September 18…930
Stephanie Michelle Plum officially blew my mind last night. I'd gone upstairs ready for an awkward dinner in the apartment, but she seemed to have other plans.
It was quarter after six by the time I walked into the apartment. I was running a little later than I had intended. I got a call from a client who wanted to move up their new system install by two weeks. It took a few calls down to Hector and Manny to see if we were waiting on any of the equipment and to Tank to look into the schedule, but I finally got everything squared away so I could head upstairs.
I had a fair amount of anxiety starting to build on my way up. I was worried about how Steph would treat me. I hoped it wouldn't be any differently than it had been before our encounter, but you never knew with Steph. She didn't like to think about the consequences of our sexual or emotional encounters. She usually ran or shut down afterward. I didn't think this time would be any different, but when I got upstairs what I found was anything but her usual behavior.
She was waiting for me in the kitchen. Her smile lit up her face as she looked at me. She was so pretty standing there like that. She'd washed off all her make-up, had her hair pulled back into a ponytail, and was wearing a pair of navy blue sweat pants with a long sleeve white tee shirt and what looked to be thick, wool socks. I didn't think there was another woman alive that could pull off such a simple look, much less make it look ravishing. She was perfection.
She giggled at me like she knew what I was thinking. So I raised an eyebrow at her. It was odd apparel for inside on a sixty-five degree day and she had me curious with the look she gave me back. She just smiled and told me that she had a surprise for me, but I couldn't know what it was until I changed. Then she took my hand and dragged me to the bedroom, where she had an almost identical set of clothes laid out for me, except mine were black. I wanted to know what she had planned. I don't like surprises.
She just shook her head no and wrapped her arms around my neck. She pulled me down for a kiss as her fingers moved around and pulled open my tie. Once it was yanked from my collar she started on the buttons of my shirt, kissing my neck while she worked. She pulled out my cuff links and pushed my shirt off my shoulders, then moved straight in, slipping her hands under my tee shirt so her fingers could move over my stomach and chest. I grabbed the undershirt and yanked it over my head. I didn't want anything between her lips and my skin.
She smiled up at me and continued her sweet torture. Her lips moved down my neck to my chest, licking and nipping at my nipple while her hands worked my belt and the button of my pants. She pushed my pants and underwear down over my hips and stepped back to look at me. Her eyes moved up and down my body until she was staring at my dick. It was hard and ready to go, again. I couldn't help it. Her undressing me was really fucking hot. I could definitely get used to that treatment every day.
After a minute I asked her what she planned to do with me now that she had me naked. She laughed and told me that she had planned to dress me, but she was having problems bringing herself to cover me back up. That made me laugh. She was too cute.
I knew undressing her and dropping us into the bed wasn't in her plans, so I pulled on my sweat pants and tee shirt, even though she looked kind of sad when the shirt covered my stomach. I was going to store that little bit of information away for later. Like I always tell her, she shouldn't give information to the enemy. I had no reservations about using my abs to seduce her sometime in the future.
She disappeared into the closet while I pulled on my socks. She came back out with running shoes for both of us, plus a couple of my hooded sweatshirts. I had a feeling we weren't staying in for dinner after all, so I asked if we were going out.
"Sort of," she told me with a little grin. "If you want," she added nervously before she started again, "Would you be interested in joining me for dinner tonight?"
I smiled back at her then and asked if she was asking me on a date. She nodded her head as her cheeks turned pink. I wondered if she'd ever get over being shy around me, not that I was complaining, the blushing was really cute too. So I told her that I'd love to go to dinner with her. She smiled again and came up on her tip toes to kiss me softly before holding out her hand for me. I took it and the sweatshirts from her other arm and let her lead the way.
Instead of heading for the elevator, like Steph always did, she headed for the stairwell and started to climb up. I wondered if she stole my idea to go up to the roof to see the stars, though it was a little early to see any stars. We still had a little sunlight left for the day.
When we reached the door she asked me if I wanted to unlock it or if she should call down to Tank to disable the alarm again. I just shook my head and entered my code on the alarm panel and fobbed it open.
When I stepped out behind her I saw it all. She'd set up an entire campsite on the roof. There was a green tent set up and staked to large lead weights to hold it in place and a picnic table with a checkered table cloth clamped down at the edges and place settings for two. There was also a little table in the center of two reclining chairs near the tent. I wasn't sure what was resting on the table, but it looked like a small hibachi or something.
She told me to have a seat and started to unload dinner from the two giant coolers that were along the wall. Turns out one was holding the warm food and the other the chilled food. By the time she was done we had a feast laid out in front of us. Grilled chicken breasts, a broccoli salad, grilled sweet corn still in the husks, cornbread, and half a watermelon. It looked like I'd gone to southern food heaven.
I don't normally overeat, but by the time we packed away the food and dishes I was stuffed. I don't know how she knew those were some of my favorite indulgences, but they were all there, just tempting me as much as she did. On top of that, I could have sworn the cornbread tasted just like my abuela's. I may have had three slices.
It didn't go unnoticed either. She pushed me down into one of the lounge chairs and climbed onto my lap before she said, "I've never seen you eat that much food at once." I just shrugged at her and told her if she kept feeding me like that I'd be one of those old, married guys with a spare tire hanging over my belt. She found that really funny, she actually snorted something about having to lift up my gut to get into my utility belt. I'm in love with a real comedian there.
Okay, so I wasn't even close to having to worry about a few extra calories on occasion, but I made a mental note to add an extra mile to my run today anyway. While the old, married part was scaring me less and less, the idea of being out of shape scared the hell out of me. That's the kind of shit that could get me killed on a job and I had too much to live for now.
She snuggled her face into my neck and whispered to me that she had a confession. That got my attention. She just kissed my lips and told me not to worry, it wasn't that bad. In my experience though, when someone says that, it's usually followed by something horrible. Then she just blurted out that she met my mother.
That made me stop. I wasn't sure what to think about that. So I finally just asked, "How?"
She told me all about going to the yoga class and how this girl kept glaring at her when they first arrived. Then she found out that the girl was Binkie's girlfriend and she thought Steph was moving in on him. So she quickly told the girl that she was Binkie's boss' girlfriend and he was just helping her with a new work out.
I groaned then. I knew where this was going, but Steph continued. She said Crista got all weird and started asking her about me and how long we were together and seemed to get pissed off when Steph mentioned that we were living together. I laughed when Steph said that she was getting pissed off too. It seemed that Crista failed to mention that she was my sister and Steph thought she was an ex-lover or something.
Long story short, after class she went to lunch with Binkie and Crista, who must have called Mama, because she showed up and introduced herself. I hadn't expected my family to pounce on the information that quickly. I figured they'd find out eventually and I'd be able to prepare Steph for the force of nature my mother could be. I finally asked if she was alright. I knew the woman could interrogate better than most people trained to do so.
Steph just kissed me again and told me that she was fine. Apparently my mother and sister had been quite charming and sweet to her. Not that they were horrible, mean women, but sweet wouldn't have been a word I'd use to describe either of them. It made me wonder what they were after for a minute before I put it together. I wanted to smack myself upside the head for being an idiot. They were clearly after me.
I'd kept them all at arm's length since I'd gotten home from the army. At first it really bothered Mama, but after a while she let it go. She'd still invite me to all the family get-togethers and sent birthday and Christmas gifts, but she stopped expecting me to show up. It wasn't that I didn't see her and Dad or even my sisters. I called to check in and visited them occasionally, just not when I'd be surrounded by the entire family at once. When everyone was together it was loud and crazy, not really my thing.
Stephanie seemed to get a little nervous about the entire thing, but I assured her it was okay. I didn't mind that my family met her or talked about me with her. I wanted her to know all of me and that included the parts I'd kept private up until now. It wasn't like I wanted to keep Stephanie a secret from my family anymore. Even before, it was more for her protection than anything that I had kept her away from them. I knew Mama would get ideas as soon as she met Steph, the kind of ideas that involved a priest and wedding registries, and I'd never hear the end of it. I was also pretty sure Steph would never hear the end of it. I didn't want her becoming a pawn Mama could use to try to lure me back into the family.
I make her sound bad, but she isn't. Mama just wants me to find someone to love, to settle down, and have a normal life with. I always knew if I could have something like that it would be with Stephanie, but we'd never been close enough to think of making that a reality before. I knew that marriage was still far into the future, but it wasn't a dream anymore. We'd have it all someday. I wouldn't give up until we did, even if it meant dealing with my past and becoming a Manoso again.
Steph finally confessed that Mama told her stories about how I always wanted to camp out, but there was nowhere in Newark for camping so I'd set up blanket tents in my room. She blushed a little, but said the idea of snuggling up in a blanket tent with me seemed so sweet, but the idea of sleeping under the stars with me seemed kind of sexy. She was right, it did seem sexy.
I had an entire episode run through my head of us alone in the dark with only the moonlight shining on her pale, nude skin. Of course, my body reacted to that thought and my dick poked her through the sweat pants. She rubbed her hand up and down my length and smiled. She leaned in and kissed me before she said, "I'm glad you think it's sexy too."
I laughed and told her that she was sexy and could turn anywhere she was standing sexy in my eyes. It was true, I could imagine fucking her in about any locale I saw her in. She just shook her head and said, "Ditto, Batman."
That was the first time she'd used the silly nickname since she'd moved in and it made me smile. I don't know why something so silly could make me feel like we were getting back to normal, but it did. Then I wondered what normal was. She hadn't run from me like she normally would. She was there on my lap, talking and laughing and kissing me like she was happy. I really looked at her then and saw the smile and the sparkle in her eyes and the shine in her hair. I didn't notice all that had been missing before, but it was back. "Babe, are you happy?" I asked without thinking.
She smiled and nodded to me. "I'm happier than I ever remember being, Ranger. I know it's a cycle and I'll have more bad days, but this one is good and I want to celebrate it with you, up here, under the stars," she told me.
Then I asked her if we were alright, that she didn't regret what happened this morning? She just shook her head no and told me she didn't regret anything. Before I could question her anymore she pressed her lips to mine and kissed me, hard and deep. It was the kind of kiss that had me wanting to carry her to bed and continue it over the rest of her body, but we didn't have a bed and I wasn't going to leap that far with her yet. When she pulled away she kissed my nose, forehead, cheek, ear, and neck then she just whispered, "I love you, Carlos Manoso. I want to make love to you, but I know we have to wait. I don't think that means we should wait to have it all though. I want you to touch me and kiss me and love me and I want to do the same to you."
I asked her if she was really ready for more. I wasn't going to push her for it, but I wasn't about to turn her down either. She nodded yes and told me that she wanted to experience those new sensations and feelings with me. I knew what she meant, apparently she was feeling like this was all new too and that made me happier than hell. Knowing neither of us had never experienced the true feelings of love behind those acts made it seem even more special to me.
I know, not a real manly thing to say, but I don't give a shit. I didn't mind all the romantic, loving feelings she was bringing out in me, but I'd never felt that way before and I wasn't sure how to deal with it. All I knew was that I didn't feel the need to hide from her anymore, behind a macho mask or blank stare or fake persona. I was proud to show her the love I was feeling. I guess I didn't realize it, but this man I was with her for the last week was the real me. It's funny that I didn't know who I was before now. Maybe I'd been hiding from myself too.
I moved my hands to the sides of her face and held her there so I could really look at her. My amazing woman. "I love you, Stephanie. I can wait as long as you need me to, but know that I want you, all of you. So when the time comes that you feel healed and whole you tell me and we'll make love," I told her. She nodded back while blinking tears away from her eyes so I continued, "Until then you lead the way. You tell me what you want or make the move. I don't want to overstep and make you uncomfortable, but I also don't want you to think I'm keeping my hands off because I don't want you. I want you bad, Babe, but we'll wait for it to be perfect. Alright?"
"Alright," she answered with a little grin. She moved in and kissed me again before laying her head on my shoulder. She asked me if I'd hold her for a while so I did. I held her until the sky darkened and the stars tried to peek out behind the smog. I don't think I've just sat and watched a sunset like that in years, it was nice to share it with her. Even though we didn't talk I still felt connected to her. We were beyond words, it was like all my senses were filled with her and I was basking in her essence somehow.
We actually stayed there for hours, until she was hungry again. That was when I found out what she had set up on the little table, turns out it wasn't a hibachi, it was a s'mores maker of all things. So she started toasting marshmallows because apparently we couldn't campout without them. In true Stephanie style, though, she came up with the strangest looking concoction since the peanut butter olive sandwich. These s'mores were toasted marshmallow on soda crackers, with peanut butter. She tried to convince me they were healthy because they didn't have chocolate on them and peanut butter was protein. I finally took a bite and surprisingly they weren't half bad, the salty, sweet thing was actually a pretty good combination. I didn't admit that to her though.
We snuck back down to the apartment to get ready for bed before heading back up to the roof. I unzipped the tent and peeked inside. She had more pillows than we could use on top of an air mattress. For blankets we had sleeping bags that were zipped together so we could share. I was impressed with the set up. I finally asked her how she managed to get it all ready.
She smiled and told me she liked monitor duty because she could let the guys sneak around without alerting me. Then she admitted that Lester and Bobby took care of setting things up while Ella packed the food and Tank made sure we were secured and completely offline for the night.
Okay, so my friends were good guys. I knew they did it for Steph without question and that made me smile. I'd have to make sure they got a little bonus or something. That'd let them know I appreciated it without having to go all "I love you, man" with it.
We snuggled into the sleeping bag together and Steph rolled into my body and laid her head on my shoulder. I knew she'd never use any of the pillows that were still stacked around the tent, so that made me smile. I was glad she liked to be that close to me. I liked to be that close to her too, obviously.
We were quiet for a while, getting into sleep mode, but then she asked if I was sure I wasn't mad that she talked to my mom and had gotten the recipe for the cornbread and set up the camp scene. There was no way I could be mad about that. She didn't do anything wrong. She'd made this date special for me and I loved her more for it. So I told her that, plus I had a confession of my own. I didn't want to keep secrets from her so I told her about my visit to her parent's house.
I wasn't sure how she was going to take it and even after I told her I wasn't sure. She didn't withdraw from me, but she didn't say anything either. She just laid there with her eyes closed for a long time. I knew she wasn't sleeping, but I didn't want to disturb whatever she was working through in her head so I didn't say anything or move either.
She finally sat up and looked at me. She told me that she was glad that I'd given them the restrictions that I had. I nodded, not wanting to interrupt her thoughts. She reached over so she could hold my hand and took a deep breath. Then she started again, "I don't hate them, Ranger. They're my family. Maybe it's completely insane to still love them after everything that's happened to me, but I do love them. It's just that I'm so tired. I can't keep working to be what they want me to be and I can't keep giving up the things I want, just to make them happy. I can't keep brushing off the pain the words cause me."
I sat up and pulled her into my arms. I held her close and rubbed her back, but she didn't break down. She just rubbed her hands over my back and shoulders and kissed my neck before she spoke again, "I know I should just walk away and never look back, but I don't think I can do it. I can't just let them disappear from my life without trying to resolve anything. I can't be the one to pull the plug on them."
I knew what she was saying and it was one of those moments that I had to work hard to control myself during. I wanted her to pull the plug and just tell them all to fuck off, but I knew she was right. Stephanie's heart was too big for that. She just couldn't walk away from the people she loves. I wasn't even sure how many times that had saved our friendship over the years. A lesser woman would have given up on me years ago, but not Stephanie. I just hoped that her family could see what I did, that she was worth fighting for. I had a feeling her parents were going to need to fight whatever sicknesses they had to earn a spot in her life again. For her sake I hoped they'd at least try.
She told me that she'd been thinking about what she needed from the people in her life and realized how messed up her relationships all had been. She wanted to talk to Ben about family counseling. If they agreed to go she'd be open to giving them another chance to be in her life. She said the only way that she could have a relationship with them was if they agreed to stop hurting her, until then she wanted them to stay away from her. If they refused to get help, they'd be the ones pulling the plug and she wouldn't hesitate to walk away. I couldn't believe how proud of her I was. That was a huge decision for her and she'd taken the time to determine what she really wanted. This was a whole new Steph and I loved her even more than the old one.
I asked her what she needed from me. She just shrugged and told me she just needed me to be me. She couldn't handle fake kindness or people treating her like she'd break. She needed me to keep being her friend and supporter. She needed my honesty and loyalty. Then she took my face between her hands and looked into my eyes and told me that what she needed most was my unconditional love. I told her she had that from the start. She nodded and told me that I was the only one to ever give her that.
I didn't think that was true. I thought her father, grandmother, and even her sister loved her no matter what. I did think that none of them knew how to show it or express it though. She just shook her head and sighed. When she flopped back down onto the air mattress she said, "Funny that it takes someone else pointing out something that is so obvious. No wonder I could never say the words. They'd never been said to me."
I leaned down then and told her that I loved her. She just smiled back and told me that she loved me too. What followed was an epic make-out session that did not leave me blue balled this time. And for the record, the girl can give a hell of a tugjob.
I woke this morning when the sun was just rising. I woke Steph and helped her pull her clothes back on. I wanted to sit outside the tent and watch the sunrise just as we had the sunset. She was still sleepy so I unzipped the sleeping bag and laid it on the lounge chair before crawling in with her on my lap, then I zipped it up around us. I let her doze back off in my arms.
I couldn't keep my eyes off her peaceful, resting face. She really was my angel. I decided then that I was going to talk to both her and Ben about going to couple's counseling. We weren't having problems, but neither of us knew how to do this and make it work. I didn't want to take any chances at letting it fall apart.
Besides that, I knew I still had to share the darkness that was still balled inside me and part of me knew it'd make her see me differently. I just hoped that being open about our feelings would help her be able to tell me the truth about how it made her feel and not just tear her away from me. I wasn't that man anymore and I need to face what has been eating me alive all these years. I couldn't start a future until I let go of the past, and I was going to work like hell to do that for her, for us.
I wasn't going to let either of us pull the plug on our someday.
**Author's notes...Thanks everyone for the positive reviews of the last chapter. Just a few things, I had a few people ask, I don't think I'm close to the end of this one. I feel like I may be at a midpoint. I'm not sure. I don't have a chapter map for this one, it's just rolling out of my head as I write it. So I never know what's going to happen. The only thing that could change that is if I just can't write it anymore. I've had moments of pure hate for this story one moment and then tears the next followed by weeks like this one where the words won't shut off. I have no idea why it's been such a roller coaster, but I seriously appreciate you just letting me know that you're still reading and enjoying what I put together. It keeps me going through the hard parts. So thank you again.**