**Thanks for the reviews. I appreciate it. I guess some chapters feel better than others. I always hate my bridging chapters, but we're getting to the good stuff so that makes me happy. I think I'll have one more chapter before they go on their vacation. Thanks again for sticking with me.**

October 2…430 pm

Lula picked me up for group this morning. I brought a big basket of muffins with me, curtesy of Ella's cooking lesson this morning. They were actually pretty good considering I did most of the work. Then again, I've doing a lot of cooking and nothing I made had tasted horrible. I guess Ella just Stephanie-proofed the lessons, because I doubt I followed the directions very well. It doesn't matter though, everyone seemed to enjoy them, and so I figured I'd mark the cooking lessons as a win.

The group therapy was a win too. I felt free to ask all the weird little questions or voice the strange thoughts the crept into my head throughout the day. I couldn't talk to the guys about any of it, well most of it. But these women got it and answered me truthfully.

I mean, seriously, if I were to ask Lester or Tank if they thought that I'd been more prone to being assaulted as an adult because I was a victim when I was a little girl, they'd probably just want to go kill Morelli. I know, the other women couldn't answer that any better than the guys could, but it gave me a chance to voice that concern. And it was a concern. What if I didn't get better, would I always look like a victim to predators? Could they sense that about me? Was I a target?

I mean I didn't want to act paranoid, but I wondered, a lot, about what it was about me that drove men to treat me as poorly as they did. Joe, Dickie, and Scrog all abused me some way or another. Hell, even Ranger at one point in our relationship treated me as though I wasn't worth more than sex to him. He didn't abuse me, but I was degraded by his behavior.

Dr. Westin had me going through some steps to help me build my self-confidence and strength back up. The funny thing was I didn't think I'd ever had strength, but the more we talked about my past and my accomplishments I realized that I was strong. I had taken care of myself though some very difficult times. Even though I needed some help right now, it didn't mean I was weak. It meant that I was human.

The group therapy helped me see that too. I felt like those women were all so strong. They were warriors. They were taking their lives back. It made me want to fight. It made me want to come out on the other side stronger for having fought this and won. I wanted to take control of myself, my mind, and my body again. I wanted to be Wonder Woman for real this time.

I felt like the things that were really holding me back from overcoming this pain were my self-confidence and self-esteem issues. Dr. Westin said I didn't value myself. That's why I couldn't understand why anyone else would. Though I secretly wonder if that's why others don't value me either. Maybe they could sense that I thought I was worth nothing and acted accordingly. It was possible, right? Either way, I wanted others to value me so I've been working on thinking about myself and what I'm worth and trying to understand how others value me.

I figured the easiest place to start would be with the person I trusted the most. So yesterday, I asked Ranger to join me in my session. I'd been planning on asking about getting rid of my apartment really quickly, talk about my self-esteem and ask Ranger how he saw me now, then ease us into the sex questions I had for Dr. Westin, but that didn't happen. Instead I started babbling to Ranger about how scared I was that I was going to get him killed.

He assured me that he would take his safety more seriously and that we'd take care of one another, and I believed him. He wouldn't lie to me like that. I trusted him to be honest with me about our future. However, I didn't trust in myself. I couldn't imagine how anyone would want to be with me, especially after all I put him through in the past. He could say whatever he wanted to, I knew how much danger I put him in.

Yes, I decided to be safer too. I decided to quit bounty hunting. I knew that'd help, eventually. But even in the past when I quit it wasn't real, it didn't last, and the danger was still there. Plus, the crazies didn't go away. Why did they follow me like that? Maybe I do have flashing sign above my head that tells them I'm a victim. I don't know. I just wish it would stop.

Anyway, Ranger said all the right things. I want to believe him. I want to think he won't walk away when I disappoint him. I want to think the danger is over and that we can have a real life together now, but I just can't. I can't believe it. It seems too good to come true.

I thought about what he told me all night. He was asking me to trust him. That wasn't so hard. I did trust him to keep us safe. I have trusted him to do that from the beginning. It was getting hurt that startled me so badly. Logically I knew he'd never be like Joe or Mom, but I couldn't shut off the part of my brain that keeps thinking that he'll get disappointed and leave. Ranger won't fight or argue or try to control me with his temper, he'll just walk away. Frankly, that scares me a lot more than fighting does.

I guess that is part of the recovery process, right? I'd been in awful, controlling, unhealthy relationships and didn't trust that this one would turn out any other way. I want to trust him more. I want to be able to trust that he won't get mad and just walk away. I want to trust that I'm good enough for him. I'm just not completely sure how to do that yet.

He wants to go away together for a week. An entire week, alone together. To the Batcave for shit's sake. While I'm nervous about being away from Dr. Westin for that long, I'm excited at the prospect of having complete access to Ranger. I want him to let me into that little part of him that he still has closed off. I think this trip could do that for us. But, I'm also really nervous about being alone with him for that long. He'll have complete access to me too and what if it's too much. What if he doesn't want me after that?

I know it sounds ridiculous. We've been living together for a month. He's seen me at my worst. He knows my worst secrets. He's seen and heard what the other important people in my life have done to me. Yet he's still here and he still loves me. I don't want to doubt that or him, no matter how bare I feel without the walls between us. I want to be with him.

After group I told Lula that Ranger wanted to take me away on vacation for a week, to relax and recover quietly together. She smiled and said that sounded pretty damn fine. Imagining Ranger relaxing for an entire week was a pretty damn fine fantasy. I also liked the idea of recovering together, though I'm not sure how that would really work. I guess I'd have to ask Dr. Westin about it tomorrow, if I was really going to do this I needed a treatment plan I could work on from the woods.

The woods, in Maine, alone with Ranger. My heart was beating just a little harder thinking about that. Lula looked at me knowingly and smiled again. She told me that we'd both communicate better if we relaxed and didn't let all the outside worries inhibit us. That was true, I supposed.

Then she said that when Tank holds her or kisses her it heals something inside her. I could understand that too. I love my time in the evening with Ranger. He holds me so tenderly that I feel loved, but he also kisses me so deeply that I feel desired. Both those things make me feel like a woman more than anything else ever had.

Finally, she said I should stop worrying about having sex. Just because he was taking me away didn't mean he had expectations about sex. He wouldn't get me in the woods and forget everything that we'd been working toward. He is nothing but respectful and that wouldn't change no matter where we go. She was right about that too. I was kind of worrying about it. It was still the big unknown for me, but I did trust him to never try something before I was ready. He really was letting me lead our physical relationship and I loved him for allowing me that control.

So why not go? He was right about the beach house. We were happy and open there. Why would Maine be any different? Maybe a change in scenery was what I needed. It could be a really good thing. I just wanted to make sure I could handle being away that long. I certainly didn't want to rush into making the decision. I'd still talk over my concerns with Dr. Westin, then I'd decide for sure.

I text Ranger and let him know that Lula and I were going to stop at Pino's for lunch. We barely had our butts in the booth when he and Tank joined us at our table. They said they'd been out, together, seeing one of their clients. I didn't buy it, so I called Ranger on it. He looked a little sheepish, then smiled. "Okay, fine. I worry about you coming in here. Besides, I want to share lunch with my girl," he told me truthfully.

I couldn't fault him. The place did have the potential to explode like the Fourth of July if a certain police officer was here. He wasn't, thank goodness, but a few others were and I'm sure he'd get text if I were alone. But I wasn't alone. I was sharing lunch with my man. Okay, that didn't have the same ring as my girl did. How cute was that?

The only cop that actually spoke to me was Robin Russell. I'd gone to the ladies room and she was washing her hands. She smiled at me and straight out asked, "Did you really dump Morelli for Ranger?" I told her that wasn't actually what happened, but the end results were the same. She laughed at that and gave me a quick hug. Then she said, "I'm glad, it looks like Ranger makes you really happy. Besides, Joe's been spouting shit like a big horse's ass for the last few weeks. You don't deserve that." I didn't know what to say to that, but she assured me that no one was listening and no one believed him.

When she walked out I smiled. It was the first time I really didn't care if those people believed him or not. It didn't matter what they thought of me. It didn't matter how they viewed Ranger and me. We were happy together and that's all that mattered.

I guess that was the moment I decided to go away with him for sure. He was right. We were stronger together. We needed time together. We could heal each other.

I got back to the booth and planted a huge kiss on his lips. My PDA probably surprised him, but I didn't care. I finally believed in us and I wanted to kiss him right then and there. Then I kissed him again when I realized that I'd have the chance to kiss him whenever and wherever I wanted, every day for the rest of our lives.

He smiled and moved my curls off my face as he looked into my eyes. He asked me what brought on the need to kiss him. I just shrugged and told him that I wanted to kiss him because I love him. He kissed me back and told me that he loved me too.

When I looked into his eyes I knew we'd be alright and this trip was exactly what we needed. Then I told him, "And I decided to go away with you." That got me another kiss and a huge hug. Yes, this would be a good thing.