Esme's advice was surprisingly effective. I only had room for one catastrophically uncertain emergency at a time, and if I took great care to focus on only the pregnancy, I was able to generally ward off thoughts about Tamara Jones. I accomplished this by doing exactly as Esme had said, and what I was best at anyway:

I read.

From an academic point of view, all this pregnancy stuff was actually sort of interesting. I couldn't tell where it lined up with goings-on in my own womb, but I still really liked learning about how humans grow, how rapidly certain things develop once they get going, faster in humans than I'd ever have expected. So probably the grasshopper was spurting from one growth stage to the next in a matter of days, since I was feeling him already. He might actually be quite a bit bigger than a grasshopper at this point. The size of a small mouse, even. He almost certainly had a face and limbs and everything.

This carried me through my wakeful periods in the night, with Edward reading quietly over my shoulder or (more likely, since he read at some crazy vampire-speed) thinking about things while I read. I taped some butcher paper over the book's cover so I could carry it around with me at school, and took it out whenever I started thinking about Tamara and was in no danger of being observed.

After school, I managed to reach Jake at Harry and Sue's house.

"How are you feeling, Jake?" I asked.

"Predictably shitty," he admitted. "I keep having all these nightmares, so I'm not getting enough sleep. Plus I'm stuck running patrol around the rez constantly. I can't remember the last time I got to decide what to do with myself."

"Can you come see me?" I asked. "I really need to talk to you. Or I could go there. My dad said not to go to La Push, but I could probably sneak out—"

"No, I'll come to you," he said. "I'm going crazy here. Everything reminds me of him…" I heard a catch in his throat, and my own throat constricted in pity. "I really miss you, Bella," he said softly.

"I miss you too, Jake." Terribly.

"I can get away tonight," he said. "It'll have to be late, though. Probably past midnight. Would that be too late?"

"No," I said. "I can let you into my room if you think you can be quiet enough not to wake up Charlie. Do you think you could climb the tree outside my window?"

"I won't have to climb it," he said, and there was an undertone of dark humor in his voice. "I'll see you tonight." And he hung up.

That night, I called Edward to tell him not to come to my window. When I told him the reason, he sounded worried.

"I think I should be nearby," he said fretfully. "In case anything happens."

"What do you really think is going to happen?" I asked. "Jake has been feeling like total shit, and it's at least partially my fault. I owe it to him to at least be there for him."

"Can't I at least stay close enough to hear if he loses control?" begged Edward. "He's very new to this wolf business, and strong emotions make it even harder to control the process. If anything happened to you—"

"I know," I said. "If it seems like Jake's getting too agitated, I'll ask him to leave. But I can't have you eavesdropping on his thoughts. He deserves a little privacy. Now of all times."

"Very well," said Edward reluctantly. "I'll stay just outside of range. But please, please call me if anything goes wrong. And will you let me know when he leaves, so I can come check on you?"

"I'll keep a draft open with a text telling you it's time to come by," I promised. "If anything happens, all I'll have to do is hit Send. Okay?"

"Okay," he said slowly. I could tell he would be worrying all night. Well, he could join the club.

Around one in the morning, I was woken by a tapping on my window. For a second, my half-asleep brain thought it was Edward, and my heart leaped in joy. Then I remembered it was Jake, and the grasshopper leaped in joy.

Pregnancy was so confusing.

I let him in from where he was clinging to my windowsill with his fingertips. He wasn't wearing much more than the last time I'd seen him, and still his skin was feverish when I reached out to help him in.

"Hey," he said in a whisper once he'd crossed the sill. He pulled me into a bear-hug, and I got to appreciate once again just how big he'd gotten. He barely fit through the window opening. He was the size of two Edwards, every ounce of it muscle.

"Hey, Jake," I whispered back. I led him over to my bed so we could sit down. I knew I wanted to tell him about the pregnancy, but I wasn't sure how to bring it up. Instead I asked him what it was like being a wolf. Just the sort of casual conversation I might have with anyone.

"It's good and bad," he said, leaning against the headboard of my bed and stretching his legs out. He was in shorts and a t-shirt, although I suspected the shirt at least was for my benefit, because he was obviously overheating. And it was cold enough for frost to form on the lawn outside. "Good because I can outrun a car. I've never been this strong. I was always kind of runty, before, and now...man, you should see me and Ard play football."

"Ard?" I said. "Is that the guy who got you from my backyard?"

Jake shook his head. "No, that was Jae. He's my...um, my great-grandpa. Ard is his brother. Um, brother-wolf, anyway."

"Your great-grandpa, huh? Pull the other one."

"It's true," said Jake moodily. "I guess he and Ard got kind of adopted by the tribe like, a really long time ago. And Tadi. Well, Tadinanefer, to you."

"Tadi-who?" I said.

"Tadinanefer. She's the, um, I guess matriarch. She's the oldest of the wolves. She's...she's old. Really old."

"Okay," I said, "I'll bite. How old?"

Jacob looked at me slantwise, like he was embarrassed even to answer my question. "Um," he said, "if you believe what she says, she's somewhere between four and five, um, thousand. Uh, years."

My jaw hit the floor. "And...do you? Believe her, I mean?"

"Well," said Jake sheepishly, "I don't see how I can not believe her. Since I've seen it, and all. When we're in wolf form, we sort of mind-meld. I've seen into her mind, seen her memories. Unless she's just got a knack for imagining the pyramid of Nyuserre Ini under construction, she must've been alive when it was being built. Unless she went to all that trouble learning ancient Egyptian just so she can trick random American teenagers into thinking she's like a bazillion years old."

"My brain is dribbling out my ears," I said. "She was alive when the pyramids were being built?" I knew vampires had that kind of longevity, if they were clever or lucky or both. But Jake looked human enough to me; and so had his...forbear. This felt way more unnatural to me than a hard-bodied immortal vampire, for some reason. Maybe I just wasn't used to it.

"Tadi's brother worked in the palace. Nothing glamorous, he was just a servant there. Mucked out the stables and crap like that. And one day he snuck her in so she could catch a peek at the living god, and it turns out the so-called living god was actually a red-eyed motherfucker, close enough to smell, and so she phased right then and there. It was horrible. I mean, what I've seen in her memories was horrible. She barely escaped with her life. There were other wolves too, at the time, and they found her and took her in, but one by one they all died off, and now she's the oldest one left."

"What about the other ones?" I asked. "Jae and Ard?"

"Ard's from pre-Roman Ireland. But he doesn't really seem that old. He likes it, actually. Likes being a wolf. He says it gets him tons of tail."

I laughed. "Wow," I said. "Punny." Jake spared me a small smile.

"And Jae's the youngest by far," he finished. "He's less than a thousand years old. He was alive during the great and powerful Goryeo dynasty, as he likes to remind me when I don't respect him as much as he thinks I should, which is always because he's an asshole. Oh, and, because the stupid wolf gene only shows up once in a blue moon I'll never know whether Jae and I got it from Ard somehow, or Tadi herself, through however many generations it took to make its way over to Korea. Tadi and Ard had never been there before Jae phased, but their descendants might've. Family trees mean basically nothing to shape-shifters, because it's almost always impossible to trace. I only happen to know I got it from Jae because he definitely remembers boinking my great-grandma Sarah. And now he thinks he owns me just because we happen to share DNA. Bastard."

"Wow," I said. "I had no idea. Grandma married an outsider. Yikes."

"Actually, no," said Jake, wincing. "They didn't marry. Jae's name doesn't show up anywhere in the Black family bible. They were pretty fuckin' lucky my grandpa came out looking more or less Quileute." He paused a moment. "It doesn't matter about blood," he said. "It doesn't matter if I'm related to Tadi and Ard or not. Being a pack makes us family. So I guess it doesn't really make a difference if Jae's my great-grandfather. Even if he is a wife-stealing douchebag."

"But you said…" I struggled to remember our conversation on First Beach, almost two years ago. "You said your great-grandfather was a wolf. You knew about it."

"That was what my dad told me," he said. "I always thought he was talking about Ephraim Black. What makes it even more confusing is they were given new names, as sort of an honorary thing. Ard used to go by Quil."

"What was Jae's?" I asked.

"Raven," said Jake with a grin. "Pretty pretentious, right?"

"I'm gathering that you and gramps aren't on the best of terms," I said sympathetically.

"It's not that, exactly," he said. "I mean, I would be screwed without him right now. He keeps me from losing my mind, and he's showing me all kinds of cool stuff. But then, if not for him I wouldn't even have this stupid wolf thing."

"Or exist at all," I reminded him.

"Or exist at all," he sighed. "I know you're right, I just feel so isolated. I can't tell any of my friends about it, and they just think I've gone off the deep end, which is pretty much how I feel too. On the one hand, I feel like there's nothing I can't do, now I'm so strong. Every time it gets to be too much, I just go out and run, and I'm so strong now I almost feel like I can run away from everything. Except I can't. Not really."

"Please don't run away again," I murmured, leaning against him.

"I won't," he promised. "I don't even think I can, anymore. I have to obey orders, and Tadi ordered me not to take off again."

"What happens if you disobey her?" I asked.

"I can't disobey her," he answered. "Literally. She's my Alpha. When she issues a command, I have no choice but to obey."

That brought me up short. "How awful," I breathed. "What, every order? She can just make you do anything?"

"Okay, not every order. Only ones she issues while we're both phased. She can't control what I do when I'm human. And she says it hurts to give orders, so she doesn't do it unless it's really necessary. So far she's only given me the one. But it's the one thing that really drives me insane. I can't leave. I feel so trapped. Stuck with Uncle Harry and Aunt Sue. Christ, Harry just looks exactly like me dad. Not all the time, but there are all these mannerisms they share. Or shared."

I nuzzled his shoulder. "I'm so sorry," I said. "Do you...do you want to talk about what happened?"

He gulped and nodded. It took him a while to get the words out, but when he started he couldn't seem to stop.

"At first I had no idea what was going on. Everything smelled funny to me, and I kept hearing things, little echoes of voices even when there was no one around. My dad was always stressed out, but he wouldn't tell me why. And then Emily and Claire were murdered. I mean, I didn't know them that well or anything, but...god, Bella, Claire was just a kid. She couldn't even tie her own shoelaces. And I just kept thinking, who would do that to a little kid? Even after I found out that it was that leech—she was so tiny. Why would he...even for a meal, why would he...why her?" He broke off, shoulders heaving soundlessly.

I put my arm around him and let him lean into me. I made soothing noises in the back of my throat, and played with his silky blue-black hair. I had always been tragically inept at finding the right words to say at times like this, but there's almost nothing that won't be made a little better by having one's hair played with. It seemed to work. He slowly stopped shaking enough to master his voice and continue.

"I could tell my dad knew what it was, but he never said a word. And then Sam…" He swallowed thickly a few times before he could continue. "Then a few days after that…" he said, "I came home from the Clearwaters', and that leech was just...standing there in my living room, holding my dad. It was so…"

This time, he did cry. I could hear him fighting a losing battle with his self-control, and I realized he'd lost more than just his father; he'd also lost the space to go on being a kid, to go on being taken care of, to make mistakes but to know that his dad would always keep him from real harm. He should have had a few more years before he had to carry so heavy a burden, protect so many people. "It's okay," I whispered. "Go ahead, Jake."

"I never see my dad out of his chair," he gulped, "and it was so fucking freaky, he was just hanging there, limp, and the leech actually fucking smiled at me, like it was all this hilarious joke, and then I felt my whole body shaking, and the next thing I knew I had too many teeth and my arms and legs were in the wrong place and I was lunging at him. It happened in about five seconds. I didn't even really try to fight him. I wouldn't have known how to fight him, I just exploded and he happened to be in the way, and then his head was on one side of the room and his body was on the other side, and I just took off, I just ran and ran until I couldn't run anymore. I kept hoping if I ran far enough, and fast enough, then maybe when I came home my dad would be fine, and none of it would be real… But when I phased those voices I'd been hearing got real in a big hurry, and Tadi and them tracked me down and made me come back." After that, his sobs overcame him, and he just curled up in my lap and cried until he couldn't cry anymore. All the while, I ran my fingers rhythmically through his hair. All the while, there was a tight, miserable feeling in my belly where the grasshopper lived.

"Hey, Bella?" he asked hoarsely, when the last sobs had finally died down. "What was it you wanted to talk about? You said on the phone—"

"Nothing," I said quickly. "Another time. You should just get some rest, okay?"

"Okay," he said. "Could you...keep playing with my hair?"

"Of course I will."

Fifteen minutes later, we were both asleep.

I woke the minute the sun hit my window. Jake was just stirring. He looked even huger in daylight. I checked my phone to see the time and realized it was still open to the text I'd never sent Edward.

"Oh, shit," I mumbled, scrambling to write him something adequately apologetic. But a movement in the corner of my room caught my eye: Edward was already here, sitting in Nona Swan's rocking chair.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry I didn't text you last night," I whispered. "I fell asleep."

"So I see," said Edward tensely, looking at Jake.

"Don't be upset, Edward," I pleaded. "He needs this. He needs someone to baby him a little."

"I'm not upset," said Edward, sighing. "It just goes against the grain. I'm fighting a lot of instincts right now. I suppose I should just be glad you're unhurt."

"Of course I'm unhurt," I said. "I told you it would be fine."

Jake mumbled something and then shot upright, glancing around him wildly. He saw Edward first, and a tremor shook his upper back. The second Edward saw this, he was pulling Jake off the bed and away from me.

"Take your fucking hands off me," hissed Jake, giving Edward a shove. Edward held his hands up and backed away, keeping his body between Jake's and mine.

"Jake, it's okay," I said, scrambling out of bed. I tried to dart around Edward to go to Jake, but Edward's reflexes were much too good for me to go anywhere he didn't want me to go, and he clearly didn't want me going near Jake. "Edward, chill out," I said, annoyed. "Look, he's not shaking anymore."

"What, you thought I wanted to hurt Bella?" Jake laughed incredulously.

"Certainly not," said Edward stiffly. "I just...I know that accidents can happen, and I—"

"Yeah," said Jake angrily, "they can. You would know that, wouldn't you, garbage-breath?"

I felt Edward go rigid beside me. This was getting out of hand.

"Shut up, you two," I said sternly. "What the hell! Jake, you know it's not Edward's fault any of this started, right?"

"Yes it is," he insisted, advancing a step. Edward shunted me protectively behind him again the second Jake moved. Exasperated, I threw my hands in the air.

"It's actually my fault," I said. "James wanted me."

"Well, if they hadn't moved here in the first place—"

"Then James would have murdered me without a second thought," I finished for him. "Maybe that would have been better, maybe fewer people would have died—"

"Bella, how can you think that?" interjected Edward. "James will never hurt anyone else, ever again. Surely even Jacob can see the good in that—"

"Yeah, I'll be sure to thank you next time I'm visiting my father's grave," said Jake harshly. I heard the hurt behind the sarcasm.

"Jake," I said desperately, "can I—can I call you later? I need to talk to Edward."

Jake stared at me for a second, and then looked at Edward. His shoulders slumped and he trudged toward the window.

"Wait a sec," I burst out, and this time Edward didn't try to block me. I ran around the bed and threw my arms around Jake.

"It's going to turn out okay," I whispered, for his benefit and Edward's and mine. "I'll see you soon, okay?" Jake nodded, jumped out the window, and vanished from view.

"Edward," I said patiently, turning to my boyfriend, "I know you can read minds, but I should probably still explain this to you—"

"Actually," he interrupted, looking at the window curiously as if Jake might pop back up at any second, "I can't read his mind, either. Well, not very thoroughly. My power seems to have more holes in it than I thought."

"Really?" I asked, surprised. "Could you before? I mean, back when he was, um, all-human?"

Edward shrugged. "I never went near him, then. I wonder if it's like that with the other wolves. I haven't had a chance to find out, but…"

"Well," I said, "in the meantime, I need you to go extra-easy on him, okay? He's feeling very fragile. His whole life has just been turned upside down, and even if it's not specifically your fault, he needs someone to blame other than himself or he'll explode."

"You sound like Emmett," said Edward with a tight smile. "Since when are you such an expert on human psychology?"

"I'm not," I said, gazing absentmindedly out the window, my thoughts following Jake. "It's just how I would feel, if I were him."

You may have read a different A/N in this space. Because of time constraints I was compelled to post it without really giving it the attention and clarity that you all deserve. I have re-written it to better reflect my feelings on the issue. Please understand, my feelings have not changed, and so any differences between this and the previous note are not a change of heart but rather a change of rhetoric. Feel free to PM me if you're bothered by my ongoing ham-fistedness. I love all the discussion that ensued; I'm only sorry that I didn't do a better job of expressing myself at the outset.

Here's why the Cullens have absolutely no right to be dicks to the wolves:

1. The Cullens come onto Quileute land. The Quileutes, wanting to treat these "good" vampires fairly, agree to parley instead of do what they normally do, which is just kill the vampires outright. The treaty they work out benefits the tribe (the Cullens can't come onto tribal land), the local human population (the Cullens can't turn or drink anyone, even non-Quileutes), and, not least, the Cullens (they are allowed to stay in a place that makes them happy, on condition that they obey some simple rules). So far, the Quileutes have been both generous and decent. The Cullens are lucky the wolves/elders are willing to take this risk on a lot of strangers to whom they owe nothing.

2. The Cullens come back and form attachments to a girl whom the tribe feels an extra-strong desire to protect (she being both a friend and, distantly, a relative). The Cullens' presence in town draws the prolonged attention of a trio of "bad" vampires. They deal with one of the three but then suddenly depart Forks, abandoning Bella, the townspeople, and the tribal population to the tender mercies of the two remaining nomads. ("But they didn't know Victoria and Laurent were there!" is not a good enough excuse. If a mind reader, a psychic and five other able-bodied adult vamps couldn't AT LEAST ascertain whether Victoria was near Forks, they really aren't trying.)

3. Meanwhile, the Cullens' presence has been causing traumatic explosions of fur and tails in the youth of the reservation. Most of the new wolves regard this change as annoying at best, tragic at worst; none of these children ever had any power of veto in this shitfest of a situation, none were involved in the original treaty, and they are only involved now because they were born into it. They are certainly the last ones who deserve to be blamed for, to quote Alice, "stinking". On at least three discrete occasions, one or more wolves save Bella's life, which the Cullens were either unwilling or unable to do.

4. After all the Cullens have put the Quileute population through, after all that the Quileutes have done for them in the name of decency and fair dealing, Alice sweeps back into town and...immediately ridicules Jake's body odor. He ridicules her body odor. Did they say basically the same things to each other? Sure. Does it mean the same thing coming from him as it does from her? Um, no.

The Quileutes have consistently gotten the raw end of this relationship. They cleaned up the nomads that the Cullens attracted to the area. They experienced the pain and emotional upheaval that goes hand in hand with werewolf transformations. They had to deal with Bella's heartbreak at the Cullen's frankly callous departure. The Cullens were able to take off when the situation became unsatisfactory, taking refuge at one of their mansions scattered around the world. The tribe can't do that, and they shouldn't even be asked to, because the Olympic Peninsula is their home. They have made endless sacrifices so that the "good" vampires could remain in this place, and their repayment is constant scorn and mockery*. I think they are well within their rights to call the Cullens names. And I don't think anything they do to the Cullens is anywhere near as bad as what the Cullens have done to them, and keep doing to them, even to the last pages of Breaking Dawn (all those witnesses piled around Forks like carrion, all those kids turning into wolves younger and younger? Have the Cullens learned nothing? Or do they simply not care?).

Now, I am not saying that the wolves are unilaterally without fault. Most of them are huge assholes in their own right (see: everything that happens post-New Moon). My argument is not that the wolves are always good and the vampires are always bad; my argument is that the Cullens have no right to talk to/about the wolves the way they do. They should be grateful that they have received such epically undeserved kindness at the hands of these people they scorn. Instead they call them "puppies" and hold their noses in the air. And when the wolves get fed up and start talking back (particularly the kids who are forced to bear the brunt of it, and who incidentally also bear the least actual responsibility for the situation), I am not about to say that they are "just as bad". There's no comparison. The Quileutes have treated the Cullens like people—people they dislike, yes, but people nonetheless. The Cullens treat the wolves like less than people. The Cullens feel that they are owed courtesy and generosity and decency, but not that they owe it to the wolves. That is what I mean when I say that there is a class issue here. The wolves are treated as second-class. Is it coincidence that the Cullens are behaving this way toward people who have long been treated as second-class by so many other powers in this country? Sure, maybe. But if so, it's a coincidence that I will not forgive.

One other small thing: When it came out in New Moon that werewolves were created in opposition to vampires, and that Alice can't see wolf futures, I drew the conclusion that the wolves had evolved a resistance to mental vampire powers. That is not the case in canon, but that is the case here.

*With the caveat that some Cullens (notably Carlisle and Esme) are totally decent to the wolves. I'm mostly talking about Edward and Alice, the ones who should be the most grateful for what the wolves have done for a girl they profess to care so deeply about.