*PLEASE READ NOTES FIRST*

A/N: I blame this fic completely on those who asked for it and take no responsibility for any resulting nightmares. The original concept is below, and was not my idea. Read at your own risk. This is pure crack fic. I apologize in advance.

Suggested by my dad: Callen and Anna get married as planned, they head for their honeymoon destination, and when they get here (look away if you're squeamish), Anna peels off her face, and it's actually Hetty.

"You know, I'm surprised Hetty didn't actually come," Deeks commented quietly to Kensi as they watched Callen and Anna finish their final dance of the night.

"Eh, it's Hetty, she's a walking enigma," Sam said with a half-smile. "I'm sure she'll pop up when we least expect it."

"Hopefully just not on Callen and Anna's honeymoon," Kensi added with a short. Both men turned to her with twin looks of horror.

"Why would you say that?" Deeks asked.

"It's funny. You know, that's like the worst time possible and Hetty likes to be unpredictable." She waited, obviously expecting them to join in, her laughter becoming increasingly awkward and forced.

"Deeks, your wife is nuts."

"Hey," Kensi protested as Sam shrugged apologetically. She turned to Deeks, looking for his support.

"Hey, I love you baby, exactly as you are."

"Gee, thanks!" Shaking her head, she leaned into Deeks' shoulder. "I'm happy for them."

"Yeah, it's good to see them finally settled after all this time."

"So, what do you want to do first?" Callen asked, drawing Anna into their wedding suite. He couldn't stop smiling, happier than he'd ever recalled. Anna seemed relieved too now that all the wedding drama was over. "Wel could go for a walk through the gardens, grab something to eat. Deeks said there's a good Mediterranean restaurant nearby or he mentioned another place with and I quote, "amazing pie". Actually, Kensi brought up the pie."

"Callen," Anna grasped his arms, swaying slightly as she drew him farther into the room. "Do you really want to look at tulips or eat apple pie right now?" she asked him coyly.

"Well, I was more thinking like a French silk since Sam isn't here to glare at me and talk about cholesterol."

"Callen." She gave him a playfully reproving look. "We're on our honeymoon. We just got married." She drew him closer, clasping the back of his neck as she kissed him lingeringly. When their lips parted, all thoughts of food had been swept from his mind.

Callen cleared his throat, sliding his hands to Anna's waist. "Yeah, let's stay in."

"Good. I'm going to go change into something less…restrictive," she told him, dropping her tone suggestively. With a wink, she slid out of his embrace, grabbing a small carryon bag with her into the bathroom.

Figuring he might as well get comfortably too, Callen shrugged out of his jacket and stripped off his bow tie, sighing in relief. After that he grabbed the room service menu, and put in an order. Then he emptied out his suitcases, which took up a quarter of the small closet and one drawer. He just moved Anna's bags to the side, knowing better than to mess with her clothes.

"Ooh champagne. How fancy," Anna said, coming up behind him as he filled two glasses. She slid her arms around his waist, pressing her face against his back.

Turning in her embrace, he offered her one of the slender glasses. "I figured this was one time where I cliché wouldn't hurt." He clinked his glass against hers. "Congratulations, Mrs. Callen."

"And to you, Mr. Callen." Anna looped her arms around his neck, drawing him in for another kiss. He slid his free hand down her back, feeling bare skin and lace.

He smiled against Anna's lip, laughing softly.

"What?"

"I'm happy," Callen answered simply. "Probably happier than I've ever been."

"Really?" Anna asked, sounding uncharacteristically shy.

He cupped her cheeks and kissed her again, putting his whole heart and soul into it. "Yes."

"In that case, I have a surprise for you," Anna said, taking a step back.

"Oh yeah. Well, if it has anything to do with this, I can get behind it." He gestured to her negligee.

"Not quite." Brushing her hair off her shoulders, she pressed her fingertips to her scalp line. Callen frowned in confusion, which quickly turned to horror as she pulled down sharply, peeling skin away from flesh.

"Anna!" he shouted, reaching for her, but she held him off with an upraised hand, peeling away the rest of her face with surprising face. Revealing an entirely different, and horrifically familiar face.

He stumbled back, banging his elbow on a dresser, but he didn't even register any pain. "Hetty," he breathed, eyes wide with shock.

"What's wrong?" she asked, the voice still Anna's, yet coming from Hetty's wizened face.

"This can't be. I must be dreaming."

"I assure you it's all real," Hetty said, stepping forward. When he shied away, she looked hurt, but didn't attempt to move closer. "I thought you. said you were happy."

"Yeah, with Anna, not…" He trailed off and gestured to Hetty. "So all this time Anna was really you?"

"Well, no, not at first," Hetty admitted reluctantly. "The first few years, you know the real Anna, but then once a romance began between you, I felt I needed to intervene."

"Then where's the real Anna? You didn't—?"

"Oh no, she's quite safe on one of my properties." Hetty seemed to think that would reassure him. "I had to scale back how much I used her after a while because she began getting suspicious."

"Oh my god," Callen murmured. "Neither of you have been in the same room for years and all this time—Oh god."

"That doesn't mean anything need to change between us. I've made you perfectly happy," Hetty continued. "You just said it yourself."

"You're insane." Callen shook his head, lurching towards the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to get out of here," he muttered.

"No, you can't leave! We're on our honeymoon!" Hetty objected, darting at him.

"Don't come near me," Callen said, raising his head threateningly. Slowly, he backed up, blindly reaching for the door. When he felt the doorknob, he wrenched it open, and threw himself into the hallway.

"Grisha, please come back!" Hetty called desperately after him. "I can still be Anna for you."

Callen just sped up, certain no amount of alcohol would ever erase the image of Hetty in Anna's body from his mind.

A/N: I think this is the first time I've written anything romantic for Callen and Anna, so that was weird as well for me. It may just end up sounding like Densi. Although it helps if you read Anna's lines with her accent.