A/N: Sorry, I haven't updated in a while, but I hope you all enjoy this chapter!
JJ didn't know how long she sat in the car after she had treated her injuries, just staring into space. Her thoughts were racing.
Did she really have to kill all those people, just to eliminate one person? What did the team think of what she had done? Would they look at her differently now that they had seen what she was capable of?
All of these questions and doubts were swirling around in her head and she had no answers to silence them.
JJ sighed, finally starting the car, she figured she better get out of here.
She drove for a while, wincing at her injuries, with no real destination but it was no surprise to her when she subconsciously parked the car outside of a bar.
JJ walked into the bar, it was a run-down, old place and JJ figured she probably looked out of place there amongst the several middle aged men who looked to be drowning their sorrows away. But she didn't care at the moment.
She strolled over to the bar and sat on one of the bar stool. She ordered her usual, a glass of scotch. Ignoring the bartender's attempt at small talk. She was really not in the mood for talking.
"You sure do that a lot don't you?" A familiar voice stated, making her jump in surprise.
JJ rolled her eyes. "What are you doing here? How did you find me?" JJ almost demanded as he took a seat next to her.
"I had Garcia track the GPS in your phone, I was worried." He said softly.
"Yeah, well you shouldn't be, I'm fine Hotch." JJ said quietly, not wanting anyone to overhear them.
Hotch didn't believe her reply for a second but decided to move on, not wanting to push her away. "You never answered my question; you do this a lot don't you?" Hotch repeated motioning to the glass of alcohol in front of her.
"I'm not an alcoholic if that's what you're implying." JJ said truthfully. And it was true, she wasn't an alcoholic, she didn't depend on alcohol. She could go days, weeks even without thinking about it or wanting it. "I just need something to take the edge off sometimes." JJ sighed at Hotch's sceptical look. "I know it looks bad, but I always did this after a mission, it helps me to be alone and to have a drink." JJ shrugged.
Hotch thought her explanation seemed genuine but he was still worried. "It's not healthy JJ." Hotch stated.
JJ sighed. "Look, I know, but you don't get it. Being alone and having a drink does help me." JJ said frustrated.
"Does it?" Hotch said narrowing his eyes.
"What is that supposed to mean?" JJ said defensively.
"Does it really help or have you just been so used to it for years that you've convinced yourself that it does?" Hotch asked knowingly.
JJ opened her mouth ready to fire back an angry reply but stopped. "Are you profiling me Aaron?" JJ smirked. "I thought there was a rule about inter team profiling?" JJ asked with a chuckle, her anger disappearing.
Hotch's face reddened slightly in embarrassment as he shrugged. Then he just looked at her waiting for her to answer his question.
"I don't know, you might be right but right now it helps so I'm not going to over-analyse it now" JJ said casually.
"Fair enough." Hotch agreed reluctantly. "What the hell happened back there JJ?" Hotch said keeping his voice low.
JJ looked around subtly; making sure no one had heard him. "Not here, come on." JJ said leading Hotch out of the bar, her glass of scotch let behind, full and untouched.
"So?" Hotch prompted once they were in the car.
JJ blew out a loud breath. "I don't know. One minute I had everything under control, the next minute 20 men were all aiming their guns at me and it was total chaos." JJ explained. "I just doubt myself sometimes; did I really have to kill all those people Aaron?" JJ asked her vulnerability showing.
"You had to protect yourself and your identity JJ." Hotch said understandingly.
JJ shook her head. "You know it's not even about that for me. I really don't care that much if they find out who I am and target me. It's my family, the team, you. If they know about me they know about everyone I care about."
"So you're saying you don't care if you die?!" Hotch exclaimed.
"No." JJ said frustrated. "But I care 100 times more about the team's safety than I do about my own life." JJ shrugged.
It suddenly clicked in Hotch's head. When she was running away from those guards, she wasn't running for her life, she was running for their safety, for their protection.
"Wow." Hotch said softly.
"I'm not as bad as I was back when I was a spy. Every mission I was given, I never expected to come back alive. My main focus was to protect my country and it didn't matter if that cost my life." JJ said sadly. "But now, I do have something to live for."
Hotch nodded. "Well as long as you know that you have people who love you and care about you JJ, including me." Hotch said letting a small smile appear on his face.
"Don't get all sappy on me." JJ teased, but inside she truly was touched. Hotch laughed at her reply and they just enjoyed the moment between them.
JJ cleared her throat as her face became more serious again. "What do the team think about all of this?" JJ said worried.
Hotch sighed. "Honestly, I don't know. They all seemed worried about you more than anything. Reid had to leave the room at one point, but he came back and was pretty quiet after that. It was a lot for us all to take in JJ." Hotch said trying to do his best to comfort the blond but not wanting to lie.
"I knew it would be a lot for them, probably too much. Why is why I didn't want you all listening and watching." JJ said frowning. "But it's done, there's not much I can do about it now." JJ shrugged casually, although she was anxious inside. "Thanks for being straight with me and not sugar coating it." JJ said gratefully and she was grateful, Hotch was one of the few people who would always be completely honest with her and she respected that.
Hotch was interrupted from his reply by his phone ringing.
"Hotchner." He answered officially.
"Hotch, it's Emily, Hamba and Lafar are holding The President hostage."
A/N: Thanks for reading, reviews are appreciated.