September 17…930 am

Last night, after my journal entry, I'd gotten out of bed to take my dirty dishes to the kitchen. That happened to be the moment Ranger chose to return from downstairs. I was wearing that black, chiffon chemise that I'd found in my drawer. As soon as Ranger's eyes fell on me I felt heat stir in my stomach. I don't know if I'd ever felt more like a woman than I had at that moment. Seeing the desire and love in his eyes made me feel whole.

He crossed the room and had his arms around me and his lips on mine before I could say hello. When he finally broke away from me, it was with a smile. I teased a little by saying, "So do you like the nightgown?"

He told me that Ella had gone shopping for the things he didn't think he should take the liberty of picking out on his own. That made me smile. The idea of Ranger in a Victoria's Secret store just picking through panties made me giggle. Of course, the things Ella purchased didn't come from Victoria's Secret, she'd left all the Nordstrom's tags attached, probably in case I didn't like them. There was little chance of that happening though. Ella had amazing taste, plus, she seemed to have an eye for what Ranger would like too. I wondered if she'd go shopping with me someday.

We decided to get ready for bed since I had a big day tomorrow, with the new yoga classes, work, and whatnot. Ranger had gotten ready first, coming out in his boxers with a fresh shave. He was mouthwatering to say the least. In fact, I didn't think about anything else while I got myself ready.

When I came out of the bathroom, with my freshly brushed teeth, Ranger was just sitting on the side of the bed looking at the door. I asked him if he was waiting for me. He nodded yes and held his hand out for me. I smiled as I walked toward him and took the offered hand. His other hand wrapped around my waist and pulled me in so I was standing between his legs. He laid his head against my stomach and told me that I too beautiful to want a man like him. I laughed, I felt the exact same way about him.

I moved both my hands into his silky hair, combing through it until he relaxed against me. His hands both moved down over my thighs until he caught the edge of the material. Then back up underneath the nightgown until he was cradling my cheeks in his hands. He looked up into my eyes. I could see the question there, he wasn't sure how far he could go. Neither was I. I knew I didn't want the clothes between us though. I grabbed the nightgown and pulled it over my head, leaving myself in only the matching black thongs.

His eyes moved up and down my body, making me feel totally exposed. Normally I would have been embarrassed, but not now, not with him. I stepped closer to him and moved my legs over his, so I was straddling his thighs. "Will you kiss me?" I asked him then.

That was all he needed to hear. He just said, "Yes." Then his arms were around me, crushing our bare chests together, as his lips fed on mine. I'm sure he was just as aware as I was that the only thing keeping our bodies from joining were my skimpy thongs and his silk boxers. As much as I wanted to take him inside me I knew it was still too soon. I wasn't sure what held me back, but he must have felt it too, because he just kissed me, over and over until we were tucked into the center of the bed wrapped around each other. The funny thing was the desire I felt for him was secondary to how much love I felt just lying next to him. It didn't take long for his warmth to lull me to sleep.

I woke early this morning with the warmth of Ranger pressed against my back. It seemed we always found ourselves spooned together sometime during sleep with his hips snuggled against mine and his hand cupping my breast. As he leaned in and kissed my neck I began to smile. "Morning Babe." His voice was deep and husky from sleep. Just the sound of it sent tingles straight to my doodah.

"Mm, morning," I purred back at him. Maybe I was suffering from sensory overload or something. We had all that bare skin touching, there was the scent of his shower gel combined with that male scent of him, and then the sound of his voice. It was too much. I snuggled my ass back into his erection, grinding myself into him, just trying to find some sort of release from the sexual frustration I'd been having for the last week.

His hand tightened around my breast, his thumb rubbing over my nipple. Then he moved his face into my hair, smelling me and kissing my neck. He seemed as lost as I did. I turned my head so I could meet his lips with my own. We kissed hungrily as we rubbed our bodies together. Then he pulled away, rolling onto his back, panting. "I'm sorry, Babe."

I couldn't believe he'd quit on me. I'd been trying to get things to work by myself, nearly every day in the shower, but I still hadn't been able to get off. I had felt closer minutes ago than I had in a long time, and he quit. I was still near breathless when I spoke, "Shit, Ranger, no, I'm so close. I haven't been able to…" I trailed off. I couldn't say it.

"Haven't been able to what?"

"Oh, God." I was so embarrassed I didn't think I'd be able to continue to live much less tell him the truth, but he leaned down over me and stroked my cheek gently, his eyes searching mine. "I haven't been able to, you know, finish things, down there."

His lips tipped up just a fraction. "You haven't been able to orgasm?" I knew my face must have been beet red by that point, but I nodded yes as I squeezed my eyes shut in shame. I couldn't let him know how inadequate I'd felt recently.

He just said, "Babe." I peeked out one eye, just to see how amused he was by my admission. It wasn't amusement on his face though. I recognized the look in his eyes. He was taking this as a challenge. He usually got that look before went in to kick someone's ass for me.

This time though there was nothing violent about his behavior. His lips settled on my neck again, moving down until he was in that sweet spot where my neck and shoulder met. He sucked the skin lightly as his hand moved back across my hardened nipple, pinching lightly. I moaned a little and arched into his touch. Then he kissed down my body, stopping to lightly lick and nibble at my breasts, but his hands continued to move down to my hips. His hands slid down my legs, taking my panties with them. As he moved his hands back up the same path, he pushed my legs apart.

"Steph, open your eyes," he commanded. I looked up at him. He took my hand in his, kissing each of my fingers before he moved my hand between my legs. "Make yourself come for me." I told him I couldn't do it, but his hand tightened around mine, keeping me from pulling away. He moved his finger over my clit, pressing lightly. I felt the pleasure shoot straight through me. Then he forced me to move my finger over the same path he'd just taken, repeatedly, bringing me back to where I was earlier. He leaned over me and kissed my lips lightly as he pulled his hand away. Then he whispered, "Keep going, please. I've never seen anything as beautiful as you are when you reach orgasm. Let me watch you."

Maybe I lost my mind temporarily, I don't know, what I do know is that my fingers seemed to have a mind of their own. As embarrassed as I am now when I think about what I did, I didn't have any shame in that moment. He laid down next to me, keeping his eyes on me while he lightly touched my arms, stomach, and thighs. As his fingers slipped up my thigh I spread my legs further, I knew I was close, just on the brink, but I wasn't sure if I could bring myself over.

I think he could sense my frustration, because he moved down the bed, settling himself between my legs. His mouth moved over my stomach and hips kissing me until I thought I'd lose my mind. I begged him to help me, but he just shook his head no and sat back to watch me. "Faster, Babe," he told me. His words did something to me, I moaned loudly in return. He grabbed my legs and forced them further apart, fully exposing me to his feasting eyes. He just continued on, rubbing his hands up and down my legs while talking to me in that deep, sexy voice, "Fuck, Babe, you're so sexy. I've fantasized about this for so long. I want to see your fingers dripping with the juices from your hungry, little pussy."

God, it was so dirty and hot and sexy. I loved that he was watching me. That it was turning him on to see me do this made me bolder. I pushed the middle fingers of my left hand inside myself as I continued to rub my clit with the right. It was like the sensation of being filled was all I needed. "God, Steph, yes, come for me baby," he groaned at me. My body began to shudder and explode into orgasm, then I cried out in release. He instantly moved over me, kissing me until the shuddering stopped.

I felt the embarrassment set in as the sexual feelings subsided. He took my hand, withdrawing it from between my legs, and brought it to his lips. He licked my fingers before sucking them into his mouth. "Babe," he whispered to me. "Don't shut down or close yourself off from me."

I didn't know how to respond to him other than pulling him down for another kiss. "I can't believe I did that in front of you. I can't believe it worked," I sighed happily.

He laughed then making me blush again. "I'm glad you've gotten that part of yourself back." All I could say to that was thank you. He rolled away from me, flopping onto his back. My eyes settled on his huge, hard cock. He shook his head at me when he noticed what I was staring at and said, "I told you how sexy that was. God, the things you do to me."

I don't know what got into me, but I reached over and yanked his boxers down. I watched as he sprang free, then traced a finger up and down his length. I watched his eyes roll back and a small smile tip his lips up a little. I knew he wanted this, so I leaned in and kissed his neck before whispering into his ear, "I want to watch you too."

He made a growling noise I recognized as Ranger losing control. He didn't seem to have any of the shyness I had. He pulled me against his side. He cupped my ass in his right hand so he could hold me against him. Then his mouth settled back onto my breast, sucking the nipple into his mouth, hard. I moaned a little, which I think got him going a little more. Then he grasped himself in his left hand, oh the benefits of being ambidextrous. I couldn't tear my eyes away. I was fascinated with the way his body reacted to his own touch.

He was right, there was a wild, sexiness about watching him like this. I always found his body to be a work of art, but in the midst of pleasure his muscles tightened and glistened with sweat. I know this sounds silly, I mean it's a penis, but Ranger's penis when hard and ready like that was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen. I had to hold myself back from moving to wrap my lips around it.

He suddenly flipped me onto my back and moved his hand between my legs. When he moved to kneel over me I saw my fluids on his fingers. He rubbed the wetness over himself before he wrapped his fingers back around his length. I sat up, running my hands up his legs to his hips, like had done for me. From this position the tip of his cock pressed between my breasts. His eyes seemed focused on my chest so I used my arms to push my breasts closer together. He let out a low growl of approval as he moved himself between them. I looked up at him as he threw his head back. Then he moaned loudly as he started to orgasm. He erupted against my chest, covering me in his cream.

As soon as he was finished he sunk to the bed and pulled me onto of him. "Christ, Steph, I'm sorry about that. It's been so long since we've been together. I think I lose my mind around you."

My chest was pressed tightly to his, covering us both in his mess. I started laughing as I looked down at it. "No, don't apologize, Ranger. That was one of the hottest things I've ever seen." He brushed my hair off my face and tucked it behind my ear as he kissed my nose, then my lips. He thanked me for sharing that with him. The funny thing was, he was the one that needed to be thanked. He helped heal another part of me.

He carried me to the shower, which we shared, but not in a dirty way. As I stood there watching the soap rinse off his gorgeous body I knew I had to say it again, "Ranger, I love you." He just smiled at me and pecked my lips. Then he said, "I love you too, Steph."

So I guess that's the story of how I realized I wasn't completely, sexually broken anymore. Maybe I was slowly starting to get past this entire depression thing? I knew one thing, I felt happy. I hadn't felt happy in so long I wanted to shout it from the rooftop.

I just hope the rest of the day goes as well. I'm meeting Binkie in fifteen minutes so I better finish this up and head down to five.