I´m so so sorry for updating so late. I had a really busy week. Lots of homework and tests. And I finally had time to write again :D

And I finally got my TTO certificate, I'm very proud now xD Claps sarcastically.

And I'm finally obviously ´bilingual´ =D

Anyways. Donnie-centric this time, and some ´disturbing´ flashbacks. But no details or anything but still some references, you have been warned.

Do you see, what we´ve done?

We´re gonna make such fools, of ourselves.

Paramore, Decode

TMNT

It was like he wasn't even there. Like he was floating. Hovering above the lair, watching as everything happened below him. Like everything just continued without him. And somehow it did. How could he ever face them? He was a disgrace, he was raped.

He simply couldn't show himself right? He was brutally assaulted, and Mikey saw everything. He was raped and he failed to protect his little brother. But was it his fault? Somehow he knew it wasn't. He couldn't control it, he couldn't do anything about it.

And maybe that was just the thing that was bothering him. He couldn't do anything. He just had to deal with it. He had nothing to say, he couldn't order Mikey to look away. He couldn't force them to stop touching him.

"I know you love it ugly mutant"

"You like it don't you?"

"Don't hold back, it'll be easier if you don't"

A single tear dropped down his eyes. The scene kept playing in front of him. He had forgotten all about it. And what bothered him more than remembering was the fact that he continuously remembered tiny bits of it. One moment he didn't remember and then suddenly it hit him again.

And he was back again. He could still feel the dirty hands touching his body. Whispering in his ears, the pleads of his little brother, the feeling of being useless. Everything came back. The hard and cold table under his shell and the restraints holding him back, forcing his legs apart.

It was still sore. Even after a night of sleeping it was sore. The blood had already been washed away, but was left was the burning pain. Every time remembering him of that horrible experience. and the horrible things that were done to him.

Slowly the hands were trailing upwards. Massaging his inner thighs. Donnie whimpered and closed his eyes. The restraints were feeling heavy on top of his limps. His legs were painfully spread. His arms jerked to the side. His shoulders were sore and he was crying slightly.

His neck was aching because of the iron lock holding him down on the table.

"Don't hold back, it'll be easier if you don't" The voice snickered while roughly massaging his member. Donnie whimpered again. He just wanted it to be over. He wanted to go home. He wanted to be left alone. Just curl up into a ball and cry himself to sleep.

But he didn't, he didn't for a long time.

His stomach was awfully protesting. it had been so long back he had eaten something. And still he didn't want to go. He didn't dare to. He couldn't face his family, not yet. Not like this. He was a coward and he hated himself for that. Why couldn't he just go? It was his family. He had known them for 15 years.

He had nothing to be ashamed off, but still he did. He was raped, no matter how you looked at him, no matter how you twisted it. He was still raped. And he had nothing to stop it. He could do nothing.

His stomach began to protest again. Was he really acting like a coward? It felt like a lame excuse. He wasn't afraid of his own family, so why would he hide in his own room? Didn't his father always say that talking helped? He had always supported the idea.

He had watched documentaries and always he'd said, just tell it. Just face it. Tell them what is bothering you, your family loves you.

But right now, he couldn't. How much he wanted to tell, he couldn't. He couldn't face them, he couldn't tell them.

"Don't be a coward Donnie" He whispered to himself. But his mind kept screaming him just to stay in his room. Safe under his covers. The comfortable warmth all around him. No one to bother him, and no one to face.

His legs were shaking under the sudden weight of his body. His lower region began to burn again painfully. He whimpered and grabbed the wall to support himself. He couldn't give up now. He couldn't be a coward. He had to face his family somehow, one day.

His hands trailed along the cold wall. His mind was racing. His mind kept telling him not to. Not to leave his safe room. He couldn't be harmed here, nobody would confront him. He wouldn't have to face his family. But his heart told him otherwise. He wanted so badly to feel his father's arms again. Hugging him and comforting him.

He wanted to cry and have his brothers around. Mikey, Raph and Leo.

Slowly he pushed his door open. He cringed slightly when the shrieking sound echoed through the halls. He almost expected someone to show up but nobody did. After stopping for a few seconds he decided to walk again. The lair felt awfully empty and cold. Suddenly he missed his own room. He was open, vulnerable.

But he continued. He couldn't stop now. He had to face them one day.

With slow movements he passed the door of Leo. He stopped shortly and placed his ear on the door. He could hear Leo inside the room. He was tossing and turning on his bed. But the deep and slow breathing indicated he was asleep. Donnie trailed his hands slowly in front of the door but then continued to walk.

Raph's room was completely silent. Raph was always the one to snore or make sounds in his sleep but right now nothing was heard. There was no sound indicating he was in his room. But Donnie knew he was. Even when he couldn't hear it, he felt Raph's presence.

He had no idea what Raph had went through these past days, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

He sighed and slowly made his way over to Mikey's room. A slight frown made his way over his face. There was no sound coming from Mikey's room, and he couldn't feel his presence. He closed his eyes slightly. Could he, could he go towards the living room now? Mikey wasn't in his bed, that meant he was probably somewhere in the lair.

A single tear slipped past his eye and he placed his hands over his ears. He could still hear Mikey's screaming's. Pleadings for them to stop. And he couldn't do anything to stop his little brother from watching him. He saw all of it.

His mind was continuously screaming to turn around. Go back to his room. Don't face them, you are not ready. But he didn't. How much he wanted to follow his mind rather than his heart, he followed his heart.

The walk seemed awfully long, his legs were shivering under the sudden weight and his whole under-body was sore. He frowned again when he saw that the living room was also empty. Nobody was around. Just then he noticed the bright light coming from the kitchen.

He looked back again. He could still go back. Still go back to his room, but he had to face them.

Slowly he made his way towards the kitchen. His legs were now burning so badly but he carried on. He has had worse. He bit back a tear that was forming in his eye and walked over to the kitchen.

"Donnie" April pointed out when she saw the purple clad turtle entering the kitchen. Donnie's face switched emotions. Fear, guilt, regret but also determination.

"Hey" His voice was barely above a whisper and was cracking slightly. His whole voice was hoarse and he mentally cursed himself for that. His body was shivering and he felt nervous. Mikey was sitting next to April. He had been crying, his swollen and red eyes were very clear. But what surprised him was that nobody made any effort to comfort him.

Mikey quickly looked Donnie in the eyes before they both looked away. Mikey couldn´t look him into the eyes. He hated him. Donnie knew it. He hated him. And it killed him to know his brothers hated him.

"Are you hungry my son?" Splinter´s voice was soft and soothingly. Donnie never thought he would be so twisted hearing his father's voice. In one way he felt so relieved his father was here, unharmed and caring about him. But on the other side he was wanted nothing more than to turn around.

He couldn't face his father, just like the rest. How could he after he was raped?

"I-i..." He stuttered. His knees began to buckle. His stomach was growling so badly now. But he couldn't bring himself to say anything. He just blacked out. "I… c-can't" He managed to choke out before turning around and running away.

Tears streaming down his face. His legs were aching so bad and he collapsed. Hitting his face hard on the couch before tumbling over the edge. He curled himself into a ball and began to rock back and forth. Slowly back and forth. He wanted to go back to his room. To slip under his covers and go to sleep. Just to go asleep and never wake up.

"Donnie" The voice of April suddenly echoed through the lair. His eyes snapped open when he felt a soft hand on his shoulder.

He was back again. The cold air was cutting through his skin. Cold hands were slowly trailing along his shoulder. The cold liquid was dripping down his shoulder. Covering the table behind him. Donnie whimpered and squeezed his eyes further shut. He didn't want it, he wanted it to be over.

Slowly the hand grabbed lower again. Donnie gasped and his eyes flew open. He could only see the black shadow hovering over him. The rest was blocked. He couldn't do anything, he couldn't see anything. He was completely useless.

He whimpered slightly when the hand began to stroke up and down. Slowly squeezing it. Donnie cried out but bit back his tears. The soft pleads of Mikey slowly dying around him. He had given up, just like Donnie had done.

"N-no" Donnie cried out and attempted to push April's hand away. "P-please" He moaned and wrapped himself up slightly further. But April never left him. Instead she hovered him up gently and embraced the crying turtle.

Donnie tensed in her arms but then visibly relaxed and collapsed. Allowing his full weight to rest on April. She didn't seem to mind as she smiled slightly and positioned herself on the couch. Donnie still on top of her.

"It's okay Donnie. You're safe" April whispered and cradled him even closer. Rubbing his arms soothingly. Donnie smiled slightly and nuzzled his face in April's neck. Crying in her neck. April instantly drew him closer and planted a kiss on Donnie's forehead.

"It's okay. Nobody's going to hurt you" She kept saying and watched as Donnie slowly calmed down. His crying slowly turned into sobs until he was quiet again. Still covered in April's neck. Suddenly Donnie's stomach began to protest again. He whimpered slightly but didn't show his face.

"You must be starving" April whispered but Donnie shook in her neck. "Yes you are, you have to eat something" April insisted and slowly freed herself from Donnie's death embrace. Donnie whined almost childish when April left but she quickly came back. Carrying a plate with some chopped fruits.

Donnie perked up slightly seeing the fruits and suddenly noticed his protesting stomach. April sat down cross-legged in front of him and showed him a fork. A single piece of fruit at the end of it.

A flash of worry flashed over his eyes when he looked at the food and he hesitantly brought his face towards the fork. Slowly his mouth enclosed onto the food and he carefully began to chew it.

"Wow" He mumbled and happily took another bite. Swallowing it instantly. He forced himself to relax slightly as April continued to feed him until he was fully satisfied. April placed the bowl on the ground and carefully cradled Donnie's body closer. Donnie sighed again and closed his eyes willingly.

Slowly drifting off slightly. April continued to cradle him. But it was soft and tender. And it felt nice. She had her arms around the turtle, giving warmth to the distressed turtle. April kept whispering assuring words to comfort Donnie and he slowly fell asleep in her arms. She gently ran her fingers along the marks on his skin.

The places where the wired had been attached were still visible. April closed her eyes. She felt bad for them, she felt bad for them all.

April's head jerked up when she heard the fast footsteps around the lair. Screaming came from the bedrooms of the turtles but she couldn't make out which room. Either Leo's or Raph's.

"Casey!" April cried out when he saw Casey running behind Master Splinter. Casey instantly stopped in his tracks while master Splinter hurried into Raph's room. She could vaguely hear Mikey crying from the kitchen but the distressed look on Casey's face concerned her the most.

"What happened?" She whispered as she noticed Donnie was trembling in her arms because of his outburst towards Casey. Donnie whimpered slightly but April soothingly cradled him closer. Keeping her eye on the teenage boy. Casey's face switched with worry, something April had never seen, and twitched nervously.

"Raph is out of his shell"

TMNT

Wow, Thanks for all the reviews so far! I can´t thank you enough! And I'm glad you like it =D

Until next chapter