts to respond.
You wonder if he's still thinking about Vriska, his dream girl who let him down. It had been like a scene straight from Hollywood. Good natured dork gets the hot edgy chick, rated 15+ for moderate swears and sexual allusions, the next best chick flick rom com to grace the big screen - except life didn't work like that, and after you get the girl, what do you do?
What do you do when the girl leaves you again?
Your mind turns to Terezi uneasily. She'd been more distant with you lately. Not in a cold manner, just - she'd stopped acting like your loved up girlfriend and started being your best friend again. Which you guess is fine, but you wonder if she really wants to be in a relationship. You're not sure anymore.
She didn't say I love you in return when she called. It appeared that she'd slipped out the habit.
At least she wasn't screaming at you like a certain other spiderbitch tended to. Poor John. He'd really thought she'd changed. Apparently not.
You give his shoulders a light squeeze and he leans into you absentmindedly, and you internally smile because this is what brocuddles are all about, just you and him and the back seat of a car and wow ok that didn't come out right. What you mean is -
"We're here!" Jade sings out.