The Annual Hootenanny Ball Shindig Soirée Spectacular was the biggest party of the year for the town of Gravity Falls. Every year an excited crowd would gather at the gates of McGucket's Hootenanny Hut, formerly Northwest Manor. When the gates opened, the crowd would flood inside for what promised to be a long and rowdy night of fun.
Pacifica Northwest had only learned of the party's existence about a week ago, and she had spent the last few days in a rush to prepare herself for it. From what she understood, there would be dancing, drinking, and live music. Including performances from renowned musicians such as Foghorn Vanderbutter's Ultimate Jug Band, Tallista Snidely and the Hambone Orchestra, and, of course, the sultry crooning of Starlett Evermore. One previous performer, Trinity Threecorners, had recently been banned from ever performing at the party again. Apparently, her instrument of choice, the musical triangle, brought up some bad memories among some of the townsfolk.
Of course, Pacifica found the prospect of attending a party in her childhood summer home to be unappealing, to say the least. But, she couldn't afford to ignore it. Not only did the idea of hiding away from a big social gathering needle her pride, she was no coward after all, but it also provided a good opportunity to ingratiate herself with her new community.
There could be great power in being will-liked among the general populace, especially when it came to pressuring the mayor for a favor or two. But more than that, what she really needed was to attract new guests to her hotel. And if she had to woo some tourists in person to help spread the name of the Shadowy Oaks Hotel, then she would.
As Pacifica approached the old manor, she decided to go through her list of priorities. First and most importantly, she needed to get her photo taken with the party's host. Fiddleford McGucket had become increasingly famous in recent years, especially online. Not only was he the founder of 'McGucket Robomajigs', a burgeoning company on the cutting edge of robot technology, but he was also regarded as an interesting personality. Filled with down-home wisdom about the state of the world. Beloved quotes such as 'The crinkum-crankum of my overalls are getting highfalutin!' and 'I can scratch my back with my beard!' were often shared on social media and praised for their incredible insights on the human condition.
If she managed to get herself photographed with him, she was sure that she could spin it into a boon for the reputation of her hotel. And if she could get that picture in the local newspaper, even better. A newspaper clipping would have an air of formality to it that a simple picture might lack. Plus, there was a chance she might be able to convince a journalist to write a story about their meeting that might read suspiciously like an ad for the Shadowy Oaks Hotel. She could already picture a copy of the news story framed neatly behind the front desk.
Next, she would do her best to provide a friendly face for tourists to associate with the name of her hotel. And she would do the same for the local townsfolk. Although that was less of a priority, as none of them were likely to be future customers. If she saw any other important figures among the attendees, she would shift her priorities accordingly. But for now, she felt that she had settled on a good plan of action.
As she crossed the threshold and took her first few steps into the old manor, she felt a sudden rush of nerves. The main hall had been decorated for the occasion, rather garishly in Pacifica's opinion, with a mess of balloons, streamers, and sparklers. But apart from the decorations, along with a few display cases for hand-whittled statues and antique banjos, the main hall looked exactly as she remembered it. And even after so many years had passed, she could still feel the remnants of the same stifling atmosphere she had once associated with her family's old summer home.
Being there brought up a whole host of memories and feelings that she would have preferred to keep locked away forever.
As she made her way through the crowd, smiling softly and not letting one bit of her inner turmoil show in her features, she noticed an old silver mirror on the wall. And she couldn't help but take a moment to check her appearance for the umpteenth time in the last few hours. Once again, she found that she looked perfect. Her hair fell down her back like threads of golden silk, and her clear blue eyes sparkled in contrast with her long dark eyelashes and purple eyeshadow. Her nails were freshly manicured and carefully painted. Her skin was smooth and spotless. And her lips were an undeniably alluring shade of red.
She was wearing a flowing purple dress with long patterned sleeves, along with diamond earrings and a thick platinum necklace with a large blue diamond at its center. She looked as though she belonged in a room filled with wealthy socialites and restrained conversation. Which was apparently the exact opposite of what was being offered at McGucket's Hootenanny Hut. She had already known that, of course. Pacifica had expected to be the most well-dressed person there. And an early assessment of the crowd had already confirmed her expectations.
Turning away from the mirror, she watched as a gaggle of underdressed townfolk intermingled. Most of them were wearing their everyday clothes, although a few of them had added top hats and bowties to their outfits. So at least the barest efforts were being made. As she watched the crowd, Pacifica noticed that some of them had started trudging around on what used to be her parent's favorite rug. And despite now being twenty-nine years old and so far removed from the little girl she used to be, she flinched.
Pacifica resisted the urge to outwardly scowl. It made her angry to think that the vestiges of her parent's training were still inside her somewhere. Even after so much time had passed.
Once again, she allowed no hint of her inner feelings to grace her features. She had been well-practiced in all manner of formal social events for as long as she could remember. And she had certainly managed to smile her way through much more intense circumstances.
This would be simple. She would do what she always did. Smile and trade polite small talk with a few partygoers, make sure she was photographed greeting the host, and then leave. All while avoiding any prying questions. Her plan of attack was foolproof. Honed over the course of many years attending social events with her parents or on their behalf. First, she would need a drink. Having a drink in her hand would help puncture the well-crafted air of unapproachability that her outfit projected. Then, she would find a small group of people, preferably people who looked like they would do all the talking for her, and then offer them a friendly smile.
To break the ice, she might pretend to be embarrassed about having overdressed for the party. Or, she might play up her status as a relative newcomer. Maybe ask a few questions about the recent history of the town. Nothing related to the various goings on in the forest, of course. The locals would become instantly cagey if she brought up anything capital 'w' Weird.
She hadn't yet decided if she was going to be completely honest about who she was. There was a good chance that if she used a pseudonym of some kind, she could operate with some anonymity. Perhaps that would make things go over a little smoother. She wasn't entirely sure how much resentment the locals might hold toward anyone with the name Northwest. There was, of course, a slight risk that someone might recognize her. The fact that the risk was only slight, irked her.
Over the years, Pacifica had become something of an online personality. It hadn't taken all that much effort on her part. All she had to do was forge a few calculated friendships with some of the other rich kids she met at her private schools and the many exclusive parties that her parents had dragged her to over the years. Before long, she was being paid to endorse products on social media. And her star had only risen from there.
At her peak, she had been labeled 'The Most Popular Girl in the World' by many hyperbolic headlines, both on and offline. But that had been several years ago now. Practically a lifetime in terms of internet fame. Which was part of the reason she had found herself returning to Gravity Falls. Her star had faded, and she had decided to use what money she had left to build something of her own. Something she could be truly proud of.
She had hoped to open a salon or something in some trendy corner of a big city. But unfortunately, her finances were not as robust as she had hoped. Thanks in part due to the continued interference of her parents. There were other factors, of course. But her parents always seemed to be an obstacle, no matter what she did.
That was why she had chosen to buy a property in Gravity Falls. Not only were her options much more affordable, but she also knew that her parents would never bother her there. Not in person, at least. Ever since the summer that the world almost ended, both of her parents had spent a lot of money trying to forget the place ever existed. If she stayed in Gravity Falls, they were guaranteed to keep their distance.
There was, of course, another reason that she had chosen to return to Gravity Falls. It was something that she couldn't quite put into words. It was like a faint tug from her very core. Drawing her back to the place where she had both her very worst summer memories and her very best.
Not wanting to waste any time thinking about the past, Pacifica turned her attention to the wide selection of food and drinks that were being offered by the waitstaff. There were, of course, the requisite bowls of rounded tortilla chips and a range of dips. Some were simple guacamole or salsa, while others seemed to be much spicier. So much so, that some of the dips were actively on fire. There were also pots of something labeled 'Varmint Stew' on offer, along with double-stacked Cornbread and Raccoon Pie. Which, Pacifica overheard from a number of partygoers, did not actually contain any raccoon. Rather, it was prepared by a raccoon.
There was also a wide selection of drinks on offer. From classics like Pitt Cola to a stack of off-brand-looking cans of something called 'Bubblin Molasses'. There also appeared to be a good range of alcohol. There were several enormous, multicolored cocktails being passed around, along with the occasional jug with three Xs on it. Pacifica overhead someone say that both moonshine and sunshine were being presented in shot glasses across the room. Both drinks were said to be essentially the same, except that one required the use of sunglasses.
Pacifica approached one of the waitstaff and picked up a can of Pitt Cola. Its unique taste would no doubt bring about another round of unwanted memories, as she had never been able to find the drink outside of Gravity Falls, but it seemed to be the safest choice. As long as she remembered the 'complementary' pit in every can.
As she took her first sip, she turned her attention to the waitstaff. They were all robots. And not particularly sleekly designed robots, either. They looked as if they had been built out of scrap, moving around on a varying number of wheels and with stiff claws for hands. Each one of them was wearing a vest that read 'Wait-tron' on the back, along with a bowtie.
Robots were apparently a common sight at McGucket's Hootenanny Hut. This wasn't a surprise, as the old mansion was also the headquarters for McGucket Robomajigs. As the waitstaff circulated among the crowd, Pacifica noticed an air of distrust among some of the townspeople when it came to dealing with the robots. This was why so many of the townspeople opted to instead approach the one robot that was clearly just a teenager wrapped in aluminum foil.
"Um, I'm like, totally a robot too. Beep. And, uh... Boop." said the teenager, doing his best to blend in with the other robots by dancing stiffly as he interacted with the crowd.
At the top of the main staircase, a band that was comprised entirely of grizzled old prospectors began to play a surprisingly jazzy tune by blowing into a series of jugs. Once the music had started, the party had officially begun. A few townspeople quickly dived into the cider fountain, as was tradition.
Pacifica had been scanning the crowd for any sign of Old Man McGucket when she was surprised by the sound of a familiar voice.
"Oh my gosh, is that the little Northwest girl?"
Pacifica froze momentarily. She had been prepared for the possibility of somebody recognizing her due to her faded celebrity. And yet she had still managed to be caught off guard. Because she had not been expecting to run into one of the few locals she had known in her youth.
Recovering quickly, Pacifica faced Lazy Susan with a manufactured smile.
"Hello there, Susan. It's so lovely to see you again after all this time." said Pacifica.
Lazy Susan met Pacifica's smile with one of her own. Hers was much toothier but at the same time, much more sincere. "Well, it's lovely to see you too, young Pacifica! Oh, my, how long had it been?" she asked. Pacifica noticed that the older woman was swaying slightly as she spoke. She had been drinking.
"Fifteen years or so, I believe." said Pacifica, feeling herself relax ever so slightly. Of all the townspeople to recognize her, Lazy Susan was probably the best-case scenario. At least she had some measure of good history with her.
"Oh my gosh! Where does all the time go!?" Lazy Susan, her voice much louder than it needed to be. "I still remember that one summer... You were the cutest little waitress Greasy's Diner ever had!"
Pacifica nodded politely and opened her mouth to say something, but Lazy Susan didn't seem to notice.
"You know, I own the place now! Yep! Old Lady Greasy gave it to me after she ran off to join that motorcycle gang..." said Lazy Susan, before suddenly trailing off for a moment. Then, she hiccupped so forcefully that it nearly knocked her off her feet.
For a moment, Pacifica's polite façade fell away. Replaced with genuine concern. "Um, maybe you should sit down somewhere..." said Pacifica, quickly scanning the room for an empty chair.
"Oh, no, don't worry about me, deary. I'm fine. Perfect, really! I just got that lanky gentleman's phone number!" said Lazy Susan, attempting to give Pacifica a sly wink before she gestured toward a suit of armor that stood by the wall across the room, motionless. "He's British!" she added.
Before Pacifica could respond to that, a group of speakers on the ceiling suddenly crackled to life. And the unmistakable voice of Fiddleford McGucket filled the air.
"Welcome y'all to this here party! Sorry I'm not up there to greet you in person, but I's is just tryin' to finish hornswagglin' this here supertronic quantum generator. But once I'm done, I'll film-flam my way up there to join the festivities! 'Till then, go ahead and enjoy all the music and whatnot. Oh! And don't ya'll be afraid to ask some of the wait-trons to whip up you up some more food if yer needin' it! I programmed 'em to love cookin' up a storm."
As the speakers cut out, one of the robots that had been idling around the main staircase pumped its metal fist into the air. "Yes! Cooking! Storming! We love these things! Unconditionally!" it announced in a stilted, squeaky voice.
Pacifica had to resist the urge to frown. The night had barely started and she could already feel her plans beginning to crumble. At the very least, she wasn't going to be able to accomplish her goals as quickly as she had hoped.
Turning her attention back to Lazy Susan, she found herself facing another problem. She didn't want to be stuck there all night, watching over the older woman until she sobered up. But she also didn't much like the idea of leaving her there when it looked like she could barely stay on her own two feet.
"I, uh... I'll call you a taxi." said Pacifica.
Lazy Susan blinked. "Huh?" she sputtered, looking confused. It seemed to take her a moment to properly register what Pacifica had said. "Oh! Oh, no! The night's just begun! I just had one too many of those sunshine shots is all! And that number was one. 'Parently, they're really not to be taken lightly."
"I see..." muttered Pacifica, sounding unconvinced.
"Besides! I can't leave now, we haven't even gotten a chance to catch up! Did I mention that I own Greasy's Diner yet? Yep! Now it's called Susan's Greasy's Diner. But most people still call it Greasy's. It's just what folks are used to, I guess." said Lazy Susan.
Pacifica nodded along politely as Lazy Susan spoke.
"I also got divorced since the last time I saw you. Although it's the strangest thing because I don't remember getting married in the first place!" said Lazy Susan, with a hearty laugh.
Pacifica could only smile in response.
"Anyway, enough about me! What about you?" asked Lazy Susan.
Pacifica had been quietly preparing for that question. "Oh, nothing too exciting." she said. "I finished high school and college easily enough, And I just happened to find myself back here due to a certain business venture of mine."
"Venture? Of business?" asked Lazy Susan, stumbling over her words for a moment before something suddenly clicked in her mind. "Oh! You're like an entrepreneur! Your parents must be so proud!"
Pacifica was well-trained enough not to let the mention of her parents bring about even the slightest outward reaction. Instead, she nodded and smiled. "Of course. My mother and father have always had the highest hopes for me. And I've done my very best to make them proud." she said.
"Aw, that's sweet." said Lazy Susan. "So, what exactly is this big business thing you're doing in our little town? You're not opening a rival diner, I hope!" Lazy Susan gave another hearty laugh at that, and this time Pacifica managed a fake chuckle alongside her.
"No, it's a new hotel." said Pacifica. "I recently bought a property out by the lake and had it remodeled."
"Oh, I think I've heard of it! What was the name of it again?" asked Lazy Susan.
"Shadowy Oaks."
"Yes, yes! That's it. I hear that place is super fancy. Is it true that every surface is painted gold? Even the windows?"
Pacifica frowned slightly. "It's actually rather modest. In both appearance and price." she said. "There are, of course, rooms for wealthy visitors. But overall, the hotel was built with the average tourist in mind."
"Really? That's funny, I didn't think you Northwests could do anything that wasn't fancy. I mean, that's why they call you fancy pants, isn't it? Because it's in your genes?" asked Lazy Susan. She failed to laugh at this, which suggested it was a completely sincere question.
"I think you'll find that we Northwests are capable of a great deal of things." said Pacifica, her tone slightly defensive.
"Aw, don't I know it! You were the best little waitress we ever had!" exclaimed Lazy Susan. "We still keep your employee of the month portrait on the wall."
Pacifica tensed slightly. She didn't much feel like reminiscing, but she supposed that she didn't really have much choice in the matter.
"You always knew how to handle the customers... Especially the rude ones. D'you remember that time you threw Stan Pines out on his butt? Hilarious." said Lazy Susan, chuckling to herself once again.
Pacifica nodded. Stan Pines had a reputation for pulling all manner of scams to avoid paying for a meal. This included offering crudely made 'Stan Bucks', checks outfitted with springs so that they would also literally bounce, and of course, the age-old standby of jumping through the window. All throughout the summer, she had been forced to contend with all manner of what could only be described as 'hijinks'. In the end, she resorted to grabbing the old man by the scruff of his neck and throwing him out. Which had been pretty impressive, as she was only fourteen at the time and not particularly big for her age.
After that, Stan attempted to sneak into the diner unnoticed. But Pacifica had foiled him each time. After his third or fourth attempt had ended with the loss of yet another fake mustache and glasses, Stan finally relented and started paying for his meals. He had even started leaving tips, although never without first receiving a threatening look from Pacifica. She had never managed to get him to pay his pancake tab, though. Some things were simply beyond the actions of mere mortals.
Pacifica felt the slightest tug of sincerity in her manufactured smile. It was a good memory. One of the many good memories she had of that summer. Unlike the summer before it, it wasn't tainted by a near-apocalypse at the end of it. Or the presence of her parents.
"So, why'd you never come back?" asked Lazy Susan. "We were waiting for you the summer after."
Pacifica's smile faltered. Ever since the summer that the world almost ended, both of her parents had sworn never to return to Gravity Falls. Which was why Pacifica took it upon herself to make her way back the following summer. It had required a certain level of subterfuge, of course. She had to make up a story about attending a summer finishing school and then pay for the travel expenses out of her own savings. Unfortunately, the pocket money she had accrued didn't last long. So, she was forced to take a low-paying job at Greasy's Diner. Ordinarily, she would have used one of her credit cards to pay for everything, but she didn't dare risk allowing her father to track her purchases. And she knew he would.
For one glorious summer, Pacifica enjoyed a level of independence that she had never experienced before. There were, of course, many highs and lows. She recalled having to spend the night at the diner on more than one occasion, sleeping in one of the booths. And on the few occasions that she had been asked to fill in for the cook, it had been an utter disaster. Still, it was the first time she had ever truly been allowed to be herself. She had made summer friends and even went on a few summer adventures.
Unfortunately, by the end of that summer, her parents had discovered her deception. And they became determined to make sure she never felt that level of independence ever again.
The last thing Pacifica wanted was to tell Lazy Susan that. Pity was as good as poison to her. It made her feel as though she were something weak and vulnerable. And she would not have that. So she lied.
"Oh, I found myself a little distracted with prior engagements that summer." said Pacifica. "And before I knew it, I fell into a pattern. Always too busy for summer vacation."
Lazy Susan nodded. "Ah, yes, that makes sense. You always were a very hard worker." she said, before hiccupping again.
Sensing a natural lull in the conversation, Pacifica quickly tried to think of an easy way to extricate herself. Her efforts were interrupted, however, when they were suddenly approached by a tall suit of armor.
A voice echoed from inside. "Er... 'Ello there. What's... Uh... Wot's goin' on?" it asked.
Lazy Susan let out a girlish squeal. "Oh my goodness, Basil!" she exclaimed. "I lost track of you! Basil, this is Pacifica Northwest. Pacifica, this is Basil... Basil... What did you say your last name was again?"
"Sir Basil Teasip Bangers-Enmash. I'm definitely from Britain and nowhere else." said the voice inside the suit of armor. Without giving Pacifica a chance to respond, the suit of armor turned to face Lazy Susan and offered its hand. "Lady Susan, I was hoping, er, 'oping, you might join me for a dance." it said.
Lazy Susan giggled as she took the offered hand in her own. "Of course, Sir Basil. Though it has been a while since I did any dancin'. You might be glad your shoes're made of metal." she said, with an attempted wink.
Sir Basil's armor rattled slightly as he gave a nervous chuckle. "Yes, yes... Metal shoes... And they definitely have feet inside them, I assure you." he said.
Before turning to leave with her newfound date, Lazy Susan gave Pacifica an odd look. As if she wanted to say something but couldn't quite remember what it was. Finally, she shrugged it off. "Well, if you don't mind, I think we'll make our way to the dance floor." she said. "Don't forget to have some fun while you're here, Pacifica. Don't be afraid to go lookin' for a lanky guy of your own!" With that, Lazy Susan made another attempt at a wink.
"Of course. It was good to see you, Susan." said Pacifica. And she was slightly surprised by how much she meant it.
"Likewise!" said Lazy Susan.
Watching as Lazy Susan and Sir Basil disappeared into the crowd, Pacifica allowed herself a brief moment to take a breath. The party was now in full swing. The air was rich with the sounds of music and jovial activity as more people began to pour in through the entrance. Pacifica watched carefully for any more familiar faces. She didn't want to be surprised again.
But it appeared as though most of the new arrivals were tourists. At least judging from the cameras around their necks, the looks of wide-eyed curiosity on their faces, and the fact that every one of them seemed to be wearing something emblazoned with the words 'I Was Thrilled, Chilled, but definitely not Killed at the Mystery Shack'. The slogan was on t-shirts, hats, and buttons. Some people were decked out from head to toe, like walking billboards.
Pacifica watched the tourists much like a predator examining their prey.
With her plan to get a photo taken with McGucket apparently delayed, Pacifica resigned herself to spending some time shmoozing with the partygoers. She wouldn't waste her time, of course. Pacifica was determined to make sure that by the end of the night, every tourist would know the name of her hotel. It would take some time, of course. But she was determined. Nothing was going to stand in her way.
With renewed determination, Pacifica summoned her brightest, most award-winning smile and set to work.
Meanwhile, somewhere deep in the forests of Gravity Falls, a group of creatures stood around a roaring campfire. Many were laughing and dancing around it. The warmth of the fire and the sense of joy in the air were enough to lighten the mood of even the sourest of creatures. There wasn't a single frown in the group.
With one notable exception.
An odd-looking gnome was sitting on a tree stump with his arms crossed. The gnome was small, even among his peers. At least, if one did not account for the large mirrored helmet he was wearing on his head. It was constructed from an old disco ball he had found. And it reflected the light of the campfire in a dazzling array of colors, much to the joy of the partygoers. Unlike other gnomes, he did not have a beard. Instead, he had a long, thin mustache that curled upwards on both ends.
The gnome sat there for a while, looking impatient. Until finally, he sat up in a huff.
"What are we even doing here!?" he exclaimed.
The partygoers suddenly froze. There was a moment of stunned silence among the creatures until a nearby Manitaur finally found his voice.
"Uh... Partying?" he said.
The gnome huffed. "Oh, please! This is no party! It's barely even a jamboree!" he exclaimed. "Where's all the great food!? And the music!?"
A flying eyeball wearing half of a pair of giant sunglasses flew closer to the gnome. "Council ordinances dictate that we mustn't allow the noise to approach a certain level. Lest we risk awakening the great evils that rest far below..." it said.
"Whoah! Those things can talk?" exclaimed a creature that appeared to be a writhing mass of tentacles stuffed into an old tuxedo. "Weird." it added.
"Enough! I am the Lord of Parties, so crowned by the Goddess of Partying, Lord Mabelton herself!" exclaimed the gnome. "And so help me, I will see to it that we have ourselves a party for the ages! A party to end all other parties! Or my name isn't Grimmeldinger Uberfest!"
"C'mon, Grimm, we were having ourselves a good time. Why do ya always have to try and turn it up a notch? Leave the notch alone!" exclaimed a Jokealope, a horned rabbit dressed as a clown.
"Counterpoint, I say we turn the notch! Break that sucker off!" exclaimed a Nopealope, a horned rabbit with a tendency to be contrarian.
The Jokealope and the Nopealope quietly scowled at each other as Grimmeldinger continued to speak.
"Everyone! Are you not weighed down by the tedium of this restraint? Can we not dare to dream of a party where we, the dwellers of the forest, might finally be freed from the shackles of decency?" exclaimed Grimmeldinger.
"Schmebulock!"
"Yes, brother gnome! The time is now! Let us party to such a level that it's dangerous to ourselves and others!" said Grimmeldinger, pumping his fist in triumph. None of the other creatures seemed all that impressed with his speech. In fact, a pair of floating gloves had gone back to its quiet card game with a mechanical owl.
Finally, a small figure raised its hand. Dressed in a hooded cloak that hid its face, the figure spoke with a deep raspy voice. "Why don't we try crashing the human party?" it suggested.
Grimmeldinger twirled one end of his mustache as he considered this. "Hmm... Now there's a thought." he muttered.
"Uh... Isn't it supposed to be impossible to scale those walls?" asked the Nopealope, sounding somewhat nervous about the prospect. "Plus, even if we somehow made it... Doesn't the guy living there have a robot army now?"
But the Nopealope's voice fell on deaf ears. Grimmeldinger had already steepled his fingers and begun to chuckle evilly. "Yes... Yes... It shall be a party crashing of epic proportions!" he exclaimed.
The Jokealope shot the Nopealope a withering glare. "You shouldn't have encouraged him." it growled.
"Oh, whatever..." grumbled the Nopealope. "What's the worst that can happen?"
Hours had passed and Pacifica's friendly façade had begun to crumble. For a number of reasons. For one thing, she had slightly underestimated the number of inane questions she would have to field from various slack-jawed locals and wide-eyed tourists. None of them seemed to remember her, but she was well dressed enough that they all assumed that she was someone important. And thus, she was expected to explain her entire background to each and every one of them.
Most of them were rather friendly about it, although that didn't stop some of the more annoying questions from being asked. The topics of marriage and children were sensitive enough without being brought up by total strangers. Even more frustrating, however, was the number of men who had started openly hitting on her. Apparently, the liquor had been circulating enough to make the eligible bachelors in the crowd increasingly bold. By the time the number of men who had approached her with a slurred pick-up line reached the double digits, it had taken every bit of self-control she had not to start threatening bodily harm.
It didn't help that her feet were now aching as she made her way around the main hall for the umpteenth time. It had been a few years since the last time she had to parade herself around in high heels, and she was beginning to find that she was woefully out of practice. Either that, or she had managed to outgrow her last pair of truly expensive shoes. She quietly hoped that wasn't the case.
Eventually, Pacifica felt her patience begin to dissolve. Rather than wait for some poor, unsuspecting passerby to attempt to strike up a conversation with her and be verbally obliterated in the process, she decided to retreat to an empty hallway. At the very least, she hoped to find a quiet moment alone so that she could finally drop her false smile. At least for a moment. It just didn't feel right to go so long without scowling.
As she made her way down the familiar corridors of her old summer home, she shuddered involuntarily. Wanting to quickly distract herself from the memories that the empty halls dredged up, she began to entertain the notion of dragging Old Man McGucket out from wherever he was hiding by force. 'He was able to broadcast that announcement a few hours ago...' she thought. 'So he must be sitting around somewhere with the equipment for that. I wonder if he built some kind of lab. That's the kinda thing mad scientists like to do, right? And I'll bet anything that it's in the basement. Nerds can never resist the allure of an underground laboratory.'
Pacifica gave herself a firm nod at her conclusion. It was mostly based on an old memory she had of her last summer visit to Gravity Falls, fifteen years ago. After another long shift at Greasy's Diner, she had been bitten by a were-beaver. And eventually, she had to be contained in the lab underneath the Mystery Shack. Luckily, Hot-Stan had been able to manufacture a cure. Although, Pacifica did still occasionally feel the urge to chew wood. She usually settled for a pair of chopsticks or a pencil.
The memory of that incident brought with it another. A memory of her, sitting in a room with the first two people she had ever considered true friends. She had been more frightened than she had been willing to admit that night, having just spent the previous night transformed into a furry creature with an intense, animalistic desire to build dams. They had stayed with her throughout the night. Swapping stories and laughing. It was like a slumber party. And it was perhaps one of the most normal childhood memories she had, despite the circumstances.
Pacifica was grateful that she was alone because it meant she could finally breathe a heavy sigh. She had been resisting the urge to sigh, among other things, all night.
She had suspected that moving back to Gravity Falls would bring back memories. Mostly unpleasant ones. And she had been prepared for that. She had been less prepared for the good ones. There was something about the seemingly quiet town that brought out a surprising amount of nostalgia in her.
Pacifica had never been particularly prone to such feelings in the past. She simply wouldn't allow it, even in private. The past was something to be forgotten. What was important was working in the present toward a bigger, brighter future. She wouldn't allow herself to become mired in the past the way her parents had. They were so blinded by the so-called 'success' of prior generations of Northwests that they had never really bothered to find their own.
Well, Pacifica would be a different kind of Northwest. It was something she had promised herself time and time again. Over the years, she hadn't always succeeded. The temptation to use lies and deceit to get ahead in life was, at times, too great. And it came naturally to her. But there were certain things she would never allow herself to do. Things that she knew her family had been guilty of on multiple occasions. Things like running fake charities, finding ways to cheat workers out of their due payment, or tying young maidens to train tracks.
Her family history was filled with cartoonish villains. And she could always take some level of comfort in knowing that she wasn't one of them. Or at least, she hoped so.
Pacifica's thoughts were interrupted when she was suddenly stopped short in the middle of her stride. With a mixture of surprise and confusion, she looked down to find her shoes stuck to the carpet. She attempted to lift her feet, only to find the carpet slowly rising up with the soles of her high-heels. Looking around, she saw a tub of 'Quick N Eazy Glue' leaning against the wall.
Pacifica clenched her jaw and, in a sudden rush of fury, lifted her feet with great force. Large pieces of the carpet were torn from the floor, still stuck to her high heels. But she was soon free.
Now fuming, Pacifica began to look around for any sign of a wannabe prankster. "If I find who did this..." she muttered, severely. Her last expensive pair of shoes were no doubt ruined. Whoever was responsible would feel a wrath beyond anything they could possibly imagine.
Marching forward with renewed vigor, she was so distracted by angry thoughts that she wasn't paying full attention as she turned a corner and bumped into someone. She stumbled backward for a moment, while the man she had bumped into appeared to have been caught completely off guard.
It took a moment too long for Pacifica to summon her friendly façade. "Excuse me..." she began, politely. As the man fumbled awkwardly for a moment, she took a moment to observe him. He looked utterly frazzled. The white dress shirt he was wearing was both ruffled and soaked with what she hoped was water. He was also wearing a necktie that appeared to be lightly singed, along with long black pants and an old-looking pair of sneakers.
He was also tall. Tall enough that Pacifica had to crane her neck upward to get a look at his face. Which, fair or not, irked her. When she looked up at his face, she found that the man had what appeared to be a mess of cake and cream splattered on the top of his head and running down his face. It was a ridiculous enough sight that she might have laughed if she weren't already in a sour mood. The man's shaggy brown hair was a mess, obviously. Although she doubted that it had been well combed before the introduction of the cake.
He was clean-shaven, and Pacifica could see a small scar on the bottom of his chin. He had another small scar that ran through his left eyebrow, partially obscured by the thick black frames of his eyeglasses. His eyes were big, brown, and weary. There was something about them that struck her as familiar. And somehow... Irritating.
After taking a moment to ensure that they were alone, Pacifica decided to drop her mask of civility. Whoever this man was, he had chosen the wrong person to bump into.
"Watch where you're going." she growled, her tone suddenly much sharper.
The man cleared his throat, looking nervous. "U-uh, sorry about that." he said.
Pacifica openly rolled her eyes at that, but the man didn't seem to notice. Instead, he seemed determined to press onward.
"Can I help you?" he asked. "Are you lost?"
Pacifica shot him an irritated look. "I don't need any help, thanks." she said, with an appropriate level of venom. "And even if I did, I'd hardly seek it from some cream-covered loser."
She smiled inwardly at that. Pacifica had been quietly bottling her frustrations all night and she couldn't help but take some pleasure in releasing at least a portion of it. Whether the stranger in front of her deserved it or not.
The man raised an eyebrow at her. Suddenly, his nervousness seemed to have dissipated. "Fair enough." he said, with a slight shrug. "Well, I've gotta go do other stuff. I'll see you around, Pacifica."
With that, he turned and walked away.
Pacifica was briefly thrown off, not only by the use of her name but his sudden change in attitude. But, she soon recovered. As she watched the man leave, she couldn't help but feel unsatisfied by the way the interaction had gone. Not only had she missed a perfectly good opportunity to vent more of her frustrations, but she also had a sinking feeling that the stranger might have actually won that exchange. By suddenly playing it cool and then immediately retreating, he had somehow managed to retain whatever scraps of dignity he had left. Leaving her to stew in her misgivings.
Something about that didn't sit right with her. In fact, it quietly infuriated her. She imagined the man's expression as he walked away. Smug and satisfied with himself, no doubt. Thinking that he had managed to get one over on Pacifica Northwest. The very thought of it made her blood boil. She was tempted to follow him. Just to see the stupid, surprised look on his face when she approached him again and launched all manner of hateful invective in his direction. Without giving him a chance to retreat.
'This... This is ridiculous...' she thought, as she forced herself to take a calming breath. 'I've got better things to do than chase after some guy...'
When it occurred to her that her main goal for the night also involved chasing after some guy, albeit a much older and crazier one, she couldn't help but breathe another heavy sigh. She had been headed toward the basement to find Old Man McGucket before she let herself get distracted. Well, there would be no more of that. Pacifica had come to the party with a goal in mind and nothing was going to stop her from achieving it. Not some childish prank, and certainly not some haggard-looking man.