"Who's doing your post-op appointment?" asked Conrad as he dressed, eyeing her from the foot of the bed.
It had been a month since the surgery and a little more than three weeks since she had been discharged. They had officially moved into her house, which was bigger and more intimate than his loft.
"Randolph. Appointment is at 2."
"OK. I'll try to free myself to go with you."
She shook a finger at him. "Your priority, Doctor Hawkins, is to your patients. Randolph doesn't need you hovering over his shoulder."
"I don't hover."
"Yes, babe, you do."
"OK. Fine I hover, but it's only because I want to make sure everything is fine."
"Everything is fine. I've regained a lot of strength, I'm not as tired as I used to be, my urine output is good, meaning my other kidney is healthy and my scar is healing properly without any signs of infection."
"Well, when you put it that way, it's obvious I don't need to worry."
She crawled from her spot on the bed to the end of the bed and knelt in front of him.
"You know, there is only one thing that I'm waiting for from this post-op visit."
"I'm not quite sure what you're talking about," he said teasing her.
"Oh, well then I guess we'll just keep not doing what we haven't been doing then."
She started to turn away when he took her in his arms.
"There is no way I'm going to be able to refrain from making love to you if we get the green light." He made a face. "Even though getting the green light from Bell on this is a bit twisted, I'm impatient."
She kissed him passionately.
"Me too. I know it's not like we haven't been doing things, but I want you."
"I want you too. We'll take it easy and if it's too soon, we'll just keep doing the things we've been doing."
They kissed and then she headed for the shower as he left for the hospital.
"Julia's post-op appointment is today, isn't it?" asked Devon as he and Conrad grabbed a coffee.
"Yes."
"Is she going to be OK coming in on her own?"
"Yeah, she's fine."
Devon eyed him cautiously. "I didn't mean physically. I meant psychologically."
"What you think it's going to be a problem?"
"I don't know. I can only imagine how hard it can be for her to walk back in here. I mean it's where both of you almost died. I know it would shake me up."
Conrad took a sip of his coffee and thought about it. "I told her I wouldn't hover."
"Then don't. I'm just saying to keep an eye out."
Before they could finish their coffee, their beepers went off and they headed to the ER together.
When Julia walked out of her house, she shook her head seeing Marshall standing outside of the company car.
"Let me guess, Conrad asked you to accompany me to the hospital?"
She walked over and hugged him.
"Don't hold it against him. He's just worried and if you want him to tend to his patients and have his mind at rest, let him do it through me. Besides, it's the least I can do after everything you've done."
"You know it's not necessary, but I'll more than happily drive over with you."
"OK, it's settled then."
When they reached the hospital, the car parked alongside the curb of the street across from the hospital. Marshall got out and kept the door open so that Julia could exit the vehicle. She turned around and looked at the hospital. She could feel her heartrate accelerate and she took a deep breath. She seemed hesitant and Marshall nodded.
"Are you OK?"
"It's harder than I thought it would be, coming back here."
"You know you don't have to go inside alone. I've freed up my afternoon."
Julia didn't know what to do or what to say. She had told Conrad everything would be OK and that he didn't need to hover, and, in the end, she had been wrong. She wondered if he would take it the wrong way if Marshall accompanied her, but then knowing he had been the one to send Marshall, he might have had an idea as to what it would be like for her to come back here.
"OK," she said simply, and both crossed the street.
Once again Marshall held the door of the hospital for her, letting her enter first. She stopped in the lobby and, along with her heart beating so hard she thought it would pop out of her chest, she started to find it hard to breathe and her hands were shaking. She tried to take a deep breath and dug her shaky hands in her pockets.
"You want me to call Conrad?" asked Marshall, in turn uncertain of what he could or should do to help her.
"No. I need to do this on my own."
"You're safe here, neither Kim nor Cain nor anyone from Red Rock Medical will ever hurt you ever again."
She shook her head knowing full well that if she was being rational about it all, she knew it was the truth. But that was the thing about PTSD, it was the emotional and irrational part of your brain that took over and dictated your entire body's reactions.
She started to walk again, focusing on her breathing. Luckily, she crossed paths with doctors and nurses she knew, who greeted her warmly and it took her mind off it. When they stepped out of the elevator on the 3rd floor, Randolph was waiting for them.
"Hi, Julia."
"Hi, Randolph."
Randolph greeted Marshall as well and then they all headed toward one of the examining rooms. As Randolph and Julia entered one of the rooms, Marshall sat down in one of the chairs in the hallway.
Randolph started to examine Julia.
"You're nervous," he stated simply as he looked at the heart monitor and took her blood pressure. "Julia, just take a deep breath and try to relax. Everything is fine."
She nodded and took a few breaths as Randolph checked her abdomen and scar.
He then pulled the stool toward the table and sat down on it as Julia sat up.
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm not as tired as I used to be, and eating is less an issue."
"How are you sleeping?"
"It's give or take. Either I'm exhausted and fall asleep right away and sleep through the whole night, or I have a hard time dozing off and have frequent nightmares."
"Have you thought about talking to someone about what happened?"
"You mean go to therapy?"
"Therapy or group therapy to talk to people who've gone through traumatizing events like you've been through."
"I've thought about it, but all I really want to do is not talk about what happened and just move on."
Randolph nodded. "I understand. But sometimes, talking about the event, is the only thing that can help you move forward."
Julia had done therapy in the past, after her parents had died and after Jeremy's death. It wasn't that she didn't believe in therapy, but she had found little solace in it and had very often realized that she had managed better on her own, handling the aftermath of the events. If she was being honest with herself, going after Red Rock Medical had been a part of her therapy. Taking them down, was like finally closing the chapter that she had been unable to close. Therefore, she felt she was better placed than anyone to know how to close this chapter of her life as well.
"I'll think about it."
"If you decide to do it, let me know, I've got someone I can recommend."
"Thanks Randolph, I really appreciate it."
"We are all here for you, I hope you know that. It may seem as though it's not the case considering the short amount of time you've been at Chastain, but everyone appreciates having you on board."
"I know that my initial coming to Chastain was based on taking down Red Rock Medical, but you've all made me feel so much at home, that I couldn't imagine myself anywhere else."
Randolph smiled. "Good, I want to keep you on board. You're an asset to Chastain, not just medically but also personally. And I'm not just saying that because of the trauma level 3."
"All, I need is your green light to come back to work so that I can focus on that and on the patients."
"I'm clearing you but I think for the first month or so you should only spend the necessary amount of time in the OR, hence focusing on trauma patient surgeries. The rest of the time you can focus on the trauma center. If you come back too hard too quickly, it won't do you any good."
"Fair enough."
She tilted her head to the side as he stood from the stool.
"So, it's a green light on all aspects?"
He looked at her uncertain of what she was referring to.
"I mean I can go back to doing sports and regular physical activities?"
Randolph smiled. "Yes. I think you are adult enough to know when you're overdoing it. So don't go and start training for the marathon or go skydiving and you should be fine."
She smiled. It was obvious that if he had understood her underlined question, he wasn't giving any indication of it.
"I also trust that if there is anything you'll come and find me, Al, or AJ."
"Of course."
She stood and she took him in her arms. "Thanks for everything Randolph."
He nodded as he held her in his arms. It was a platonic and amicable hug. He cared very much for her. He felt close to her but not in a romantic way and he knew it was someone with whom he could still be close to over the years to come.
"Anytime."
Both walked out of the examining room and Marshall stood from his chair.
Randolph looked at him. "I have something I need to talk to you about, if you have some time."
Marshall shifted his attention to Julia.
"I'm fine. You go ahead. I'll see if I can find Conrad."
Marshall nodded and both men walked away.