Chapter Two - "It's Always Been You."
Meredith was lying in her bed, curled up to a pillow and facing the window. There were no ferryboats today. She felt sad. She watched the lightning illuminate the gray sky. She wasn't sure what time it was, or even what day it was. Rain pelted against her window. She had a bad feeling. When she heard a knock on the door she ignored it. She knew whoever it was would come in anyway. She had no privacy. She wanted to go home.
"Hey stranger…" Alex Karev greeted as he closed her bedroom door behind him, "I heard you're feeling down today."
"I have a bad feeling Alex." Meredith sighed not making eye contact. She continued to stare at the rain.
"The last time you said that you got your hand stuck in a body cavity…" Alex almost laughed at the distant memory of their internship.
Meredith sat up and looked at him, "On a bomb…."
Alex smiled and nodded, "Talk about crazy shit."
"This is different Alex…" Meredith shook her head, "It's Derek."
Alex bit his lip, "What about him?"
"I miss him." Meredith said. She could hear her voice shake, "I can't…. remember the last time we kissed…. And I also can't remember if he is in surgery or if he went to D.C."
Alex stared at her, "What year is it Mer?"
She shrugged, "I don't like fighting with him."
"I know." Alex offered half a smile, "But he'll come back to you. He always does."
Meredith twisted her fingers around each other repeatedly as she searched her brain. She needed him. She needed to hear his voice.
"Can we call him?" Meredith asked, "I need to hear his voice…. I have a terrible feeling."
"He's probably busy…" Alex shrugged, "Who knows how many surgeries he had today."
Meredith felt the tears. She hated this feeling. She hated the frustration.
"Hey…. Mer," Alex squeezed her hand, "It's okay. Everything is fine. Derek loves you so much…. remember? No matter where he is right now, we both know how much he loves you."
"Post it…" Meredith whispered.
"That's right." Alex nodded, "Plus, I brought you a present. Your nurse will kick my ass if she finds out, but, I've never been one to follow the rules."
Meredith's eyes widened as Alex pulled out a bottle of Jose and she smiled, "Tequila. My favorite."
"Do you want a drink?" Alex questioned, "I brought all the tequila fixings…"
Meredith grabbed the bottle and grinned. She ran her hand slowly over the label. The warmth she'd been missing washed over her as Derek's voice drifted through her mind.
"So what's your story?"
"I don't have a story. I'm just a girl in a bar."
"I'm just a guy in a bar."
"Let's do a shot." Meredith said with excitement.
Alex grabbed two shot glasses from his bag and poured the warm gold liquid into each of them. They each picked one up and raised them in the air.
"To love…" Alex nodded towards Meredith and they both let the hostile, burning, liquid slide down their throats.
"Do you miss Izzy?" Meredith asked as she handed the glass back to him.
Alex shrugged, "Sometimes. But I've moved on. I'm glad she's happy."
"Remember that time you gave George Syphilis and he punched you in the face?" Meredith laughed.
"Hey… wait a minute…" Alex almost laughed too, "Technically…. I did not give George Syphilis. That bimbo nurse did."
Meredith giggled at the memory and then sobered up quickly, "I wonder where George would be if he were still alive."
"Who knows… Probably still here in Seattle like the rest of us." Alex began pouring another shot.
"I miss Derek…" Meredith sighed, "I can't remember the last time we kissed. It's the worst feeling."
Alex handed her another shot. She let her index finger slowly circle the rim of the glass. She enjoyed when Alex came to visit. He never expected anything out of her. He never made her feel like she wasn't good enough or that she was supposed to remember something special. He just sat with her and they talked. He let her lead conversations and if she didn't want to talk, he was okay with that too.
"Alex… I can't get rid of this feeling." Meredith gasped as she took the shot.
"Tell me about it. What's happening?" Alex questioned as he put the tequila back in his bag.
"It comes in waves. Something isn't right." Meredith shook her head as her eyes searched his face for any kind of help. She heard Derek's voice again.
"It was a Thursday morning. You were wearing that ratty little Dartmouth T-shirt you look so good in. The one with the hole in the back of the neck. You'd just washed your hair and you smelled like some kind of flower. I was running late for surgery. You said you were gonna see me later and you leaned to me, you put your hand on my chest and you kissed me. Soft. Was quick, kinda like a habit. You know, like we'd do it every day for the rest of our lives. You went back to reading the newspaper and I went to work. That was the last time we kissed."
Tears trickled slowly down her cheek as she shook her head in disagreement. 'He's wrong…' Meredith thought to herself, 'That's not right.'
"Hey, don't cry." Alex said softly, "It's gonna be okay, remember?"
Meredith stood from the bed and began to pace. She glanced out the window. No ferryboats. It was still raining. The sky was dark and twisty. It was a mirror image of how she felt inside. She was dying to have some type of control over the mess of emotions she'd become.
"Why am I not working?" Meredith ranted as she paced, "Being alone is so much harder when you're not working."
"You're not alone." Alex corrected, "And I thought you had the day off today."
"He's wrong." Meredith ignored Alex, "And you're wrong too."
"Who's he?" Alex asked confused.
"Derek…" Meredith stopped pacing and turned to Alex, "The last time we kissed I was not wearing my Dartmouth t-shirt."
"Oh." Alex nodded and played along, "Okay, then when?"
Meredith turned back to the window. She seemed to always find her memories there. It was like they were lost at sea and she could occasionally catch one that rode in on a wave, or more often than not, on a ferryboat.
"Don't move. Wait for me."
Then he kissed her. A perfect kiss. His lips on hers. Their embrace tight. He was kissing her. It was long, endearing, and it took her breath away. It was followed by two quick pecks like husbands and wives do.
"I'll be back before you know it." Derek's blue eyes sparkled as he spoke.
And with that she watched him walk away.
"It was before he left to go back to D.C." Meredith told Alex, "I remember. He's going to quit his job and come home. He's not in surgery Alex. He's in D.C."
Alex's heart broke for his dear friend. She was right about her last kiss. She just couldn't remember how the rest of the story went. At the risk of upsetting her, Alex didn't question her story. Instead, he played along like he always did, "Like I said, he'll be back before you know it."
Meredith nodded and sat back down on her bed. She felt better. She felt warm. Derek kissed her. They were happy. Derek was coming home. She remembered how badly she wanted to go with him to DC. She still wished she had gone to help him get the rest of his things. She hated being separated so quickly after their reconciliation.
"I think I need to lay down." Meredith announced.
"Okay," Alex stood and picked up his bag, "I'm glad I got to see you today."
He understood. Her brain worked overtime trying to hang on to memories and remember specific details. He knew it didn't help that he gave her alcohol. She was bound to be exhausted from the combination.
Meredith stood and hugged him, "Thank you for coming, and thanks for my present. That was fun."
Alex laughed, "I'll try not to make it a habit. I miss you. I'll see you soon."
"Okay," Meredith waved as she watched her friend walk towards the door. When he was gone she went back to her bed and grabbed the photo of her and Derek from her night stand. She sighed contently as she stared at it. His dreamy blue eyes stared back at her. They were both smiling. She pulled the picture to her chest and fell back against her pillows.
"You're like coming up for fresh air. Like I was drowning and you saved me. I still feel that way. When I see you…what we have…our family…That's the feeling. It's you. It's always been you."
Meredith closed her eyes. She was blessed. Derek was back. He was coming back. The terrible feeling was gone and she could breathe now. She drifted off to sleep as his words echoed in her mind.
"It's you. It's always been you."