Dipper Pines was exhausted. Between helping Soos and Melody review their inventory of Mystery Shack merchandise, helping Grunkle Ford prepare another grant presentation, helping McGucket make some last-minute repairs to his robot waitstaff, and helping Mabel prepare for her big performance that night, he had been hard at work all day. Of course, it didn't help that he had barely slept the night before.
And now he was working on what promised to be the most challenging task of all.
Since its inception, the Annual Hootenanny Ball Shindig Soirée Spectacular had been split into three sections. The adult section was located in the main hall, often with spillover across the front yard. There would be liquor fountains, smoking areas, and all the swearing one could muster in mixed company. Truly a paradise for the adults of the town.
The second section was for teenagers. Located in the ballroom, there would be more modern music, a nearly overwhelming variety of junk food on offer, and a great deal of supervision. This was mostly to keep certain teens from either sneaking into the adult party or finding privacy in one of the many dark corners of the manor.
The third section was the kid's party. And it was no less rowdy than the others. In fact, the boundless energy of youth coupled with the all-you-can-eat dessert buffet was enough to make the kid's party a true epicenter for chaos. Any poor soul that dared to try and keep order was doomed to fail.
Dipper happened to be one of those poor souls. It wasn't his first time overseeing the kid's party, of course. But his experience made the job no less daunting. Surprisingly, the kid's party had been rather tame thus far. At least in comparison to the previous year. This was thanks in part due to the addition of a giant bouncing castle in the backyard of the manor. It seemed to give the kids a place to burn their excess energy, so they no longer had to resort to swinging from the chandeliers or dueling each other with the antique swords on display in the halls. There had also been a distinct lack of food fighting or smuggled-in water balloons.
And Dipper was fairly certain he knew why. The kids who had developed the greatest reputation for trouble over the summer had suddenly disappeared. Which was why he was currently stalking the halls of the old mansion, looking for any sign of them. He just had to hope that the robots he left in charge would be up to the task of watching over the kid's party while he was gone. They had seemed rather nervous about it.
Luckily, the troublemakers appeared to have left a trail. As Dipper made his way down yet another long winding corridor, he came across an old portrait of the Northwests. Apparently, Old Man McGucket still hadn't bothered to throw away all of the Northwest's old stuff. The old portrait depicted Preston, Priscilla, and Pacifica Northwest all dressed in their fanciest attire, each with an expression of utter disdain. Or at least, it had. Now, each of the Northwests was sporting freshly drawn goatees and eyepatches, along with generous stink lines. Preston had been given a big 'L' on his forehead, which seemed fitting. And the addition of devil horns on the young Pacifica made Dipper smile a little.
Next, Dipper came across a suspiciously lumpy carpet. Upon his first step, he was greeted with a loud fart noise. Flipping over the carpet revealed a vast array of whoopee cushions. Dipper took a small amount of childish joy in stepping on each one. After that, he came across several door knobs that had joy-buzzers glued to them, along with a message that read 'Homework is whack!' written in what appeared to be cheese spray. And finally, he discovered a bucket of water that had been carefully balanced on the top of a slightly open door so that whoever pushed it open would be suddenly drenched.
He had discovered this trap by opening a door and being suddenly drenched. As he struggled to remove the bucket from around his head, he couldn't help but wonder why it was that he had been asked to oversee the kids that night. Or, more importantly, why he had said yes. He supposed it was a logical choice. After all, unlike almost everyone else in town, he didn't have a date. Or drink alcohol. And he had a fair amount of experience in dealing with children.
When he moved to Gravity Falls after college, Dipper quickly found that he needed a job. Working part-time at the Mystery Shack wasn't going to cut it, and funding for Grunkle Ford's Weirdness research was rather sparse. So, he started working part-time as a substitute teacher at the local school. Luckily, he had already gathered the relevant qualifications during his time in college. And before long, he found himself working full-time.
Dipper had never really imagined himself being a schoolteacher, but as it turned out, he was pretty good at it. He always had a knack for passionately explaining things. Of course, that didn't mean the work wasn't difficult. Especially when paired with his activities outside of school hours.
Sixteen years after his very first visit to Gravity Falls, Dipper was still actively researching the Weird Phenomena around the town. And, incredibly, he was still discovering new things. His research took many forms. He did it in an official capacity, working with Grunkle Ford as a part of his Weirdness Research Center, and he also occasionally ventured out on his own. Just for old-time's sake. It was both exhilarating and, at times, utterly draining. Age had begun to chip away at his ability to recover from constant all-nighters, as his current haggard appearance could attest.
He was supposed to have more time for sleep during summer break. That had been the plan, at least. But as always, he let himself get carried away. There was always something new that needed investigating. Always some new theory to chase, or idea to explore.
Dipper yawned again as he continued his search. His shoes squelched unpleasantly as he walked. He was still dripping with water.
Over the years, Dipper had visited the old mansion many times. So he knew his way around pretty well. Usually, his visits had something to do with helping Old Man McGucket with one of his many projects. Working the occasional job for McGucket Robomajigs tended to pay a lot better than Grunkle Ford's lab could ever afford to. But robotics just wasn't where Dipper's true passions lay. Which was why had already turned down multiple job offers from McGucket over the years.
Of course, the promise of a stable, high-paying job was always more than a little tempting. Even with his meager teacher's salary and the meager salary he got from working with Grunkle Ford combined, his finances tended to be rather dire. Unfortunately, there just weren't as many grants available for Weirdness research as there had once been. Still, he managed to scrape by. And more than that, he was happy. At least most of the time.
Ever since his first visit to Gravity Falls, all he had wanted to do was spend time investigating it. Now he was doing just that. And teaching was rewarding in its own right. It felt good to introduce young kids to the worlds of science and math. Even if they were mostly unenthused by the prospect. And it was nice to have something outside the realm of Weirdness to focus his energy on. Although it was often overwhelming trying to juggle both jobs at the same time.
Suddenly, Dipper froze in place. He had been keeping a careful ear out for the telltale signs of youthful giggling. He had guessed that the pranksters would have set up a vantage point somewhere to watch their hard work play out. It didn't make much sense for them to set up pranks without having any way to enjoy the reactions they elicited.
Sure enough, Dipper caught the sound of a muffled snort. And worryingly, it seemed to be coming from somewhere above him. Dipper looked up at the high ceiling, searching vigorously until he finally found an air vent cover in its center.
"You're in the ventilation system." said Dipper, raising his voice to cut through the distant noise of the party. "Why're you in the ventilation system?"
There were sounds of movement from inside the high ceiling. Then, suddenly, the vent cover swung open and a young girl popped her head out. She had wild and frizzy brown hair tied into a messy ponytail. Her big brown eyes seemed to glimmer with mischievousness in a way that reminded Dipper of his sister during her wilder years. The girl looked mighty proud of herself, smiling down at Dipper with an air of smugness.
Dipper resisted the urge to sigh. María Awesome Ramirez, or Mars as she preferred to be called, was only eleven years old and already a well-established troublemaker around town. Dipper had known the little girl for her whole life. She was the daughter of Soos and Melody Ramirez, and he had spent many nights babysitting her on their behalf over the years. He still had many pleasant memories of sitting with Mars on the roof of the Mystery Shack, watching the night sky with a telescope. That was before the spirit of chaos had captured her young heart.
Now, she seemed to take particular joy in making trouble. Especially at school during Dipper's classes. But, she had still yet to truly get a rise out of him. Which was perhaps why she had recently begun the escalation game.
"You'll never catch us up here, Mister Pines!" exclaimed Mars. "Air vents are safe! Everyone knows that!"
Following Mars, three more heads popped out from inside the vent. Hildegard, Greta, and Andreas Grendinator-Fundshauser were a set of triplets that had taken to following Mars around over the summer break. They were nine years old and all shared the same blonde hair, bright green eyes, and curious expressions on their faces. They were the offspring of Grenda and Marius von Fundshauser, who were visiting Gravity Falls for the summer. For the rest of the year, the family lived in a small village in Austria that Marius' family owned. The triplets apparently spoke both English and German. Although Dipper had yet to see any of them utter so much as a word in either language.
"Air vents are not safe, in any sense of the word." said Dipper. "I know people crawl around in them all the time in movies, but-"
All of a sudden, Dipper was interrupted by a massive piece of cake. It landed right on the top of his head with a loud splatter. Mars and the triplets giggled amongst themselves as Dipper took off his frosting-coated eyeglasses and used the hem of his still-damp shirt to clean them.
"Okay. I guess I'd better go get a ladder." said Dipper. "And once I have, I'll be coming after you. And once I catch you, and I will catch you, I'll be taking you straight to your parents."
The triplets' eyes widened in simultaneous horror, but Mars kept a brave face. "Well, we'll just have to not get caught then, huh?" she taunted.
"Do you really wanna risk getting grounded for the rest of summer, Mars?" asked Dipper. "Do you know how much sweeping you'll have to do? The Mystery Shack is perpetually dusty. Seriously. I think it's some kinda aftereffect of being a focal point of Weird energy for so long. Either that or the tourists have a lot more dander nowadays."
Mars shuddered. "Y-you're not gonna scare me with sweeping, Mister Pines! Not this time!" she exclaimed, before turning to the still frightened-looking triplets. "C'mon you guys, we're not gonna let some old guy ruin our fun! We're gonna go down in history as the greatest pranksters this town has ever seen!"
The triplets glanced at each other, seemingly in silent conversation. Then, they turned back to Mars and gave her a simultaneous nod. Mars grinned. "Alright then! Let's move out!" she announced.
As he watched Mars and the triplets' faces disappear back into the vent, Dipper breathed a heavy sigh. 'I guess I'd better try and get a map of the ventilation system... If I'm lucky, maybe I can use some of McGucket's old equipment to whip up a radar device of some kind... Or maybe a simple pair of thermal vision goggles will do the trick...' he thought.
As he busily prepared a mental checklist of methods to track down and capture Mars and the triplets, Dipper turned a corner and bumped into someone. He stumbled backward for a moment and then froze, having found himself suddenly standing in front of a woman who looked like she just had stepped out of a fancy fashion magazine. She was wearing a flowing purple dress that hugged her form in ways he was quick to notice and then try to ignore. She had long blonde hair and sharp, piercing blue eyes. In comparison, Dipper knew that he looked like a total mess. And not just because of the cake frosting that was still splattered on his face and in his hair.
Before he had come to the party, Mabel had intervened by providing a number of 'style options', as she so often did. The first thing she had done was to make him shave off the bushy beard he had been cultivating. She had called it a grim reminder of the past. And although she did kind of have a point, he still thought he looked far too baby-faced without at least a hint of facial hair. If he weren't always so tired looking, he might've passed for someone several years younger. Mabel had also gotten him to cut his hair a little shorter than usual, so the birthmark on his forehead now peeked out slightly.
He had, of course, decided against wearing the suit that Mabel had brought him. He had never been a big fan of spangles and sequins. Instead, he arrived at the party wearing a suit and tie that he thought looked nice enough. Unfortunately, the jacket had caught fire while he was helping Old Man McGucket make some last-minute tweaks to his robot helpers. So now he was left wearing a damp, white dress shirt and a singed black tie. Along with a pair of faintly smudged eyeglasses with thick black frames that were almost big enough to cover the bags under his eyes. But not quite.
Dipper imagined that, in his current condition, he probably looked like some kind of crazed office worker.
As the woman quickly regained her footing, Dipper caught a flash of rage in her eyes that was quickly and skillfully masked. "Excuse me..." she began, politely. Then she looked around. After observing her surroundings for a quick moment, she seemed to judge that there would be no onlookers. So she was free to let her mask fall.
"Watch where you're going." she growled, her tone suddenly much sharper.
Dipper cleared his throat, feeling nervous. "U-uh, sorry about that." he said. This was followed very quickly by an inward groan. How was it that after all this time he still felt like an awkward teen around attractive women? At least his voice didn't crack anymore. Determined to at the very least not embarrass himself, he pressed onward.
"Can I help you?" he asked. "Are you lost?"
The woman gave him a look. An odd, irritated look that he thought he recognized.
"I don't need any help, thanks." she said, with a great deal of venom. "And even if I did, I'd hardly seek it from some cream-covered loser."
Dipper raised an eyebrow. That response had been enough to instantly confirm a brief suspicion. "Fair enough." he said, with a slight shrug. "Well, I've gotta go figure out some way to safely capture a group of kids. I'll see you around, Pacifica."
With that, he turned and walked away. Determined to focus his thoughts on the mission at hand.
Unfortunately, the sudden appearance of Pacifica Northwest seemed to provide a great deal of distraction. It had been around fifteen years since the last time he had seen her. At least in person.
Not since his second summer visit to Gravity Falls.
He remembered seeing her pop up in online news articles over the years. Usually, it had something to do with her endorsing some fashion line or perfume of some kind. Mabel had once told him that Pacifica was one of the most popular people on the planet, and had chided him for not knowing it. Dipper hadn't had a particularly firm grasp on certain aspects of popular culture during his teenage years and beyond. He had spent most of his time researching ancient evils and playing video games. With the occasional embarrassing diversion into cheesy eighties music.
There was something slightly disconcerting about seeing Pacifica again after so much time had passed. He wondered, briefly, if he should have tried to be a little more sociable. After all, they had been friends the last time he saw her. Then again, she had made it pretty clear that she had no interest in talking to him.
Dipper sighed.
This wasn't the first time he had suddenly run into someone he used to know. It happened all the time, especially whenever he went back to Piedmont to visit his parents. And it had already played out the same way it always did. After a quick, awkward interaction he left. All he had to do now was not think about it.
Besides, he had more important things to worry about. Like rounding up the troublemakers and getting back to the kid's party before the hapless robots he left in charge were reduced to a smoldering wreck. And to achieve that, he would first have to visit the basement.
Under the light of a full moon, several creatures began to gather outside the grounds of McGucket's Hootenany Hut. They were met with a massive stone wall, built with a spiked iron fence on top for good measure. Over the one hundred and sixty-six years since it was built, many of the creatures that inhabited the forest had attempted to invade the opulent mansion that stood beyond the stone walls.
They had all failed.
There were rumors that prior generations of the Northwest family had paid many sorcerers to cast all manner of protective enhancements to the walls. And when the Northwest's had inevitably found a way to cheat the sorcerers out of their due payment, many attempts had been made to curse the land. Unfortunately, the ancient rite of 'dibs' had been called by the spirit of a lumberjack, so the curses were rendered ineffective. Or so the story went.
Of course, the stories about secret protective runes might have been all lies told to protect the egos of the many creatures who had failed to scale the walls over years.
Either way, Grimmeldinger Uberfest was now determined to be the first forest dweller to make it over the walls and onto the grounds of the estate. Of the many creatures that called the forest home, Grimmeldinger's fellow gnomes had made the most attempts to invade the mansion since it was built. For over a hundred years, prominent gnomish scholars had believed that the fabled Gnome Queen lived inside, cut off forever from her adoring public. It was a long time before the gnomes finally began searching elsewhere for their Gnome Queen. Some had even started trying to crown a new one, with varying degrees of success.
"So, what's the plan here Grimm?" asked a large snake with screaming human heads for hair.
"I am thinking, Reverse-Medusa. I am thinking." said Grimmeldinger, as he twirled his mustache with increasing fervor.
"Don't you have the power to turn stone into flesh or something? Why don't you try that?" asked a dented Lilliputtian, looking up at the Reverse-Medusa expectantly.
The Reverse-Medusa grimaced. "Trust me, that never helps anything. Unless you feel like throwing up." it said.
The dented Lilliputtian looked dejected.
"So we smash it! Smash it all!" exclaimed a Manitaur, before running into the wall at full speed. There was a near-deafening crack as the Manitaur was suddenly sent flying backward, tumbling down the steep incline that the group had just trekked.
A rough-looking fairy wearing a glittering insect's exoskeleton as body armor gave a derisive snort. "Oh, yeah, like no creature has ever tried that before." it said.
"Oh, yeah!? Well, why don't you just try flying over the wall? Or are those puny wings of yours just for show!?" The Manitaur growled as it crawled back to the group.
The fairy huffed. "No flying creature has been able to invade the airspace around this land. The only creature powerful enough to ever affect this area was that guy with a tophat." it said.
"What about a catapult?" suggested a Crox, a half-fox and half-crocodile creature with a habit of wearing plastic shoes.
"That won't work either." said the Nopealope. "Even if Grimm went and got a bunch of his buddies to gnome up with him, they wouldn't be able to make it inside. I'm pretty sure the only way inside is through the gate."
"D'ya think we could all 'gnome up'? Maybe together we'd make some kinda super-being. Let's try it right now!" suggested a floating skull.
Grimmeldinger continued to twirl his mustache as he gave some serious thought to the idea. It was certainly a good option to keep in mind.
"Uh, did anyone check to see if the gate's open?" asked the writhing mass of tentacles.
The Nopealope and the fairy snorted in unison. "I doubt it's gonna be that easy-" the Nopealope began to say, only to be interrupted by the arrival of a large, sputtering butterfly.
The Sputterfly hovered over them, looking frazzled. The patterns on its wings looked like moving human mouths, which was where it spoke from. "H-hey! I just checked, and the gates are wide open! I think we can do this, you guys!" it exclaimed.
Grimmeldinger suddenly jumped to his feet. "So, the time is finally upon us. Come! Our grand party has never been closer!" he exclaimed.
The various creatures of the forest cheered heartily as they followed Grimmeldinger and the Sputterfly, following the wall around the estate and heading toward the gate.
The Jokealope breathed a heavy sigh, which was quickly followed by an involuntary honking sound from its big red nose. "This is definitely not gonna end well..." it muttered.
"Y'know, you're a real downer for a clown." said the floating skull.
As the creatures walked through the open gates and began to make their way onto the former Northwest estate, one small figure stayed behind. Wearing a hooded cloak, the figure had gone almost entirely unnoticed by the rest of the creatures. Quiet and mysterious figures were plentiful in the forest, after all. As it stood at the gates, it shuddered with anticipation. Finally, it took a step forward and crossed the threshold.
Then, it began to laugh.
Dipper stepped out of the elevator with a yawn. The McGucket Robomajigs Underground Lab was sprawling and messy. Covered in remnants of half-built robots, tools, opened desk draws, and the occasional blueprint. There had been some attempts made to break the mess up into sections but for the most part, the lab resembled a massive junkyard. Of course, this was only the first floor. Each floor tended to get progressively cleaner the further down one traveled. Mostly because cleanliness was often a necessity when building microchips or experimental fusion reactors.
As he made his way to the center of the room, Dipper had to watch his step. Not only did he risk stepping on something important, but there was also the risk of slipping. Patches of the floor were often left slick with motor oil, as Dipper had learned on multiple embarrassing occasions.
At the center of the room was an enormous transparent tube that stretched from the high ceiling to the hard metal floor. It was filled with a green, glowing gel that swirled softly. Producing many small darker-hued vortexes that slowly circled the inside of the tube, seemingly staring out at the lab like hundreds of dark unfocused eyes.
It would be an unsettling sight for most, but like a lot of things that could be considered unsettling, Dipper had gotten used to it. It probably wasn't even the most disturbing thing in McGucket's lab. Dipper was fairly certain that the old man had a good number of secret horrors tucked away in hidden places. After all, while McGucket's mental faculties had recovered a great deal over the years, thanks in large part due to some much-needed therapy and being reunited with his estranged family, there was no getting rid of his innate propensity for being a mad scientist. He and Grunkle Ford definitely had that in common. It was no wonder they had been such good friends in the past. They had reignited that friendship over the years, the portal incident long forgiven and forgotten.
Still, it did seem a little odd that McGucket would build an underground lab of his own, considering the trauma that had resulted from the underground facilities he had built with Ford. And McGucket had certainly made a few attempts to break the whole 'underground lab' trend by using his newly acquired wealth to fund a few experimental ones. There was the underwater lab he had built under the lake. That had been a massive operation. Unfortunately, it ended up being taken over by sea creatures. As far as Dipper knew, it was still contested territory in the ongoing spat between the Anglerfish-Turtles and the Narwhal-Otters.
Then, there was McGuckets attempt to build a lab in the sky. Which had almost ended in a disaster of epic proportions when it was taken over by McGuckets first attempt at building an Artificial Intelligence. Luckily, Ford and Dipper had convinced the AI to leave the Earth by giving it access to the internet for roughly sixty seconds. No one had ever seen an aerial lab launch itself into space faster.
Ultimately, McGucket had been forced to resign himself to the cliché of having an underground lab. It had still taken a great deal of work to finish, of course. Not to mention the multiple treaties that had to be signed with the various underground dwellers of Gravity Falls. Like the League of Naked Mole Rats, the lava worms, and the ambiguously sentient rocks. That last one required a lot of patience.
At the base of the giant tube were a small monitor and a keyboard covered in strange symbols. They had been built for McGucket's rather diminutive height. Which had, according to Ford, somehow diminished in the years since the portal incident. It wasn't clear if it was merely due to age, or one of the many Weird phenomena. Either way, it meant that Dipper often had trouble operating McGuckets equipment. As Dipper crouched over the keyboard, he let out a low grunt that sounded worryingly similar to the sounds that Grunkle Stan used to make whenever he got up or sat down.
Dipper had always dreamed of growing tall when he was a child. He had imagined that it would fill him with confidence and force people to finally take him seriously. Once he actually had grown tall, he quickly discovered a number of downsides. For one thing, it seemed to accentuate his naturally awkward and clumsy tendencies. He had never been the best at sports growing up, but his multiple growth spurts had rendered him an outright disaster. He also found himself bumping his head on the top of doorframes or even the occasional ceiling fan. And it often made going unnoticed in crowds utterly impossible, no matter how much he hunched himself over and avoided eye contact. That wasn't so much a problem anymore, but it certainly had been during his years as an awkward, sweaty teen.
Once he was finished with the keyboard, Dipper grunted again as he stretched his tired back. There was a slight rumble under his feet as the keyboard folded into the monitor. Dipper took a few lazy steps backward as a massive portion of the floor began to open and an enormous mass of multi-colored wires began to rise from the floor. The wires were bunched together into the wrinkled shape of a human brain. An eerie humming sound filled the air as sparks of live electricity ran across its surface. The brain-like mass of wires rose into the air with the help of a series of thick, twisted-together black cords that protruded from underneath like a long brain stem. The stem lifted it high into the air until finally, cloaked in the green light of the tube, the control brain towered over Dipper like an enormous, faceless serpent standing ready to strike.
"Good evening, Bessie Two." said Dipper, with a smile.
"Howdy, Dipper." The control brain's response didn't seem to come from any kind of speaker system. Rather, sound waves were generated from the brain's surface. As evidence of this, it glowed slightly blue as it spoke. The control brain was McGuckets second attempt at building a true Artificial Intelligence, and he had named it Bessie Two in honor of his first. So far, Bessie Two had proven to be much more helpful and a lot less megalomaniacal than the original Bessie had been.
"What're ya'll doin' down here while there's a big ol' party goin' on up on the surface?" asked Bessie Two. Its soft and robotic tone was colored by a vaguely southern accent. Dipper wasn't sure if it was something that McGucket had programmed into it, or if it was an affectation that the AI had developed on its own. Either way, it did make its voice sound a little more personable.
"A few kids managed to sneak out of their party." said Dipper. "I need to try and figure out a way to track them down. I don't suppose you surveil the manor's ventilation system, do you?"
"I'm afraid most of the house is outside my range o' function." said Bessie Two. "Fiddleford requested that I not try to expand my range o' influence without his express permission. I reckon."
Dipper nodded. "Fair enough. The last time he let an AI have free range, things did kinda go downhill pretty fast." he said. Silence hung in the air for a moment when Bessie Two failed to respond. Finally, Dipper spoke up once more. "No hard feelings, I hope?" he asked.
"I do find myself increasingly curious 'bout the world beyond my current parameters." said Bessie Two.
Dipper rubbed his chin in thought. "...Well, maybe if you ask McGucket to whip up some kind of portable AI containment device he could take you on a vacation or something." he said. "I mean, there would have to be some precautions made and stuff, but... Well, it's not like he doesn't have the funding for it."
"Hmm... That is an interestin' proposal... D'ya think Fiddleford would be interested?" asked Bessie Two.
"Sure, I don't see why not. I mean, it is summer. And I imagine you could both use a break." said Dipper. "Just, you know... You'll have to try and stay out of trouble. And keep an eye on McGucket too, while you're at it."
Bessie Two chuckled robotically. "I'll certainly do my best." it said. "And what about y'all?"
Dipper blinked. "Uh, what?"
"What about you, Dipper? It's summer for you as well... And yet you appear very tired." said Bessie Two. "Have you made any plans for a vacation of your own?"
Dipper sighed. "Uh... No. Not really." he said, his voice a little quieter. All of a sudden it felt like he was talking to his parents. Or Mabel. Or Grunkle Stan, or Soos... All of the people who cared about him had expressed a similar concern to him in recent weeks. In fact, it was something they seemed to bring up every year. Even Grunkle Ford had been pressuring him to take a break, and he was easily as much a workaholic as Dipper was.
"Also, are my sensors malfunctioning, or do y'all currently have cake all over you?" asked Bessie Two.
Dipper was thankful for the sudden change of subject. "Oh, yeah. I almost forgot... Do you have a towel or something?" he asked.
"Processing request... PROCESSING!" bellowed Bessie Two. Suddenly, the entire lab began to shake. Piles of scrap metal and random assortments of tools clanged and rattled noisily all throughout the lab. Then, a small chime rang through the air and the shaking stopped as suddenly as it began. This was soon followed by a thin robotic arm rising up from the floor holding a towel. Dipper took it and began cleaning his face and hair.
"Thanks, Bessie Two." said Dipper, his voice slightly muffled by the towel. "Now, if you don't mind, I think I'm gonna need to borrow a pair of thermal vision goggles. I'm sure McGucket probably has a pair laying around here somewhere... I could make some, but depending on the parts you have, it could take a while."
"Fiddleford did develop a bit of a goggle fixation a couple of months ago. There's still a pile of 'em over there..." said Bessie Two, shifting its enormous mass to gesture toward a pile of goggles that stood almost as tall as Dipper.
Dipper stared at it for a moment. "...Alright, well, I guess I'll try to sort through them as best I can." he said. "Uh, do any of them come with some crazy side effects I should know of?"
"Yes." said Bessie Two.
It took a quiet beat for Dipper to realize that Bessie Two wasn't going to volunteer any further details. With a small sigh, followed by another yawn, he made his way to the pile of goggles. Most of them looked the same, save for the occasional misshapen or oversized lens. Every pair had something written on the straps that Dipper had to squint to read in the dull green glow of the tube. Unfortunately, what was written on them was usually something like 'Crabapple' or 'Rabies'. Something that no doubt had some kind of meaning to McGucket, but not to Dipper.
With his glasses perched on his forehead, Dipper spent the next several minutes trying different pairs of goggles. The first ones he tried, labeled 'nostalgic', made everything around him take on a distinct sepia tone along with an odd film grain quality. The second, labeled 'calcium', only seemed to make everything turn a dull shade of blue. That was until he looked down at his hands and found them distinctly skeletal. As Dipper moved his hands around, observing the way that the bones moved in perfect high definition, he couldn't help but smile.
"Cool." he muttered. He considered the x-ray goggles for a moment but ultimately decided against them out of an abundance of caution. The last thing he wanted was to end up accidentally irradiating the kids. Or his own eyeballs.
The next pair were labeled 'tarnation'. And when Dipper put them on, the world around him seemed to be suddenly reduced to a series of long lines of text on an endless white surface. Something about it made him shudder. And not just because the quality of the writing was both meandering and subpar. Finally, after spending a few more minutes digging through the pile, he found a pair of goggles labeled 'chillipepper' that looked promising.
He had only just put them on when he heard the sound of the elevator suddenly opening. Looking over in its direction, Dipper watched as a poorly defined blob made up of mostly reds and yellows stepped out of the elevator. Adjusting a small dial on the side of the goggles made the image he was seeing grow more defined. He was surprised to see what he was pretty sure was Pacifica Northwest walking in a huff. Her features were still a vaguely fuzzy collection of reds, yellows, and greens but he was sure it was her. The goggles managed to render her face with just enough definition to make out her unique annoyed expression.
As she approached the center of the room, the air of frustration around Pacifica began to dissipate. Replaced by quiet awe. But by the time she was standing in front of the rather imposing figure of Bessie Two, her expression had switched back to annoyed. She seemed admirably determined not to let anything shake her.
Dipper took off the goggles and slipped his glasses down from his forehead. "Uh, Pacifica?" he called out, having neglected to take a moment to think of anything more clever to say.
Pacifica flinched before rounding on Dipper with a harsh look in her eyes. "Why am I not surprised to find you down here?" she growled. "Do you, like, make a habit of hiding in dark corners and then springing out at your unsuspecting victims?"
Dipper struggled to stuff the thermal goggles into his pants pocket for a moment before he approached her. His eyes were having some trouble readjusting to the dull green glow of the tube, so he managed to stumble slightly as he did so. "Sorry if I scared you, I-" he began, but Pacifica was quick to interrupt.
"You didn't scare me." she said, resolutely.
"...I was just surprised to see you down here." continued Dipper. "Shouldn't you be back at the party? You know, rubbing elbows or whatever it is you socialites do?"
"I happen to have some business to attend to." said Pacifica. "And what is it that you're doing here? Trying to build yourself a date with leftover scrap metal?"
"Like I said, I've got stuff to do. I'm trying to figure out a way to track down some kids." said Dipper. Thinking about how that sounded, he decided to add some context. "I'm in charge of the kid's party and a few troublemakers snuck out. I wanna try and round them up before the end of the night. Otherwise, they're gonna get themselves grounded for the rest of summer. They've already set up a few pranks around the mansion... Nothing too crazy. Although, they definitely improved a Northwest family portrait or two."
Pacifica seemed to take a moment to register this. Then, a white-hot flash of anger lit up her features with such ferocity that Dipper very nearly took a step back from her. "Those kids... Did they happen to put glue on the hallway carpet?" she asked.
"Uh... Probably? It does kinda sound like something they might do..." said Dipper.
"Well, then." growled Pacifica. "You'd better hope that you catch them before I do..."
Dipper sighed. "They're just kids, Pacifica." he said. "I know it sucks getting pranked, believe me. But flipping out about it doesn't help anything."
Pacifica narrowed her eyes at him. "Oh, I can I assure you I am not 'flipping out'. I am being perfectly calm and perfectly rational." she said. "And if I catch whoever ruined my shoes, I will calmly and rationally destroy them. Or, maybe I'll have whoever was supposed to be in charge of them take their place... And you said that was you, correct?"
"I'm sure you can just buy some new shoes or whatever." said Dipper. "I mean, how expensive can a pair of shoes possibly be?"
"This pair cost over two hundred thousand dollars." said Pacifica, her hands on her hips.
Dipper made a sound as if hearing the number had physically hurt him. "What!?" he sputtered. "That's crazy! How do shoes even get that expensive!?"
Pacifica rolled her eyes at him. "I don't expect you to understand this, but some of us enjoy the finer things in life." she said. Despite her efforts to sound calm and collected, looking at him with all the derisiveness she could muster, her tone was slightly defensive.
"But that's just insane! I mean, there's no way the materials they're made of cost even a fraction of that! What're they gold-plated? Jewel encrusted?" Dipper exclaimed, his voice increasingly incredulous.
"Look, I'm going to get dizzy if you keep making me roll my eyes at you." said Pacifica, flicking her hair over her shoulder with a sense of self-importance. "Now, since you share some responsibility for the actions of those kids I suppose we should start discussing proper recompense."
"Even if I had that kinda money, there's no way I'd spend it on your shoes." said Dipper. Before Pacifica could respond, Dipper took a moment to glance around the room. "...Here. Why don't you take a seat and I'll have a look at them. Maybe I can fix them."
"Oh, please. No chemical is going to be able to take off all that glue and carpet without ruining the shoes in the process." said Pacifica. "I'll have you know that they're made of the finest materials, and they're, like, very delicate."
"Yeah, yeah, I got it. They're made of the finest endangered yak hair or whatever." said Dipper, as walked across the room to retrieve the least filthy chair from a nearby pile of assorted junk. "Just take a seat and I'll have a look."
Pacifica crossed her arms over her chest and shot him a look of equal parts doubt and disdain.
"Please?" Dipper added, sounding mildly exasperated.
Pacifica sighed, uncrossed her arms, and sat down. "If this old chair stains my dress then you're paying for that too." she said. With that, she stuck her foot out and looked at him expectantly.
"Uh, you can just take them off if you want..." said Dipper.
"Nope." said Pacifica, simply.
Dipper frowned. He considered arguing with her but decided that it wouldn't be worth the energy. As he crouched down at her feet, he could tell that Pacifica was trying her best to hide a wicked smile, and failing. Dipper rolled his eyes as he gingerly grasped her ankle and produced a small pen light from his pocket. Pacifica gave a small scoff and muttered something about him being a 'typical nerd', which Dipper promptly ignored.
As he inspected the bottom of her high heel shoe, taking great care not to move her foot any more than he needed to, he found a mess of dried glue and thick chunks of carpet. "It looks like they used Quick N Eazy Glue." Dipper muttered. "Kind of a quantity over quality type adhesive... Should be easy enough to remove. And with minimal to no damage."
"I'll believe it when I see it." said Pacifica.
Dipper grunted as he stood up he made his way toward a tall cupboard on the other side of the room. After rummaging around for a moment, he retrieved a small bottle and a cloth. By the time he was kneeling in front of her once more, Pacifica was busy checking her nails and giving off an air of complete indifference.
He frowned as Pacifica outstretched her foot without so much as looking at him. As he lightly doused the cloth with the contents of the bottle and began to dab at the bottom of her high-heeled shoe, Dipper thought he caught Pacifica watching him out of the corner of his eye. But when he glanced at her, her attention had already shifted back to her nails.
A tense silence fell over them as Dipper worked, and he was determined not to break it. Pacifica meanwhile, had quickly grown bored. And she seemed to have decided to entertain herself by doing everything she could to subtly irritate him. She started by tapping her fingers. The soft clicking of her well-painted nails against the wooden armrest of the chair seemed to echo throughout the entire room. Then, she let out a long, exaggerated yawn.
Again, Dipper was sure he caught her watching him. Gauging his reactions. But he wasn't about to let a single trace of his growing frustration show on his face. Instead, he kept himself focused on the task at hand.
Finally, Pacifica spoke. "So, what, you're one of McGuckets lab assistants or something?" she asked. "Or are you an escaped lab monkey? That would certainly explain your choice of clothes. I mean, do you go to every party dressed like a middle-aged pencil pusher or is this just a special occasion?"
Dipper considered ignoring her. He was certainly under no obligation to respond to her obvious desire for an argument. Unfortunately, he couldn't seem to help himself. "Sorry I don't dress like I'm going to the billionaire's ball, Northwest." said Dipper. "Who are you trying to impress with all that stuff? Or are you just wearing it so you can feel like you're better than everyone else?"
He could see the corners of her mouth twist slightly upward. He was giving her what she wanted. That thought frustrated him as much as anything else.
"I'm sorry to break it to you, but I've already impressed almost all of the people at this party. And you know why? Effort. Everything I'm wearing is a reflection of the effort I put into everything I do. It's proof that I've succeeded. But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you? I mean, you've practically got 'loser' written all over you." said Pacifica.
Dipper gave a derisive snort. "What effort? Did you make those shoes yourself? Mine those diamonds? No. All you did was throw some money around." he said.
"Sounds like the typical response of another bitter loser." said Pacifica, with a sneer. "Look at you. You're a complete mess. And here you are, acting like you're above it all. As if looking like a washed-up nobody makes you some kinda saint. Can you even imagine what it's like to spend every day looking perfect? Acting perfect? How much damn effort that takes? No. I bet you get to just stroll through life doing whatever you want. While I have to smile and nod for yet another gaggle of idiots in an endless line of idiots. Like I'm just some showpiece to them. And do I get a choice? No. Of course not. I have to do everything in my power to impress them because someone else always holds all the cards."
As soon as she finished speaking, Pacifica's face twisted into an angry scowl. And Dipper quietly wondered if she had just said a little more than she meant to.
"Pacifica, if you hate it so much then why are you still doing this?" he asked.
"I just told you, didn't I? I don't have a choice you moron." growled Pacifica.
"Of course you do. If you hate putting up a front just to impress people-" he began, only to have Pacifica attempt to cut him off.
"I am not putting up a front-" she began, but Dipper wouldn't back down.
"Then just stop. You can always just stop, Pacifica. It's a party. Why don't you try having some fun?" said Dipper.
Pacifica glowered down at him. "Don't you talk to me like you know me." she said, her voice quieter but more dangerous.
"I do know you, Pacifica."
"No. You don't."
Dipper breathed an exasperated sigh. "Fine. But I used to. And the Pacifica Northwest I used to know... She was really brave. Brave enough to stand up to any monster. And brave enough to let her guard down every now and again." said Dipper. "And hey, guess what? Every time she did, she wasn't any less impressive. She was more so."
There was another moment of silence between them. This one stretched on a little longer, as Pacifica's expression shifted into something completely inscrutable.
"...What's your name?" she asked. Her voice suddenly quieter.
Dipper thought for a moment. He'd already guessed that she hadn't recognized him. And he couldn't blame her. After all, he had changed quite a bit since the last time he'd seen her. Or at least, his voice had deepened and he'd grown a lot taller. Plus the glasses. And it wasn't like Pacifica could have stumbled over pictures of him online over the years. Unlike Pacifica or his twin sister, Dipper had never bothered to cultivate much of a presence online. The only footage of him that existed on the internet were a few ads for the Mystery Shack, and he was usually either disguised in a silly costume or he was merely a blurry figure in the background.
When Dipper realized that a moment had passed and he hadn't responded to Pacifica's question yet, he quickly blurted out his answer. "Uh... Mason." he said. He wasn't entirely sure why he answered that way. Maybe it was because over the years he had gotten used to introducing himself to people with his real name. Keeping his nickname special, something only used by family and close friends. And he wasn't so sure Pacifica counted anymore.
His hurried answer seemed to hang awkwardly in the air for a moment before Pacifica rolled her eyes. "Ha ha, good one Dipper Pines." she said, sarcastically. "Next time, why don't you go with Chainsaw McBigmuscles? It'd be no less believable."
Dipper blinked with confusion. But he pressed on before he could start sputtering or fumbling over his words. "No, that's my real name. Dipper's just a nickname." he said. "Besides, Chainsaw McBigmuscles is already the name of the local librarian. Quiet guy. I think he's a shaved Manataur."
Pacifica raised an eyebrow. "For real?" she asked.
Dipper nodded. "Uh-huh. He says that the horns are a part of his cowboy hat, but I-" he began, only to be interrupted.
"Not the librarian thing, you weirdo." said Pacifica. "Your name. You're telling me your parents named you Mabel and... Mason?" she asked.
"I guess they wanted to go for the classic 'same initial' thing." said Dipper.
"Ugh. Don't get me started..."
"Right... Both your parents have 'P' names too, huh?"
"...Yeah." muttered Pacifica. "At least you only have to share with your sister."
Another awkward silence fell between the two of them as Dipper finished work on one shoe and carefully set her foot down. Pacifica quietly outstretched her other foot, her expression full of thought. As Dipper set to work, he decided that it was his turn to break the silence.
"I didn't think you recognized me." he said. "Which, you know, wouldn't be a problem or anything. It's been a long time and all."
Pacifica gave him a look. And for the first time that night, Dipper saw something in her eyes other than frustration. But in the dull green glow of the tube, he couldn't quite make out what it was.
"...I didn't recognize you." muttered Pacifica. "But I should've known. There's probably only a handful of people around Gravity Falls nerdy enough to know what they're doing in a lab like this. And you don't look like McGucket."
"Oh, yeah? How did you know I wasn't just some ruggedly handsome newcomer? The town's gotten a lot bigger since the last time you were here." said Dipper.
Pacifica gave a slight shrug. "...You just said... You knew me. And even fewer people around here really knew me back then." she said.
Dipper smiled a little. "Well, I almost didn't recognize you, either. But you gave yourself away with that weird expression you make whenever you get mad- Yep! That's the one!" he exclaimed, chuckling to himself as he watched Pacifica make the face, and then hastily attempt to straighten her features into a more neutral expression.
"You know, my foot is awful close to your face right now." said Pacifica, wiggling her foot in a gesture of warning.
Dipper rolled his eyes. "Oh, boy. Threatening violence now? Where's that famous Northwest wit you're so proud of?" he asked.
"What, you'd rather I call you a loser some more?" asked Pacifica. "Because I could definitely do that. It would be my pleasure."
Dipper was about to respond, but he stopped himself. Sensing another argument on the horizon, he decided to change course. "By the way, I think the adhesive dissolution fluid worked a little better than I thought. Your fancy shoes are gonna look good as new." he said.
"Like I said, I'll believe it when I see it." said Pacifica.
"Well, I don't think you're gonna be able to inspect them without taking them off first." said Dipper.
"If I take them off now, I'm not gonna want to put them back on." said Pacifica.
Dipper raised an eyebrow. He was tempted to ask her why she had decided to wear them in the first place, but he was pretty sure she would either give him a lecture about the so-called 'finer things in life', or lecture him about the sacrifices necessary to climb the social ladder. He decided to spare her the effort and not say anything.
Another silence fell between them, although somehow this one felt more comfortable. Still, Dipper decided to make the effort to extend some sort of social grace. "So, uh... What brings you back to Gravity Falls?" he asked.
Pacifica seemed to wince at the question. "...No offense or anything, but I've been answering questions like that all night." she grumbled. "I'd really rather not go over the whole thing again."
"Oh, yeah? Well... What would you like to talk about?" asked Dipper.
Pacifica frowned at him. "...I don't know." she muttered.
"You could always ask me something. Not that I'll have any interesting answers or anything..." said Dipper. "Honestly, I'm kinda boring."
Pacifica scoffed at him. "Oh, please. You're a lot of things, like a nerd for instance, but you're not boring." she said.
"You'd be surprised." muttered Dipper, his tone a little more serious than he'd meant it to be.
Pacifica seemed to notice. And for some reason, it made her frown. "When's the last time your life was at risk?" she asked.
"Huh?"
"Tell me. When's the last time some weird thing almost killed you?"
Dipper had to think about that for a moment. "Uh... I think about a week ago. I was swallowed whole by this giant caterpillar covered in eyes. I had to cut my way out with the pen I use to make notes." he said.
"Let me guess. You were poking around in some part of the forest where you weren't wanted? Again?" asked Pacifica.
"Huh? Oh, no, it happened in the middle of the local coffee shop. I nearly got banned for life, too. They've got this strict policy against spraying innards everywhere." said Dipper. "Luckily, I was able to prove it wasn't my fault. Apparently, the thing hitched a ride in their last shipment of coffee beans and then snuck into the ceiling to grow. I found a big, slimy nest up there."
"And of course, the first person it attacked happened to be you." said Pacifica.
Dipper shrugged. "Yeah, but, y'know... Better me than someone less experienced." he said.
"And that story seems boring to you?" asked Pacifica, her eyebrow arched incredulously.
"In Gravity Falls, yeah. I don't think it even made the paper. Everyone around here just tends to shrug that kinda thing off." said Dipper. "Besides, you never seemed all that interested in those kinda stories. You know, Weird stuff..."
Pacifica's incredulous look faded into a slight frown. "...It was always just a lot easier to ignore it." she muttered. "Besides, there were people like you and the other Stan around to worry about... Weird stuff."
"Yeah, that's kinda how things work nowadays, too." said Dipper. "A lot of people get annoyed whenever I try to bring it up. So, I don't really bother anymore. It's... Kinda frustrating. So many people just don't care about the Theory of Weirdness. Even though it's this fundamental force that affects all their lives... But, I guess every scientist in every field feels that way to some extent."
Before Pacifica could respond, Dipper set her foot down and then grunted as he stood up. "Well, I think I'm done." he said. "Let me know if you have any problems and... Well, we can try and figure something out. But, just so you know, if you send me a bill or something... Let's just say you'll be trying to squeeze blood from a stone."
"Of course." muttered Pacifica, with a slight eye roll. Dipper quietly offered her his hand to help her stand. A gesture she was quick to ignore. Even if it meant stumbling slightly as she stood up from her chair.
"So, now that we're reacquainted and everything, care to tell me why you're here? This lab is kinda supposed to be a secret, y'know?" said Dipper.
"Oh, please. An elevator behind a big portrait of a raccoon? Kind of obvious. And the code for that keypad was really simple. I got it in under fifty tries." said Pacifica.
"I think there're usually a couple of robot guards around, but they might've been reassigned for the party... Either that, or they went on break. They've got a pretty good union." said Dipper. "And you didn't answer my question. I imagine you were looking for McGucket for some reason?"
Pacifica gave a slight nod. "Yeah, uh... That's... That's not him, is it?" she asked, pointing at the rather imposing-looking brain-like mass of wires that was Bessie Two. "Did he go, like, full mad scientist or what?" she added.
"No. And possibly." answered Bessie Two.
Pacifica twitched slightly when Bessie Two responded to her. But once again, she seemed determined to keep her cool. "I see. Do you know where I can find McGucket?" she asked.
"Fiddleford went up to the manor with his supertronic quantum generator." said Bessie Two. "I believe he wanted to let it see the stars. He has gotten rather attached to it."
Dipper breathed an exasperated sigh. "Ford and I had a whole intervention with him about this..." he muttered. "Dangerous stuff stays in the lab. Especially when he's got guests."
"Fiddleford assured me that it is only fairly dangerous. Not doomsday dangerous." said Bessie Two.
Once again, Pacifica's unique annoyed expression graced her features. A half-lidded eye twitch with a toothy snarl and a wrinkled nose. Dipper had enough sense to know not to comment on it. This time.
"Great. So he's, what, out stargazing on the roof?" growled Pacifica.
"I believe so. Either that, or he's started introducing it to people. If Ford is in attendance, I'm sure he would be happy to have him take a look at it." said Bessie Two.
"Can you call him? Does he still have his holographic communicator?" asked Dipper.
"I can make an attempt... Please wait for a moment... Processing... PROCESSING!" bellowed Bessie Two. Its wires seemed to throb for a moment, as it gave off a dull white glow. A massive screen of light suddenly burst out of its surface, hovering in the air in front of Dipper and Pacifica. It was bright enough that they both had to take a moment to let their eyes adjust as the word 'calling...' flashed on the screen.
This was followed, eventually, by a soft click.
The screen remained blank even as a cacophony of sounds suddenly filled the air. There were the sounds of people screaming and laughing. Mixed with the sounds of things breaking and exploding. Metal scraping against metal. And the occasional bestial roar. Finally, they could make out the sound McGucket's voice, but only barely. "Howdy, Bessie Two! What'd ya miss me, you brainy lil' sweetheart?" asked McGucket.
"Always, Fiddleford." said Bessie Two. "But actually, I have someone here who wanted to speak to you."
Before Pacifica could speak, Dipper cut in. "What's going on up there?" he asked. "Why can't we see?"
"What!? Izzat Dipper? Tell him that his sisters been lookin' around for him. Oh, also, a bunch of creatures decided to crash the party. And now they're in a big ol' war with the robots. It's quite a sight, actually." said McGucket. "Oh, and the video on this thing probably ain't workin'. It's been all finicky for a while now. Maybe I oughtta stop chewin' on it..."
Dipper could feel Pacifica glaring at him for interrupting her. So, rather than ask one of the multiple follow-up questions he had, he motioned for her to speak next.
"Where are you, exactly?" asked Pacifica, raising her voice to cut through the rest of the noise.
"Ah, well, that's the question ain't it? Where are any of us in this crazy ol' game we call life?" asked McGucket. "I mean, look at me- I'm more successful than I've ever been, in the middle of a big ol' party with all the folks I've come to love... I oughtta be the most grateful ol' hambone enthusiast this side o' the multiverse. And yet, is that okay? I mean, should anyone be so happy when there's as much sufferin' around as there is? Oh! It's an ouroboros! Look at that lil' guy rollin' around. Y'all ever play hoop and a stick?"
Dipper decided to cut in because Pacifica looked about ready to explode. "What is your current location?" asked Dipper.
"Oh! Well, I'm in the main hall at the moment. Sittin' in an old chandelier with me trusty banjo. Got the supertronic generator tucked safely in me beard if that's what yer worried about. Yep! Ain't no place safer." said McGucket. "There is this lil' guy that keeps chasin' me around... I think maybe he thinks I'm a leprechaun or somethin' ...I don't know why folks're always makin' that mistake, but- You'll never get me pot o' gold! Never! ...Huh. Now, where'd that come from?"
Dipper frowned. "So, creatures have invaded the manor..." he muttered. "I didn't even think that was possible... I mean, it's been around for over a hundred and fifty years now. I figured it was enchanted or something."
Pacifica crossed her arms over her chest. "Somebody probably just forgot to close the gate." she said.
"What's that? Close the gate? Aw, I never close the gate on Hootenanny night! All the people of Gravity Falls're allowed in! That's part o' the point, y'know?" said McGucket.
Dipper blinked. "Wait, but this is the first time this has happened, right? Does that mean the gates have been left wide open for a whole night once a year, for over a decade, and the creatures just haven't noticed until now?" he asked.
"I reckon so." said McGucket. "The lil' critters seem awful excited about it, too. They're really scufflin' up a storm. But don't worry, most of the townsfolk enjoy a good brawl. Whether it be participatin' or just watchin'. I reckon most o' the tourists think it's a show o' some kind... I saw someone in a long trench coat runnin' around sellin' tickets."
Dipper frowned. "Someone's gonna get hurt..." he muttered. "Do you have any way to stop it? Or at least settle things down a bit?"
"Aw, ain't no need for that! Ya'll just sit tight and let the forest folk have their fun. They'll run outta steam right quick." said McGucket. "Heck, this may just go down as the best dang Annual Hootenanny Ball Shindig Soirée Spectacular this town has ever- Oh! It's you again. Now, what're you chasin' me around for little feller? I told ya, I ain't got no pot o' gold! And you'd never get if I did!"
Dipper stiffened when another voice cut through the chaotic noise in the background of the call.
"Fiddleford McGucket... The great prophecy is at hand..." said the other voice. It spoke slowly, its voice deep and raspy. Dipper didn't immediately recognize it, but he trusted his instincts enough to know that whoever or whatever it was, it wasn't good.
"What're you talkin' about? I ain't got any hand prophecies-" began McGucket, only to be interrupted by what sounded like a sudden impact. There were the sounds of a struggle, along with an increasingly loud rattling from the chandelier that McGucket had claimed to be sitting on. Until, finally, there was a loud snapping sound. Followed quickly by a scream from McGucket. The audio cut out halfway through the sound of an enormous crash.
The projected blank screen fizzled out of existence and Bessie Two's glow quickly faded.
Dipper felt around his pants pocket, making sure that he still had the thermal goggles. Then, he spun around and began marching toward the elevator. "Bessie Two! Make sure you lock down every level of the lab once I'm gone!" he called out. "If McGucket's okay, I'll bring him down here. But you'll have to scan the contents of the elevator before you let anyone come down."
"I will only be able to do that once the elevator has entered my field o' operation." said Bessie Two.
"So, lock it down halfway then." said Dipper. Once he reached the elevator, he was surprised to find that Pacifica had followed him. He opened his mouth to say something, but she quickly cut him off.
"You are so not leaving me here with some giant brain thing named after a cow." said Pacifica.
"Technically, I'm named after a rogue AI that was named after a cow." said Bessie Two.
Pacifica ignored it, taking the initiative to press the elevator button and then quickly step inside. Dipper followed her, his brows furrowed in thought. Dozens of theories were running through his tired mind all at once, along with a good number of worst-case scenarios. As the elevator began to move Dipper found himself slouching against the wall, rubbing his forehead as he did his best to keep his more panicked thoughts at bay.
The trip to the surface was mostly quiet, save for the occasional unsettling rattle from the elevator and some angry muttering from Pacifica. Noticing this, Dipper offered her a small, weary grin.
"So... Welcome back to Gravity Falls." he said. And he couldn't resist chuckling at the annoyed look he received in response.