Kurukami says: Darcy introduces Loki to boilermakers in an attempt to cheer him up. *sly grin* This maybe could undoubtedly will end with hilarity. Bonus points for Loki on-the-spot drunkenly inventing a parallel to Asgardian mead out of the ingredients to be found in a small-town New Mexico bar. ;)

Wherein Thor gets eternal blackmail material. (Romance/Humor/Fluff. PG-13.)

I think Loki and Thor could handle beer-based drinks, even with whiskey. Liqueurs, though… *evil laughter*

Thor rather enjoys sleeping out of doors. It makes him think of the glorious battles in Nornheim, when he and Loki and Sif and the Warriors Three trekked across the realm to face a hundred warriors in combat. The journey was long and dangerous, but there is nothing, nothing as invigorating as the anticipation of war. And the stars lit their way.

Besides, aside from a single rainstorm, the weather in this land of New Mexico has been clear and calm. And these lawn chairs are more comfortable than rocks.

He is nearly asleep — mortal forms require so much maintenance — when he hears the sound of footsteps along the laboratory roof. "Oh," says Jane Foster. "Oops. I thought you were out with Darcy and Loki."

"I chose not to accompany them. The last outing led to the most uncomfortable state of… what do Midgardians call it, again?"

Jane Foster shakes her head as she sits in the opposite chair. "A hangover."

"Yes. I've suffered battle wounds less painful. How do you stand it?"

"By drinking less."

"You speak nonsense."

"Okay, seriously, you and Loki have got to take better care of yourselves. I don't know what things were like on the other side of the bridge, but human beings can't live on coffee and alcohol and junk food."

"Darcy Lewis says—"

"Darcy doesn't know everything."

Thor doubts that. Jane Foster is intelligent, but Darcy Lewis is wise. The former characteristic is useful. The latter is what keeps one alive in perilous circumstances.

These are deeply perilous circumstances.

"I'll get Darcy to make a better shopping list," says Jane Foster. "And then you need to work out some kind of reasonable schedule instead of just going until you literally collapse. And find more clothes. And a better place to sleep." She leans back in the chair and looks up at the stars, much as Thor himself had been. "You… might be here awhile."

He thinks of the feeling of Mjolnir in his hand, the rightness of it, and then how it didn't budge no matter how he pulled.

You are unworthy, Father had said.

It cannot be forever. It cannot. Perhaps he and Loki will spend more time on Midgard than either of them anticipated, but sooner or later they will find a way home. They will speak to Father. They will beg his forgiveness. They will make it right.

Somehow.

"You and Loki will solve this," says Thor aloud. "You are clever, and there has never yet been a situation my brother could not think his way out of."

"I hope so," she says. "I mean, I'm going to do my best. Thanks, though, for the vote of confidence."

Thor smiles at her. "You have been extremely kind to us, Jane Foster. I know my brother expresses his gratitude daily, but I should tell you, I consider it my great fortune to have been struck by your van. Twice."

"Um… right." Jane Foster sits up suddenly. "How long have they been gone, by the way?"

"It's been some time." Thor points to the sky. "The moon was there."

"Oh, great."

Thor has not forgiven Loki for his deception regarding Mjolnir. But in the face of their current difficulties, fighting with his brother seems worse than pointless.

And Loki is still his brother, no matter what their disagreements. Jane Foster and Darcy Lewis are good company, but without Loki at his side, Thor does not know how long he could survive this exile without falling into despair. They have always been together. Even when at each others' throats.

And that is how it will always be.

That being said, once they have returned to Asgard, nothing will stop Thor from recounting this tale to everyone they meet.

"What did you give him?" says Jane Foster, her face lit crimson by the lights of the town tavern.

Darcy Lewis shrugs. "Goldschlager."

"Are you serious? How much?"

"I only had a couple. Him, though… I kind of lost track."

"You have got to be kidding."

"Hey, I just wanted to see if there was something out there that would loosen him up. Other than sex, I mean. Aren't you chafing by now?"

"Oh, my God, please don't ever say anything like that ever again."

"What? I'm trying to help!"

Loki is slumped over a glass on the bar. When Thor pats his shoulder, he glances up, his eyes glassy and unfocused. "Midgardians have begun drinking gold," he slurs.

"That's rather impressive," Thor concedes.

"So it is. Many things have changed, brother. Did you know the sound of sexual congress is now considered impolite?"

"It is? Since when?"

"Since the pur— purys—" Loki looks helplessly at Darcy Lewis. "What were they?"

"The Puritans," says Darcy Lewis. "It started before them, actually, but as far as the cultural groundwork, those guys bear the most responsibility for what is considered a uniquely American restriction on the subject of sexuality." Jane Foster stares at her, and she raises an eyebrow. "We do learn things in the political science track, you know."

This is all very strange. "Your ancestors did not think this way," says Thor, bewildered. "Why would another's pleasure be something to—"

"Because the rest of us could use some sleep," says a man in a cap who sits several stools down.

"That's Chester," Darcy Lewis says, nodding to the man. "He lives across the street. See what I mean?"

"Right." Jane Foster's cheeks have turned even redder than the lights. "Mister, uh, Chester, I am very, very sorry. It won't happen again."

"No big rush. Didn't say there weren't perks. I cancelled my HBO subscription and everything."

A beat. "Okay," Jane Foster says, "we're leaving now." She yanks Darcy Lewis off her chair by the arm, then grabs Loki and attempts to do the same.

Loki responds by pulling Jane Foster onto his lap. "You are very lovely," he tells her, nuzzling into her neck as his hand creeps down her backside. "For a mortal."

Thor has never seen anyone roll her eyes as hard as Jane Foster does in that moment, not even Sif. "Yes, thank you, Loki. Time for bed."

"What a superb idea." Loki attempts to stand and simultaneously keep his lover in his embrace. Thor catches him before he hits the floor.

Darcy Lewis turns to Jane Foster. "Can you pay the tab? I forgot my wallet."

"Typical. This is so typical."

"I am reminded of Alfheim, brother," Loki says to Thor. "Do you remember Alfheim?"

"It would be difficult to forget Alfheim."

"Indeed." A pause. "Are we on Alfheim?"

"No. We are on Midgard."

Loki curses. Creatively. "But I don't want to be on Midgard."

"Nor do I, brother, but it is the way of things."

"I want to go home."

"I know."

"I want my magic."

"I know."

"I want Jane Foster." Loki has found his feet, but only just; he tries to turn around, stumbles, and nearly falls before Thor catches him again. "Where has she gone?"

Thor cannot wait to tell the Warriors Three of this. "Just there," he says, motioning to where the woman in question is handing a plastic card to the serving wench and glaring at Darcy Lewis. "See? Not far."

"Ah." Loki pulls away and, to Thor's rather significant surprise, manages to make all ten steps without walking into anything — though Jane Foster staggers a bit under his weight when he wraps his arms around her from behind. "I've decided to keep you," he announces. "When we return to Asgard you will accompany us as my consort."

Jane Foster hits her forehead with her palm. "You are banned from drinking," she informs him. "Indefinitely."

"This is a very high honor."

"I mean it, Loki."

"You should be expressing gratitude." He looks over at Thor, his focus glazed. "Was I unclear? Explain it to her, brother."

Thor is laughing too hard to respond.

"Don't ever serve them again," Jane Foster tells the wench. "Not any of them." She points at Darcy Lewis. "Not even her."

"Hey!"

"This is my bar, porn-girl," says the serving wench. "Only I get to ban people, and as long as they pay, I don't give a fuck how batshit crazy they are."

Jane Foster looks like she wants to say more, but Loki's hands are making their way under her shirt, and more than one villager has turned to stare. For a culture that claims to be offended by sexual congress, they certainly seem very interested in it. "Not here," she says to Loki, flushing. "The trailer's only about two hundred yards away. Not here."

"How absurd you mortals have become," Loki says, but Jane Foster manages to get him out the front door without anyone suffering significant injury.

Someone whistles.

"This," Thor says to Darcy Lewis, "may be the greatest night of my life."

"And the best part is, we can relive it forever." She holds up the Eye-Phone and grins. "Already up to three thousand hits on YouTube."

Thor has no idea what that means, but it sounds marvelous.

Sometimes Midgard really isn't that bad.