** Well, it's been a long time, but I really want to finish this story up. So I reread this, again, and started over. I got this set of characters back in my head and I think we're ready to roll. Thanks for understanding. I just had problems getting my other story characters out of my head and needed to finish that first. **

September 24…2200

Steph is sleeping again, with the help of some medication. Ben says he's keeping her overnight, possibly tomorrow too. I know she's going to be pissed if he suggests that, but I trust that he knows what she needs right now. Hopefully I can convince her it's for the best.

She woke in a rage a few hours ago. She didn't want to be in the hospital. She didn't want Ben's help. She flat out refused to talk about what happened. He finally convinced her to write it down instead. He told her if she told him what happened she get out of the hospital a lot faster.

She wrote the words down, with haste and anger. Then she threw the paper at me and told me to give it to the prison guard. Tank hadn't left his post on the chair by the door since we got here and I knew he wouldn't. He was in Tank mode now. Since I could trust him to watch her I took the note and stepped into the hall.

Before I brought it to Ben I read what she wrote. Having my fears confirmed killed part of me. I finally know this is all my fault.

Earlier when she started panicking in her apartment, I went to her. I grabbed her and lifted her to me, but she was thrashing and punching so hard. I grasped her wrists gently, restraining her so she couldn't hurt either of us. I was speaking to her, but she didn't seem to hear me.

She was screaming, so loudly. She was fighting me, trying to get away, but I couldn't let her go. I was afraid she'd hurt herself. She kept yelling, "No." Over and over she screamed it as she fought me. I tried telling her that I loved her. I repeated myself. I tried to make her see me, but she didn't.

She screamed that she loved Ranger. She screamed that she didn't want my baby, she wanted Ranger's baby. She screamed, "NO." Then she started to cry and shake, sobbing the word no again. She just kept saying that they'd never be a family.

I knew it then. Something inside me felt it. This was what had been eating her alive. This was what had been destroying her, for how long? Years? Someone had violated her, hurt her, and she never told anyone. I wasn't sure why, but knowing Steph, she was trying to protect someone else. I immediately wondered if it was me.

The fucking note answered that question. It was fucking Scrog. He drugged and raped her. And it was all my fault.

I went to her for help. I asked her to help me get Julie back. I dressed her up and sent her off to meet that freak without the proper back-up. I lost her, because I wasn't good enough to outthink that poser. I'd beaten myself up about it at the time. And I pushed her away afterward because I didn't want it to happen again, but the damage had already been done.

It was karma. All those women that I watched being raped a decade ago haunted my mind. They all wore Stephanie's face now. I damaged her by bringing her into my life. My selfishness did this to her. I had to own up to it. I had to take responsibility for it.

I handed the paper to Ben and walked away. He followed me. He told me that I couldn't leave her. I was the only one that she was responding to right now. I knew he was right. So I fought every urge I had to run and went back to that room. Her eyes met mine as soon as I walked in.

She knew I read it. She started to cry. I couldn't even help myself, I went to her. I pulled her close and held her, letting her cry. I just told her I loved her. It was all I could say.

The nurse finally gave her something to help her sleep. She wanted me next to her, she was scared. So I crawled into her bed and sat next to her. Her fingers clutched my shirt in a death grip. She made me promise not to leave her. I didn't make any promises. I just kissed her hair. Then she nodded off.

I didn't know what the fuck I was going to do. I was just sitting there trying to figure it out. I couldn't disappear while she was sleeping, without a word. She'd never get over the hurt that would cause. And I knew I couldn't walk away from her while she was awake, looking at me. I couldn't see that hurt in her eyes again. Fuck everything. How the hell could I protect her from me, from my past, when I couldn't bring myself to walk away from her again?

My only hope was that she would do the walking. Though I was doubting that would happen. In her mind I was safe, even if the reality was that I was the worst possible thing for her. I didn't know how she didn't blame me for this, how she didn't hate me for all I inflicted upon her just by knowing her. I knew I should just walk away and let her heal properly, but something was stopping me from doing that.

There was this little voice inside my head that kept telling me that she needed me. She was weak and injured and damaged. I knew those things well. I knew how hard her fight was going to be. I knew she needed people to support her and help her. She didn't have her family. I couldn't turn her over to Morelli again. That left, Tank and Lula. I looked at them, still sitting in the chairs by the door. They cared for her. They'd take care of her.

I pulled my shirt from Steph's fingers and lowered myself from the bed. She called out my name in her sleep, but I stepped away and didn't look down at her. I had to get out of there. If I didn't do it in that moment I knew I never would. I moved across the room and out the door faster than light.

I made it halfway down the hall before I heard Lula scream my name. I turned to look at her. She was in full on rhino mode. She marched up to me and punched me in the jaw. It fucking hurt like hell too. I asked her what the fuck that was for and she told me she was trying to knock some sense into me.

Then she really exploded. She pushed me toward the wall and invaded my space. Her tits were pressed against me and her finger was in my face. No one ever treated me that way. Then she snarled. "Don't you fucking think about walking out on her." Had I been that transparent? "I was raped by Ramirez, you remember that?" I nodded my head. "She tried to blame herself, because she was the one that Ramirez was really after." Jesus Christ. That hadn't been her fault. Ramirez was a sick bastard. "This isn't any more your fault than that was Stephanie's fault." I wasn't sure I believed that though. "You didn't do anything to provoke Scrog. He wasn't an enemy. He wasn't trying to teach you a lesson. He was trying to steal your life because he was a sick bastard. He chose to do what he did. This is not your fault."

I shook my head. She didn't know about the other stuff. The karma coming back to get me. But she didn't stop, she kept yelling at me. "You know what got me through that rape? Stephanie did. She was my friend. She stood by me. She got me a job. She protected me from going back to that life." I told her Stephanie was special that way. She jabbed me with her finger, and glared back at me. Then she told me that Steph wasn't going to let anyone else help her. I was it. I needed to man up and take care of her. If I walked out on her now it'd destroy what was left of her. She'd never recover.

Then I did something I couldn't believe I did. I started to cry. I cried for a good fucking half hour. Lula just wrapped her arms around me and let me cry. When I was done she patted my back and took my hand. She led me back to Steph's room. "Just love her. That's all she needs, just your love. Give her all you have," she told me. "Trust me, your love is all she needs."

That was one thing I was rich in. I loved her more than anything.

So I walked back into that room. Tank nodded to me, but didn't say a word. I took the chair next to the bed and watched her for a long time. She was still my angel. Lula was right. I'd give her the love she needs now and I'd try to figure out how to keep her safe later. One step at a time.