I don't own the TMNT

A/N: I know it's been a while, but I've been going through a horrible funk where for some reason I had no desire whatsoever to write. After days of trying to force myself to write, I took some advice and completely took a break from fanfiction and guess what...it worked! I got the first desire to write a few days ago and it's crazy, I'm working on about 3 new stories but then just had to update this one. Hope you like it!

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The man gurgled, frothy red blood dribbling out of his lips. His eyes bulged, staring at us with a sort of expression that I didn't really know how to describe. My fingers loosened slightly on the hilt of the knife, which was lodged deep into his abdomen. Only when I felt the jerk of muscles from Sophia did I help her drag it upwards, fully spilling his entrails onto the floor in a lumpy pool.

Sophia trembled slightly beside me. A slight moan escaped her lips. I sidled a glance at her. She was getting off on this more and more. This one looked like it was almost orgasmic.

Me? No, not the same by far. If anything it seemed more and more like a job. A very satisfying, exciting job, yes, but a job nonetheless. Though the potent mixture of internal chemicals and hormones were still at work, yet I wasn't getting nearly the same high as I was before. It was strange. My muscles were still trembling slightly, my limbs seized with energy, my head still felt light and giddy, my stomach was still doing those odd little flips, everything seemed to be the same. But it seemed like some essential spark was missing that pulled everything together.

This was week three. This was the eleventh guy. Quite a collection if I don't say so myself. Ever since the incident in the kitchen, I've been able to find more people to target. Many more. And Sophia wasn't in a mood for waiting. Or pacing herself.

The problem was that it was becoming a little more mechanical. Lately treacherous thoughts had begun to creep into my head: Was I really doing this for me? Or was I doing it for her?

She was a slim female, yet I acquiesced to her at every turn. At one point, it should be normal. That's the way that marriage normally goes, right? But this didn't seem the same at all. Something was missing. Part of it was that I was wondering if I was just being used. Other than the killings and the sex, what type of relationship did we really have?

That thought resonated in my mind as she turned towards me, pressing her face to mine as she fumbled with her pants.

Ah, the post-kill fuck.

The guy was still trembling slightly, the last vestiges of life had not yet slipped out. Feeling his deadening eyes on me I followed her motions, responded the way she wanted. After a few seconds, my movements became more rough, more desperate. Luckily she seemed to welcome it, but I was being selfish. Maybe the flood of hormones that came from orgasm would help everything meld together. Would help everything click and spark.

Unless you're just doing this for her, like you had just thought.

No, I had to be doing this for me.

Otherwise it would all have been for nothing.

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Her face was still practically glowing by the time we reached her apartment once more. It was still dark, daylight wasn't due to happen for another three hours. I couldn't help but think that at least she still let a day fall between kills. At least then I would have some time to rest and recoupe.

I was wrong, of course. The sex was fantastic, but it didn't quell that sensation that had been creeping into me. Something was missing.

I climbed in through the window. It was somewhat cumbersome, I had my new gliders on and they weren't quite as streamlined as the ones that I broke on the rooftop a month ago. Sophia was already inside, bouncing on her toes, her head arched back to the ceiling with a big smile spread across her face. Her arms were stretched wide. It was almost as if she was welcoming the sun.

For a moment I didn't move, then slowly shifted to the side, plopping my bag down onto the floor. She whirled around her smile nearly splitting her face. Then her eyes met mine and like melting ice, her smile started to wane. Abruptly, as easy as someone flipping a coin, her mood switched from exhaultant to something darkerSomething in me shirked slightly when I saw a familiar stormy look begin to creep into her eyes. She took in my posture, my stance. Her eyes narrowed.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked with an accusatory tone.

Shrugging my shoulders I plastered a grin on my face. One look and I knew that she knew that it wasn't real. Her gaze darkened slightly. I sighed, rubbing a hand on my head. What the hell, right? Yet despite that statement of bravado, I still averted my eyes from hers. "Alright. I don't know, Sophia. It just feels like something's…missing."

I could practically feel her energy. I resisted the urge to shrink back. "You're fucking ruining it! I was feeling so good! ARG!" She shook herself. The gesture was innocent enough, but it reminded me of a lioness shaking herself before the hunt. Her eyes were wild as they bored into me. "What, you're having second thoughts?" She waved a hand angrily at the window. "You don't want to do this anymore?"

Things were rapidly spinning out of hand. I never was good at social situations. Something in my stomach twisted, a sick sort of anxiety. I knew that the last thing that I wanted to do was to upset her further. Immediately my hands came up in a defensive position. "No, no! It's not like that at all!"

Did she hear me? I didn't think so. She was already in her own little storm cloud, and it was battering her mind. She whirled and I found myself backing away as she stalked towards me. For a tense second I thought she was going to go for me, but she turned at the last second, grabbing at her head, clenching her teeth. "You're losing your resolve. You're going to ruin everything." She moaned, almost to herself, before stopping in the center of the room, body tense, fists clenched. "WHAT are you DOING!"

How much could I really say? I could feel myself tremble slightly as I shook my own head, not quite willing to meet her gaze. The anxiety peaked higher and I shifted, fighting the urge to flee. What was going on with me? I was a ninja, why am I shirking before her? It didn't make sense. Yet something within me made it feel so right. I didn't know how to explain it. Nonetheless, I fought it. Lifting my chin, I looked her in the eye. As soon as our eyes made contact I almost flinched before it, but steeled my resolve. "I don't know, I guess that I just want more…"

Throwing her head back, she laughed hard and sharp into the air. "MORE? Are you fucking kidding me?" I dared to look up and met her gaze. It was like staring into the eyes of a wild animal. She came close to me, her being so petite that we were nearly face to face. Stopping scant inches from my face, she hissed "After all that we've been through, all that we've done, all that we've accomplished together…You want to throw it away. Throw it all away. And for what?" She jabbed her finger into my plastron.

To my surprise I felt tears threaten behind my eyes. This couldn't be happening. Yet, at the same time, I was threatening everything. She was right. I was under no illusions when I came here. What we shared was real and tangible. The slaughter of the guilty and fantastic sex. Who was I to assume that we should have more when our relationship was already established? Yet, without realizing it, the answer squeaked out of my lips. "I want a relationship, like what I had…"

I saw it coming but didn't back away. The slap stung my cheek. I just stood there and took it, my entire body trembling. Trembling from what? Was it resisting the urge to fight back? Or just wanting this all to end, for our relationship to go back the way that it was? My confusion froze me, even as a second and then a third blow came to my cheek.

"Don't you ever talk about them! What the hell good is all this if you forget what the fuck they did to you? You fucking bastard! You know what? Fuck them! Fuck all of them! They are trash! They are shit! They are fucking lowlifes that crawl around the sewers like cockroaches!"

Like I used to?

Suddenly something inside me cracked. With a fumbling hand, I grabbed the window latch behind me, yanking it open. In one smooth motion, I rolled out the opening backwards on my shell. She was leaning so heavily on me that she nearly followed me out inadvertently. She cried out when my feet hit the grate of the fire escape, tearing my body away from hers.

I didn't look back. I couldn't. Two quick bounds, I jumped. Toes curling around the railing, I launched myself into the air, clearing the distance between the two buildings to the other fire escape. As soon as my palms touched the cold metal, I flipped myself and scrambled up like a spider monkey. She was screaming my name, but I didn't slow down. Instead I tore across the rooftop, running as if running from a ghost.

And maybe I was. A ghost of what my expectations had grown to be. A ghost of our former relationship.

When was the last time that I ran like this? My musculature was still there, my bulk seeming to give me speed instead of hamper me. Maybe it was overdue. At least for the exercise, right? Even now, my body felt the familiar exhaultation in the sensation of stretching tendons, pumping muscles. My blood vessels came alive as they carried fresh glucose, oxygen and amino acids to my muscles, fueling my continued flight. My body was already partially spent from the emotional ride of earlier, the killing and the fight, but this seemed more raw and fresh. More real.

Was I running away? Maybe I was. For now all I wanted to notice was how good it felt. Before all this started I used to use my running time to think. Nothing like kicking in old habits. Taking a deep breath I tried to clear my mind even as I jumped to the next rooftop.

Why did I say that, first of all? I wanted a relationship like what I had? Was I really talking about my brothers, like what she thought? It would make sense, I suppose. Yes, I was always the most different amongst them, arguably, but I still shared a comraderie that could only come from taking care of each other through all that we'd done. Yes, I was a little jealous over the type of closeness that some of my brothers shared, but I had been able to deal with it before. Or did I? Maybe I was just so swamped into thinking logically that I didn't allow my heart to have a say.

But then why did they act that way? It wasn't truly my fault that April was killed, yet they almost seemed to blame me. After all, I was the trained ninja, why wasn't I there to defend her?

As the familiar hurt feelings began to bubble up I shook my head, as if trying to clear the thoughts away. That was no excuse. I didn't get what I needed from them. The support and acceptance. That's why Sophia's appearance had seemed so timely. She was my beacon of light amidst a deep, dark depression.

When did that change? Lately it was like sharing a space with a bipolar tiger. And why was I thinking of my brothers? Of Leo's sense of honor, of Raph's brash hotheadedness, of Mikey's empathy and joy? Of Splinter's very presence.

Then I noticed that everything was looking eerily familiar. Abruptly I realized exactly where I was. Where I had headed. Was I really running that long? I skidded to a halt and looked at my watch. Yep. Half an hour. Damn, that time sure flew. Either way, there was no denying the fact that I was staring down at an extremely familiar manhole cover.

For a long moment, I couldn't help but stare at it for a moment. My mind, for once, was nearly blank. All I saw was that cover. How many times had I lifted it, slipped beneath it, on my way home?

But it wasn't home anymore…right?

Then I shifted. Why was it, that during this moment of inner turmoil, of confusion, that I find myself instinctively going this route? Was I seeking their safety? No, I had already established before that they wouldn't want me back. It wouldn't be logical. I had changed too much. If I was smart I'd leave before they appeared from somewhere. Wouldn't want to get into a fight with them right now, that was for sure.

Then why the hell did I run here? Was this the real reason why I didn't' leave the apartment save going after targets with Sophia? Maybe it wasn't fear of them that was holding me back, but fear of what I would do once left to my own devices.

This wasn't right.

It couldn't be right.

I left them.

They wouldn't want me back.

Slowly I backed up, my toes gripping the dirt on the rooftop. Where I had arrived at a sprint, now I was leaving at a snails pace. It was almost as if a string of energy was connecting me to that place and I was fighting against it.

Or I could just be tired from my impromptu sprint. Now that made more sense.

I got up enough speed to jump three rooftops before I paused. My muscles protested too much. Strange, I still had the bulk but it had been so long since I had ran, but I was clearly out of practice. Or maybe that was just an excuse. I had no problem exerting myself during our kills, after all.

I need to stop making these damnable excuses.

I froze, sensing them before I saw them. My mind whirred frantically and a strange kind of fear pierced me. Looking at my hand resting on the wall, I saw it shaking slightly. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath.

Finally I turned my head. There they were, on the adjoining rooftop. They all looked equally as startled as me, bodies frozen in place. Maybe I interrupted an impromptu sparring session. Or they were looking for me. It didn't matter, really. All I could think was that now I was staring at them and they were staring right back.

Mike was the first one to shift. "Don?"

His voice was soft, yet carried so well. So full of emotion.

Emotion set to kill their traitorous brother?

It had to be.

No, I couldn't let them.

Immediately the fear creeping within me blossomed into something nearer to panic. Turning, scrambling slightly, I bolted across the rooftop, sprinting for all I was worth.

I could hear their cries of surprise. Feet scraped in the dirt, and just like that, they were in pursuit. They were calling my name, calling for me to slow down, to talk.

I nearly laughed at myself even as the air wheezed in and out of my lungs. Did they really think that I was so stupid? Did they really forget? I wasn't about to slow down. Let them catch me. Face the brutal punishment that surely was to come. Despite all the troubles in my life right now, I wasn't about to end it.

But I didn't have enough in me to continue this chase. Looking behind me, I saw that they were going nearly the same speed as me. I was still faster, I still had more muscle, at least in my legs, than they did, but I couldn't keep it up. I was already drained, Sophia and I had been going after targets nearly every other day the last three weeks, with me doing nearly all the heavy lifting. And I just completed a half-hour sprint without the chemical energy that I was used to in such situations. My body was screaming for a break and I couldn't ignore it for much longer.

Sure enough, my body began to force the situation. Wheezing slightly, I began to slow. Could I make another jump? Somehow I didn't want to risk it. I looked at the rooftop that I was on. It was a taller building, and on one side there was no rooftop to jump from the distance was too far. I gravitated towards that side, so that they couldn't sneak up behind me. Had to be ready for a fight. I didn't have my bostaff, Sophia didn't allow me to carry it, but I did have the knives. Both were still sticky with the blood from our last target.

Could I use those same knives on my brothers?

Shit.

Limbs trembling slightly, I turned, walking backwards slightly, holding both knives at ready. They didn't pounce immediately, instead slowing to my speed. They looked at me for a moment, almost as if they couldn't believe it. Or maybe they were waiting for me to say something. I wasn't about to give them the satisfaction. I kept my mouth shut tight. They didn't approach, either, instead pacing slightly at a certain distance, treating me almost as if I was a frightened deer and if they approached then I'd spook or something.

Was that really so far from the truth?

Mike stepped forward once more. Were his eyes glistening? "Don…please."

Please? Please what? I didn't have long to think on it as the others interrupted.

Raph growled and stomped the ground, obviously some heavy things were warring inside him. "Goddamn it to fuck Don! What are you doing?" He whirled to face me, face glowering yet looking miserable at the same time. "You need to come home! NOW!"

I blinked. It was as if I was splashed in cold water. What? Was this a trick or something? I tried to steel myself for the upcoming fight, but logic laughed in my face. I was one turtle, they were three. I was winded, they were fresh. If they were going to attack, surely they would've done it already.

Then what were they doing?

"Please, Don." Leo whispered. He was trembling, though he had hardly exerted himself. He was holding himself in control, fighting his emotions. I recognized the stance. What emotion was he fighting? He looked me in the eye. "Please, come home. We-" At that moment his voice cracked. The sound was almost like a physical blow. Leo never did that. He was too much in control. My hands trembled as my hands holding the knives lowered. Leo didn't miss the movement. After a brief hesitation, he stepped closer. "We're sorry. For everything. Please, Don, come back to us. Splinter has missed you so much, we've missed you. We…we just want to make things right. Please, brother."

I looked down, daring to tear my gaze away from the brothers that a moment ago I was sure wanted to kill me.

They wanted me back.

After everything, they wanted me back.

It wasn't logical, yet here it was. I couldn't deny it.

My body trembled slightly and my shoulders drooped. This was the opposite of what I had thought. Where did I ever get such thoughts? They were my family.

But Sophia said…

Almost as if they could read my mind, Raph growled again, practically gnashing his teeth in frustration. "Seriously, Don, that bitch has mind-fucked you!"

I blinked, looking up at them. They had inched a few feet closer to me, now just a few yards away. I shook my head, putting a fist to my temple, the knife still clutched between my fingers. "No, but she-"

"FUCK what she said! C'mon, Don! You're supposed to be the smart one! Don't you see what she's doing to you? We've tried to call you! We just want to fucking talk, clear your head of all her bullshit!"

I looked down at my phone. It seemed like such a loaded device, now. I slipped it out of my belt, holding it in my palm. "I changed the number…" I mumbled.

Mike hiccupped. When did he start to cry? It was a silent cry, a sad one. One that pierced a spot within me. "I've been cooking your favorites. The peanut butter shrimp, the fish just the way you like it, the pasta, the c-coffee cake…so it'll be ready when you come back." He let out a slight whimper as he looked at me, the tears now seeping out of the soaked mask. "Please come back. I'm sorry!"

"Look." Leo said after a big sigh. "Let's just talk about this."

It was then that the phone in my palm came to life, the musical ringing tone piercing the air, so completely out of place of the current mood that it jarred me. Automatically I pushed the button.

"Donatello?" Sophia's voice rang through the air. The volume was loud enough that it reached my brother's ears. Their bodies jolted tight at the sound.

"Fucking bitch!" Raph snarled.

He started to lung forward but Leo stopped him. "We talked about this." He said in a low voice. "He has to do it on his own. Master Splinter said-"

"Fuck Splinter!"

Sophia paused, obviously hearing their voices in the background. For a second I thought that she'd sing a rail of curses, but instead she sighed, ignoring it. Ignoring them. "I thought about what you said…and I think you're right."

"Don, no!" Mike wailed.

I almost didn't hear him, not quite believing what she was saying. I blinked. "What?"

"Don't listen to her, Don! Please!" Leo beseeched. He got closer, but not close enough to touch. He was holding back on purpose, holding everyone else back.

I didn't have time to think about it, my thoughts interrupted by Sophia. "I was afraid to tell you before…" She sounded so delicate, so exquisitely feminine that I felt something inside me tighten. Logically I knew that this likely wasn't really real, right? Maybe another one of her mood swings? But this particular mood was so…

"Let's have the kind of relationship that we should have. One where all we have is each other, and only each other…I love you, Donatello."

Something inside me shattered. Literal, exquisite pleasure surged through me. It was like icing on the cake. Was this what I was missing before? It had to be. It felt too fantastic to ignore, to amazing to be anything but. My body was singing, my soul rejoicing. Fresh energy surged through me, spurted into my blood vessels through the pituitary and adrenal glands, bringing that intense pleasure everywhere.

I realized that I was grinning from ear to ear. I had to go to her. She had to share this with me.

She loves me.

I became aware of my brother's cries. They knew that my mood had deviated. The spell that they had woven on me was broken. Raph darted out of Leo's reach and surged towards me. The others followed immediately. They were going to drag me back.

But I had to get to her.

It was then I remembered the glider still strapped to my shell. Perfect.

Still grinning, I stepped backwards, off the edge of the building, twisting, hurtling towards the street below. Yanking the cord, the wings popped open and immediately caught the updraft of air, sending me skyward, above my protesting brothers, closer to the stars.

Gripping the steering lines I made a sharp turn, sailing over my brother's heads. They were shouting, screaming, but I didn't care. The emotions were titillating, tingling, exhaulting. I had it. I had everything.

She loves me.

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A/N: Don't hurt me, please! You don't think that Sophia's done pulling her strings, do you? HA! I still have more plans. I will tell you that this particular story is almost done. But don't worry! I have a third installment in the inner workings of my brain (scary place, I know). Please leave a review and let me know what you think!

Oh, and thank you all who allowed Light Purple Dark to win the award in the Adult Fanfic Award! Greatly appreciated!