Author's notes…I just wanted to thank you all for reading and reviewing for me. I had a whole writer's block thing happening with this story. It brought up a lot of personal things, I even had nightmares a few times. Anyway, I think we're back on track now and I apologize for the delay in posting for the last week and not responding to reviews, but I have read them and they keep me going here. So, thank you in advance for getting me through the next few chapters.

September 15…0130

I can't sleep. I don't know if I'll ever sleep again. The thought of closing my eyes and not being able to see Stephanie scares the hell out of me. I'm afraid she'll slip through my fingers and leave me forever. Even now, I'm sitting in a chair at the side of the bed just watching her while I write this.

The thought of dating her had freaked me out for so long. I mean, come on, what the fuck do I know about relationships with women? Nothing. Shit, before Steph all I needed to do was leave some cash on a nightstand to call it a successful run with a woman. I didn't know how to turn what we had into something more. I didn't even think I should try. She deserved so much more than me. I always knew that, but I was just so weak I couldn't stay away from her. Even now, after I fucked up again, I can't walk away from her. She's mine now and I can't let her go. I can't trust anyone else to take care of her. She's too precious to me.

I feel like a fucking fool though. A week. Only a god damned week she had been in my care and I already fucked it up. I should have just let her stay at Tank's house. I had been a fool to pull her out of there, where she was safe, but when she said she needed me I couldn't help myself. I needed her too.

I thought I'd been doing a good job. I was setting aside time to spend with her. Trying to make her feel how important she was to me. I was letting her into my life. I gave her the most secure, safest place in the city to live. I started seeing Ben again so I'd be able to deal with her condition to the best of my ability. But is any of that enough, am I enough? I hope so.

She needs me to be her strength right now and I plan to do the fighting for her until she's strong enough to do it on her own. I realized tonight that not only was she the only person I trust to share my life with, but I was the only person she could trust not to destroy hers. I don't know what I had been thinking when I suggested that we invite her family over to our apartment. I guess I had been thinking they were her family and they'd love her the way I did, unconditionally. That and I didn't want her going to their house, I thought if they came here it would put us on the higher ground. How wrong I was.

She'd gotten dressed in one of her new outfits. It made her look absolutely beautiful and I told her that. I didn't want to intimidate her family. I just wanted to look like her boyfriend, yeah, I admitted that in writing. So I pulled on a pair of dark jeans and a stretchy red polo that I knew Steph would enjoy, the cut showed off my arms even better than my RangeMan tees. Plus, I loved how she went stupid every time I wore something other than black. It had worked like a charm. One look at me and her eyes turned that deep blue and her breath hitched. We ended up kissing until the guys called up to say her family had arrived.

We met Mr. and Mrs. Plum and Mrs. Mazur at the front door, a move I stole from her mother. Okay, so I wanted to intimidate a little bit. I invited them in and offered them a drink as we settled them into the living room. Stephanie and I went to get the drinks together. I could tell she was tense so I pulled her against me and hugged her. She squeezed me back and kissed my neck softly. God, I loved when she did that.

When we broke apart I noticed all eyes were on us. Stephanie's cheeks turned pink, but I wasn't about to let them intimidate us. So I kissed her cheek and picked up the two glasses of wine. Steph followed with bottles of beer for her dad and me.

Mrs. Mazur broke the ice by telling me I had hot digs. God, that old woman amused the shit out of me when she tried to use ghetto slang. So I suggested that Steph show the women around while I spoke with her father. She gave me a terrified look, but got up and motioned for them to follow her. I didn't hear what her mother said, but I did hear her grandmother hoot in the bedroom and ask if that's where the magic happened. I wish.

Once the women left her father looked as uncomfortable as I felt. I wasn't good with fathers. Okay, so besides Frank Plum the only other fathers I ever met belonged to the girl I took to Junior prom and the girl I'd knocked up after a one night stand, so not the best record, they all knew I'd fucked their daughters, Frank was no different. So what the hell do you say to the man whose daughter you're living with?

I just started talking, "Sir, Stephanie and I are living together, but we're taking things slow. I love her and intend to spend the rest of my life with her if she'll have me. I just wanted you to know that my intensions are nothing but honorable with her."

He just nodded back to me and asked me if I thought she belonged in my world. This apartment and the clothes and the cars were a little out of her league. I didn't like the way he said that. She belonged wherever I was and if she didn't want any of these things I'd sell them and buy things that suited her. I'd do anything for her and told him that. He nodded again and told me that she wasn't house wife material. I had a fucking housekeeper, marrying Steph would have nothing to do with her cooking and cleaning for me. He just nodded again and said, "Good." Then he shook my hand.

I guess he was a man of few words. After that he asked about my TV picking up the games. So I found the football game for him and we sat back and watched it in silence until the women emerged from the bedroom. Stephanie looked slightly nervous again so I got up and offered to help her put dinner out.

Mrs. Plum narrowed her eyes at me, but didn't say anything. She just watched us pull together the salads and dressing and bring them to the table. Stephanie returned and grabbed the bread basket and butter.

I seated myself at the head of the table and Steph took the chair directly to my right with her Grandmother next to her. Mr. and Mrs. Plum took the two chairs across from them. "I'm surprised you could even put a salad together," her mother told her before she took a bite.

"I can mix raw vegetables," Steph muttered. I felt my hands clench under the table. I wanted to toss her out of the apartment on her ear right then. I should have.

"Did you cook the rest of the meal?" she asked knowingly.

"No, Ella prepared the meal. I just have to keep it warm and put the finishing touches on things," she said again. I could tell the questions were bothering Steph, and by looking at her mother I could tell she was doing it on purpose. The bitch wanted Steph to feel like she failed again.

She asked who Ella was, so I took Steph's hand in mine and told Mrs. Plum that Ella was our housekeeper. Then she asked Stephanie what she was doing all day if I paid someone to cook and clean for me. I squeezed her hand to get her attention and shook my head no so she wouldn't answer. I just said that Stephanie and I had a business to run, she was working for me, so mundane things like cooking and cleaning were left to the help. The glare Mrs. Plum gave me gave me was proof as to where Steph had gotten her Burg death glare from.

Stephanie excused herself from the table and went to the kitchen to get the main course. Her grandmother excused herself and followed her into the kitchen and helped bring out bowls of beans and rice. Stephanie made a couple trips, bringing plates with chicken breasts and potatoes, which she settled neatly onto the chargers in front of each of us. Everything looked and tasted amazing. She did a really good job of picking out a menu, and I told her that. Her grandmother and father agreed. Her mother just nodded at us.

To say the atmosphere between her mother and her was tense would be an understatement. The woman radiated evil. I didn't know why she would treat Stephanie that way. Before tonight I knew she was a bossy, drunk, but I had no idea she went out of her way to make Steph feel like she was worthless.

I stepped in where I could, even helping Steph clear the plates and bring out dessert so her mother couldn't get her away from me, but at the end of dessert I got a phone call I had to take. There was a security breech at one of the banks we secured. Luckily I didn't have to leave her alone with them, because the ten minutes I was out of the room was enough.

I walked back in to find Mrs. Mazur flipping channels on the large TV while Mr. Plum argued with her to turn the game back on. Stephanie was at the kitchen sink with her mother next to her. I heard from across the room the words coming out of her mouth, "Do you think Joseph will take you back after you've been living here, playing whore to that man," she hissed at her. Stephanie's hands were balled into fists, but she didn't respond at all, she just stood there. "Do you think you belong here? Look at this place, no matter how much money he puts into making you look the part you'll never belong. You belong home in The Burg with a nice man like Joseph. The only thing a man like that wants from a girl like you, is sex."

I heard enough. I charged through to the kitchen and stepped between Mrs. Plum and Steph. I let my eyes go cold and empty as I stared at her. She visibly paled. I told her that she couldn't come in here and make assumptions that were completely wrong. She had no right to speak to her daughter so disrespectfully. Then I told her she needed to get out of our home. By that time Frank Plum had come to his wife's side and pulled her toward the door.

Mrs. Mazer kissed Steph's cheek and patted my cheek. She told me to keep doing whatever I was doing to help Stephanie before she followed them out of the room. I called the guys downstairs and told them to make sure they left the building and to not allow them back inside.

I turned to Stephanie, she still hadn't moved. She just stood there, gripping a knife in her hand. I hadn't even noticed her pick it up and the blank look on her face scared the shit out of me. I spoke to her quietly while I moved to take the knife from her hand. She still hadn't responded to me at that point.

When I pulled her against me and hugged her, she broke. Great sobs racked her entire body as she clung to me. I lifted her in my arms and carried her to our bed. I laid her down and crawled in beside her, holding her and rubbing her back to try to soothe her. I had never felt like a bigger fool than at that moment.

I trusted her family not to hurt her and they did this. I don't think I'd ever wanted to kill someone as much as I did Helen Plum. I wanted to take her apart piece by fucking piece while she was still alive to feel it. The only thing that kept me from going after her and doing just that was Stephanie's little fingers wrapped around the fabric of my shirt.

She was trying to speak in between sobs. I tried to piece together what she was saying, but I could only make out bits and pieces. She was worried about leaving the apartment and not being safe. I promised to protect her. I knew I'd never fail her again. The next time that woman tried to hurt her she'd be dead.

Steph just kept babbling at me, as the words became clear the intension behind them became even clearer. God, why didn't I recognize the signs earlier. I knew she was being treated for depression and anxiety. I just never thought about Stephanie being broken enough that she'd want to give up. She was always so strong and resilient or at least she pretended to be. Maybe we weren't that different after all, could she be hiding behind a mask too?

When she started babbling about how I would be better off without her, everyone would, and how I would be safer if I didn't have to come save her all the time, I started to panic myself. I didn't want to believe it could be true.

I felt like I was starting to lose my mind. I started shouting at her, demanding that she promise not to leave me, and crying tears of pain imagining what it would be like if I lost her. I couldn't lose her. I needed her so much. I loved her more than anything. When she agreed to my irrational demands I broke. I just clung to her and kissed her like I'd never have another chance to do it.

I finally asked her if she had been planning to hurt herself. When I heard her tell me how she planned her death, thought it out and had chosen the best way to go, I felt like I'd been hit with a truck. God, my greatest fear was not being in time to save her and here she was living with me and I could have lost her so easily. I had weapons she could use against herself all over this place.

I didn't think twice about immediately boxing up anything I thought she could use against herself, knives, razors, poison, pills. I had to get it out of her reach. Zero probably thought I was a mad man, but he knew better than to question me. He took the box of stuff and brought it to Ella to lock up.

By that point Steph was just lying on our bed looking like the life had been taken out of her. I needed to touch her, just to reassure myself she was still here. I needed to make her understand that she wasn't alone and I wasn't angry with her. She needed to know that I would never send her away. That everything her mother had said to her was bullshit.

I did the only thing I could think to do. I crawled back into the bed and pulled her against me, then I opened myself up and started talking. I told her about my own suicide attempts all those years ago. I didn't know what it would help. I guess at least she'd know she wasn't alone. She wasn't the only one that felt broken. She'd know the helpless, worthless feelings would pass. Then I told her I loved her, that I needed her, and that I wanted to be with her forever. I wanted her to promise me that she wouldn't leave me. I couldn't live without her.

She started to cry when I told her that, but she didn't pull away. She just told me she would try not to hurt herself. I hoped to God that if she got to that point again she'd hear my words in her head the way I'd heard Tank's so long ago. I hoped I was enough to keep her going.

I managed to get her clothes off and tuck her into bed. I didn't leave her side after that. I think I'm afraid she'll disappear. I can't lose her.