A/N: I recently posted a list of prompts on Twitter as a way to get me writing more. Today's prompt was the most requested by far, so I figured I'd make it longer than what I've been posting on the TL and make an actual oneshot out of it. I hope you all enjoy it :)
Prompt: "I can't sleep, can I stay here?"
Last week, Hailey's father had a heart attack. Her mom took him to the hospital. He had emergency surgery. He went home. It was straightforward.
Only, it wasn't.
Hailey's relationship with her father was complicated to say the least. The physical abuse and drinking had made growing up traumatic. Hailey often found herself wishing for some sort of freedom that she couldn't quite grasp at the age of 13. She wished for someone to take her father away, to save her family, to give her a real home. Nothing of the sorts ever happened, and she was left with bruises, hopes for feeling love, and a strong determination to leave the nest as soon as she had the opportunity.
So she didn't talk to her father when she found out he could have died. She attempted to – she went to the hospital and stood outside his room – but she did not actually talk to the man that made her believe she was incapable of real love. All she ever received at home was this sort of love that was given as an apology. It felt fake. Who could hit and harm a person they loved?
Apparently her father.
Hailey didn't know what she wanted to happen to her dad. Wishing death upon him felt wrong. Disgusting. She was a cop; she shouldn't wish that her dad died from the heart attack.
But if he was gone, perhaps she would feel peace. The complexities of her past could disappear with him.
Or they could create new complexities revolving around those feelings for her father, her mother, her past, herself, everything.
It was these complicated thoughts that kept Hailey up at night the day her mom texted her that her father was home. She'd been invited to come visit him and have a meal, but she ignored the text. While she'd been attempting to be kinder to her mom and actually talk to her, she still had a hard time completely letting the woman into her life. She knew that abuse was complicated, but she also felt like she needed to blame her mother for the life that she'd had growing up. There didn't seem to be a single, right answer as to what she should do right now.
Pushing herself out of bed, Hailey ran a hand through her hair and grabbed her phone. At just before midnight, she knew there was no use to laying in bed any longer, so she made her way to the living room.
When her father had first been admitted to the hospital and she'd attempted to visit him, Jay had come over to have a beer. She hadn't told him the truth about what had happened, but at least he was there. He'd sat across from her at her island, had a drink, then brought her to the couch where they watched a movie she ended up falling asleep in the middle of. When she woke up, she found herself in bed with Jay sleeping next to her. She'd cuddled up to his side, breathed in the soft scent of his cologne embedded on his skin, and easily fallen back asleep.
She needed that peaceful feeling back.
Throwing her shoes and a coat on, Hailey grabbed her keys and made her way out to the car. Maybe it was illogical to think that Jay was awake right now, but she just needed to get out of the house. Perhaps by the time she'd get to his apartment, she'd feel tired enough to turn back around and go to sleep in her own bed.
That didn't happen.
It was 12:23am when Hailey parked the car three down from Jay's truck. She sighed and hopped outside.
There'd been many times over the past few years where she'd texted or called Jay in the middle of the night to talk to him about a case or just because she couldn't sleep. This could have been like one of those times, except now they were dating.
She thought.
They slept together a handful of times over the past week and a half. Jay had stayed at her apartment four nights. They both made each other breakfast those following mornings. He invited her out for a whiskey two days ago, and they didn't even work that day: they just wanted to spend time together.
It felt like they were probably dating.
Any other guy, there was no way she would have showed up at his apartment out of the blue to see if he could help her sleep within two weeks of dating, but this was Jay, and Jay had always been different. Jay was her guy. The one she could lean on during hard times and who could make her laugh when smiling seemed impossible. And he'd been that way for years. He didn't just start being nice to her the second he kissed her in a bar; he was nice to her and treated her right from the beginning. Things might have been rocky to start, but they eventually fell into an ease that made life without the other near impossible.
This was okay. He wouldn't turn her away. She was safe here.
Hailey made her way up to Jay's apartment where she took a deep breath outside his door.
Suddenly, this didn't feel okay. It actually felt kind of crazy to make her way all the way over here in the middle of the night just because she couldn't sleep due to her father's reemergence in her life. She should have figured everything out on her own. After all, this was the first time she'd actually even gone to Jay's apartment as his girlfriend, and she wasn't even invited.
But if there was one person who would understand where she was coming from and how she was feeling, it would be Jay. He didn't get everything. He hadn't lived through abuse. But he did have a complicated relationship that abruptly ended because of a heart attack. He'd been the one who encouraged her to go see her dad in the first place. He probably even knew that she hadn't actually gone to talk to her dad that one night the week before.
Jay knew her, and he'd accept her at his door so late at night. He would tell her everything was okay, and then prove to her that he meant his words.
Hailey knocked on his door, then glanced up and down the hallway to make sure no one else woke up. She felt bad enough as it was that she was waking up Jay, she didn't want to bother all his neighbors and create some sort of reputation within his building.
Knocking again, slightly harder than before, Hailey rubbed her eyes and sniffled. While it may have felt ridiculous to need her boyfriend like this so soon after they began dating, she kept reminding herself that Jay was different and that he'd understand. He was a good guy, and he'd support her. He'd done it countless times in the past.
On her fifth round of quiet knocking, Hailey finally heard footsteps on the other side of the door. She held her breath, half-expecting a different door to open.
But then Jay was standing in front of her, dressed in a pair of boxers and a white t-shirt, wiping the sleep from his eyes.
"'Ailey," he mumbled, "You okay?"
"Um, no, no," she quietly said, "Can I come in?"
Jay nodded and put a hand out to gently tug her inside. His grip felt secure on her arm, just like she knew his mind to be. He didn't let her go far, having her take just enough steps inside so he could close the door before asking, "Wha's goin' on?"
Hailey blinked and glanced up at his tired eyes. There was no doubt in her mind in that moment that he knew whatever was wrong was not life or death. She would have called him or come breaking down his door if something was seriously wrong. This wasn't like that.
"I…I'm sorry," she began, only for Jay to shake his head.
"No, it's okay, really," he replied, the sleepiness slowly fading from his features, "I'm here. Talk to me."
Hailey swallowed any of the fear that had been bubbling since she stood outside his door and quietly explained, "I've been thinking about my dad and…and I can't sleep. Can I stay here tonight? Please? I just…I thought if I had you-"
"Yeah, of course, here," Jay interrupted before quickly unzipping her coat and helping her out of it.
"You're sure?" she replied despite not even fighting him as he hung up her coat near his.
In response, he scoffed quietly and slipped his hand in hers. Once she had her shoes off, he led her to his bedroom and turned the light on.
"Get'cha comfortable, then we'll try to sleep," he murmured to himself.
Hailey smiled slightly and nodded. She glanced around the room, noting that it looked rather similar to how she remembered it being the year before when she'd come over to help Jay after getting shot. It didn't surprise her that he wouldn't redecorate or buy anything new for his walls. It was still dark with brown bedding and there was even still a pair of jeans tossed to the ground near the end of the bed – it actually made her laugh a little.
"Here you go," Jay said softly. He held out a t-shirt just like the one he was wearing, and, again, she laughed to herself.
"Typical," she breathed while pulling her sweatshirt over her head.
"What?" Jay chuckled.
"Why do all guys wear white t-shirts to sleep in?" she responded, shoving her leggings to the floor.
"Cause they're easy and comfortable," Jay said, a smirk teasing his lips, "Now come on, get in bed with me before you keep insulting my pajama choices."
Shaking her head, Hailey laughed and walked over to slip beneath the covers. Immediately, that smell of Jay's cologne that she'd been craving washed over her. She relaxed and closed her eyes. Without Jay even in bed with her, she felt like she could fall asleep right now.
Jay shut off the lights before getting into bed with her and pulling her against his chest. "Talk about it in the morning?" he whispered in her ear.
She nodded and tossed her arm over his side.
"All right," Jay breathed. He cleared his throat then settled against his pillows. "Goodnight, Hail. 'm right here for you. Right here."
Hailey smiled against his matching t-shirt and nodded. "Goodnight, Jay."
She woke up warm and secure in Jay's arms. Breathing in slowly, she kept her eyes closed, but pushed her arm back over his side from its place curled up next to her.
"There she is," Jay whispered.
Hailey smiled and murmured, "Good morning."
"Morning, babe." Jay pressed a kiss to the top of her head, then added, "You slept in for once."
She hummed and gave in to being awake by rolling on her back to look up at him. "Yeah? What time is it?"
"Like 7:30," Jay replied, clearly holding back a teasing laugh.
Hailey laughed softly and sighed. "Well, it's something. Have you been up long?"
Jay shrugged and trailed his fingers through her hair. "Maybe five minutes. I liked watching you sleep in my bed."
"Mmm, yeah? Your bed? Should I come over more often?" Hailey asked.
"You are always welcome here," Jay said, "But maybe next time, come over before 10pm?"
Hailey crinkled her nose. "I am sorry about that."
Jay shook his head. "You really don't have to be, I promise. I'd just like an explanation."
Hailey wet her lip and nodded. She carefully sat up against the headboard with a sigh and asked, "Did I say anything last night when I came over?"
"Honestly," Jay began, "I was pretty out of it and don't totally remember what you were saying. Just knew you needed a place to stay."
Hailey smiled slightly and nodded again. Brushing her hand over Jay's bedhead, she quietly explained, "My dad came home from the hospital yesterday, and my mom invited me over to see him. She wanted me to have dinner with them."
"Ah," Jay breathed. He scooted up to sit next to her and guessed, "So your mind was spinning all night?"
"Exactly," Hailey sighed, "I don't know. Well, I know that it's complicated. I just…I don't think I'm horrible for not wanting to see him, I have my reasons, but he's also my dad, and he could have died. Even if I don't think I'm horrible, does that one fact actually make me horrible?"
"Hey, no," Jay answered quickly, "You are not a horrible person in any sense. You are going through a lot and do have a complicated relationship with your dad. I know I was pushing you to go see him, but that was because of my own thing with my own dad. That wasn't fair of me to even attempt to make some sort of comparison."
Hailey shook her head. "I know it wasn't a comparison. You were trying to help, and I appreciated it." Jay raised an eyebrow, and she blushed. "Okay, maybe I didn't really appreciate it in the moment, but I know why you said what you did and what you meant. What happened with you and your dad was awful, and I'm still really sorry that's how things happened."
"I know," Jay said softly, leaning over to kiss her temple, "Thank you."
Hailey breathed in slowly and leaned against him, closing her eyes. "Why do parents suck?"
Jay chuckled and squeezed her to him. "I don't know," he sighed, "Is there anything else I can do?"
Shrugging, Hailey murmured, "I don't know. I…do I reply to her text? I don't really want to go to dinner with them."
"Then don't." Jay sat up and lightly nudged her chin until she glanced up at him. "Maybe all you do is reply to the text. You'd said things were going better with your mom, so how about you just text her thanks but you'll have to get dinner at some other time. Don't completely turn her down, but at least make it clear you're not interested right now. Sound okay? If not, you don't-"
"No, no, that works," Hailey interrupted. She squeezed his thigh then reached over to grab her phone. "Thank you."
"Of course," Jay replied. He watched as she quickly sent a text to her mom, rubbing her back when she finished. "Proud of you," he said softly.
She scoffed slightly without looking up from the screen. "Proud of what? They messed me up so bad, I couldn't even sleep in my own apartment last night."
"Hey, you're not doing that," Jay said. He slipped her phone from her hand and raised an eyebrow. "Last night was fine. It's okay to come over and spend the night. I really don't mind. Actually, I prefer when you're in bed with me. Helps me sleep too."
Hailey's lips tipped up, and she breathed, "Yeah?"
"Yeah." Tossing an arm over her shoulder, Jay tugged her closer to him to again kiss the top of her head. "You remind me that I'm here in Chicago and that I still have someone who cares about me. You even keep me warm since you refuse to move more than six inches from my body."
Hailey let out a loud laugh and lightly shoved his chest. "Shut up," she said, "I do not."
"You're like a rock when you sleep, Hail," Jay laughed, "Once you fall asleep, you're just stuck right there. I mean, it's cute, I like it, but damn it can get kinda hot."
Smirking, Hailey rolled her eyes before pushing the covers to the side and climbing on Jay's lap. "Is this too hot?" she asked.
"That's a word for it," Jay replied before pressing his lips to her.
Hailey laughed into the kiss and wrapped her arms over his shoulders. Leaning into him, she whispered, "Thanks again for letting me stay the night."
"Seriously, any time," Jay replied while pressing a hand to her back and rolling the two of them into the mattress. He kissed down her neck then added, "Besides, we haven't done this yet at my place. We have to spread the love."
Hailey laughed harder, tilting her head back into the pillows as Jay slipped his hands beneath her shirt.
It was not the reason she'd come over. Not in the least. But it made her smile and laugh and forget what was going on out in the real world. It made her relax.
Jay was her person. He was the right reason for her to come over.
It carried into their conversation over breakfast half an hour later. Jay's gentle questions about growing up and how she was currently feeling about her father's homecoming led to her admitting more of her complicated feelings surrounding her mother. He supported anything she said, but still nudged her to at least consider talking to her mom. While she already knew his reasoning, she still listened as he explained that what he'd gone through while losing his dad was one of the hardest pills he ever thought he'd have to swallow and that he didn't want her to go through anything similar.
It all ended as they finished their coffee and eggs with Hailey asking if he'd go with her to dinner with at least her mom. He agreed without question and even said he'd meet her dad if that's what she wanted. She didn't know if it'd ever come to that, but thanked him for his support and promised to keep him updated.
Part of her was worried she wouldn't be able to stay true to it, but then she looked over at her boyfriend – and her partner and her best friend and the person who knew her better than perhaps anyone else in the world – and she realized he possibly knew that already, but he was still going to stand by her. Jay wouldn't judge her if it took her a few days to officially ask him to go to dinner with her mom or meet her dad for coffee. He trusted her to let him in, so she needed to lean into that trust as well.
Jay would be there for her whether it was midnight in his pajamas with sleep in his eyes or if they were in a back alley with two people holding guns to them. She could rely on him through it all even if it seemed a little silly in the moment.
It was why she felt like he was it for her.
Through all her sleepless nights.
A/N: I know I've written about 8x04 a lot, but I can't help it. Still, I hope you liked a little bit of sad fluff before I leave for my trip :) Talk soon!