A/N: This is a mostly Remus-centric chapter with a little mischief between the other three marauders in the middle. The marauders haven't fully formed yet but they will in time :) Lily is also in this chapter. Nothing from Alice, Frank, Severus, Narcissa or Stella this week but they'll probably make an appearance next chapter. Enjoy!

Chapter 6: Loneliness and Sweets

"Always the innocent are the first victims, so it has been for ages past, so it is now."
~ Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

Dumbledore had done more for Remus than he had ever dreamed was possible. All through the summer before Remus came to Hogwarts, Dumbledore insisted that he would make preparations to ease his transformations. He didn't give details exactly, which perhaps was the reason for Remus' anxiety in these past several months. But, sure enough, soon after his arrival at school, Dumbledore had called him to his office.

There he had explained to him the Whomping Willow, a huge tree with violent tendencies planted on the grounds. The tree had been placed over a secret passageway which could be accessed only if someone hit a specific knot on the tree. The passageway led to the Shrieking shack, an old place that everyone thought to be haunted, which Dumbledore assured him was rubbish.

"It might not be true," Dumbledore had said. "But if you undergo your transformations there, no one will think anything odd about any strange noises."

Remus was to be escorted by Madam Pomphrey each night before a full moon. After he underwent a transformation, he was meant to return to the castle and go straight to the hospital wing.

It was a plan at least, which eased Remus' fears. In an unfamiliar place, he wasn't sure how he would cope with his lycanthrope. He was able to breathe a little easier and walk a bit more surely with this knowledge.

But nothing could really make him feel better when the day of his first transformation came.

There was always pain before. Horrible pain ripping at every nerve of his body. The tips of his fingers as they grew and sprouted claws. His legs as they lengthened and stretched beyond what they should. His back as his spine curved at an awkward angle. And his face as his maw stretched forward and filled with razor sharp teeth. Agony followed by blackness. A blur of nightmarish images that he could never understand. That first night in the shrieking shack most of those images involved running into walls and splintered wood work.

The plan worked. Remus was left alone and unable to hurt anyone but himself. His howls blended right in with the rumors of vicious ghouls lurking about the shack. And his blurry memories were free of any bloodshed.

And yet when he came too, Remus didn't feel reassured by the success of the plan. No… he felt more than ever like a monster.

He started to hide away from his fellow students over that next month. He spent most of his time in his dorm when others were out and about. He tried to go to meals in the Great Hall when it was least crowded. He kept his conversations with classmates short. If he talked to anyone for too long… they might notice how haggard he looked. Then they might ask questions and one way or another they could discover what Remus was. He had always been a terrible liar. It wouldn't be so hard to figure out.

To distract himself he immersed his attention in his studies. Books, at the very least, were comforting. And they couldn't discover his secrets. Or maybe they could but they didn't care. Either way, Remus felt much safer in the company of paper and ink.

Unfortunately, that meant he couldn't avoid one classmate of his in particular. Lily. Not only did she always insist on being his potions partner but she also loved books as much as he did so she was often in the library. Whenever she saw him she made an effort to say hello. Ask him how he was doing.

He didn't hate her or anything. Quite the opposite. He felt happier every time she smiled at him. She was the kind of thoughtful girl that people liked instinctively. But that was the problem. Here Remus was, trying to distance himself from everyone around him so that no one got hurt and she kept on messing him up.

And she wasn't the only one. Frank Longbottom often said hi to him and invited him to sit with him at the table. And there was Peter who he had also sat with on the train. After his first transformation, Peter asked if he was okay and Remus had simply run away. And yet even after that, the boy smiled at him when he caught his eye.

The problem was, he wanted to be friends with them. He wanted to have friends in general. But it would be better if he didn't? What if he messed up? What if they got hurt?

These thoughts turned ceaselessly in his head the day of the second full moon. Sunset was a long way off but Remus couldn't stop fidgeting as he tried to do the reading for History of Magic. Sure enough, Lily found him sitting there and she smiled brightly as she always did. "Hello Remus."

"Hi," he mumbled.

"What are you doing?" she sat down across from him. "History of Magic? Oh, yes I haven't done that reading yet. I should." She fumbled through her bag. "And how are you doing today, Remus."

"Fine," he replied, perhaps a little to quickly.

Lily eyed him, one of her eyebrows arching. "Fine? Are you sure?"

Remus flushed and looked down at the book. Calm down, Remus. She doesn't know. There's no need to panic. She's just being friendly.

"You don't look so good," Lily said, leaning forward.

"I'm fine. Don't worry," Remus said.

Lily sighed. "If you say so." She reached out a hand and touched Remus' arm. He jumped a little. "But if you need to talk about anything… I'm here, Remus."

No, not anything, Remus thought. He stood. "I'm sorry. I have to go. I feel a bit sick." Then he turned and shuffled off.

No, he couldn't tell Lily Evans anything. That was why they couldn't be friends. Because friends didn't keep secrets, and he had to carry this one for the rest of his life.

Through the bore of classes, James looked forward to his runs around the castle at night more than anything. Sometimes his classes were interesting. Defense Against the Dark Arts, for instance, never failed to capture his interest. But classes like Potions, Muggle Studies and, worst of all, History of Magic with Professor Binns… they made him restless with disinterest.

So after a long day of double potions and History of Magic, James couldn't be happier when Sirius found him at dinner with good news.

"I think I've found a secret passage," Sirius said in a hushed voice.

"You have?" James' eyes widened. "Where?"

"It's a secret. Don't want anyone else hearing our plans," Sirius glanced around, a conspiratory smile on his face. "But I'll show you tonight. Bring Peter if you're sure he won't lose his dinner like last time."

The boys had snuck out several times by now. Last time they had come so close to being caught by Filch. They had sprinted down the hall and hid in a broom cupboard. But all the excitement apparently didn't agree with Peter's stomach so he lost his contents on the floor. James really didn't know how Peter had ended up in Gryffindor. Or why he kept coming out with Sirius and James. But he had to give the kid credit for trying. And anyway, he had a soft spot for him.

"He won't," James said. "He'll get better at this. He's just not used to breaking the rules like you and I."

"If you say so." Sirius said. "See you tonight."

"You bet." James grinned. Class could be hard. But the castle at night? It could always be counted upon for excitement.

The mysterious passageway, it turned out, was behind the statue of the one eyed witch. When James inquired as to where it might lead, Sirius swore he had not yet explored the passage. He had decided to wait for proper reinforcements.

Though James teased him about being too scared to go alone, he could understand why. The castle, while full of mysteries, felt largely safe to James. Venturing outside the grounds could be dangerous. But they were Gryffindors after all, and they agreed that they were brave enough to undertake such a journey.

Well, James and Sirius agreed. Peter made a sound somewhere between a cough and a whimper which the other two boys took as assent.

They hurried down the passage, trying not to imagine the spiders, rats, and other creepy crawlies that must be wandering the dark with them. They walked for a long while. The passage had to lead off of school grounds.

At last, Peter bumped his head on a dead end in front of them.

"Ow!"

"What happened?"

"It's a dead end."

"Are you sure?"

"Well I just bumped it with my head!"

"Great, a dead end. And here I thought it would be something good." James crossed his arms. "Nice passageway Sirius."

"No, look!" Sirius pointed up. "It's a trap door!"

"So it is," James said.

They managed to get the old thing open and clambered up into what looked like a cellar of some kind. The lights were dim and they couldn't see well but something smelled quite delicious.

"Must be a light here somewhere."

"Ow. That was my foot!"

"Sorry, Sirius."

"Maybe this is a bad idea. It could be someone's home."

"Don't be a scardy cat, Peter."

"Found one!"

Sirius lit a lantern with a match, providing some light in the cellar. That's when they saw it.

Sweets.

Sweets of every sort lined the shelves, crammed into little glass jars or large crates. James stared. Sirius cursed. Peter's jaw hung askew.

"Nice passageway Sirius," James said, this time without a touch of sarcasm.

"You bet it is." Sirius grinned.

They descended upon the candy, grabbing fistfulls of anything that looked good. They crammed much of into their bags but left some of it out for eating before they returned. It was with great gusto that they sat in a circle on the floor of the cellar, eating some of their plunder, congratulating themselves on such a fine discovery.

"This must be in Hogsmede," Sirius said. "It's not far from Hogwarts. There's a sweet shop in Hogsmede."

"Honeydukes," James recalled. "My father told me about it."

"Really? Well," Sirius raised a lollipop that kept changing colors. "To Honeydukes and their generous donation."

Peter thought a few times about protesting against the stealing. But the sweetness of the candy dissuaded him otherwise.

The boys talked quite jovially until late in the night, not long before they would have to wake for classes. Then they took their plunder back through the passageway. Tomorrow they would surprise their house mates with their plunder. But they would keep most of it.

"Are we going to keep at this?" Peter asked. "This breaking the rules thing?"

"Peter, my friend," James clapped the boy on the back. "We hope to have a long career of mischief ahead of us."

"Here, here," Sirius said.

And a long career of mischief they would surely have.

Remus jerked awake from a fitful sleep in the hospital wing. He never slept well right after he turned. His body still ached when he moved but it was better than that morning when he had barely been able to move. It was a downside of transforming indoors. He usually did as much damage to his body as he did to the house he was caged in.

He rubbed a hand over his face and exhaled. Another transformation. The second of many more to come at Hogwarts.

"You're awake," a voice said. And not Madame Pomphrey.

Remus jumped, accidentally banging his head against the headboard of the bed. He clutched his skull with a groan.

"Oops." Lily Evans clapped a hand over her mouth, giggling a bit. "Did I startle you? I'm sorry."

"What… what are you doing here?" Remus asked. His heart clenched. She had found out. She knew what he was. He was doomed.

"I heard you were very sick so you didn't come to class this morning." Lily reached out, setting something on the desk. A vase holding a lovely flower. A lily. "I thought I might check on you. Since we are friends."

"Friends?" Remus repeated.

"Of course, silly." Lily stood. "So you should get better soon because I miss my partner in potions and I don't want to have to work with that dreadful James Potter."

Remus managed a small smile. "Right." He looked at the time. "Don't you have class?"

"Oh! That's right. Herbology is today." Lily slung her book bag over her shoulder. "I'll see you soon Remus. Get better!" With that she scampered from the hospital wing.

Remus relaxed back against his pillow. She didn't know what he was. And even better than that… she called him a friend.

He was a monster perhaps, but he had a friend. And that made the future seem not so hopeless.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed! I like writing Remus. He's such a sad character with a sweet heart. All of these characters as kids are adorable. Hope you liked it. REVIEW!