***THIS IS THE RIGHT CHAPTER...SORRY EVERYBODY I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THAT ONE HAPPENED****

September 12…1700 hours

I met Ben at his office this afternoon. He waited until I settled in before he asked how I had handled myself on September 11th. I think he was surprised when I told him that I spent the day with Steph. He smiled and asked what we did.

I wasn't sure what she had told him already, he sure didn't give anything away. So I told him the truth, at least bits of it. The guys had been bugging me about going on a bike ride for the last few years, so finally this year I decided to go. I thought it would be a good excuse to get Stephanie out of the apartment. She needed fresh air, plus I knew she loved motorcycles. It didn't take a lot of convincing to get Steph to agree to come along. She was good friends with the other guys going, Santos, Brown, Hal, Vince, and Ram.

The five of them had been going on a ride every September 11th for the past four years. Like I said, they'd invited me each year, but I'd always declined. I think I shocked them by agreeing to come along. Santos smiled from ear to ear when I told him Steph was coming too. He'd asked if I wanted him to get both bikes out, but fuck if I wanted her away from me, so I told him one bike was fine. Fucking Santos got that shit eating grin on his face when I told him that. Like he'd give up the chance to have Steph's arms and thighs wrapped around him all day, I don't think so, and neither was I.

It was a little over three hour ride to DC. I was surprised when Steph said she'd never been there before, so we made a few stops along the way so she could see the sights. We stopped for a late lunch at a diner before going down to Arlington.

I hadn't been to Arlington in years and wasn't really prepared for the feelings that surfaced. Santos and Brown had arranged for vehicle passes ahead of time so they only needed to stop in the visitor's center for them before we could enter with the bikes. When they handed me the pass and map to the grave, I felt a tightness in my chest.

Stephanie must have seen something change in me because she put her hands on the sides of my face and smiled at me. "I've never been here before. I've always wanted to see the guards at the tomb of the unknowns," she told me like she knew I needed a distraction.

I held her hand as we walked over. She had her head on a swivel, looking back and forth at all the graves and flags. I tried my best not to look. When we walked up to the memorial she read the slabs. She didn't say anything she just turned and wrapped her arms around my waist and put her face in my chest. The thing about Stephanie is she's so sensitive. The amount of empathy she feels for other people is off the charts. She can't stand through a burial without crying. So it wasn't unexpected that she cried here. When she finally looked up at me with tears glistening in her eyes she just whispered to me, "Someone loved those men. Someone missed them and wondered where they were and why they didn't come home to them." She sobbed again as she hugged me tighter. "I owe them my love and tears, because they gave up everything for me."

I didn't know how to respond to that. I didn't want to ruin her pretty thoughts, but the truth was those men probably had no family waiting for them. They were probably as alone as I felt sometimes. When I was fighting it never occurred to me that there were people at home that would have mourned me when I was gone. Now I know my family would have grieved, my friends would have given me a soldier's burial, maybe even Rachel would have shared some part of my story with my daughter someday, but no one was truly home waiting for me, loving me, worrying for me. For some reason standing there with Stephanie in my arms I knew I was brought home for her. She was my reason for living through that hell.

I couldn't stop myself from touching her face. As I looked at her I knew that I was in love with her more deeply than I ever thought possible. She stood on her toes and pressed her lips to mine, breaking my silent thoughts. We kissed and held each other for a while before she snuggled her face back into my chest. "Ranger, I know you don't like to talk about it, but I know things were bad for you. I'm just glad that you came back home. I don't know what my life would be like if you weren't in it, but I feel like a part of me would be missing," she said. I knew what she meant too. It was the reason I was so terrified that I was going to lose her someday. A part of me would be missing if she wasn't in my life. Without her I think the best part of me would finally die.

I held her hand as we started our walk back. She finally asked me, "Ranger? Was the grave pass for one of your friend's graves?"

I squeezed her hand back and told her that he was a good friend.

She just nodded back at me. "When you decide to go see him I'd like to come with you," she told me. I looked down at her wondering why she would want to do that. Like she knew what I was thinking, she said, "I think he must have been a good and brave man to have a friend like you."

I smiled back at her and told her he was. He would have loved her too. I put my arm around her, holding her a little tighter as I thought about him. Finally I told her that she'd worn his hat and promised someday I'd tell her about him. She just nodded and kissed my neck. We stopped to see the Civil War Unknowns and JFK's grave before heading back to the visitor's center. The guys trickled in a few minutes after we did, finishing their annual visits with their friends. Hopefully one of these years I'll be ready to face the man that gave up his life for me, but I wasn't there yet.

I think I surprised Ben with the story, apparently Stephanie hadn't shared our little outing with him after all. I wondered what she was talking about in her sessions. Ben laughed and told me I'd have to ask her that. I was embarrassed to realize that I'd spoken my thoughts out loud. Maybe she was rubbing off on me in more than one way.

He asked me if I'd told Stephanie how I felt about her. I'd told her I loved her dozens of times. She knew that, but she never said it back. I think it scared her when I told her that. She was probably afraid to think about being with someone like me. I certainly didn't want to tell her now, while she was so fragile, it'd freak her out.

Ben shook his head at me. He told me that when people were hurting sometimes they need to hear that someone cares. She knew I cared though, right? If I didn't I wouldn't have brought her home with me. He just told me that holding back my feelings wouldn't help either of us. I felt like rolling my eyes at him then.

Then he asked how the living together was going. I told him good. He smiled again like he was amused. I was trying to spend each evening with Steph. We'd have dinner then we'd cuddle, talk, watch a movie, take a walk, or play a game. Tonight after dinner I want to take her up to the roof with a telescope to look at the stars.

I liked being there for her, spending time with her. It didn't seem as hard as I thought it would be to share my life with her. Really it was easy, natural even, like that's how life could really be with us.

There were the guys though, I wasn't sure how to handle them. They were used to having a hard ass boss that worked twenty hours a day. Now I was working eight or less and spending time watching romantic comedies and playing the board games that Tank brought to work for me. My image was deteriorating, but it wasn't like I could just say she was sick and I was taking care of her, that wasn't their business. Besides, it was more than that. I think I want to have those nights with her even when she's feeling better.

Santos was being a pain in the ass about the whole thing. Sure he took all the after hour calls for me so I could stay home with her, but not without a knowing smile or the fucking eyebrow waggle. He and Brown thought I was being sweet. Fuck them. They'd just laugh when I told them off and ask what kind of date I had planned for the night. Assholes. I was just trying to be a good friend to her, spend time with her, and show her that she was special. Dicks. They'd just say we got you covered boss, date night is waiting. Was that what I was doing? Dating Stephanie?

When I started complaining about my friends to Ben he just laughed. Apparently he found it amusing that I was denying what was happening too. He told me that maybe I should ask her out properly, on a leave the apartment date. For fuck's sake. I haven't asked a woman out on a date since college. I wasn't even sure how to do it anymore, especially when the woman in question was living with me, sleeping beside me in our bed each night.

Ben just said if she was important to me I'd figure it out. Big help he was. Maybe I'd ask Santos, he's had more dates than most people have had meals. Maybe I could ask her when I got back upstairs. Or maybe I could have Ella bake her a chocolate cake. That'd probably warm her up to the idea of going out to dinner with me, right?