September 26…930 am

I got home from the hospital last night and it felt really weird. It felt like I'd been gone a lot longer than one night. I said hi to Rex, then went straight to the bathroom and got into the shower. I washed and scrubbed twice, then I just stood there under the water. The warm water did wonders on my sore muscles and made me really tired.

I wrapped a towel around me and twisted a second around my hair. In my haste I didn't grab clothes, so I walked out in the towel. Ranger was sitting on the bed. His eyes were on me, but they weren't all heated and sexy like they usually were when he was treated to the towel show. I wondered if he really did think differently of me. If he didn't want to touch me now that he knew the truth.

He stood then and walked toward me. I froze, not sure if I should retreat or not. Then he pulled me into his arms and hugged me. It only took a few seconds before I could relax against him and hug him back, but I knew he felt my hesitation. "Do you feel better?" he asked me.

I told him that the shower felt good. He kissed my forehead and told me he was going to take one himself. Then he disappeared into the bathroom. He didn't close the door, just stripped out of his clothes and stepped into the shower.

Okay, so I didn't take my eyes off him while he did that. While I appreciated the view, my gaze stayed on him more out of curiosity than anything. He seemed so, normal. He wasn't acting weird. It was like we didn't just spend the better part of two days in a mental hospital. Sorry Dr. Westin, behavior health center. How did he do that? Because I felt weird. I didn't feel like myself at all.

I got into my pajamas and went back into the bathroom to tame my hair. I figured the open door was an invitation. I must have been right, because he didn't seem put off by me being there. He just smiled at me as he got out of the shower. He rubbed the towel over himself and wrapped it around his hips. Then he walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me back against his chest. My hair brush was completely forgotten when he pressed his lips to my neck. Dang. He made something stir back to life inside me.

Then he breathed into my ear for a few seconds before speaking. He told me that he loved sharing this space with me. Watching me take care of myself like that was sexy. The man is crazy. My hair was half brushed, I had no make-up on, and I was wearing one of his baggy tee shirts. It was like his ESP was working or something, because he responded to my unspoken thoughts.

He spun me around, lifted me to the counter, and stepped between my legs. His fingers caught my chin and he looked into my eyes. I wondered if he was going to kiss me, but he didn't, not right away. First he just shook his head and told me that I didn't need styling products and make-up, I was perfect the way God made me. Then his finger moved down my neck and over my shoulders to my sides. He looked down as he pulled the fabric of his shirt tight across my torso. "I love when you wear my shirts. I like knowing that you belong to me. And hiding your curves under this does nothing but make me picture what I know is under there, in great detail. You are absolutely gorgeous."

See he is crazy. Not that I was complaining, he made me feel good for the first time in days. So I wrapped my legs around the backs of his thighs and pulled him toward me. That's when he kissed me, and it was a good kiss. The kind that we'd been sharing for the last few weeks. It was perfect and felt like nothing had changed between us. That seemed to lift a huge weight off of me.

I had been so afraid that he'd turn away from me or be too disgusted to ever kiss me like that again. I was afraid that he was only staying with me because he felt obligated to do so. I couldn't believe he'd still love me after all I admitted to him and Dr. Westin.

But he when he lifted his lips from mine, he smiled at me and told me that he loved me. And I believed him. There was no way he could fake the tenderness in his eyes. So I told him that I loved him too. He kissed my nose and stepped back.

I sat there brushing my hair as I watched him brush his teeth and run his fingers through his hair. It left me baffled. Besides shaving in the morning, this was all he did. He developed perfection in a matter of seconds. I rolled my eyes. I didn't care what he said, I had to put a lot of work into being good looking.

I finally finished up in the bathroom and joined him in bed. I guess he'd gotten dressed while I was brushing my teeth, because he was in his boxers. Lounging back on the pile of pillows and the white sheets he looked like he should be gracing the cover of a porn novel. I wondered again how the man thought I was good enough for him.

I crawled in next to him and turned on my side so I could look at him. He smiled back and kissed my nose. We just laid there looking at one another for a long time. It was a comfortable silence and it helped relax me more.

I finally started thinking about the program that he'd told me about earlier. Dr. Westin had given him the information to give to me. It was for women who experienced trauma. My immediate reaction had been anger. I didn't want to go sit with a new doctor or a bunch of women that would judge me and my behavior. But, now, I'm wondering if I made the wrong decision.

How the hell was I going to get over this without help? Pushing it aside, burying it, not thinking about it, obviously didn't work. I felt like if I didn't give this a shot I was giving up on us without a fight. I knew I couldn't move on without dealing with it.

So I reached over and took Ranger's hand and told him that I'd try the program. I promised to fight this for him and I wanted to keep my promises. He kissed me again and told me that he was proud of me. It was a nice feeling for sure.

Now, in the light of day, I'm really nervous about that decision. I want to bail. I really do, but something is stopping me from running and I know I have to trust that something.

Besides, Lula is going to go to the group meeting with me. I won't be alone, even if I still feel like I won't fit in. It's not like I was beaten or attacked. I don't even remember it happening. How can I talk about it if I don't remember it?

This is going to suck.

**Thanks for staying with me on this. It may be a couple days before I update again. I'll be busy with my kids the next couple days and doubt I'll have a chance to write.**