Chapter 1

10 January 2012

The cold was mind numbing and Kotoko was glad to be finally inside a heated building. She was out to meet her friends Jinko and Satomi, both of them wanted her to meet their boyfriends. Kotoko sighed when she thought how compared to her, her friends were actually living and experiencing life. Kotoko, lately, had been contemplating the decisions she took and the way she lived her first 2 years of her college life a lot. She was jarred out of the fantasy world since she heard about Irie-kun's marriage meeting. Her first reaction had been ,as expected, to spiral into depression, sulk and think of ways to sabotage the meeting but a mean comment by Matsumoto had her stop and look back on her life.

"Hey Kotoko, Wait!" Matsumoto called out to Kotoko. She waited for Yuuko to catch up and greeted her. "I heard that Naoki-san had gone for a marriage meeting and things went well with the girl. Say Kotoko now what are you going to do with your life? taunted Matsumoto.

Whatever had been Matsumoto's intentions while saying that to Kotoko, it had shifted her focus;what will she do with her life? Up until now she had been satisfied with pursuing Irie-kun. He was the ultimate goal of her life, but now Kotoko was realizing how stupid she had been in allowing someone to become the only aim of her life. She never thought of what she wanted to achieve, her second year of college is more than half done and yet she hasn't done anything she was particularly proud of. She was half -heartedly studying literature and she had no passion, except Irie-kun. Things have to change Kotoko how?

How does one goes about changing the ways of past 4 years of one's life? Ever since she moved in with the Iries she has been gradually orienting her life around Irie-kun's ,so how can she change? She simply didn't know what it meant to be on her own or to make her decisions based on simply her preferences or future goals. "Aaahhh! This is so hard!" cried Kotoko. Her sudden outburst garnered the attention of other patrons of the restaurant and Kotoko quickly apologized. This is so embarrassing I can't even think properly. Kotoko lightly banged her head on the table.

"Excuse me, but are you alright? Can I get you someone for help? Don't be too hard on yourself, life always has a way of working itself out. " The waiter, a kind old man said this with a sweet smile. He was genuinely concerned about the girl's health. Young girls these days have so many pressures on them. He was thankful that his daughter had grown up just fine. As he left Kotoko, who was feeling even more embarrassed, couldn't help but be extremely skeptical of what the old man had said. What did the phrase 'working out' imply in regards to her life ?That she would live a life she wanted or simply that she would gradually come to accept whatever lot fate had allotted to her? So many questions where now running around her head that Kotoko felt she would lose her mind. Where are Jinko and Satomi? She had been waiting for them for about 20 minutes now. Did they cancel on her? She wouldn't fault them if they did. Kotoko really didn't think she had been a good friend to them. She was a very self-centered person.

And it was in this state of broodiness that Satomi and Jinko found her when they reached the restaurant. Kotoko jumped up from her seat and hugged them both fiercely and started apologizing to them. She kept saying that she was so very sorry and she hoped they could find it in their heart to forgive her. They both were more than a little confused about what Kotoko was babbling. Jinko bluntly asked Kotoko if she were drunk? Satomi ,always the more mature one ,was the first to make a move. She gently made Kotoko sit down and calmly, petting her head asked to her explain what she was thinking. Kotoko then discussed with them her recent revelations about herself.

Jinko empathetically agreed with Kotoko that she indeed needed to work on herself more and cursed Irie for hurting her friend. She declared him absolutely horrendous and heartless. Kotoko while appreciated her friend's support reminded her that they can't fault Irie if he didn't like her back, it was his choice to accept whoever he wants and Sahoko-san ,from what Kotoko had heard and seen, seemed like the perfect choice for Irie. Satomi realized that this line of thought would only bring Kotoko down so she changed the subject by suggesting a make-over.

"Make-over! Why? What's wrong with how I look ?" Kotoko protested.

Satomi sighed. "There is nothing wrong but Kotoko you need to change your style a bit with your age. I love you a lot ,honey, but even you have to admit that you haven't changed much about your appearance since we were starting look like a school kid instead of the college girl you are."

"Fine. Fine. I agree but what exactly would this make-over entail?" Kotoko grumbled while exaggerating her mock pout.

"Okay, let's see…there are clothes, shoes, definitely your hair and.." Satomi was interrupted by Kotoko. "NOT MY HAIR. I have grown it for so long. No way!"

"Please, please, Kotoko, please just trust me on this for once. I promise we won't cut it too short." Satomi begged with her puppy dog-eyed expression. Kotoko reluctantly acquiesced. She then turned to Jinko to say "Do you have anything to add?"

Jinko shook her saying "You know fashion is Satomi's department. I can hook you up with some concert tickets and keep you updated with new bands, help cultivate your music tastes. Narasaki knows some people in concert organization so maybe I could get some concert tickets. What say?" Kotoko and Satomi were almost vibrating with excitement at the thought of concert. "We definitely need to go to one soon." Satomi declared. "And Kotoko, would you mind if we brought our boyfriends along? I don't want you to feel left out. So you have the final say."

"Guys, I realize it may be a little weird for me in the starting but I truly want to meet and know the guys who my friends are enamored with. So fret not, I will be fine. And with that enough has been said about me. I see two guys coming towards us and if I am not wrong they are here for you guys." Kotoko beamed with happiness as she saw her friends jump out in excitement and hug their boyfriends. For a moment a shot of envy passed through Kotoko as she wished she could have called Irie-kun hers the same way,but the realization that even if he was her boyfriend Kotoko could not have simply and confidently jumped into his arms like her friends with their boyfriends was a sobering thought.

"No wallowing,Kotoko." She scolded herself. Oh great! Now she was talking to herself in her mind. She was going crazy. I need a drink. Kotoko wanted nothing more than to let herself go a little and for the first time alcohol seemed like the perfect solution to Kotoko. Kotoko suggested that they all have some shots. Jinko and Satomi were surprised but readily agreed. They ordered the drinks and their night of fun truly began.

-2 hours later-

Satomi dropped a drunk Kotoko at the doorstep of her house and wobbled back to the car. She shouted her goodbye as Narasaki drove away. The commotion of drunk Kotoko outside the door and Satomi shouting had Naoki opening the front door, glowering at Kotoko. He was still in his suite indicating that he himself had just gotten back from his date with Sahoko.

"Do you even realize what time is it? Mom was so worried about you. Couldn't you call? I had to calm to her down and I finally sent her to bed; and you with all this ruckus would disturb her again. Do you have any consideration for anyone else? Coming home at this time and that to in some strange guys car." Naoki went off on Kotoko. He stopped when he saw Kotoko stumble inside the house, while he was speaking, and realized that she was drunk as he smelt the strong smell of vodka on her. His temper reached an unprecedented level. He gritted his teeth and very slowly held Kotoko by her shoulder. He tightened his hold to an almost painful level said "I can't believe you would get into a car with guys you don't even properly know while being pissed off drunk. Tell me, Kotoko, are you that desperate?"

Kotoko violently shrugged Irie-kun off ,slapped him and stomped off the stairs, her anger giving her clarity , before she turned the corner she looked back at him with stone cold eyes and spat out the words "Fuck off,Naoki." The hypocrisy and incredulity of the situation had her snorting , Irie Naoki was calling her selfish. Kotoko slammed her door shut and leaned heavily against her door. All her bravado left her as she slumped down and tears started streaming down her eyes. Her heart was breaking and she didn't know how much more she could take.

Naoki who had been shocked frozen by that slap and even more by her words finally moved. He will never learn, Naoki thought to himself .He walked up the stairs slowly, his heart weighed down. Naoki realized that this time he was losing her forever. Maybe this time there was no going back from where they have reached. He was getting engaged to Sahoko-san. He was so lucky. Then why was he mourning a loss.

So this is the first chapter. Please review. I would love to hear what you guys have to say.