annie: Loki and Thor discover Nerf guns and/or Legos and/or somehow end up in a toy store with those horribly loud battery-operated displays. The agents are not amused and contemplating each other's demise.
below-the-starry-clusters-bright: Darcy drags Jane, Thor and Loki out to a club (probably in the nearest city, seeing as Puente Antiguo doesn't seem like a thriving cultural hub). DeeplyUnamused!Loki, please.
Wherein the Odinsons take Albuquerque. (Humor/Action. R.)
They're out of Puente Antiguo.
They're out of Puente Antiguo.
They're out of Puente Antiguo.
After the first hour on the road there's a decent radio station. After the second hour there's another three, and okay, they fight over which one they're going to listen to ('driver wins' being an antiquated rule, and not even a rule, really, more of a guideline), but the important thing is, it's a different fight.
Oh, and there's an excuse to stay in air-conditioning.
All this adds up to the fact that Agents Hakim and Dion could give a fuck whether the subjects and their roommates are leaving town to shop in Albuquerque or to burn it to the ground. They. Are. Out. Of. Puente. Antiguo.
So they can be excused if their tailing skills are a little sloppy.
"Why is it I am always the one observed in public?" Loki scowls as yet another parent herds his child to the other side of the play area, eyeing the demigod suspiciously.
"Because you're dressed like a Secret Service agent."
"What, precisely, is a—"
"Doesn't matter. You're dressed like one. In the middle of a Toys 'R' Us. People think you're about to tackle their kids and drag them off to be waterboarded."
"Ah." Loki would not have understood that term a short while ago, but the Humanity Cards have proven impressively helpful for day-to-day Midgardian life. Then his frown deepens. "They believe I would torture their children?"
"Well, probably not," concedes Darcy Lewis. She's playing with bubbles. They pop in the smallest breath of air. "But you make them nervous. You make most people nervous. You just have a… thing."
"I do not have a 'thing'."
"Might help if you lost the shades. You know you're inside, right?"
"Stop it."
"Suit yourself. If it makes you feel better, it's only the dads worrying. The moms are looking for a whole different reason."
True enough, though the female attention seems fairly evenly divided between himself and Thor — which is still a decided improvement over home. Loki must concede that mortals have better taste than Asgardians. Or at least more eclectic.
That being said, as in Asgard, Thor doesn't seem to make anyone nervous. A child little older than a toddler is explaining some class of toy to him with the solemness of a commander preparing his warriors for battle. Thor nods in response, just as solemnly.
And the child hands Thor the toy.
Except it is not a toy at all.
It is a weapon.
Loki smiles.
That is an entirely different matter.
"Don't play with that."
"It's cool."
"I don't care. Don't play with it."
"They never had stuff like this when I was a kid. If I wanted something that lit up, I got out my Lite-Brite. Did you ever have one of those?"
"Will you stop—" Hakim pauses. "Wait. Lite-Brites. Were they the things with the pegs?"
"Yup. And they had the black paper—"
"Oh, wow. I haven't thought about those in years. Are they still around?"
"Dunno. Let's go look."
Hakim glances at the subjects. They're supposed to be under constant observation… but so far, in all this time, basically all they've been seen doing is having sex and doing shots. Frankly, Hakim's pretty sure at this point that she and Dion are only still stuck with this detail because Coulson hasn't stopped being pissed about the New Orleans thing. Which wasn't their fault.
And, hell, maybe they still make Lite-Brites.
"Okay," she says, ducking back around the corner of the baby clothes aisle. "But only for five minutes."
Dion grins. "No one can stay uptight in a toy store."
"No one can stay uptight in a toy store," Darcy explains to Jane three minutes later.
Jane can't do anything but gape at the chaos. "You said you had everything under control!"
"Everything is under control. It's okay, the Nerf guns aren't in boxes because they're supposed to be played with."
"Are they… what the hell are they doing?"
Darcy shrugs. "I kind of lost track. I think Thor's got those kids in evasive maneuvers. That started after Loki's guerrilla raid from behind the Lego display. By the way, I'm pretty sure we're getting kicked out."
"Oh, my God."
"You're one to complain." Darcy nods at the mess of wires that Jane forgot to put down. "What was that?"
Jane blushes. "A Furby," she mutters. "I was going to put it back together."
"Too late now. And if a toy store can't loosen you up, I know what can."
No Lite-Brites. Damn.
Dion comes around the corner.
Oh, shit. "Where'd they go?" he says aloud.
To his complete lack of surprise, Hakim whacks him on the back of the head.
Thor enjoys festivities, including those of the most rousing sort, where wine is drunk deep and laughing women are held on the laps of jubilant men and warriors still flushed from the heat of battle raise their swords once more to fight across the room (sometimes across the tabletops). He has participated in celebrations featuring all three of those activities — and a number of others — far more times than he is capable of counting.
But the music in Asgard is far superior.
'Clubbing', it would seem, does not suit him.
After five songs — at least he believes it is five, for they were indistinguishable to his ears — Thor manages to escape through a side exit to where Loki already waits in the alley. "I am impressed you managed for as long as you did," says his brother.
"At least I had the courage to try. You did not even dare step foot within."
"Which was wisdom on my part, not cowardice." Loki's eyes flick to the door. "How fares Jane Foster?"
"Darcy Lewis looks after her," Thor says vaguely. He recently heard the phrase 'Discretion is the better part of valor'; while such a concept matches Loki's doctrine far more than his own, Thor can see the usefulness of the philosophy in a moment such as this. If his brother knew of the 'dancing' in which Jane Foster has eagerly participated (which Darcy Lewis assured him is entirely commonplace and not a violation of anyone's honor), blood would be shed this night.
Loki leans back against the stone side of the building and sighs. "I am heartsick, brother," he says. "I will concede there are benefits to this realm in its modern state. There are even parts of Midgard I would call superior to Asgard. But I want to go home."
If Thor had been listening, he would have agreed wholeheartedly. But his attentions are drawn elsewhere. "We are hunted, Loki," he murmurs. "By two."
"I know. A male and a female, off and on since we left town."
"Yet you said nothing."
"Until today they seemed harmless enough."
"They have been observing us in the village as well?"
"Everyone observes us there, brother. It's hardly remarkable."
"This is true. Tracking our party all the way here, however…"
"…indicates something else entirely. Yes. I agree."
"We've been made," Hakim tells Dion.
"Shit. This is what comes of too many hours in a shithole like Puente Antiguo."
"No, this is what comes of looking for a fucking Lite-Brite and losing our targets for five hours in the fucking capital of a fucking state."
Dion grumbles, but doesn't argue. "Should we engage?"
"We might not have a choice," says Hakim, tucking away the night vision goggles and clicking the safety off her weapon. "They're coming this way."
"No killing," Dion reminds her, though he thumbs his safety off as well.
"No killing," Thor reminds Loki.
"Are you playing by the rules again, brother? We've been hunted. Surely even on Midgard that would absolve us of responsibility."
"Perhaps, but perhaps not. The mortals make very few allowances for the rage of battle. It would also prove a tremendous inconvenience to Darcy Lewis and Jane Foster."
"Oh, all right. Honestly, Thor, if we do not find a way home soon I think I will go mad."
"Seriously, Addy, if we don't get out of New Mexico soon I think I'm going to lose it."
"They're not carrying. Let's keep them at a distance."
"Ready when you are."
The agents step out into the open, hands on holstered guns.
"I won't fight a woman," Thor tells Loki.
Loki shrugs. "I will."
"I am Agent Hakim," says Hakim, voice carrying through the alley, "and this is Agent Dion of the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division. Stop where you are, if you please."
Thor begins to smile. "We do not please," he replies, advancing. "You have been hunting us and our companions."
"It's true, we have had you under observation. You are Persons of Interest. That silver tongue of yours didn't persuade Coulson as much as you thought it did." The agents draw their weapons. "Step back now, or we'll have no choice but to take you into custody, seize your research, and do this the hard way."
Loki's grin is even wider than his brother's. "Are you certain about the no killing, Thor?"
"Yes."
"Unfortunate."
Jane's having a great time! She should listen to Darcy more often! She loves Darcy!
She should tell her that! Saying things like that is important!
So she downs another shot and shouts at Darcy: "I love you, Darcy!" Except the words kind of come out in the wrong order a little bit. Oh, well.
Darcy grins and pats her on the back. Her glasses are pretty smudged up from that guy she made out with for a little while. At least Jane's pretty sure that her glasses are smudged. Everything's a little on the blurry side of things. "We still have time to wake up in a Denny's parking lot!" she shouts back.
Oh! That sounds like fun!
She should tell Loki!
Where is Loki?
"Where is Loki?" Jane's throat's getting raw from all this yelling over the music. She loves this music!
"Outside with Thor." Darcy points with what might be one but could be as many as three fingers. "That way."
Oh! She should tell Thor, too! He'll love Denny's!
It takes Jane somewhere between five and thirty minutes to get to the back door — it's hard to tell — but when she makes it out into the cool night air — she loves cool night air! — things are happening. Lots of swearing.
Jane loves swearing!
She doesn't love it quite so much, though, when she realizes the swearing is coming from where Loki sits on the concrete steps, Thor wrapping Loki's arm with the remains of his shirt sleeve. He's bleeding! "What happened?" she exclaims, kind of.
"We faced enemies in battle," says Thor, tightening the makeshift bandage as Loki winces. "Though my brother sustained injury from one your human weapons."
"I am hardly the only one injured," Loki snaps. "Find a mirror and see your face."
"It's true, our opponents were more formidable than I expected. Still, even in these weak mortal forms, we were triumphant."
"Then pursue them and finish it."
"I will not. They faced the Princes of Asgard in combat. They drew blood. They escaped with their lives. They made their ancestors proud this day."
Loki snorts in disgust. "You will come to regret your mercy, brother."
"It is not mercy, it is honor."
Jane blinks. More than once. Maybe a few times. "You got in a fight?" she finally asks.
Thor and Loki both look at her… and then, for some reason, they both start to smile. "This," says Loki, "will be very amusing come morning."
Jane loves amusing things! But there was something she was supposed to— oh, right! "We're going to Denny's!" she announces. "And we're going to the parking lot!"
"We are?" says Thor.
"I think not," says Loki.
Jane loves Loki! "I love you," she says to Loki.
Loki, who had been fiddling with his bandage, opens and closes his mouth several times. Thor clears his throat. "Perhaps I should—"
Jane loves Thor! "I love you," she says to Thor, beaming.
There is a moment of silence.
Then: "I hope," snarls Loki, "that you suffer a truly spectacular hangover."
Darcy pokes her head out the side exit of the building. Jane loves Darcy! "I love—"
"I know, I know," says Darcy. "You told half the club." Loki tries to stand up, pales, and falls back on the steps, grimacing; Darcy ignores him and says: "I'm three sheets, guys. Who's sober-cabbing?"
Thor and Loki glance at each other. "Have you learnt how to drive?" asks Loki.
Thor shrugs. "How hard can it be?"
Six blocks away, heaving for breath through what he's pretty sure are at least two broken ribs, Dion says: "Well, whatever Coulson does, at least we're not going to be sent back to Puente Antiguo."
"There is that," agrees Hakim — just before she spits out a broken tooth.