What Did I Say?

Tegan and Sara's date night

"I still can't believe you're okay with this." Sara shook her head nervously as she buttoned up her collared shirt.

"I just don't want to keep you from being fully happy," Emy placed a light kiss on Sara's cheek, "And if Tegan can make you fully happy, I don't want to keep you from her. Your happiness is of the utmost importance to me."

Sara looked up timidly and smiled, "Thank you, but don't sacrifice your own happiness for me."

"If I thought this would make me unhappy I never would have suggested it." She kissed Sara tenderly on the lips before pulling away to look her up and down, "You look great sweetie. She'll be here any minute, are you nervous?"

"What a dumb question," Sara's hand twitched as she brushed back her bangs, "Of course I'm nervous. We're about to tell Tegan that you're okay with us. And that's not something I ever prepared for."

Emy was about to speak when they heard the door open.

"Emy? Sara?" They could hear Tegan setting something down on the counter before walking into the living room, "You guys better not be doing anything back there."

Emy laughed and walked out of the bedroom, "Don't worry. We were only having sex."

"We were not!" Sara's face burned a bright red color.

"Good!" Tegan shook her head in disgust, "I don't want to think about my twin doing that."

Emy stifled a laugh with a fake cough.

"You okay Emy?" Tegan smiled quizzically.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Emy waved off Tegan's concern before turning toward the kitchen so as to hide her smile from Tegan's view, "What did you bring?" Emy pointed at the grocery bag on the kitchen counter.

"I just bought a bottle of wine and a six pack of beer. I wanted to contribute, but I didn't know what you guys were wanting to drink." She shrugged before taking off her jacket and tossing it over the back of the couch.

"Really Tee? Really?" Sara snatched the jacket up before walking to the small entry area to hang it on the coat rack, "There is a coat rack. You slob!"

Tegan chuckled, "What? I always throw my jackets and coats on my couch."

"Well this isn't your couch, is it?" Sara put her hands on her hips which was met by another chuckle from Tegan.

"Little miss pissy, I see." Sara huffed at Tegan's remark.

"I'm not pissy," She took several steps toward Tegan so that they were standing only a couple of feet apart, "But this is my apartment. And I won't have you slobbing it up."

"Slobbing it up?" Tegan grinned, "Okay Sasa."

Emy walked back from the kitchen with three wine glasses in one hand, stems between her fingers, and the bottle of wine in the other.

"If you two are done flirting, can we drink now?"

Tegan immediately went on the defensive, "We weren't flirting! We're sisters!"

"Right, sorry." Emy laughed as she set the wine and goblets on the glass coffee table.

"What? What's funny about that? That was kind of a gross thing to say." Emy smirked at how defensive Tegan was over the comment. All she was doing was making her true feelings all the more obvious.

"Tegan," Sara spoke shyly, still nervous over the situation at hand, "Emy knows."

"Knows what?" Tegan's face went from a look of defensiveness to sheet white.

"I know about your feelings for each other." Emy tried her best to give Tegan a look of reassurance. It didn't work.

"We don't…I don't have feeling for Sara." Tegan assumed Emy would be mad about it, but of course, most people would be.

"Tegan." Sara spoke sternly, causing her sister to look over at her, "It's okay. She's okay with it. That's why she invited you over."

"She's, she's okay with it? Why? How?" Tegan looked from Sara to Emy and back again.

"Because I think you guys would be a cute couple." Emy smiled, but Tegan's face still showed disbelief, "Do you disagree?"

"Well no, but…"

"No buts. I'm not gonna tell the world or anything. But you guys can have date nights here and I can just stay out of your hair." Emy laughed and added, "Mostly because I don't want you guys jumping each other in front of me."

"Oh my god Emy!" Tegan looked disgusted, "Why would you say that?"

"You were thinking it." Emy grinned and winked at her.

"God Emy, you're going to scare her off." Sara shook her head at her.

"Sorry," Emy shrugged, "I guess I'm just comfortable with this."

They all sat down on the couch and Emy explained the arrangements of their relationship.

"Alright," Tegan nodded after the mini lecture, "No making out in front of you. No stealing Sara from you. I've got that. But what about…well, you know…sex?"

"I don't care so long as I don't have to see, hear, or know about it." Emy shuddered visibly at the thought of her girlfriend and her twin in bed together.

"Well then, thank you Emy," Tegan pulled her into a hug, "I can't ever thank you enough for this."

"Neither can I." Sara hugged Emy from the other side and they stayed like that for a solid minute.

"Alright," Emy spoke up as the twins pulled away from hugging her, "What are we going to watch?"

Sara picked out some romantic movie that Emy hadn't heard of. Or maybe she had, maybe she just cared so little about the movie that she didn't notice what was put on.

As soon as the movie was about to start Emy stood up and motioned for Sara to sit in the middle.

"This way we can share you during the movie." She explained as she rested her head on Sara's right shoulder; and she could tell by the way Sara's body shifted ever so slightly that Tegan had done the same.

Emy didn't focus on the movie at all. She rested her head on Sara and let her thoughts run free. All of the fears of what could happen because of this new relationship came rushing into the forefront of her mind. She tried her best to not think about it. Emy wanted so badly for Sara to be as happy as possible, so she had decided to make this sacrifice for her. It hit her then. She no longer had Sara. They had Sara.

At the end of the movie Emy got up and stretched before taking the empty wine glasses into the kitchen.

"I think I'm gonna go get some sleep now," She spoke over the counter to the twins, "You guys can stay up for as long as you want. I'm sure you have stuff to talk about and, yeah." She didn't want to voice her thoughts, hoping that if she didn't she could pretend that they weren't there.

"Are you sure Emy?" Sara sounded concerned, "I can come to bed if you want."

"I'm sure," Emy gave her the best smile she could muster, "Just so long as you do come to bed at some point."

"I will," Sara smiled warmly at her which caused Emy's heart to fill with happiness for a brief moment, "I love you."

"I love you too," Emy grinned sleepily as she spoke, "Goodnight you two."

"Night Emy." Tegan spoke quietly, still not entirely comfortable with the situation.

Emy walked back to the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed, not wanting to sleep yet. She pulled out a sketch pad from her bedside dresser. She began to draw, letting her emotions completely fuel her artistic abilities. Pain. Love. Sadness. Joy. And so much more went into this drawing. When she was satisfied she looked at it. It wasn't her best work. But something about this abstract drawing hit her hard. It was as if she had actually drawn her emotions. All of them. And they just stared back at her, unblinking.

"Fuck." She breathed out as she was hit with several different realizations. One of which scared her.

As she put her sketchbook away she realized that her whole mouth was dry. She stood up and walked out of the bedroom so she could grab a glass of water from the kitchen.

She stopped dead in her tracks at the sight in front of her. Tegan was straddling Sara's lap and kissing her in a tender, passionate way that made Emy feel something she wished it hadn't. She must have made a noise with her next step toward the kitchen. Tegan looked straight up, like a deer in the headlights.

"What did I say?" Emy tried to act stern and maybe even angry, but she couldn't pull it off convincingly.

"I'm sorry Emy. I thought you were asleep!" Tegan apologized, expecting Emy to blow up at her.

"Alright, I'll forgive you this time," Emy did her best to mock the reluctance to accept the apology, "I was just getting a glass of water. You can go back to what you were doing as soon as I'm back in the bedroom."

She hurriedly poured a glass of water and rushed back to the bedroom. As soon as she was in the bedroom she let her thoughts wander, bringing the image of her twins (her twins?) making out on the couch. The feeling that image gave her was not expected. She quickly drank the water, hoping that somehow that would help. It didn't. It also didn't stop her hand from wandering down to the hem of her jeans. She had just enough self-control to stop herself there.

"Dammit Emily!" She cursed at herself, "What's wrong with you?"

She sat back down on the bed and once again grabbed her sketchbook, this time just to look at the sketch she had just made. The same realization was there. And she didn't know how to handle it. Maybe she only felt this way because of the two glasses of wine, but that usually didn't affect her much at all.

Emy laid down and tried to will herself to sleep. After several minutes of trying to sleep she gave up and decided to just wait for Sara to come to bed.

"Are you still awake?" She heard Sara whisper a few minutes later.

"Yeah." She turned from her side to her back and stared at the ceiling.

"Are you okay?" Sara's voice was filled with concern.

"I'm scared."

"You don't have to be. I won't leave you." Sara spoke reassuringly as she lay down next to her in just her boy-shorts and an old t shirt of Emy's.

"That's not what I'm afraid of," Emy turned to look at her girlfriend, "I'm afraid of my feelings."

"What?" Sara sounded hurt.

"Not towards you," Emy ran her thumb along Sara's jawline, "My feelings toward Tegan. More specifically, the fact that I liked what I saw out there. And I shouldn't like that. I should be repulsed by it."

"Honey," Sara grabbed Emy's hand and pulled it toward her mouth, kissing the palm, "You don't need to be afraid of those feelings. Just get some sleep, and we can talk more about it in the morning if you are still afraid. Okay?"

"Okay." She captured Sara's lips in a slow, tender kiss, "Goodnight Sara."

"Goodnight Emy."

Emy felt a small kiss on her nose and the corners of her mouth turned up into a smile. And she fell asleep with that smile on her face. Temporarily blotting out the fear from moments before.