Dying Soul by Antonio Pinto

38. Unnecessarily Complex

At first it's only the alcohol that gives any indication that something has changed.

He's drinks more than usual, even for his own standards. Most mornings Red wakes up to an empty bottle of cognac or whiskey that he had opened only the night before. As the months go by, the effects of the alcohol begin to lessen more and more. Dembe finally intervenes one evening when he walks in the middle of another one of Red's drinking binges.

"Care to join me m'friend?" Red asks with a half-lidded gaze. That's mostly all the effect it has on him now. To get him drowsy enough to sleep.

Dembe shakes his head. "Raymond, you must stop this nonsense. Otherwise, you'll never make it back to her."

Red laughs bitterly. "I was never meant to make it back to her."

Without another word, the tall bodyguard grabs the half empty bottle and disposes of it. After that night, Raymond never dares to let himself slip so far into the bottle again.

But all the same, her absence still takes its toll on him. He begins to lose weight until he finds himself at the same weight he was back in his navy days. Instead of drinking so much, he takes to diving off of cliffs into the ocean or into any pool that is available to swim in. Every once in a while he lets himself drift to the bottom of the pool or the seabed, trying to figure out whether he really wants to go back up. Each time, the thought of never seeing her brings him back up to the surface.

Still, sometimes death does seem more enticing than this hell he is going through.

Five years into his own disappearance from Washington, Red finds himself going half mad. He no longer goes to his business meetings. Instead he sends Dembe and Mr. Kaplan in his place. He doesn't want to deal with the world anymore. Not without her. He needs her like he needs air.

Red begins swimming in his clothes at midnight later on. Shoes, pants and dress shirt. He doesn't even bother removing his vest or eyeglasses. He just walks into the pool waist deep and lets himself drift along the large expanse on his back. He's fully aware of the fact that what he's doing is ludicrous; letting himself go so far.

"Get out," Dembe's deep voice tells him during one of these midnight swims just as Red's about to spot the constellation Sirius.

Red tilts his head slightly, feeling the water lap at his face and then catches sight of the dark brooding man with his arms folded over his chest.

He turns his listless gaze back to the dark sky.

"Get out Raymond, or I'll get you out myself."

Red huffs in amusement. He's sure that with his recklessly obsessive swimming and totalitarianism he's built enough muscle to take on his friend. He's thrown out of his musings when he finds himself beneath the water struggling for air. A large hand holds him firmly by the collar and then roughly pulls him out and shoves him onto the ground.

He coughs and sputters while on his hands and knees for several moments and peers blearily at the man glaring down at him.

"If you really want to see her again, you must first learn to live and feel again. She wouldn't want an empty man after all of this!"

Red considers Dembe's words and nods resolutely. "You're right."

"I know," Dembe replies. "Get ready. We fly to Washington tomorrow."

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