**Thank you for all the feedback. I really appreciate it and if you continue to drop me notes I'd appreciate that as well. I feel like this chapter moved me forward a little, and changed my direction some so that is exciting. Also, sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up. I've had it written for a couple days but, I caught my daughters' stomach flu and couldn't even proofread it until now (hopefully I didn't miss too many errors.) Thanks again.**
September 23..1600
I was just sitting in my office, trying to enjoy a few moments of quiet, reflecting on everything that happened today, when this overwhelming guilt started to creep in. I thought about calling Ben, but knew he'd want me to come into the office and I wasn't about to be further than a couple flights of stairs away from Steph, so here I am, writing in this damn thing again.
So, guilt, yeah, I did something I'm completely ashamed of, I acted without thinking. On top of that, I'm going to have to come clean to Steph about what I did, which makes me feel even worse. She's had a hard enough day without me adding onto the stress she must be feeling.
Not that she admitted that she was struggling or stressing about what happened, at least not to me, but I could sense that it was somewhere under the surface. Part of me wondered if she didn't want to admit to feeling weak. Did she feel like it was backtracking on some of her progress or something? I remember feeling like that, myself, a few times.
God, I'm so proud of her. I've always wanted her to know how proud of her I was, but now more than ever I want her to believe it. She's not the same woman that moved in here just weeks ago. She has been working so hard to build herself a solid foundation to stand on. She has been so strong and has made some difficult, life-altering decisions, but the most impressive thing was that she has stuck to them. She seems to know what she wants and is going after it in true Stephanie style, full-out, hell with the consequences, and fuck whoever tells her no. But that's what also has me worried. I want her to get everything she wants. I just want her to take her time and move slowly, so she doesn't get hurt along the way.
After she'd gotten back from her lunch with Morelli I went up to the apartment, worried I'd find her crying or upset by what he said to her, but that wasn't what I found. She was eating a grilled chicken salad sandwich at the breakfast bar and smiled at me when I walked in. She got up and put together a second sandwich for me and added a dish of cut fruit to the plate, nodding toward the stool for me to join her.
Then she told me she was starving since she didn't have a chance to eat at Shorty's before Morelli started yelling at her, but she didn't give me details on what he said, just that it was all over now. I didn't question her either, I didn't need to. I just stood and waited for her to come around the counter to join me. I really needed to hold her in my arms and kiss her. I wanted her to know how much I love her and how proud of her I was for taking this step with Morelli, so I pulled her into my arms and told her just that, then I kissed her. She sunk into the kiss and clung to me too, so I knew she needed this as badly as I did. When we finally broke apart, I stumbled back a step, making her laugh loudly. Yes, she just loved that her Batman was losing his cool a little more each day. I honestly didn't give a shit if she thought I was the biggest nerd in existence as long as she could rely on me to rescue her when she needed it, that's the only superpower I needed.
After lunch we snuggled on the couch for a while before she sent me down to my office. She said she was fine and I couldn't let Tank's paperwork pile up any higher. She kissed me and shoved me out our front door with a big smile on her face. I figured she needed a little time to mull things over alone. Plus, I'd only be a couple floors beneath her if she needed anything, but, still, it was hard to go.
I was finally able to relax a little when Ella called down to tell me she was going up to our apartment to help Steph cook dinner for tonight. I told her to give me the all clear when they were ready. I'm not about to interrupt their time together. Steph needs the time away from us men and Ella has been so supportive of her, helping her bake and cook our meals these last couple nights. I was sure there was a lot of girl talk thrown in too, because she always seemed so happy after their visits. It was good to see her growing with the support of a loving hand and gentle guidance. I know Ella always wanted a daughter and Steph really needed a mother, it seems they both found what they were looking for and I couldn't be happier with the friendship they share.
I wasn't ready to go up just yet anyway. I really did have a lot of paperwork to handle, especially with the extra time I was spending out of the office. Plus, my first hour down here was taken up by a meeting with Tank and Santos, who just got back from St. Francis Hospital. Tank was amused as hell, saying he felt left out, he was now the only one that hadn't broken a hand on that idiot Morelli's face. I assured him he'd have his chance, I didn't see him leaving Steph alone now that he knows we're together. He just wasn't that smart.
A bruised jaw, a goose egg on his forehead, a stitched lip, and a loose tooth was getting off easy. He's lucky Steph stopped Santos before he killed him. Fuck, he was lucky I wasn't in the building when he called her a worthless whore, they'd still be scraping him off the floor.
Yeah, that's what I'm feeling guilty about. I followed her to Shorty's and had Tank wired so I could listen in on her conversation with Morelli. It wasn't so much about snooping as it was about wanting to know that she's safe. I trust Tank and Santos not to let anything happen to her physically, but I really only trust myself to hear pain or panic in her voice. I was scared to let her do this alone. I just wanted to protect her, but now that it's over I feel like I invaded her privacy by doing this without telling her.
I know, it's the shit I'm trying to work on and I'm getting there, I'm just not there yet. I didn't tell her no when she said she wanted to meet him. Hell, I didn't even ask why. I didn't try to lock her in a holding cell when she left the apartment this morning either, those things had all been options I considered, so the listening in seemed like a good plan, at the time.
I watched the three of them head into the restaurant, Tank was at her back and Lester's arm was around her shoulder, holding her close to his side. I knew he was just as worried about this as I was, so I took a breath, and didn't shoot him in the ass for touching her, besides, it seemed to be comforting her. I'd just have to accept that she needed my friends as much as she needed me, even if it meant hugs and kisses from Santos. I never thought I'd say that.
I couldn't see what was happening inside the restaurant, but I heard his voice as soon as they approached the table. "Cupcake," he said and I wanted to kill him. She was not his fucking Cupcake and I hated that fucking name. I knew exactly what he meant by it, he made sure I did, fucking sick bastard. Then he asked if she had another crazy after her since she had her goon guards along.
She didn't rise to the bait though, she told him that they weren't her guards they were there as her friends. I heard chairs scraping on the floor then Tank quietly said three feet, so I knew they were at the next table. Morelli started again, calling her Cupcake, but this time she stopped him and told him that he should call her Stephanie, since he broke up with her. "What did you need to see me about, Stephanie?" he growled at her. I guess he figured out this meeting wasn't going to get him laid.
She said she owed him the truth, again I would have argued with her there. She didn't owe him shit, he dumped her when she was sick. She went on to tell him that she hadn't been out of town working, but she was having some health issues and had been staying with Tank while she got medical care. She said she felt she needed time away from everyone to deal with it all, but now that she's feeling better she'd be around town. She said she owed him the truth before they ran into one another and things got weird.
He laughed then and asked if she was serious, if she had really been living with Tank, and if I was really okay sharing her with my friends. That son of a bitch had no idea how deep a hole he was digging himself. She told him she was sick and his first worry was that she had been sleeping with Tank? That fucking asshole. If given the choice between seeing her with Tank completely healthy or having her ill, there was no choice in my mind. How could his pride be so important to him that he'd rather see her sick and hurting than happy and healthy with someone else? Then it struck me, he didn't love her. He never really loved her.
Steph didn't react to his bullshit, though. She seemed to ignore what he had said. She just said that I trusted her and my friends, but I hadn't known that she was with Tank either. He made some kind of noise and she explained further, saying she hadn't been lying about me not knowing her location when she had spoken to him. That asshole just laughed at that, like he didn't believe her.
She seemed to ignore his sarcastic laughter too, just telling him that she had called me after she spoke with him. I'm not going to lie, it hurt a little to know he had been her first call, but a lot has changed since then, that was before I let her in and before she admitted to loving me. I knew I'd never have to take a backseat to Morelli again and that made me just plain out happy.
He asked how I liked knowing that she had been fucking my best friend. To which I heard Tank's growl over the microphone, but she told him to calm down and addressed Morelli again. She told him that she had been living with me for a couple weeks now and she wasn't planning to move back out. He growled at her, telling her it hadn't taken long for her to hop back into my bed. Then insinuated that I was passing her around to my men like she was a whore.
She still didn't react to his harsh words, she just said that he could believe whatever he wanted to, but she and I are working on our relationship and he would have to get used to seeing us together. That's when it really went downhill.
He reminded her that he didn't want her back when I was done with her, so she just said that I would never be done with her, she told him that she loved me and that we're planning to be together forever. He told her that she was priceless, that it was just too cute that she would believe that any man would ever want to settle down with her. Even she knew she wasn't really marriage material, she was just a time-filler, a good time, and a great bed warmer. Then he told her that maybe I wasn't that much different than him after all. I'd never buy her a ring either, but as long as she was willing to get plugged I'd tell her that I loved her.
Again, she stayed calm and told him that he could believe whatever he wanted to, his opinion didn't matter in this. Then she told him that she wouldn't be seeing him at the station, since she quit bounty hunting for good and asked him if when they run into one another around town they could be civil to one another.
That was what pushed him over the edge. He demanded to know why she quit bounty hunting, to which she said it was a personal decision and what was right for her and her health. He was practically screaming then, "Did Manoso knock you up? Is that why you're giving up the job and living with him? Is that your fucking health crisis?"
"That's none of your business, Joe," she hissed back at him.
"You know what, you're right, you are none of my concern anymore. I'm done with your lying and cheating. You always have been and always will be nothing but a worthless whore. You have fun fucking Ranger and his posse, but don't show up on my doorstep crying when he kicks you and your brat out," he screamed at her.
The next thing I heard was a crash and then the distinct sound of flesh hitting flesh. "Lester," Steph screamed. Then she was screaming at him to stop before he got himself arrested. Seconds later, Steph appeared in the door with her arms wrapped around Santos, like she was dragging him from the restaurant.
I heard Tank inside the restaurant speaking to Morelli in a low voice, threatening to share some unsavory photos, we had taken of him with an informant, with the chief if he even thought about pressing charges against Santos. Morelli just told him to fuck off, to which Tank's voice became very deep, "You're lucky Santos got to you first. If you ever speak to our girl that way again you'll deal with me and I'll make sure to knock your head clean off your shoulders." Tank's words echoed my own thoughts so well, but I wasn't about to wait until he had a chance to do it again.
As soon as the three of them were out of the parking lot I got out of my own car and waited for Morelli by leaning against the side of the building, near his SUV. It didn't take long before he came storming out the front door with some toilet paper up one of his nostrils. I could already see his lip swelling and smiled, just a little. At least Santos got a couple good ones in before Steph pulled him out of the building.
As soon as he crossed my path I grabbed him and had his chest flattened against the side of the building, easily unarming him in a few seconds. "Don't fucking move," I spoke into his ear. He started to speak so I slammed his face into the brick. "Don't say anything, I heard every word you said to her and you have said enough." He muttered a fuck you. "No, Morelli, fuck you." He started to fight me, but I had him restrained and we both knew he wasn't going to get out of my hold. "Your obsession with Steph stops now. You've been abusing her since she was a child and believe me, I've wanted to kill you since I found out about all the shit you have done to her in the past, but hearing what you just said to her was the last straw. She is the only thing stopping me from ripping your heart out right now. She needs me at home, not rotting in prison over a worthless piece of shit like you. You let her go and leave her alone, exactly like she asked of you and I won't take you apart piece by piece."
He was pissed that I caught him off guard and he didn't like being called on his behavior, just like most of the scum I deal with. I wasn't surprised when he started in on me, telling me that I was going to be going to jail for threatening and assaulting a police officer and then she'd be fair game once again. I knew he was fucking baiting me, but I couldn't let him see it was working. He was hitting on my one and only fear, not being close by to keep Steph safe. That's what made him such a good predator, he could sense someone's fear and use it against them. I had the same skills, only difference was I used mine on criminals, he used his on innocents for his own gain. It was a game I could play if he wanted to.
"We both know I'm not doing anything wrong, definitely not compared to an undercover police officer fucking a mob informant at a sleazing motel on the city's dime," I said reminding him of the photos that Tank mentioned earlier.
That was a direct hit. He was starting to get scared. He finally told me not to do it, showing those photos could get her killed. I knew that, her uncle really wouldn't like her sharing her family's secrets for a little Joey loving, but that wasn't my problem. As far as I was concerned they were both adults and made their own decisions. It was all on him to make the right one now.
"So to save your girlfriend, all you have to do is stay away from mine," I answered. "If not, perhaps those photos will make their way to her Family. I imagine they will take care of you both and I won't have to get my hands dirty at all."
All he had to say to that was fuck you, so I smashed his face into the wall again, this time letting him sink to his knees. I emptied his gun, dropped the bullets on the ground in front of him and put the gun on the roof of his SUV before getting back into my own car and driving home.
I had to see Steph. I wasted enough time on him. He heard my warning and I figured he was smart enough to know I never bluffed. I just hoped he'd let her go without further harassment. When I got there I met Tank and Santos in the parking garage, heading out for the hospital. They assured me Steph was alright, but Santos' hand had swollen to twice its normal size and he knew he needed a cast.
"I would have made him disappear if we didn't have twenty witnesses to Santos punching in his face," Tank told me. I nodded, we were on the same page. I told them I deepened the threat about the photos and that Morelli somehow managed to walk himself into the wall a couple times. Both guy's grinned when I told them that. I knew they'd appreciate that move, hell, I didn't even have a bruised knuckle to prove I did anything wrong.
Like I said, Steph was putting on a brave face and seemed fine when I got home, but I was still worried. I had to tell her that I didn't just listen in on her meeting, but that I had threatened Morelli too. I knew I couldn't keep it a secret, it'd hurt her more if I did, but shit, I really wasn't looking forward to disappointing her. I hoped she could understand my need to protect her. I love her too much to hear him say those words to her ever again.