nurselaney asked you: I just read all of your Banished! Odinsons drabbles, and I NEED Loki to find out what a Slave!Leia costume is.
Wherein some things are truly universal. (Humor. G.)
Darcy is going to start keeping a checklist.
She never realized just how much general knowledge is, well… general. It's getting close to two months since the pets moved in, and while she's taught Thor hundreds of things, like how to work the machines at the Laundromat (because if there's a giant muscle-y guy around there's no reason for her to haul the bags all that way) and how to use the kitchen without setting anything on fire (he's finally gotten over his aversion to the microwave) and how to tell the difference between the Wii and the PS3 (which saved a lot of scratched games), there's still just so much.
Who knew?
Still, she's good at it. Maybe once she graduates she'll be a teacher, or a life coach. After all this she's pretty sure Jane will give her a good letter of recommendation.
Today Darcy is doubling up the lessons. It is time for Thor to a) learn how to fold the laundry, not just haul it to and from the laundromat, and b) learn the difference between Star Trek and Star Wars. Luckily, laundry and movies go together perfectly.
"This is not what space is like," says Thor, who is starting with the towels. Baby steps.
"No, but it's doesn't matter, remember? It's a movie."
Usually when Darcy says stuff like that, Thor nods and keeps going. But apparently this is a sticky subject, because: "I understand that mortals have only just begun to expand their horizons beyond Midgard itself, but if these are the sort of lessons you teach each other, it will be another thousand years before you make it even as far as Nornheim, let alone further."
"Oh, don't worry. Once Jane figures out all her wormhole stuff, humans will be popping up all over the place. Most of the biggest discoveries have come from just one or two people at a time, you know."
"Very few realms take kindly to 'popping up', Darcy Lewis. You'd fare best with an escort." Thor pushes aside the completed stack of towels and starts on the t-shirts. "But don't worry; once they meet you, many of my people will volunteer for the task. Are those metal men something mortals have accomplished in reality?"
"No. We're working on it, though." It's a shame A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back were already checked out from Redbox, but as Thor was probably going to be confused no matter what, Darcy didn't think it would be a big deal to start with Return of the Jedi. Maybe she was wrong. C-3PO might be easier to understand with a little more intro. "Robots are a big part of pretty much all science fiction. I'm not sure why we're so obsessed with them."
"I'm not certain why you mortals choose most of your obsessions." Darcy jumps at Loki's voice; he's behind the couch now, watching along with them. Thor's the only one who never seems bothered by the way Loki sneaks up on people, but then, the two of them have lived together for a couple thousand years. If that doesn't get you used to someone's habits, nothing will. "This is not what space is like."
"I said the same," says Thor.
If they keep this up they'll never get to Star Trek, and Darcy really wants to know if there's an equivalent to Tribbles. Probably there is on Alfheim.
But rather than argue, Darcy just gets to work on the pants and says nothing. If Loki's loosened up enough to come watch a movie with them — even just hovering around so he can pretend like he's not really interested — she doesn't want to rock the boat. He's not Thor, but he's a decent enough guy when not all angsty and clingy with Jane.
Or maybe it's the Percocet he scored at the hospital when he got shot. That'll get anyone relaxed.
Either way, he's got lots to learn too, so it's better if she doesn't scare him off.
They manage to watch together with a minimum of snark for the next twenty minutes, which is a minor miracle, only broken up by Loki smacking Thor's shoulder when he starts trying to fold Jane's underwear. (Which is cute and super-lacy. Hey, everyone's got their indulgences — but none more than Loki, whose clothes they have to pick up from the dry cleaners before noon. If Jane's so worried about money, then she's going to have to talk Loki into wearing jeans like a normal person.)
Thor and Loki's brief argument on whether or not being frozen in carbonite is anything like some kind of process back on Asgard stops when Leia pulls off her bounty hunter mask and starts making out with Han. "Do they know each other," asks Thor, "or is that just a standard greeting of their people?"
"Oh, no, they fell in love in the last movie. She just rescued him, is all."
Loki leans in. "But did she not threaten to destroy the building a few moments ago?"
"It was a trick."
"Ah. Clever."
Jabba starts laughing on screen and his minions drag Han and Leia away. "Well, that was a painfully obvious conclusion," says Loki.
"And here I thought it was 'clever'," says Thor.
"It was, but the worm warlord is cleverer."
"Admit it, brother — you did not anticipate the outcome of their gambit."
"I shall admit to nothing so ridiculous."
"If you're going to fight, boys," says Darcy, "I'm turning the movie off."
Thor humphs, and Darcy can feel Loki's glare burning into the back of her head, but they quiet down. Yeesh.
But only for about two minutes. Because then the fanboy moment of all fanboy moments occurs — and Darcy is pleased to note that, at the end of the day, alien demigods are still just men after all. "That's Leia's slave costume," she informs the speechless brothers. "It's kind of a thing."
"It appears vaguely Asgardian," says Thor, leaning closer to the screen — and if Darcy's supposed to believe that's just to get a better look at the jewelry bands, he's going to be disappointed.
"So girls wear metal bikinis where you guys come from?"
"Ah, no, not precisely…" He coughs. "But—"
"It's okay. Carrie Fisher's hot. There's three generations of geeks that'll agree with you."
Loki's awfully quiet. When Darcy turns around to make sure he hasn't fainted or anything (either from the Percocet or Carrie Fisher's cleavage), he's staring back at where Jane's typing away on her laptop, looking her over speculatively.
Then he smiles. A smile with a really, really obvious meaning.
Okay, way more than Darcy needed to know.