"You look like you're in a foul mood," said Devon, as he eyed Conrad in the lounge. "Things didn't go well with your dad?"
"Talk to me about Mr. Davison."
Devon narrowed his eyes.
"You're avoiding the subject which means it has nothing to do with your father. So, my take is that it's about Jules."
He saw Conrad's jaw twitch and he knew he had hit the spot.
"Don't want to talk about it."
"Look, I know it's probably not what you expected and it's early on in your relationship but sometimes things work themselves out and you'll find a new dynamic."
"So, you know."
Devon stood and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.
"Yeah, I know. I mean I guess it would have been better if you had been the first to find out instead of me, it's not like I went prying or anything. But nevertheless, I understand that it's not easy hearing the news. It'll take some getting used to, but in a couple of months you won't even be able to imagine your life without that cute little baby of yours."
Conrad eyes grew wide.
"Did I hear you right? Did you just say baby?"
Devon took a step back and seeing Conrad's reaction, it dawned on him that they were talking about two different things. If Conrad was not in a happy place, it wasn't because Julia had told him. He wished he could disappear into thin air and take back what he had just divulgated.
"Conrad, listen, I'm sorry. I thought you knew; I thought that Julia would have told you last night."
Conrad started to walk toward the window, slowly putting a few of the puzzle pieces together. She had brought up the family topic elusively to test his reaction and, in all honesty, he had said it was a big step without knowing that the step had inevitably already been taken. That had most probably been what she had meant when she said she had more important things to worry about.
He turned around and looked at Devon who was sitting on the couch feeling awful on his end.
"How do you know?"
"She fainted in the scrub room, I ran a blood panel and checked all the boxes, it came back positive."
"She fainted in the scrub room?! Why didn't she tell me?"
Devon shrugged.
"Conrad, I don't know. Maybe she didn't want to worry you, maybe she was waiting for the right moment to tell you she was pregnant. I saw her reaction when I told her, it's obvious you guys weren't trying and if I can say something without you going Rambo on me; I can only imagine how hard it must be for her to tell you something this important and unplanned."
Conrad took a deep breath. "I think she was trying to tell me this morning."
"What happened?"
"I told her that starting a family was a big step and that we needed to be sure it was what we wanted because there would be no backtracking after that."
Devon leaned back in the sofa. "How romantic."
"Well, gee, I didn't know we were already there."
"It shouldn't have made a difference. Either you're sure you want to have kids with someone, or you don't. So, what's the problem?"
"Al."
"Nolan? How does Nolan fit into this situation?"
"They still have a connection if not more."
"Are you saying that they are having an affair!?"
"It's always a possibility. He's constantly hovering when I'm not around, heck he brought her in to work this morning."
"Ah, which is the reason for your foul mood in the end."
"I have every right to be…"
Devon cut him off, "jealous?"
"Yes."
Devon laughed. "You do realize who you are jealous of. We're talking about Al."
"Yes, whom she had a long-term relationship with years ago."
"The obvious term being 'had', because he cheated on her."
"And nevertheless, he keeps trying to woo her."
"It's clearly working because she's in a relationship with you, and you two kind of live together and need I remind you are about to become parents."
Conrad sat down on the arm of the sofa and looked at Devon. "I didn't see that one coming."
Devon's pager beeped. He stood from the sofa and put his hand on Conrad's shoulder.
"You guys will figure it out, but for your own sanity and the sake of your relationship, stop focusing on Al, because there is nothing there."
Conrad stopped to see Mr. Davidson and seeing that he wasn't getting any better, opted for more tests. Knowing it would take some time before getting the results, he headed up to the surgical floor and looked at the schedule to see which OR Jules was operating in.
He pushed the gallery door open and found it almost packed. He managed to get closer to the window next to Randolph.
"It's busy in here," he said as he looked around.
"Not every day you get to watch a surgeon operate on a situs inversus."
Conrad looked back inside the OR as Julia's hands worked their magic inside the abdominal cavity of the patient.
"Have you ever operated on one?"
Randolph shook his head. "No. Carson was starting the surgery when he realized something was off. Julia is the only one in this hospital who has the experience of operating on a patient like this."
"She barely looks at what she's doing," said Conrad.
"I generally would panic not seeing one of our surgeons look at what it is they are doing, but in this case, your brain is your worst enemy. It sees what it's supposed to see, meaning the organs in the right place, and flipped over."
"So, she's literally picturing in her head the organ but flipping its image, so her hands know exactly where they need to go without being misled by the visual memory."
"Exactly. It's astounding and genius, hence why so many people are in here. Lucky thing she's here. I mean we could all have done it, but it would have taken us twice if not three times longer to operate."
"Are you OK, Doctor Adams?" they heard one of the surgical nurses say and they all looked at Julia.
She was still operating, but you could tell she was pale, and beads of sweat were forming on her face.
"Yes, I'm fine."
Al who had been in the OR next door walked into her OR. He had been in the scrub room when the nurse had asked her if she was OK, and he wasn't oblivious to the state she was in. He remembered that she had fainted in the scrub room just recently.
"Where do you want me?" he asked as he positioned himself across from her.
"I just need one more suture here and I'm done."
"Perfect, then I'll close," said Al as he looked at her intensely, knowing full well no one in the gallery would see it.
"Jules?" he said in a whisper seeing she wasn't responding.
She blinked as she put down the scissors after cutting the suture thread.
"Thank you, Doctor Nolan. You can close."
Al nodded and watched under an attentive eye as Julia walked away from the table and headed to the scrub room. She quickly removed the gloves, mask and hat and walked out of the scrub room just as a few surgical colleagues arrived to congratulate her on such an amazing surgery.
Kit joined Conrad and Randolph who were only a few feet away from Julia and the others.
"We can't afford to lose her," said Kit.
"Well, that's obvious," replied Randolph.
When the crowd had dissipated, Kit and Randolph walked over to her, Conrad staying a bit in retreat. He couldn't help but think back to what he had just recently discovered and what it meant for him, for her, for both and their relationship.
"Amazing surgery, Julia," said Kit. "This hospital is lucky to have you on board."
"And your visualization technique was impressive," added Randolph.
"Thank you both. Unfortunately, the patient is not out of the woods just yet."
Kit nodded in agreement.
"Well, regardless, she has more chances now than before the surgery. Let's stay optimistic. Keep me posted," said Kit just before she and Randolph walked away.
Julia looked down the corridor and saw Conrad standing a few feet away, simply watching her. She was wiped out from the surgery, both physically and mentally and not having had breakfast, she could feel her stomach getting nauseous.
She turned her back to Conrad and headed down the corridor to her office.
She hadn't been inside it for a few minutes when he walked inside. A wave of nausea hit her, and she breathed in and out through her nose as she dug around her bag for a bag of crackers.
"We need to talk," said Conrad as he took a step near her.
"I don't want to talk about Al, and I honestly don't have the strength in me to argue with you."
He moved in closer to her and looked at her with soft eyes.
"I don't want to argue nor talk about Al."
She narrowed her eyes slightly as she munched on her cracker.
"Then what do you want to talk about?"
"What you were fishing around for when we were in the shower."
She said nothing as she analyzed his face.
"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?"
She inhaled deeply. So, he knew, or he had figured it out. Regardless, it didn't matter much.
"Because I'm still working my head around the fact that I'm pregnant and I haven't really decided what I'm going to do."
"Why?"
"Because I don't know if we are there yet in our relationship. You said it yourself, having a family, having this baby, means that there is no walking out. We've only been together for a short time and after what happened this morning, I don't know if our relationship is strong enough to withstand what having a baby together implies."
"I love you," he said as he took her hand in his.
"I know you do, and I love you too, but is the love we have for each other strong enough to last and have a family?"
"I don't know. I never thought about it because I thought we still had time to grow as a couple."
"Al will always be around, and you will constantly think that we have an ulterior motive. And even if it's not Al, there will always be some other guy you'll worry about. The fact of the matter is, that you don't trust me and that is the basis of a relationship that works. I'm not quite sure, I want to bring a baby into a relationship."
"Are you saying you want to get an abortion?"
She walked over to the window and looked out as she thought back to what Stephanie had told her. Getting pregnant as easily as she had, even though she was no longer a fervent believer in God, was a gift if not from him, from mother nature. Her odds of getting pregnant again that easily in the future, if ever, were slim.
"What I'm saying is that I haven't made up my mind."
Conrad frowned. Again, this conversation was not going the way he was expecting. As much as he wanted to be a father, he wasn't certain he was ready to be one or that he could agree with her getting an abortion.
"OK, then let me know when you've made up your mind."
She turned around and looked at him with uncertainty.
"I need space to do that, and time."
Conrad shook his head reading between the lines.
"I'll give you the space and time you need, but all I ask is that no matter what you decide, you let me know before you do anything. This is my child."
She watched speechless as he walked out of her office. She started to cry and the more she cried, the worse the nausea became. She rushed to the bathroom and threw up the cracker she had just ingested. When she was done, she wiped her mouth and sat down on the floor, hugging her knees against her chest.
This was going to be hard. There didn't seem to be a good choice.
Having an abortion was hard physically, psychologically, and emotionally, with the aftermath and complications for the future. Keeping the baby meant putting her career on hold for a while, sleepless nights, the whole paternity question and whether she wanted Conrad in her life, their life.
Of course, if everything were easy, it wouldn't be any fun for karma!