puella-magi-homura-akemi: Darcy shows Thor and Loki Cards Against Humanity. Jane's stuck with explaining the references they don't understand.
watermellow: Loki, while assisting with Jane's 'research' *clears throat*, finds out about…porn. Jane is Not Pleased.
Wherein everyone learns a little more than they wanted to. (Humor/Slight crack. R.)
Cards Against Humanity.
"This is a terrible idea, Darcy."
"It's efficient. And I'm just going to go through the white cards. How else are they going to learn?"
"Learn? As though mortals have conceived of anything in their short civilizations that Asgard has not already done a thousand times over."
"Hey, you guys are the ones who spent two hours on YouPorn."
"Yeah, thanks for that. Do you know how many viruses you picked up? I'm still defragging my hard drive."
"It remains unclear to me how a piece of machinery can contract an illness."
"Story for another time. Let's get started."
An Oedipus complex.
"Not one word, brother."
Wet dreams.
"Why would one not simply find a woman instead?"
"Because only royalty gets laid on command."
"Yeah, not all of us find ravenous sex-gods who make us wake up the whole neighborhood every night."
"Shut up, Darcy."
Raptor attacks.
"Oops. Forgot about Jurassic Park. I know what we're doing tomorrow."
Flying sex snakes.
"Alfheim."
Tentacle porn.
"Also Alfheim."
Viagra.
"Alfheim again."
"Holy shit, what the hell goes on in Alfheim?"
"One day, when I introduce you to Fandral, he will tell you the entire glorious tale."
"I can't wait to meet that guy. And hey, is Alfheim where the horse thing happened?"
Silence.
Sexting.
"Freshman year."
Pabst Blue Ribbon.
"Also freshman year."
Waking up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot.
"Freshman year again."
"Okay, what did you do during your freshman year?"
"I just told you: I sexted, drank Pabst, and woke up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot."
"Seriously?"
"What, didn't you?"
"Of course I didn't!"
"Never?"
"No!"
"Crap. Jane, I'm sorry. I've been neglecting you."
"We ought take them to Alfheim, brother."
"Absolutely not."
The taint; the grundle; the fleshy fun-bridge.
"Mortals have the most ridiculous names for genitalia."
"Uh-huh. And what do you call it?"
Silence.
Silence.
"Oh, come on. It can't be that bad."
Silence.
Silence.
"Actually, I'd like to know, too."
Silence.
Silence.
Throwing a virgin into a volcano.
"Muspelheim."
"Okay, I'm making a list of places I don't want to go."
The Care Bear Stare.
"We're on that right after Jurassic Park."
My collection of high-tech sex toys.
"…I see. And do either of you—"
"Well, yeah, of course. Who doesn't?"
Silence.
"Jane Foster?"
Silence.
"…surely not."
"Hey, she was single for two years before you came along. How do you think she—"
"That's it. Game over."
"But we haven't gotten to golden showers yet!"
"Game. Over."