September 17…1630

I'm sitting in my office trying to force myself to work, but obviously that isn't working, again. I wanted to go upstairs to be with Stephanie, but I knew she was probably ready for a little time alone. She'd been going since early this morning and between yoga and lunch with Binkie, her appointment with Ben, and working the monitors with Hal, she hadn't had a moment to herself all day. I wanted to respect her need for space, but I also wanted to go up there and hold her close to me. I hate to say it, since it was only six hours, but I missed her while we were apart.

It ended up being a lot harder to watch her drive away with Binkie today than I thought it would be, but I knew I couldn't keep her in a bubble if I wanted her to get better. I had to trust other people to protect her. I knew I couldn't be with her all the time and I just had to learn to accept that.

It wasn't like I didn't trust Binkie, he's a good guy, a great soldier, and practically family. I knew he'd do anything to protect her, especially since I sat down with him and gave him orders on how to deal with Morelli and the Plums, should they become a problem while they were out. It didn't take Binkie long to put two and two together, he knew they'd been the cause of her last break down and would do what needed to be done to keep that from happening again.

I figured that I'd get some errands done while she was out of the building so as soon as she was gone I got into my car and drove into The Burg. I was lucky enough to catch both Stephanie's parents and her grandmother at home. Mrs. Mazur took the liberty of inviting me into their dining room. I refused refreshment and stood silently while I waited for them to gather in front of me. Mrs. Plum gave me one of her Burg death glares, but she had nothing on Stephanie. I'd been immune to those glares for years now thanks to Steph.

Frank shook my hand and asked me how Stephanie was doing. I greeted him and told him that she was doing well. He nodded as though he was waiting for me to go on. I nodded back and told them that we needed to come to an understanding. He agreed, but her mother started to piss and moan about why Stephanie wasn't there. I raised my voice so she could hear me over her own whining and told her that Stephanie wasn't there, because she didn't want to see them or speak to them until she was sure she could be treated with dignity and respect.

Mrs. Plum glared at me again, but I glared back better. I stared her down and said, "I just wanted to stop here and tell you that she's going to continue to live with me and you're not welcome on my property without my consent. I am also asking that if you see her when she's out, not say more than hello or to just turn and walk away until she is ready to deal with what you've done to her." She started to protest, but I held my hand up and continued, "I'm not going to allow you to belittle and hurt the woman I love anymore. If you speak to her that way again I will obtain a restraining order against you."

She finally looked away and muttered something about Stephanie acting uppity now that she was shacked up with a rich criminal. I took a deep breath and focused back on Frank. I couldn't look at her mother. I still wanted to kill the bitch. I moved closer to him, close enough to be intimidating and said, "I will say this once because you are her family and I assume somewhere deep down you care about her and want to see her happy, but I assure you it isn't because I'm trying to defend myself or the life I've made for us. I'm the owner and CEO of RangeMan, a private security company. In no way is anything I do or my company does illegal. We can live comfortably on the profits, but the size of my bank account has nothing to do with the way Stephanie and I feel about one another. Your wife suggesting it does shows me how little she knows your daughter." Frank looked at his wife then nodded back to me again so I continued, "I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. If she'll marry me, I'll do it whenever she's ready." The words surprised me, but I found them to be true.

Frank shook my hand and told me to take good care of her. I gave him my card and told him to contact me if he needed anything. I had a feeling he knew there was more going on with Steph than I'd let on, but he didn't ask and I wasn't about to tell. I nodded to Mrs. Mazur and handed her my card too as I was on my way to the door. Then her mother actually had the audacity of step in front of me and bitch in my face, "Stephanie is engaged to Joseph Morelli. I don't know what game you're playing with her, but you're going to ruin her life if you keep her away from Joseph and me."

I glared down at the bitch and gave her my best cold look before I told her, "Nothing, and no one is going to separate Steph and I and that includes you, Mrs. Plum."

"This is kidnapping. You can't keep her locked up in your building. I'll call the police," she yelled at my retreating back. I didn't bother to respond to her. She wasn't going to get the pleasure of thinking she could push my buttons with her idol threats like she did Steph's.

I figured she wouldn't bother calling the police department anyway, she'd call Joe Morelli directly. Since he hadn't bothered Stephanie since she'd moved in with me I figured I'd leave it alone until he made a move. It was only a matter of time before he came to track her down. He couldn't stay away from her or let her go for long. When he did the guys and I would be ready for him. I wasn't being overdramatic when I'd told Mrs. Plum no one was going to keep me away from Steph again, that went doubly for Morelli. I wasn't about to step aside for him again and he'd find that out, probably soon.

After my visit with the Plums I drove over to Ben's office. It was probably a good thing I had an appointment with him today. I needed to talk about some personal things and I wasn't sure Tank was the one to hash things out with this time. As much as Tank has been there for me over the years I knew he couldn't be here for me on this one. He loved Stephanie too. She was as much his little sister as I was his little brother. I knew he wanted us to be happy and hopefully together, but he was constantly watching me and giving me suggestions. I really didn't want to know what he'd think about what happened with Steph and me this morning.

When I talked about it, not in detail, with Ben he felt I handled it well. He said that I was absolutely right about her needing to be in control of her illness, her body, and her decisions during the healing process. He felt like she had a lot of people over the years trying to dictate how she lived and when she didn't live up to what they wanted she felt like a failure. He told me that I needed to keep aiding in her decisions, but allowing her to make them. If I failed at doing that our relationship would never grow.

I knew he was right. I knew she had to learn to live for herself and I was trying not to put any pressure on her. I didn't want to be that guy, but it was more who I was then I wanted to admit. I was a military officer and ran a business and crew of men that needed to be ordered and held to a very high standard. It was hard to down shift with Steph.

I needed a light hand and gentle voice with her. I learned years ago to ask her to do something, not order her, but this was different. I had to control the part of me that wanted to tell her that she couldn't leave the apartment without a guard. Or not to go anywhere near her fucking crazy mother again. Or that if she went back to Morelli she'd only be hurt again. I knew those were things she had to learn on her own and in her own time and I was okay with that. It was just the biting my tongue that was hard.

I was relieved when Ben reassured me that I'd handled things the right way. I had been afraid I'd fucked up again, big. I guess I was paranoid about moving too quickly since this relationship stuff was so new to me. Plus, I usually managed to not think with my dick, but when it came to Steph I lost all control of myself in that regard.

Like last night, I had rubbed one out before bed and if I was a normal man that probably would have been enough to stave off my hunger, but I'm not normal. I'm sick. I got upstairs and Steph was standing in the kitchen wearing this flimsy little black nighty that didn't hide her figure or her hardened nipples. I wanted nothing more than to charge over there and tear it from her body, toss her onto the nearest piece of furniture, and fuck the hell out of her.

I managed to take a deep breath and get control of myself, but it was holding by a thread. I wasn't sure what I was thinking, no, I suppose I do. I was thinking I wanted to see her body, really see it, feast upon it with my eyes, since I couldn't touch it, and when her nightgown hit the floor that's exactly what I did.

I took in everything about her. She was so beautiful, she always has been. I caressed every part of her in my mind, starting with her perfect, straight toes and working myself up her long legs to her gorgeous round hips and narrow waist to her perky, pink tipped breasts and her narrow neck. I wanted to feel all that long, curly hair caress my own bare skin as she moved her mouth over my body. I wanted her so badly, needed her so desperately, I don't think I ever felt anything like that before. Even when we were together before, and believe me I had been desperate for her then too, it hadn't felt like this.

This was different, because it wasn't so much about the physical needs my body couldn't turn off as it was something more emotional, deeper. Something in my mind kept telling me to be together now would complete us as a couple. I knew once Stephanie and I made that last physical step together there would never be anyone else for either of us. As I held her against me, kissing her sweet lips, I knew that was what I wanted. She was all I would ever want. She had been for a long time, but now there were no lingering doubts.

That said I also knew if I wanted it to work I couldn't mess up the progress we had made in the last few days. We were finally together and I would wait as long as she needed me to. I just needed to work on controlling myself. I wouldn't have thought it would be that difficult. The army had beaten most of the impulsivity out of me. I was known for my control now, it was practically legendary here in Trenton. Like I said though, Stephanie was the one person that I lost that control with. I suppose that had always been true.

Right from the start she had been my kryptonite, the chink in my armor, my Achilles heel and I'd treated her as such, but I couldn't do that anymore. I couldn't push her away because I was scared of my reaction to her. I need to learn to control myself and all the crazy impulses she brings out in me. I couldn't let myself think of her as a weakness, because in this last week I realized she was anything but a weakness. She made me a stronger, better man. She made me want to work harder to be the man she needed. I wanted to take care of her and let her take care of me. And most of all, I wanted to heal and be whole again so she could have all of me. So I made the decision to control myself and my actions even if my dick hated me for it.

Which leads me to why I was questioning my behavior this morning. I woke with her nearly naked body against mine and my body was humming. I couldn't keep my lips off her. It seemed like no matter how much I kissed her I always wanted more. I could tell she was into it as much as I was. I could have pushed things and she would have allowed me to, but I didn't.

I didn't expect her to beg me to help her orgasm though. I had no idea that she hadn't been able to get off. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be next to her, to be so turned on daily, and have no release. I wanted to help her. I wanted to make love to her just to prove that I was stronger than her illness. I wanted to show her that we could overcome that together, but I managed to put the brakes on. I knew when we finally made love it needed to not be about the disease, but about our love. That seemed like a big step for me. I had never turned down an opportunity to have sex with Steph if she asked for it.

I still don't know how I managed to turn her down, but I knew I had to help her do it for herself. I was going to get this done for her and prove we were stronger than her illness. So I moved in, kissing and touching her body to bring her to the brink again. When we reached a certain point I suddenly knew I had to stop. I felt like she needed to be able to pleasure herself first. She needed to have control of her body and to feel like she was beating this on her own. I couldn't be the one that took that control away from her.

I moved her hand between her legs and asked her to let me watch. It was one of the most erotic things I'd ever seen. I knew she'd never do that in front of anyone else and it proved to me how much she trusted me. I spoke to her, encouraging her, while touching the sensitive skin on her legs and torso. I knew she needed the encouragement and one thing my Babe always needed was reassurance that I had her back. I think just knowing I was there with her helped her overcome whatever had been standing in her way.

I was getting so turned on by watching her pump her fingers inside herself that I was starting to lose my famous control, again. I was glad she came when she did or I may not have been able to hold myself back any longer. But she did come, and it was fucking glorious. God, I had never witnessed anything more beautiful or sexy in my life. Even now, I could replay that scene in my mind with more detail than would have been captured on film.

The connection that we were sharing didn't break when she reached completion either. She saw how hard I was and as soon as her eyes moved up my body I knew she wanted to return the favor. When she told me she wanted to see me do the same I lost that last bit of control I had.

Looking down at her naked body while she touched and kissed me, while she watched me stroke myself, was unbelievable. I didn't think she could turn me on any more, but then she pushed her breasts together and let me fuck them. I don't know what it was about that soft, warm skin that got me, but it felt like nothing I'd ever felt before. Even now I want to do it again, just to see if it felt as good a second time around. And God, when I finally came I felt such a deep satisfaction, it wasn't anything like when I usually jerk off. It was like sharing that with her, allowing her into another part of something I kept private, opened me up to her even more. I felt like we really were together on a whole new level.

The way we'd shared our emotions though the physical contact was a new experience for me. I'd never been with another person like that before. I wanted to do it again, over and over until she knew every part of me, inside and out. I told her how much I loved her, but I couldn't begin to describe to her how deeply my feelings went. I hoped she could feel it when I looked at her and touched her, because I could feel her love when she looked at me.

I was going to head up to get ready for dinner in a half hour and part of me wondered what it would be like to be alone with her again. In the past when we had been together it ended when we were done fucking. We'd put our clothes on and walk away without discussion. We ignored it and pretended like it hadn't happened so we could continue the weird working, friendship we'd built, but I didn't want to do that anymore.

I want to build on it, explore our feelings about it, and repeat the performance as often as she'll let me. I just don't know if she feels the same way and I'm not sure how to bring that up. I really hope she wants more than what we had in the past. If not I'm afraid it'll break my heart. For the first time in a long time I feel vulnerable and it's scaring me. I don't want to be pushed away again.

**Thank you for the reviews on the last few chapters and the support you've been giving me. I think the next chapter is going to be Ranger's POV again, he's in my head. I'm trying to get these chapters out as soon as I can, but I haven't had a lot of quiet time to sit down and focus lately. Keep hanging in there and letting me know what you think and I'll keep plugging away on getting them to a happy ending.**